Not so Incredible...

 "When you recognize that failing does not make you a failure, you give yourself permission to try all sorts of things" Lauren Fleshman 

Today I thought I would test my legs out on the trails. Every step today was a struggle. A struggle to get out of bed, a struggle to get dressed and a struggle to get out the door. 

I didn't start running until close to 10am. The temperatures had risen to almost 80 degrees and the bugs were more active than I was. 

About 2 miles into my run, I thought I saw something moving through the trees. 

Glancing over my shoulder between the trees I spotted someone coming towards me in blue. Panic set it. I did a quick run down of my dangers and my plan. 

I picked up my pace. I thought I will out run them. 

I whipped through the trees, weaving in and out of the switchbacks and tackled the hills that I would normally walk. 

After a few minutes, I looked behind me again and realized I was never going to out run them, it was a biker. 

He came up on me fast, I jumped to the side of the trail as he peddled up the hill I just ran breathlessly. 

As he rode pass me he shouted "YOU are INCREDIBLE, YOU are AMAZING!" 

And as quick as he came he disappeared into the woods. 

But his words remained. 

"YOU are INCREDIBLE, YOU are AMAZING!"

I recited the words over and over to myself. "Ha, if only you knew..." I thought. 

My mind has been a mess. I hear my thoughts, I hear my words and I am ashamed of myself.  

I said to a co-worker this week after getting a text,  "Help me respond, Heidi, tell me what to say because I am struggling.." 

"A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh." Eze 36:26

We have days we just don't feel so Incredible. Part of this I know is "Post Race Blues" It is very common to struggle with sadness after a race. Your endorphins are at a low where they have been peaked for weeks of training and even race day. Add fatigue and soreness to the mix, a lot of runners get the blues. 

I thought of his words for miles. And all I could do was laugh. Running doesn't make you amazing. Winning in a race doesn't make you incredible. 

At the end of the day none of those miles mean pee diddly do. 

It's how you treat people. 

It's how you respond to one another. 

Its being kind, being thoughtful. 

It all the things people don't see that can make a difference. 

Tuesday night at our addiction meeting a comment was made. "Addicts don't understand, they don't care about what they do to us...." 

I held my tongue. That comment comes from a broken heart. a heart that's been hurt and hardened. 

I paused when I wanted to speak. I waited for the right time to address this. 

"Hurting people hurt people..." A broken heart will speak from emotion, that emotion is so vivid, so passionate it feels like truth. 

Not so Incredible...so many yesterdays I let my emotions rule me. I let them dictate my actions. And those words still haunt me years later and their actions. 

Somewhere on that trail God got tired of my pity party. Lauren Daigle's voice sang sweetly to me. 

"I thought I was too far gone

For everything I done wrong

Yeah, I'm the one who dug this grave

But you called my name...."

"All at once I came alive...." 

And I smiled....

As I came off the trail, I saw that biker one more time..

I always come out of Holdridge and walk around the parking lot. As I came around the outer edge near the west loop, 2 vehicles were parked. I got the show of my life. He was standing on the inside of his van with the woods on his other side. ONLY he was standing there totally naked changing. BUCK A$$ nude! I almost died! I QUICKLY diverted my eyes and acted like I never noticed as I cracked up. His wife was in the pavilion and had no idea what I had just seen. 

I was like, "Am I still INCREDIBLE?" 

RUNDOWN:

19-25= 80 miles (59.27 Loopty Loops)

MON: 4.1 miles

WED: 8 miles

THURS: 11 miles

Anita 

Loopty Loops RECAP

 "I thought I was broken but you were breaking ground on me." Tasha Layton

2 years to the DAY later. 

 

Loopty Loops 12 hour Ultra

Course: 3 mile trail at Bloomer Park

Start: 7am

Object: To get the most loops in before 8pm, but you must starrt last loop by 7pm. 

The plan: to run my first 7 loops (21 miles) at 33-36 minutes. Next 7 loops 40-45. Then assess my time, body and go from there.  

It took 2 years. 2 years of fighting, clawing, begging, crying, praying to feel. 

To feel pain, to feel accomplishment, to feel alive, to feel that all that hell was defeated. 

Loopty Loops would be my first ultra that I would lay it all out there. All the fighting, all the recovery, all the training, all the work I have put in, all the prayers, all my faith and all I had, I would give. 

I decided I would just run, run till my legs fell off, then find a way to put them back on and RUN some more. To run with joy, to run with gratitude, to run on purpose, to run for pain but to run with everything I had and to run with everything I didn't. 

I had nothing to prove to ANYONE. 

I had everything to prove to MYSELF. 

The race started at 7am thick with humidity. Everybody took off into the woods with me trailing in the back of the pack. 

