Stepping Down

 "Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act." Dr. Seuss

Frozen. I was a ICE CUBE. 

Sometimes we have to go backwards to go forwards. We need to practice the pause before we dive in full speed ahead. 

Life is crazy. It is a rat race out there. 

Obstacles.

Distractions.

Obstructions. 

Interruptions. 

We are all trying to find balance. 

I keep life down. I think it is important for me to just settle into a pace I can maintain. When I pick up the pace in life, I say things that are more absurd than my normal garble, get overwhelmed, feel defeated and get depleted. 

When I overextend my energy, I get burn out, misbehave or have mishaps.  These unfortunate responses lead me into the hurt locker, never a fun season.  

I enjoyed a running date Andy at Kensington last week. 

"Anyone can work hard. The best have the discipline to recover." 

Lauren Fleshman

Running isn't much different. That is why I chose to do a step-down week to recover. 

I can't say I'm the best, but I can say I am trying my best.  

My body was tired. 

My right shin was giving me some trouble. 

My piriformis is angry from strength training. 

And I am so sore, this 49 year old body is feeling beat up.  

I have had several 50-60 mile weeks. 

I usually take 2 days completely off but this week I took 3 days off and LOVED it! 

I knew I needed to preserve the balance of stressing out my body and recovering it. 

If you do not recover properly after training hard despite what you think, you will not get any faster and only make yourself more injury prone. 

Taking a step-down week can help you keep injury at bay by allowing your body to recover and repair micro tears and damaged tissue. 

A small decrease of 10-15% can be monumental. It might not seem like a lot, but a little bit makes a BIG difference. 

A down week helps keep me mentally as well. I want to LOVE running. I am so blessed to be able to run that I want to do it with ZEAL. I want to run as I am running onto the Lord. I want my passion for running to give God Glory. 

In everything I want to honor HIM. 

That means I have to have BALANCE. When running gets out of balance I have to question my "WHY". 

Running has to have proper order. 

Running should never be at the mantle of my heart, that is only for HIM. 

RUNDOWN:

I thought if we get started early enough, we would be able to dodge the sleet and rain scheduled at 10am. 

My running partners met at 7:45 at Rose Oaks. It is a perfect time for me to get up, get into The Word, pray and start the day. 

As smooth as the morning went it didn't take long for my morning to take a dive. Or maybe it was me that took the dive! Not even a mile into the run I slid on a ice patch and hit the ground like a sack of bricks! It was an ugly stumble. I literally laid there for a few seconds trying to make sure everything was still connected. 

We hit our first loop casual, at a conversational pace but that second loop we dropped a gear. 

I didn't even realize it was happening. I just followed the pace and never looked at my watch. 

I didn't want to get in my head. 

"Ohh, your going to be mad..." my running partner commented after mile 12.

"Don't tell me, I am just gonna keep running, I don't want to know." I replied. 

In the silence of my breathing and my feet hitting the pavement I thought to myself, "you gotta stay out of your head." 

As soon as you own your fears, your Fears OWN YOU. 

They become your narrative. I knew roughly what our pace was, I chose to be encouraged by the prospect of finishing strong. Even if I couldn't carry that pace in, I was going to give it a valiant effort. 

And know I didn't let fear hold me back. You don't know what you can do unless you just do it! 

We hit mile 13 and the wind kicked up, sleet began pelting us in the face, my clothes were soaked but I was still holding pace even in misery. 

When we hit the dirt road, everything was freezing. The road was a sheet of ice. We were now running in all the areas we were avoiding in the beginning of our run. We slowed our pace down but we were fighting harder to stay upright. 

We made it in without falling. We finished miserable, but glorious. I got in my car and never looked at my watch, I just knew, I gave God all the Glory. 

