Glory and Grace

Grace is but Glory begun, and Glory is but Grace perfected. 

~ Jonathan Edwards, Preacher

Let us open our hearts, let us open our eyes, let us open our ears to this beauty life has. 

Let's not miss out on the marvels for the mundane. 

At 48 years of living, that is 47 winters, summers, springs and falls, that a multitude of experiences that have been duplicated, but each one just a little different. 

"Andy, I have seen 48 winters and each one is as beautiful as the first one." I shared as I looked out the car window at a fresh snow. 

That joy of creation, the awe of magnificence. 

Today, I chased behind my running partners through the trails at Holdridge. 

For all the years I have been running it, every mile looked beautifully unfamiliar.  

A fresh snow spread across the forest like a thick cozy blanket. The snow was glorious so perfect and unmarked. 

However, in its beauty I knew what was hidden beneath its delicate overlay would be my demise. 

I was not safe from what was tucked just 3 inched below. 

I fell not once, but twice. I knew tripping and falling would most likely be part of my 16-mile wooded adventure but that wouldn't keep me from not experiencing such splendor. 

GRACE

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9

My name "Anita" actually means Grace. The funny part is I have no grace. I am a clumsy, awkward and sometimes unmanageable mess. 

I knew running outside I would be taking some chances, but it wouldn't trump the beauty I knew awaited. 

Life is meant to be lived. Life is meant to take chances. No regrets, I want to live this life fully in whatever capacity I am in. 

The Grace of God does all my heavy lifting. He doesn't promise perfection. 

But His Grace gives me the endurance to not give up.

His Grace gives me the power to stand back up, wipe myself off and get back out there. 

When I see God's Grace on me, I see so many opportunities waiting for me to live out that Grace.  

If we want to venture into this magnificent life God intended for us, we must learn how to live by His Grace to experience His Glory. 

RUNDOWN: 

Onesie Christmas Eve hike at Holly Rec.  

December13th-19th= 32 miles

Long Run 20 miler. I ran a loop from my house to Clarkston and back home in SHORTS! 

December 20-26= 44 miles.

Long run 19 birthday miles at Holdridge. 

 
Joe surprised me with birthday cake!

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound, That saved a wretch like me! I once was lost but now am found, Was blind but now I see. ~ John Newton, Hymnist

In your hurt, in your pain, your sadness, your disappointments, there is Glory and there is Grace. 
Anita~ 

 

Disguised

"Beauty is the shadow of imperfection."

 Simon Van Booy, ' Everything Beautiful Began After'.

Today it felt more like fall then winter driving out to the tree farm with no snow and 45'. We parked the truck, listened to the directions on where to cut down our tree and went in different directions to find the perfect tree. Being mom, I want it to be aesthetically flawless, Alec just wants to get it over with and Andy wants to be the hero! 

I shout, "Check this one out!" 

Andy responds "I like this one over here..." 

Alec says, "Come on, just get one!" 

I think we picked Andys tree that looked to be about 10 feet tall. Of course, being on the short side myself all the trees appeared to be twice my height!

They wrapped it up, we threw it in the bed of the truck and headed back home to unleash the beast. 

Truth be told "Big Betty" is larger than life, she was all kinds of discombobulated with random branches shooting up, down and out. She was pretty heavy at the bottom with a very large hole in the back or at least what was going to be the back! 

This would be our family Christmas tree, the one we put our families' yearly ornaments on, the sentimental ones, it is a traditional no theme kind of tree. 

My arms and hands were destroyed from cutting branches, trying to maneuver garland, hide holes, and create some kind of beauty from a hot mess. 

The more I tried to disguise the imperfections of the tree the more I laughed. 

Such is life. 

Altering appearances. 

This is what some of us do, especially this time of year. We want everything to look perfect, or at least to appear perfect. 

We snap a photo, look at it, and snap 4 more to get the perfect photo. 

