"I ran to be free; I ran to avoid pain; I ran to feel pain; I ran out of love and hate and anger and joy." Dagny Scott
Angry, disappointed, hurt, many of us have clenched our fists and worked the limitless emotions out through sweat.
I learned young, I could either pick up the bottle like those before me or I could take a different route.
The bottle, the pills or the joint would have been the easiest route but that is where the fight first started. The fight to be the different.
I took all that anger, all those bad memories and haunting prophesies and used it to fuel me.
When I had cancer, I had comments said to me, about me and behind me. They hurt. But rather than get upset I used it to work harder, to get back up and get back out there.
I didn't want to hold grudges, or get bitter so I decided to just try to be better.
It was my way of being in control. I couldn't control what others said or thought about me but I could control my response. I couldn't control the hand I had been dealt with and at times I couldn't even control myself. When I laced my shoes, I was able to feel everything wholly, deeply, passionately and then leave it out there. I would run disappointed in myself, in others and in life but as each mile came my sensitivities fall aside.
"When you have the enthusiasm and the passion, you end up figuring out how to excel."
It's a mindset, exceling is not a destination it is a journey. We are all limited by our resources that is where our Faith comes in. My faith in God is limitless. And so are His Promises.
Excelling is a process of consistently moving forward.
It is not comparing.
Someone else's success is NOT your failure. Be HAPPY for them but don't compare yourself to them.
"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."
My good friend and coach Jeff always encouraged me every time I got injured "Nitagirl, you know you have worked hard if you have gotten injured, you put it all out there."
I have made more mistakes in life and running than I care to admit.
But many times, I found myself disappointed in myself stumbling again. But sometimes, what we think is a stumble is actually a STEP. We get tripped up when things don't go smooth. But the truth is often that stumble is a step forward, it just didn't look like we imagined it.
"PICK UP your feet Anita". I will coach myself after I have stumbled, I have gotten lazy, I have gotten complacent, and I have gotten a little too comfortable not paying attention. "Get up Anita, stay strong." I try to encourage myself to keep moving forward and not give up.
When you stumble what are you coaching yourself?
"For we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to bridle the whole body as well."
I have stumbled, we all have stumbled. I don't have to fall to stumble. It is a learning lesson, learning that even when I stumble it is a step forward to be better not a step backwards repeating the same thing.
I stumble on "self". Not having control over my reactions, responses and my recovery from them.
Milage: 51 miles
Long Run: 20 miles
Normally I wouldn't be running this much going into December but I have a race that got deferred to this January, a 50K. A 50K in January, not the brightest. It sounded like a great comeback when I signed up for it a year ago. I had planned on walk/ running, a fun run.
A year later, I don't feel quite that ambitious!
I guess I will just keep running when I can, however I can and the best I can!