 

In Peace, not Pieces,

Anita

My "WHY", my inner child

 

It goes back many years now.

that little brown eyed girl.

her eyes shallow with fear,

her skin pale with innocence. 

dressed for the part but apart from it all. 

it goes back to That little girl. 

aware of the dysfunction

aware of the disconnect

aware of the disorder

aware of a disease.

it goes so far back before a conversation. 

not understanding

not comprehending

not at a place of security

and FAR from a place of peace. 

it goes back to a time undetermined.

it was a time of longing

it was a time of seeking

it was a time before GOD

it was a time of nothingness. 

it started with innocence removed

with security stripped away

with the noise of disorder

with the silence of depression

with my voice muffled but my heart screaming. 

it goes back to the inner Child

that small child begging for her mom to fight

that child pleading for her mother to not give up

that small child holding HER mother up each time she fell.

I learned to fight because i wanted my mother to. 

I learned to persevere because i needed my mother to.

I learned to be strong to take care of my broken heart.

losing your mom at 18 was hard, devastating. 

losing your mother to an overdose from addiction is a wound never healed

that inner Child is restless.

she was left with the insecurity of not being "enough"

an orphaned heart abandoned by addiction 

my WHY.

to fight the good fight.

that is where i found GOD

broken in a million pieces

a mess of confusion and conflict

on my knees

tear stained cheeks

ready to fight the world for redemption.

BUT GOD

He never took the fight out of me.

He just redirected it

my WHY isn't always Godly.

sometimes my WHY is still wanting the approval of a mom so far gone

sometimes wanting to hear the whisper of her telling me she is proud of me

sometimes i find myself listening quietly for " i love you anita", i am proud of you daughter". 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From the outside looking in people create their own canvas of others. 

Sunday, I ran a 4-hour event and took 1st place female. It wasn't because I am anything special. It is truly by the grace of GOD. I give Him all the glory. The first-place male came up to me with the BIGGEST smile, "ANITA, Anita, you are a legend..." He was so kind, repeating it again with his Hispanic accent. I found myself blushing. I thought about my WHY. 

I watched a reality show called "Special Forces". As I watched the celebrities' performing tasks, I would find my hands clenched, inspired and annoyed by the celebrities. 

The celebrities undergo a lot of physical and emotional torment. When one of the celebrities is under scrutiny the trainers bring them in and ask them this, "WHAT IS YOUR WHY?" 

This question struck home for me as I pondered it for days. 

"WHATS YOUR 'WHY' ANITA?"

"WHY ARE YOU HERE, DOING WHAT YOUR DOING?" 

The tip of the iceberg is all I have revealed. It has been very therapeutic for me to write it out. There is much more below the surface. 

But when seeking God for an understanding greater than mine I have humbly recognized my 49 year old self still missing the affection of not just her mother but also her father. 

Still missing the affirmation. 

Still missing the compassion. 

Still missing the forgiveness.

And yes, even the pride of a parent. 

My WHY is never giving up like I felt they did. I couldn't fight for my parents, fight their fight. If I could have fought for them in hopes of saving them from addiction I would have fought all of hell, trust me, I tried. 

• 2 Chronicles 15:7 "But you, take courage! Do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded." 
• Gal. 6:9 " And let us not grow weary in well doing, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." 
• 2 Timothy 4:7 "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 

In Peace, Not Pieces, 

Anita~

Sticky Notes.

I have these dreams, visions of adventures I want to do. The clock is ticking, and I am not getting any younger. My little heart beats with passion and excitement but can my body keep up? 

My soul is wild and free and by the grace of God I get to live it out. 

Every day is a gift. 

Will I have tomorrow? Will I have next week? Will I have regrets? 

I will have regrets but with every breath I will live this life out wild and free. 

 I have fears. The things that make me tremble. The tremble that excites, the tremble that ignites the passion of living life with boldness, with love, with forgiveness, with zeal and with inspiration. Living life with humility accepting the failures, the mishaps, the misdirection's as part of my make up. Not proudly but humbly in reverence to my God. 

Sticky Notes: 

After getting cancer I was reminded life is made of moments and all those moments matter. 

Those moments make us who we are. 

We shouldn't have a life full of sticky notes that coIlect dust. We need to plan on making them happen! 

Which brings me to a 3-year Sticky Note. 

3-year Sticky Note: 

The Grand Canyon. An adventure I listened to many years ago from a friend of mine, Holly P. Hollys father hiked the canyon every year. I was always in awe of his courage and strength to hike the depths of the canyon well into his 60's and even 70's. 

3 years ago, we put in for the lottery to backpack it. I have never backpacked. We put in 6 tickets. But no one got in. 

But Andy got in, without me. His 30-year friends planned a guy's trip, and all went. 

But my sticky notes still held that adventure. 

Andy came home with a stronger desire to take me there. So we tried again in January to get in for May. Nothing, a no go. 

Feeling defeated but with a glimmer of hope we put in again in February knowing this would be out last try before the heat would be unbearable in June. (You put in 6 months to the date you want to go.) 

AND I GOT the EMAIL! 

3 Year Sticky NOTE, 3rd times a charm!!! 

Leaning on Andy. 

YEAH Buddy we are going to the Grand Canyon!! 

3 days, 2 nights hiking with a 40lb backpack. Another kind of training! 

Just the two of us. Together we have learned how much stronger we are in our weaknesses. Getting cancer taught me to let Andy take care of me. It humbled me. I learned to lean on him the way the Lord designed. Pride prevented me from letting Andy take care of me. We have learned to lean on one another. I love leaning on him. 

When Andy talks about his experience I am hanging onto every word. I love hearing him talk about the plan. "Andy, can I carry the pack?" I ask with concern. 

"Don't worry we will train, and I will help you, you will be fine." 

We have to give ourselves permission to live a BIG LIFE. Stepping into yourself. Stop living life little, because you are meant for greater things! 

SNOWMOON 25K: Share Your Light

"For you light my lamp, The Lord my God illuminates my darkness."  Psalm 18:28

Saturday night a group of us from Complete Runner drove out to Midland for our favorite winter night run. I never RACE this because the trail is usually a frozen, icy, snowy mess. It is a great way to get my miles in, have fun with friends but not risk injury racing. 

This year I started laughing and carrying on with my friends but somehow, I pulled ahead and lost them before the first loop, a 3-mile loop I would have to run 5 times for the 25K. My light wasn't working great so I tucked in behind 2 runners to run in their light. Thats when I saw these long bare legs that looked like Andys. I know those legs even in the dark! I took me about a half a mile to catch up to him. 

Andy was surprised to see me and tried to encourage me to race it, "GO Anita, Run it" But I responded the same way about a half a dozen times, "NO! I am not racing it!" I ran a few feet in front of Andy so he could use my light. My eyes adjusted and I forgot I had another light on my jacket! I ran with him for his 15K and had to finish the last 2 loops solo. It was a little lonely but I encouraged every runner I passed and every runner who passed me! 

Funny how I played it forward with my LIGHT! 

Let your light shine! Someone needs your light, even when you think your light is dim, someone out there still needs your light! 

ALL advice is encouraged!!! Please share!! 

I prayed over every admission. I pray big, I pray bold, and I pray knowing God is good even when He delivers a NO. 

In Peace, Not Pieces

Anita 

Mastering My Temptations

“We won’t be distracted by comparison if we are captivated with purpose.” – Bob Goff

Master our Temptation.  Comparison

Running or any competitive sports can tempt you to compare your abilities to other athletes. In the running world there is a very popular ap called "STRAVA". Strava is like a Facebook for athletes. It is a social network that connects runners, biker's, hikers and compiles their data. It is wonderful for logging your runs and all the data that is connected to your activity. 

Truth, is I locked my Strava down. I rarely go on but when I did I found myself scrolling through my Strava feed comparing or coveting, although more than often I encouraged and edified others.  But also, I hid myself from everyone as I began to hear whispers about my own unconventional training. 

My training doesn't make sense to most people. 

All my injuries and recoveries allow people to mumble. The Lord has redeemed me and gifted me in ways that just doesn't make sense to most. I have had 2 ACL surgeries, and meniscus, IT Band injuries, Plantar fascia, and HEY let's go ahead and add an aggressive breast cancer to the mix. And yet I still run at 49 with zeal. The running community is very encouraging, and it is also very competitive. 

Words hurt and whispers damage. I don't recover as well from the whispers as I do the injuries. When I got cancer, I struggled with many demons. I found myself broken in many ways and cancer just brought them all to the surface. 

I had to learn to master my temptations and to stay in my own lane. I had to withdrawal from the audience of all. The only audience I needed with the Audience of ONE. 

I needed His Blessing. 

I needed His Direction. 

I needed His Protection. 

I needed His Clarity, His Grace and Mercy. 

Temptations of Endurance and Grit. 

Pride and Ego a deceiving duo. 

Just because we can endure does not mean we have to. I find myself gritting my teeth and digging my heels in determined to not give up. I am by nature a fighter. 

That is often me just getting "Stuck on Stupid". 

It's me dancing with Pride and Ego. 

It is me looking at the things of earth too long. 

When I surrender to this duo, I am free to LET GO. Saturday, I had a long run, 20 miles planned. The conditions outside were miserable. A consistent 14mph wind mixed with a below zero windchill opened up many options for quitting. I have no big race I am training for right now, so it was no wonder I was struggling with enduring.

It was a FUN RUN. I headed out to start running with Rachel, we ran to pick up Lacey where we ran together and dropped off Rachel and picked up Andy. The three of us headed out and picked up Melissa and dropped both her and Lacey off where Andy and I headed back towards home alone. Thats when "play time" ended. Together we headed out for our last 5 miles back to the car. From there I would run 2 miles home solo. BUT we hit a head wind on Fish Lake that took years off our life. Rachel actually came out to find us and offer us an escape. We declined reluctantly and hunkered down into the wind. 

By the time we made it to the car I was at mile 18 and my temptation was no longer to GRIT it out. "Andy, if you go get coffee, you could easily convince me to quit running home."

WHY? Why did I have to run home anyway? 

Short term success is sometimes ultimate FAILURE. Running 20 miles in miserable weather was no more than EGO. You can do a good thing the wrong way and that becomes a problem. What's the point of killing myself to run long when I don't need to? I was letting my motives matter more than the mission. I was letting the pride of numbers get the best of me. 

I saw Andy on the side of the road with hot coffee and called it in! 

RUNDOWN: 

Weekly Miles: 57 miles. 

Hours Running: 10H

Elevation: 2,223

All information calculated from STRAVA! 

Our worst enemy doesn't live outside the gates, but inside our head. Learning to identify our temptations will lead us to managing them rather than our temptations managing US.  

Comparison and Pride in the world of athleticism are very common. Recognizing your blind spots before they have power over you can be painful. I share my defects as a gift from the Lord. My popularity ratings will mean nothing on the other side of eternity. The Audience of ONE. 

In Peace, Not Pieces,

Anita~

"Woe unto them that are wise in their own eyes, and prudent in their own sight." Is. 5:21

Lake Apopka 30K

 "It never always gets worse." 

"Mom, can't you just go on vacation and NOT run?" both my boys asked me. 

And I answered just the same, "It is part of vacation for me, I love running in new places." 

I say it all the time, different isn't always wrong. Sometimes things do not make sense to all of us, but it doesn't have to, to be right for someone else. 

When Andy gifted me my plane ticket for Christmas, I was so excited to see my family and I was also excited to find a race. If I didn't find a race I wouldn't be upset, I was mostly excited to see my family, a race would just be a bonus. 

"Ones destination is never a place rather a new way of seeing things." 

My brother gave his blessing to sign up for Adventhealth Lake Apopka 30K, a 2-hour drive from where they live. Afterall, he would be my Uber driver, it was his call!

Leeanne and Bobby, They even wore thier "Team Harless" tee shirts! I was so surprised! I felt so loved!

Lake Apopka 30K.  

SORTA PREPARED. 

I had been eyeballing the forecast for days. I was thought I would be prepared for the 80'-degree weather I would be running in but NOT PREPARED for the terrain. I am a light packer and only brought one pair of running shoes. And the truth is they were purchased for this race. The problem was my PF was bothering me and I had the right shoes if I was running on trails, but upon better investigation I discovered the trail was more crushed and aged concrete. My feet would be a hot mess in my beautiful new Altras "Antonio" from Complete Runner had just put me in for the race. 

I ended up at Fleet Feet in Suart and purchased a pair of Topos, a shoe that I am very familiar with. I broke one of the golden rules of running, "Never wear or use anything new for a race without a trial run." 

The Starting Line: Overslept. 

The morning was 67' and not a cloud in the sky. The course description said that 80% of the course is exposed. 

Starting Time was 7:30am: Funny thing, I forgot to set my alarm for the race. My sister-in-love jumped up and woke us up at 6am. I guzzled down a cup of coffee, and pleasantly hit the bathroom. For getting up late everything moved very smooth, figuratively and literally! 

We had already did a dry run the day before so getting to the race was a piece of cake. 

The start was full of excitement and good music but unfortunately not on schedule. 

The First 5: Gunshots

MY EAGLE! Some other feathered friends. 

 But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. " 

Is. 40:31

We finally started at 8am, a half hour late and a few degrees hotter. I could feel the sweat beading on

 my forehead and tried to stay positive. 

I had prayed, and asked others for prayer to. My Michigan winter body was not acclimated to the warmth that was circling me like the turkey vultures overhead looking for death. 

The scenery was breathtaking. My eyes were darting everywhere but the trail. The path was as flat as a pancake but as hard as cement. The lake was on my left, massive and blue. On my right was a canal with thick foliage that was almost hidden. On both sides of the trail the birds rested in different places, in the water, in the trees, flying around you and even hidden down in the marshy areas of the water. Ducks, Herons, and many other birds of flight I didn't know. 

OHH OHH...But I did notice one VERY large nest in a dead tree. As I drew closer I found myself so excited that I looked for another runner near me to ask, "Is that an EAGLE?" The runner said "Yes, I saw him there in 2019..." I knew I was racing but I had to stop and take a photo. 

It was hard to get in a running rythym with the sounds of gunshots coming from the lake. It was hunting season on the lake; I was startled to see a boat heavily camouflaged on the edge of the shore with 2 hunters pointing guns in our direction toward the sky.  

My First 5 miles, I was running an average pace of 8:30min/mi. I was trying to beat the heat before it beat me.

This JOHN, I saw him on the course, I caught up to him. I could see he was having a hard time. I asked him his name and told him a like his shirt. But I didn't tell him was when I passed him, I would be praying for him. 

My Second 5: Aching UP

I slowed down. I was running with my hydration pack that only had water. I took some gels but knew I needed salt. I was praying over my foot that was not angry at me yet but a little irritated with the terrain. What was concerning me was more of my piriformis. Which is literally "a pain in the a$$"! I would stick my thumb deep in my butt muscle to try and relieve it. I prayed and prayed "Lord, if anyone prayed for me will you PLEASE hear their prayers!" 

My Second 5-10 miles, I was running an average pace of 8:40 min/ mile. 

Mile 10-15, Death March! 

My Death March, The Head Wind was atrocious. 

Running flat and fast is not something I have trained for. I was in the hurt locker. I was running my little heart out trying to stay on pace for a sub-9min/mi. I was no longer looking at that beautiful lake I was running telephone pole to telephone pole trying to not fall apart in the baking sun. I knew I needed salt or Gatorade. The aid station were "cupless". I had my hydration pack on but only had water in it. I could see an aid station and questioned going to it. I had already hit one aid station and had no way to drink the Gatorade. I had my music in my ears as I stared at the bright yellow tent about 500ft away. "Run to the water..." a song I cannot even find on my playlist sang through my headphones. "Is this a sign Lord?"  The lyrics repeated with "...run to the water..." As I approached the tent I asked again and scanned the table, and my heart skipped a beat when I located cups!! I smiled as wide as I could trying not to cry in my humbled spirit. "Thank you, thank you Lord..." 