I couldn't stop laughing at this photo we took last night as a family at Meadowbrook. This original had a funky purple hue to it, so I altered it to black and white. Upon doing this I realized it was a "live" photo, so when I examined it for a few seconds I noticed the picture was perfect until the last second when you see Andy teasingly push Austin. The truth is it was like pulling teeth to get the boys to take this photo and we were all getting frustrated with one another. The beauty of the lights, the music in the background, the magical emotions of the evening were unnoticed at that exact moment by the boys not wanting a picture. "Ok, everyone fake it!" Andy chuckled right before we took the picture. 

"I realized that I don’t have to be perfect. All I have to do is show up and enjoy the messy, imperfect and beautiful journey of my life." Kerry Washington 

Perfectly Imperfect. 

I just couldn't stop laughing as I looked at the photo.  It really was perfect. I actually loved the live photo. This is us. This was our tree. 

We are a hot mess of imperfections. 

I can try my best to fit in, I can work really hard at making things look pretty, disguising imperfections but the truth is, I have a lot of them. 

I am flawed, faulty and forever trying to fix things. 

And that's OK. I can still laugh at myself and everyday try to find security in my imperfections. 

RUNDOWN: 

Monday: Trails 12m

Thursday: Trails/road 13m

Saturday: 21m

Sunday: 4m

Weekly Miles: 50.26

Favorite post drink Drink: Boathouse Coffee protein drink

Power Song: Survivor, Nathaniel Rateliff& the Night Sweats

Anita~

"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself." Anna Quindlen

A Stumble or a Step?

 "I ran to be free; I ran to avoid pain; I ran to feel pain; I ran out of love and hate and anger and joy." Dagny Scott 

Angry, disappointed, hurt, many of us have clenched our fists and worked the limitless emotions out through sweat. 

I learned young, I could either pick up the bottle like those before me or I could take a different route. 

The bottle, the pills or the joint would have been the easiest route but that is where the fight first started. The fight to be the different. 

I took all that anger, all those bad memories and haunting prophesies and used it to fuel me. 

When I had cancer, I had comments said to me, about me and behind me. They hurt. But rather than get upset I used it to work harder, to get back up and get back out there. 

I didn't want to hold grudges, or get bitter so I decided to just try to be better. 

It was my way of being in control. I couldn't control what others said or thought about me but I could control my response. I couldn't control the hand I had been dealt with and at times I couldn't even control myself. When I laced my shoes, I was able to feel everything wholly, deeply, passionately and then leave it out there. I would run disappointed in myself, in others and in life but as each mile came my sensitivities fall aside.

"When you have the enthusiasm and the passion, you end up figuring out how to excel." 

Deena Kastor

It's a mindset, exceling is not a destination it is a journey. We are all limited by our resources that is where our Faith comes in. My faith in God is limitless. And so are His Promises. 

Excelling is a process of consistently moving forward. 

It is not comparing. 

Someone else's success is NOT your failure. Be HAPPY for them but don't compare yourself to them. 

"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."

Winston Churchill 

My good friend and coach Jeff always encouraged me every time I got injured "Nitagirl, you know you have worked hard if you have gotten injured, you put it all out there." 

I have made more mistakes in life and running than I care to admit. 

But many times, I found myself disappointed in myself stumbling again. But sometimes, what we think is a stumble is actually a STEP. We get tripped up when things don't go smooth. But the truth is often that stumble is a step forward, it just didn't look like we imagined it. 

"PICK UP your feet Anita". I will coach myself after I have stumbled, I have gotten lazy, I have gotten complacent, and I have gotten a little too comfortable not paying attention. "Get up Anita, stay strong." I try to encourage myself to keep moving forward and not give up. 

When you stumble what are you coaching yourself? 

"For we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to bridle the whole body as well."

 James 3:2

I have stumbled, we all have stumbled. I don't have to fall to stumble. It is a learning lesson, learning that even when I stumble it is a step forward to be better not a step backwards repeating the same thing. 

I stumble on "self". Not having control over my reactions, responses and my recovery from them. 

RUNDOWN: 

My long run-on Saturday started out in perfect weather conditions. Until I headed south.
 Andy had surprised me and showed up to run a few miles with me because I was running solo. But as soon as we turned south the wind reared its ugly little head. From mile 8 to 20 the weather conditions escalated to a full-on snow. The last 8 miles, I was running into the wind with snow and sleet pelting me but I just tucked my head down and didn't quit even when Andy text me asking if I wanted him to come get me! 

Milage: 51 miles

Long Run: 20 miles 

Normally I wouldn't be running this much going into December but I have a race that got deferred to this January, a 50K.  A 50K in January, not the brightest. It sounded like a great comeback when I signed up for it a year ago. I had planned on walk/ running, a fun run. 

A year later, I don't feel quite that ambitious! 

I guess I will just keep running when I can, however I can and the best I can! 

Anita~ 

Chasing.

"When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you." Lolly Daskal

I quickly jumped unto the track after riding 15 miles on the bike. I had a pool of sweat dripping off my chin, I wiped my chin with the bottom of my tank top and hit "START" on my Timex watch Danielle bought me years ago. 

I actually started both my Garmin and my Timex to see the difference the GPS made in comparison to "Old Faithful". I barely settled in when a young guy passed me, at my age most guys are young! He didn't look like he was going too fast. I know the drill though, we always pick up the pace when we are coming up on another runner, so I stayed behind him hoping he wouldn't hold the pace he held to pass me. 

I stayed about 4 yards behind him, far enough back he couldn't hear my breathing, a safe distance I could chase him in hopes he could pace me. 

1 mile down, I figured we were holding a sub 9 minute mile. I just kept chasing him hoping he wouldn't see me or drop a gear and loose me. As mile 4 approached, I was so happy I was still holding on but I knew he was going to be done soon. Sure enough he saw his friends come out to the track, he picked it up, threw his hands in the air and shouted something out to his buddies. As I came up to this random stranger, I yell "YOUR not DONE YET? I need you to pace me another 3 miles!" He looked up laughing and responded something about being "jealous" and just like that I was on my own again. To add injury to insult my ear buds died and I had to run with only the demons in my ears. I chased my demons, left to my own thoughts as I suffered those last miles. 

You are one thought away....

I was just one thought away from quitting. One thought away from altering my run. One thought away from settling for less. 

Such is life. I knew when I chased that young kid I could hold the pace. I knew I needed the inspiration, the motivation. 

I have chased things in this life that have hurt me. I have chased things in this life that have cost me a lot of injury and pain. 

We are all just one thought away. But our thoughts are hard to filter when we are in over our head, trying to hold a pace we know we can't. 

There are 2 KINDS OF PAIN in this WORLD: 

1. The Pain that Hurts
2. The Pain that Alters

And I have had both. You cannot correct what you cannot confront. Pain is a great teacher and a even better undertaker if you don't confront it. 

Pain will disable you, destroy you and disarm you if you never confront it. 

I have chased and let this world pace me into the hurt locker.  It is with even more great pain that I have had to do this whole "self inventory" thing asking myself "WHY". 

I have found myself on the sidelines injured many times, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Life has a great way of beating you up and if your chasing the wrong things it will chew you up and spit you out. 

Healing can be tough. All the answers, wrong. All the things I was chasing left me a mess, confused, without understanding trying to heal from myself. 

3 Steps to Healing:

1. Look in the Mirror: Self Awareness. (Don't play the Blame Game)
2. Embrace the Pain of Change. Pick a different route. 
3. Go one More Time. Don't Give up, Go back out different. 

This is my stick I found in the mountains CHASING behind my "David" to the finish line. We had met in highest point of the Cumberland mountains. He paced me to the finish, never leaving me. 