I was not my normal obnoxious self.  Even in the midst of all the runners I felt introverted. I had many friends there but I started alone. 

As we entered the woods I realized Ryan L was in front of me. We chatted a bit but I was uncharacteristically quite. 

Loops 2: Lacey was running the 8 hour, her start time was 7:30am. She was a breath of fresh air standing there waiting for me. 

Before coming into the loop it had started to rain. Andy gave me a hat and cheered us on. 

It rained and rained. We found our groove splashing each other, jumping in the puddles and keeping pace. 

Lacey took a little break and sat a loop out. 

So I picked up my pace. I came in that loop at 32 minutes. Andy came out with the biggest SH!% eating grin, "I KNEW IT! I knew you were going to come through this loop under paced!"  

Lacey jumped back in with me. 

The rain had stopped, but the air was thicker then snot. Running in the heat has always been my super power. 

I ate and drank as much as I could, pickle juice, pickles, pizza, Pringles, Roll-ups, cheese quesadillas, Ucan, watermelon. I new I had to keep on it. 

I never used the port-a jons to pee, that's the beauty of trail running! The best was Lacey getting caught peeing by a runner, squatting on the side of the trail, I couldn't stop laughing! 

Somewhere I fell apart. As we came into a loop Mom and dad were there and I was a mess. I could see the look of panic on moms face. I tried so hard to look better but I couldnt disguise it. Mom had to leave, it hurts her to see me that way. She would come back. 

Nothing last forever. Lacey went over her goal  of running a marathon and did a 50K! She ran so good but now I had to dial it in. 

I had 37 miles and was running solo back on the trails. I had everything I needed, my music was blasting old school Grease soundtrack as I found a second wind. 

Andy discovered he could pace me after 4 pm. Mom and dad came back and I felt so much better, or at least faked it better! 

Andy the whole day had been keeping track of all my loops, taking care of my needs. I was no longer counting my loops, I had my watch on the time. I was dialed into trying my laps in so I could go back out at 7pm. 

I came in so pumped. The aid stations would cheer me on, Andy was grabbing me ginger ale for my belly issue and I rushed through to another loop. 

As I came in he jumped in to run with me. I was so excited. 

I think it was loop 17 Antonio jumped in with us. I was so elated. I was getting tired and my body was beginning to hurt. 

My brain wasn't calculating correctly. I was trying to compute my time for the laps but it was all foggy. Antonio was able to decipher my thoughts and did some quick math, "Anita, you have to get through this loops in 42 minutes...." 

"Pick up the pace..." I responded. 

Game on. 

I picked up the pace, Andy and Antonio dropped and I was alone to bring in the last couple loops. 

Most of the runners were done. I had made the time to hit the last loop. Everyone was so encouraging. People were clapping and cheering me on as I went out for my final loop, 6:58pm. 

I had an hour, my legs were cramping and I was scared I was going to have to walk. 

Then the thunder rolled. The lightning crashed. Walking 3 miles was no longer an option. I was genuinely nervous. I tried to run but felt my hamstrings started spasming. I prayed. 

I prayed a lot that last loop. And by the grace of God, with the woods storming behind me I finished. 

CHARACTERS: 

Lacey: So proud of her. She ran her little heart out, running her farthest trail run ever. She actually signed up for this race FIRST, and talked me into it! I love this girl. 

JOE:

This guy always makes me laugh, This was the text I got from him the night before, "Picked up your loopty bib and chucked it in the dumpster when I grabbed mine. Save you some disappointment.:)"

JOE tell Lacey "My only job is to beat Anita..." Joe did awesome. He only has one lung we found out. He was struggling to breath. I came into a loop and he was standing there with 2 black eyes. "JOE! what happened?!" I asked panicked he broke the bloods vessels in his eyes as a symptom of over exertion. YEAH, NOPE! He let Antonio's daughters put make up on him! 

Andy: Andy hasn't crewed me in a long time. He is so meticulous. We had our tent and the Complete Runner tent, he brought 2 tables, food, chairs, towels, the Theragun, ibuprofen and the list goes on. He was there almost every loop taking care of not just me but a lot of us runners.  

He jumped in to pace me at the last minute not knowing he could. He pushed me knowing I could do more than I thought. He had the biggest grin as I came in those last two laps. His smile for me was priceless. 

Nicole: It was her first go at 50 miles, and a trail run and she rocked it out! 

Ryan L: This guy is the most humble runner I know. He has such an amazing story. I love watching him run. He is so disciplined. He is one of the most polite runners I know. He did amazing running over 50 miles preparing him for Hennipen in the fall. 

Sean C.:

I have ran a few races with Sean. I saw him several times on the course, always smiling. We heard ice cream truck music in the woods, we thought we were hallucinating! Sure enough there was Valerie and another volunteer like angels with POPSCICLES! It was like mana from heaven! 