I walked out of the aid station smiling in my suffering. I tried to get my legs to turn over but they felt like dead weight. I was so disheartened when we made a turn and a head wind hit me like a sucker punch. "For the LOVE of God..." I cried. To add injury to insult we turned onto the canal that was a passage of thick grass and tire divots. I dropped down to a 10min/mi trying to stay up with some of the other runners but the distance between us grew and I found myself walking. 

I saw a flock of very large birds sitting on the side of the trail, as I drew closer, I recognized them as turkey vultures. Fearless they didn't budge as I approached. I felt like death and laughed out loud at the irony of them being there almost waiting for me or welcoming me. 

Just when you think it couldn't get worse, you go UP to go over the bridge. 

My Third 10-15 miles, I was running an average pace of 8:50 min/mi. 

The Finish 30K, 18.5, UpHill Finish.  

"It never always gets worse." 

Three miles, anyone can do 3 miles I kept telling myself.  I was back on the trail and trying to pick up my pace. I coached myself with humor and math, trying to extrapolate numbers to finish. Thats probably why I was laughing, trying to juggle numbers in my bonked state was a joke. "COME ON Anita" I said out loud hoping it would encourage me or maybe commit me. I was in a covered trail with a canopy of trees protecting me from the beating sun. 

I gave up punching numbers and focused on my time. My goal was a 9min/ mile or roughly a 2:45 race. It was going to be so close. I passed a few runners who had bonked as well, and I was passed by a couple runners too. 

When my watch hit 18 miles, I only had 5 minutes to get a half a mile. I closed in on the runners who had passed me but then the incline began and offered a terrible switchback continuing UP. 

Thats when I saw a bridge at the top of another switchback. I had picked up my pace but seeing that incline I knew I was going to need a walk. 

"RAISE YOUR HANDS!!" I started to laugh when I saw Bobby and Leeanne on the bridge cheering for me. I could barely raise my legs let alone my arms. I smiled and said, "I'm TRYING and DYING!" 

As I drew near to the bridge Bobby was taking photos and cheering for me. But I was eyeing the underside of the bridge where I was going to sneak a walk. Out of sight I shamelessly began to walk. Thinking no one could see me I hear a "DON'T Walk! Come ON, your almost there, GET GOING!!" 

They both went to the other side of the bridge and busted me! 

It took everything I had and a lot of what I didn't have to pull it together and run. 

I could hear the music and the DJ as I continued to run UP. I begged God and my body to keep running. 

The Finish was just on the other side of that final switchback literally at the top of the ONLY hill and elevation in the entire race! 

Just when you think it couldn't get any worse!

RUNDOWN:

I missed 3rd overall female by 30 seconds. I did take 1st place masters but it you notice I didn't have any competition! 

Turning 49 last year whispers in my ear, "You're getting older..."

Between my piriformis and my PF, I hear, "Your broken..."

Going through cancer in 2019 still mumbles "your body is never going to be as strong..." 

With sweat dripping I hear the screams of "YOU BONKED, just walk it in..." 

NOOOOOO!! 

On the mountain or in the valley I fight on. I pray harder, shameless I beg, I plead, and I am not going down without a fight! 

Everything HURT when I finished, I collapsed in the grass as my brother and sister in love stood over me. 

My enemy is MYSELF. The conversation I entertain between my ears. 

My Advocate of also MYSELF. Who am I listening to? 

Suffering is a trophy of success. I hit my goal. I could have shaved a couple minutes off my time if I hadn't taken so many photos, I was reminded by a few people, however; I was so happy. 

"Ones destination is never a place rather a new way of seeing things." 