The purpose of our pain should be greater than our past or its all in vain. 

We let pain end with a period. It hurts to hurt. I get people ask me all the time "Why do you run?" Pain is part of that passion. I find that pain is so relevant to life. This life with love you and hate you all at  the same time. It will chase you and pace you. Running has taught me through pain how to endure, how to persevere, how to pace myself through every mile. 

"Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil."

Proverbs 4:25-27

RUNDOWN:

Weekly Miles: 51 miles

Monday: 16 miles Holdridge East loop 

Thursday: 16 miles Island Lake

Saturday: 12 miles Holdridge East w/cut out

Sunday: 7 miles Gym 

Anita~

When things feel unfair.

"I don't have much, I don't have much but I have a heart that beats for you...." Mission House 

This is the anthem of my heart, mostly the last couple years. The Lord stripped me close to death, humbled me to my knees until all I had left was my beating heart. 

Life will make you bitter or life will make you better. 

Last week,  I saw a memory pop up of me and my sweet niece, Ariel. 

Within seconds my throat swelled up, my stomach turned sour and tears erupted out of my eyes. My mind went dark, my thoughts went deep, my reality went emotional. 

Without much thought I repost it. 

30 minutes later I remove it. 

Grief is a response to loss. It can be a loss of a loved one, a loss of a job, a loss of circumstances, a loss of of communication, a loss of normalcy, dreams, virtually a loss of anything. 

Everyone grieves differently, different isn't wrong. 

My post didn't feel wrong to me...but I was afraid it would be received wrong, deleting my post seemed the better idea. Sadly, we can not delete our grief as easy. 

Sometimes we feel like we can not take another blow. We question how much more we can handle or endure. The burden feels so heavy. 

Sometimes we feel like the world is just out to get us. Like we have a black cloud over our head.

I recently had a friend text me about her unanswered prayers and unmet expectations. Oh could I relate. 

I think many of us can relate. 

"I don't have much, I don't have much but I have a heart that beats for you...." Mission House 

On the flip side of grief is GRATITUDE.

49% of your choices are on autopilot- subconscious. Are my thoughts on thankfulness and gratitude or am I spending more times disappointed, depleted and discouraged? I have camped there many times. I am good at hiding in the darkness, I am good at isolating when I have been hurt.   

The best service I can give to others is based on my wholeness, my contentment, my hope, my trust to name a few. 

We can go without food and water for a bit but we all need hope. That hope is held in gratitude, being grateful for ALL things, seeing a purpose even in the pain, knowing God is preparing more than my days, he is preparing my heart. When I have come to the end of myself I know that I need nothing but HIM. I have gratitude knowing that I have nothing to offer, nothing to share, nothing to give but my beating heart. 

"O give thanks unto the Lord; for His mercy endureth forever." Psalm 136:1

Rundown: 

October Miles: 235 miles

November 1-7= 36.25 miles

November 8-14= 41.73 miles

I have no races in the books for the rest of the year. My body is still recovering, I have dropped my miles back considerably trying to find my groove. I am back to the gym to cross train. 

I have some big dreams and some crazy ideas for next year. 

Anita

 

THIRTEEN ghosts: Kodak Moments

 “What i like about photographs is that they capture a moment that’s gone forever, impossible to reproduce.”
Karl Lagerfeld

It was a total last minute plan to register for Move It Fitnesses "THIRTEEN ghosts. 

I drove out with Lacey and Erin at a respectable 7am from Holly to Leonard where Addison Oaks sits. 

What: Half marathon

When: Halloween

Where: Addison Oaks trails

This was the first inaugural race for THIRTEEN ghosts. 

The PLAN: HAVE FUN! I am still beat up from Bear Lake, therefore I decided to dress up as a breast cancer survivor, shocking right?! I wore an obnoxiously large black tutu, my favorite boobie teeshirt and pink ribbon compression socks. 

About 80 of us took off at 9am. I hung back with Lacey and Erin who had plans to walk and have fun. I walked the first 3/4 of a mile with them for a photo opt then I headed out all pumped up on adrenaline and good vibes. 

It was a incredible morning, blue skies, temperatures around 40' and a gentle breeze that went silent in the woods. 

But as lovely as that all sounds the trail was all together a different face on the coin. 

THE COURSE:

When I headed out on my own I pushed ahead in a steady rhythm. I didn't punch it into a race pace because my body is not recovered and I don't want to end up in the hurt locker. 

I gradually picked up my pace with extreme caution.  I wanted a pace I could enjoy my surroundings, a pace I could enjoy the other runners, a pace I was confident I could carry to the finish line. I wasn't competing, I was just embracing. 

The hills, the ankle biters, the roots, the tattered trail required my full attention. It didn't take long for me to catch up to the other runners. 

I made sure I encouraged every runner I passed. The course was very challenging, I was able to catch my grounding on some back roads that I welcomed with open arms. 

As I settled in, I turned my music on and found a pep in my step.

I got a bit too comfortable and found myself on the trail with no flags and at a fork in the road. 

"ANITA!! ANITA!!" It was Deanna shouting at me that I had missed my turn. 

I could get lost in my backyard. The funny part was I saw the Grim Reaper under the bridge where I was supposed to turn. I was so hyped I yelled at him, " MATT!! HI MATT!!" Matt B shook his bell even louder, the louder he shook it the louder I screamed as I kept running in the WRONG direction. Matt was trying to get my attention and I thought he was just excited like me! 

I just laughed as I cut across the field to tuck in with Deanna. She was just so distracting in her super cute one piece sugar skull costume. 

That was at mile 9. It literally went UP HILL from there, we snaked around the camp ground and headed back into the trail. WOWZA, it was gnarly back on the trail. 

Back on the trail, I found a good pattern as I rearranged my pace and my cadence. The hills were so steep and grounded with heavy roots. I counted down my miles as I continued to climb through the forest, this course was NO JOKE! 

And all joking aside, I literally missed another turn and had to get yelled at again to get back on the trail! I laughed again at my airhead self as I curved myself back towards the finish line.

I finished in 2H 13MIN.

12th overall. 

5th female. 

I was beyond happy with this considering, I walked almost the first mile, got lost twice, and I goofed around out there!

Geneva, the race director, created another incredible running event. The Halloween decorations were awesome to every detail. Every mile she had a ghost as a mile marker. The aid stations had volunteers all dressed up with even the food themed! 

Not quite finished. 

Even though I had already ran my race I wasn't finished yet. I wanted to go back on the course to find Lacey and Erin. I had calculated I should see them right around 2 miles back. Going backwards meant I had to do all the treacherous part of the trail again. 

I did a whole lot of walking to find them and to confuse all the runners going backwards. But can I just say it was a joyous moment when I did find them! 

Kodak Moments: Collision

Most of us like adventures. I was speaking to a friend of mine, Debbie and she shared a story about her father in law. He challenged himself and went on a vacation with a bus full of seniors. He had the courage to try and do something he had never done and surprised himself and had a good time. But when he was asked when he would do it again he replied, "Never...." 

"But why dad? You had fun." Debbie asked.

He responded with "I had no one to share it with."

Truth be told as I adventured through the woods, in the good parts, the hard parts, the beautiful parts, even with all the runners around me I was still alone.  The areas I felt awe, the scenery that left me breathless, overcome with wonder and joy I also felt pain. Because these magnificent sceneries in our life, the marvel and beauty of great adventures are often expressed best with others. 

When we are experiencing these Kodak moments we have a shadow of grief knowing we can not hold onto the beauty and significance we are both seeing and encountering. 

Whether it was my exuberant joy or my deep suffering I just didn't want to experience it alone. Not that I wanted others to suffer with me but that I wanted to share it! I photo, even a description would not grasp the emotion the same. 