Mom and Dad: Do you have someone in you life you think "Why do they love me so much?" I think about them loving the way they do and I am in awe. So grateful for them always chasing me around, encouraging me, cheering for me, believing in me and supporting me. I love them so much. 

Antonio: I was coming out of the woods some loop around 4 pm and I heard him singing into a microphone. I couldn't quit smiling! 

Then next I knew he was running and pacing me. He was thinking for me and my goal became his mission. 

Great JOB out there, Christina and Brian, Brian ran his first 50K! Congrats to Claudia and Matt, Mark and Shirley and all those I am forgetting. 

Big thank you to Geneva and all the volunteers. The volunteers were so amazing.  

 "I thought I was broken but you were breaking ground on me." Tasha Layton 

So I never knew how many loops I was doing. I wanted to run not afraid of chemo, or injuries, or surgeries, 

I wanted to run with nothing left in me but my faith in God, with the strength He would give me. 

I wanted nothing left. 

I had no idea when I finished that I would end up first place OVERALL. 

I just couldn't process it. I haven't really posted anything about it until now. 

"Anita, can I just have 90 seconds of your time..." A woman I didn't know asked to talk to me as I was coming through the aid station...

Nikki P. pulled me side to share that she had 6 more treatments to go, TNBC. I felt the tears well up and just reached into to hold her. 

We FIGHT. We go another round, we never give up. And when its not our fight we get in the ring and help others fight. 

So many times I thought I couldn't go, broken...But God was breaking ground on me. 

Anita

Watch and Be

"Example is not the main thing in influencing others, it is the only thing."

 Albert Schweitzer 

Wednesday, I went out for a solo run before work. It was a  5mile loop around my house. I had no ambition. For the last week, I have been dragging myself out the door. Most of my runs have been solo and have proved to be exactly what I needed mentally.  

As I ran down East Holly road, I tried to convince myself into running. One minute into another minute I felt my body slowly meshing with the idea of running. 

I tried to feel the elements of encouragement, the warmth of the sun against my skin, fresh air in my lungs, the smell of fresh cut grass, the sounds of the birds chirping...

The little things. 

I then let my thoughts wander to those who inspire me, encourage me... 

I thought of how many people I have learned from. I thought of how many mistakes I have learned to not make from others. 

I thought of all the painful mistakes I have learned from myself. 

I like to watch others. I learn so much watching others. 

Watch and Be;

Be inspired.

Be encouraged.

Be stronger.

Be secure.

Be confident.

Beware.

Believe.

You fill in the blank, Watch and Be_________.

LOOPTY LOOPS

This Saturday. 

My taper program has me running 19 miles this week, Tuesday-Friday running. 

Monday: 12

Wednesday: 5.5

Thursday: 3.1

Weekly miles:  20.6  

This week has been a struggle to lace up the shoes. One of the things I have learned is that when I am feeling the burn out it is best to give in a little then to risk loosing a lot. Tapering allows that and invites you to bring down the miles.

Loopty loops is a 3 mile loop at Bloomer Park in Rochester. I signed up for the 12 hour. The idea is to get as many loops in that time frame as you can. You can run, rest, or lolligag as much as you like! 

We have 70% storms on Saturday. That should make the course a bit interesting. Rain Runs! 

Some Basic thoughts on running 12 hours:

• If you think your going fast, YOU ARE. 
• Slow and steady, do not burn yourself out the first 6 hours. 
• Start out conservative. 
• Set you goal: Goal A, Goal B and  Goal C...
• Remember that every loop can be all together different than the next, don't quit. 
• Be conscious of the clock, your pace and your goals. 
• Eat and drink often. 
• Be mindful of the time you rest. The longer you rest the harder it is to get going again. 
• Change socks and shoes. 
• Encourage others when your struggling and it will encourage yourself. 
• Bring a smile, share a smile, don't forget to have fun! 

Idea: If I try to get 50 miles in 12 hours that would be about 17 loops. 

OR 14: 24 min miles.

Or I could run by loops, running the loops between 11-12min/miles and rest in between 

So many different variable and ways to do it. But for me, it is another training run. I am going out with Lacey, Andy is coming out in the morning to set up our tent and hang out with us. 

I look forward to having fun in the rain. The element of surprise is something I just LOVE!

Chris and I introduced Nicole to the trails Monday. She fell in love with them. She is running Loopty Loops too. Good Luck To Nicole! It is her first time at running a Ultra. I am very excited for her. She is going for 50 miles! She is one tough cookie! 

ANITA~

I would rather die of passion than of boredom. -- Vincent van Gogh

Things Unsaid

 

"And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." Marianne Williamson

Jiminy Crickets! I have been absent. After running Charlevoix Marathon, I went into hibernation mode. