Throw Back Thursday: Running through my head. Being an Aunt

I really am a loner. I have a inner circle of very close friends. Ultimately, I am a loner.
I love people. More than most love me I am sure.
Running has been my best friend for years now. I went through a cycle of life that I was "Little Miss Social."
As fun as that period of life was, it also was a dangerous love affair. I found myself going places and doing things I never would have done.
The memories at times torture me.

One of the best ways for me to slip out of that scene of life was to be something different. I needed a different landscape in life, only I had no where to go. I had plenty of "friends" that would accept me and welcome me. But at the end of the night I was empty and alone. I was suffocated in guilt and shame over the things I had done.

I discovered the beauty of being an Aunt. My husband had a cousin that was at a young age and she was my first relationship that I fell in love with outside my friends.
For years I mothered my nieces and nephews. They didn't just spend nights, they spent weeks and months. I had my nieces one summer every day but about 2 weeks.
I loved it. I would take them shopping, hiking, play games, have dance parties and play dress up. We took them on vacations with us, brought them to church with us. I was their camp counselor and their youth leader.
I cried with them when they hurt. I cried over them when they hurt me.
I prayed over them and taught them to pray.
For years this was my life. Years.

Then they grew up. They grew into young adults with lives of their own. And grew apart.
There are so many days that I would give anything to turn back the hands of time. I often wonder if they still think of me, the way I think of them.
My scrap books are filled with their smiles.

GLENN

Glenn. He was such a stinker. So hyper. He loved Austin like his little brother. He would teach Austin so much. Glenn and I would go shopping and play hours of football. He was always good at everything he did. He loved to be in the kitchen and knew how to do everything. We used to laugh because his favorite line was "Yeah, I know." He taught Alec how to ride a bike. He has his own family now.

Kristin and Ariel<3



Kristin, she was the most beautiful redhead. She was deep. Always thinking about people. She was always trying to find fairness. She had a strong opinion and loved to talk about it. We used to sit for hours and hours talking. I would crawl into bed and we would just talk till we fell asleep.
She is a big girl now, with a beautiful daughter of her own.

Ariel<3 And Britt Britt



Then there was Brit Brit. She was always Andys favorite. Andy and I got in many knock down drag out arguments over Brit. She was like glue stuck to me. We laughed together and had many moments of long lectures. Brit was boy crazy. Oh that girl! She had her own room at my house. She was very close to Andy. I can still see her smiling and saying "Uncle Andy..." And he would go to the moon and back for her. When she started to draw away from us, I would find Andy in tears over her. She is a good mother today.

"I love you so much Nita, I look at this pic and see that you are more of a best friend. Thank you for giving me this memory." Sarah.
Sarah, Becca, Me and Ariel<3
Sarah sent me this pic last week. I crumbled in tears.

Ariel <3 . Isn't she Beautiful.



Then there was my sweet sweet Ariel. Now, she was the true meaning of a stinker, She was the only one that never left me. They all grew up and moved on. But not Ariel. She was so stubborn. She would be such a brat but would come back later to laugh about it. I never knew someone was watching me so close as she did. The older she got the more she shared what an influence we were to her. So many years I didn't like who I was. All the while there was this young girl who wanted to be like me. I would give anything for one more of her smiles. I try not to think about it because it hurts so damn much. It beats the hell out of me. Why would God take her from me so young. She loved me and never quit. She never moved on...Until God took her.

Nephew Brian, Marine!

I love them all. There is Chelsea and Brian. Chelsea is wild and carefree. She is deep and strong. She is beautiful and broken. She reminds me a lot of myself. I believe she has something amazing waiting for her.


Niece Julieh

There is Sarah. I love my niece Sarah. She is looking for a purpose. Trying to find her way. Trying to figure this thing called life out. Like most of us. She is optimistic and open minded, trying to see the best in everyone and getting hurt by many. She has the biggest heart. She call me often with life questions. I cherish those moments.


We had the honor to take my
nephew Lucas to S.C

I have many more nieces and nephews. I Love being a aunt. I take that role very serious. I have tried to do it right and I am sure I have done many things wrong.

There are many days that are gone. Days of careless friendships and bad choices. I never went back to Egypt. I lost a lot of friends along the way. I loved replacing those days with being a Aunt.
And as they grew up I am thankful for The Run.
I replaced that time with running and my own boys. I stay to myself mostly. I enjoy my sweet friendships. I have the most beautiful friends, that I am so grateful for.
But running seems to be the easiest thing for me to manage.
Or maybe Running is the best thing to Manage me.  

Anita