I wanted in my sore, exhausted, tortured body to find my friends to share my Kodak moment and to have them share theirs.  

To me it was worth 4 more miles of torture to be able to share my adventure with my friends. 

Adventures are intimate. This is why so many love not just running but racing, it is an adventure that we can share with intimacy with one another. 

Tina, Sean, Joe, Erin, Lacey, Cristine, Shirley& Valerie 

Life is short. Find your adventures. Do them solo, do them with others or do them looking to be with others but keep seeking them. 

Are you  living or are you waiting to live? 

"Here lies another day, during which I have had eyes, ears, hands, and the great world around me and with tomorrow begins another, why am I allowed two? G.K. Chesterton 

Anita~

Removing my Layers of Ugly.

 “Saying NO to the wrong things creates space to say YES to the right things.” –  Mack Story

The leaves are changing, just yesterday it seems they were alive and lush. The trails were heavy with foliage and a heartbeat of its own. But over the course of just a couple weeks the colors have changed, giving us that final dance of color and life before their death. 

A similar death that Danielle and I ran up on today in the woods with a much harsher end, a buck that feasted all summer, plump and lively now lay spiritless in a hunters hands. A very happy hunter and a less expressionate buck. 

Running is winding down for the year. My season of racing has peaked like the leaves and it is now time to wind down. 

My season of racing lasted over 6 months. It was a very abundant season. I feel so blessed and I am so grateful for God coaching, strengthening and directing me. 

 I am going into a new season, a unfamiliar season. I am excited and nervous for these new changes. I am stepping into a unfamiliar territory moved by curiosity, a different passion and obedience. My running schedule will change and like me, will adapt to a new adventure, because I like adventures!

I shared my new running schedule with Danielle as we ran and we carved out our next run with excitement. 

And we shared new goals, new dreams, we refreshed our thoughts on training, letting the thrill of our next season move us.  

As we ran, the temps warmed up and I questioned the apparel I chose, I didn't have any layers to "put off, I was in a long sleeve thermal shirt and a vest. I gritted it out, finding myself tuckered out by the time we had finished our run.

 I wanted nothing more than to get home and shut myself in. I had things to catch up on at home. 

When I finished getting my "skirt work" done I was pleased to sit, read study. I love this quiet time. 

Colossians 3:8 " But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander and obscene talk from your mouth." 

Lake loop at Holly Rec 

This verse spoke volumes to me in multiple ways. Like the dead leaves falling or layers that need to be removed, anger, wrath, malice, slander, obscene talk need to die or be peeled off. 

The words we speak bring "life and death". 

We have all been on one side of someone's wrath and if you haven't I have enough times for all of us. 

I have been slandered, gossiped about and had anger so raged that I was scared for my life and the life of those around me. 

BUT WAIT....there's more....

Let's not throw stones...I am no saint. Let's not be a hypocrite Anita. I hang my head in shame at some of the rage I have spewed, blaming it on my blood, Irish and Mexican. This girl might be tiny but she can pack a powerful punch of venom. And if I don't blame it on my blood I will blame it on the circumstance of growing up in a very volatile home and if that isn't enough to justify my actions I can always try to convince myself  and you that I was so deeply mistreated that I acted out of a broken spirit.  

I have been caught up in conversations that are slanderous and hurtful. I have been so wounded and upset that I have let my pain direct me into poor communication and gossip. 

Today, I was reminded to remove this like a layer of clothing that is holding me back.

These things might look lively in your life, they may even make you the center of attention and the life of the party but they are quite the opposite. 

I am being prompted to add this to my training. Like removing dirty clothes at the end of a wonderful run, these need to be peeled off. 

“Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.”

Warren Buffett

Holly Rec, I love who ever decorated the trails with these, even though the pumpkins were scowling I was laughing! 

ANITA~