Running isn't meant to last forever so while I can still run, I am going to embrace it all. 

The fight, the sweat, the beauty, the peace, the failures, the grace and the experiences. 

They are all a GIFT. Glory to God. 

 

In Peace not Peices, Anita~

This is one of the BEST race shirts I have ever gotten! I loved all the swag! All things Gators!

Lake Apopka here I COME!

"Your story. Surrendered into the hands of GOD, will have purpose beyond the pain to bring about good." Lysa Terkeurst 

Oh, I have a few significant fears. That feeling that leaves my stomach flipped inside myself. That feeling of overwhelming anxiety with no beginning or end.  

I am not so fearful of life itself. I have seen death in its ugliest form. The whispering voice calling you to quit. My body destroyed, sick, and lifeless. The fearful scream of depression and the hollow voice of shame that haunts you relentlessly. 

I love diving into that next adventure fearlessly. I am not afraid of failure, I feel so liberated and fueled by all I have overcome, it actually excites me. Don't get me wrong, the wounds are still visible, some are still tender to the touch, and some bring me to my knees. 

Loopty Loops 2019

This week I was talking to a girlfriend of mine. Rachel was encouraging her daughter to overcome her fears. 

I listened to Rachel share her very intimate moment with her daughter. She shared a race her and I had teamed up to do while I had cancer. 

It was Loopty Loops. A teamed event of alternating loops running. I was 4 treatments deep, sick, bald and desperately trying to be "normal". As she continued to speak to me, I felt the triggers of those treatments. My mind trailed off remembering how bloated and nauseas I was. That day it was 90' and I had the pressure of running my heart out to not disappoint Rachel, my partner. When I finished running, I would collapse in the chair for 30 minutes while she was running. I never quit smiling; I didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I wanted to "FEEL" normal, but I was far from that.  

It came down to the last couple loops and we were really close to winning. I had to go back out and try to make it back fast enough for Rachel to go again. I wanted to quit so bad. I was so overheated I was running in a sport bra and shorts that were falling off me I had lost so much weight. I couldn't run that last hill coming in, I could barely walk it. I just wanted to see the finish line and be done with it, but Rachel wanted to be done too. When I saw her she looked at me and rather than quit she took off like a bat out of hell! And we took 1st place because of her last loop. 

"Anita, I told Meghan I wanted to quit but I saw you out there with cancer .....and I couldn't." 

I was reminded the summary of my cancer was NOT about suffering it was about letting the Lord USE my suffering as a testimony. 

I was on the phone facetiming with my big brother yesterday. Bobby kept getting choked up talking about me going through that hell. 

"BOBBY, No, no! The Lord used every part of my cancer for His Glory. I got cancer so the Lord could work through me. He redeemed me, recovered me, I had to go through it all. I am grateful God used me." 

With tears in his eyes, he had to look away. That awkward silence needed to be interrupted, "HEY! don't get me wrong, IT SUCKED, GOD KNOWS it SUCKED SOO BAD but look at the memories I have with YOU because of it, that alone was worth it.." 

3 years later, I am reminded of the impactful memories my cancer brought others, and I smile. I would do it all over again. That hell was one of the best things that could have happened to me. 

It had to happen to me. At the time I couldn't see it. I couldn't see much pass my suffering. 

As my treatments continued and my condition worsened the Lord began to unveil himself in my weakness. 

2 years later I can see the Lord had put me in the belly of the whale. He allowed me to have cancer not because He didn't love me but rather because he LOVED me soo much. He needed me to trust sole on HIM. 

To Depend on HIM.

To Rely on HIM.

To be Obedient to HIM.

To be FEARLESS in HIM. 

"Never underestimate the power of dreams and the influence of the human spirit. We are all the same in this notion: The potential of greatness lives within us." Wilma Rudolph, Olympic Champion. 

RUNDOWN: 

Monday: 16miles, Holdridge

Tuesday: OFF

Wednesday: GAC, 4running, strength, rowing

Thursday:17miles

Friday: OFF

Saturday: 21miles,

Sunday:8miles

TOTAL MILES: 66miles

I am so excited!! I am running a 30K at Lake Apopka on Sunday. If you remember me in your prayers I would love prayers for strength, perseverance and God Speed. 

Florida is gonna be HOT, but the best part is my big brother is going to be there cheering me on! 

Whatever your going through I encourage you to keep living life fully. Find your smile, embrace yourself because you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are capable of of great and mighty things. 

Keep dreaming.

Keep believing. 

Keep Your FAITH. 

In Peace, not Pieces,

Anita~

The Race of LIFE, 2022 Race Recap.

 "Run Your Own Race" 1 Cor. 9:24

As 2022 came to an end I found myself lingering there. I wanted to slow my pace to embrace all the wonderful moments and even settle down with serenity in the moments that were not so wonderful. 

"Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another." Walter Elliot

You see life is really very much like a race. You can train and train for it and yet there will be great pain and great purpose in it all. 

I was taught many years ago you run the first part with your HEAD.

The middle part with your LEGS.

Finish the race with your HEART. 

Last year, as I looked back at my goals, my miles and my races I could see how that strategy worked in my races and in my daily living. 

Life really isn't much different. We all have head knowledge, and we are all growing and learning; that can glide us through life but when life gets tough, we need more than head knowledge.  We can't just coast through life because life doesn't really allow us to. The course of life is full of obstacles and challenges many of us are not prepared for. We have to find that GRIT, that place deep inside us that perseveres, that fights, we have to find our faith, our hope, that is what brings us to the line of victory. 

Reminiscing and recollecting my 2022 has shared many moments I had let slip. My brain has a tendency to "Slip" all on its own. 

I had many encouragements and a significant number of moments that dampened my spirit. 

Each year is altogether different. The encouragements of one year can become the disappointments of another. But truly to live this life I count it ALL JOY. 

"Run the race of life at your own pace." Mr. Digs

2022 Races: 

The way I see it, my measure is NOT in my successes, but in my faithfulness to the LORD. 

2022, I challenged myself with a goal of ONE RACE A MONTH. Truth is as I looked through my calendar, I realized I FAILED! I actually didn't run a race in May, July, or September that I can see. 

January: Yankee Springs

February: Snow Moon Run 25K, Burton Hot fudge 5K

March: Ashville Marathon, Pot-O-Gold 

April: Carpe Diem1/2 marathon. Carpe Noctem 1/2 marathon, Boston Marathon, Pinckney Trail 50K. 

June: Twighlight Zone 102miles

August: Crim 10miler, Redmoon Run 25K

October: Clarkston Back Roads 1/2 marathon, 

November: Turkey Trail Trot, Black toenail trail 1/2 marathon 

December: Out with the Old 5K. 

"Don't compare your situation to somebody else's. You're not running their race. You are running YOUR OWN RACE." 

I am not posting my times, my placement or any accolades associated with each of these races. I am humbled by the opportunity to be able to run and to race. The Lord has given me this gift to glorify Him. Every mile is a GIFT he gives ME. 

I have overcome many challenges in my 49 years of living, and I am humbled every day that the Lord has been so good to me. 

NOW...Just like in a race, YOU don't always win your race, you don't always win your battles, but it isn't in the win, it was in knowing you gave your all. 

And some races...

For me it's in the fight to do my best. To give my all. To try my hardest. 

And some races... I work hard for, some races I go out to have fun, and some races I run with others to encourage and help them. 

One thing about most of us runners, we to race to remind us we are overcomers. We race to push ourselves, to see the end of ourselves. Most of us have been broken and run to remind ourselves we are stronger because of it. That we are not defined by our hang-ups, hardships or hiccups We are reminded of all we have faced, all our battles, all our wounds and all our fears and that is where the courage is birthed to get back up and go again. 

"The race of life is a marathon, not a sprint." Tony Robbins

In Peace, Not Pieces,

Anita~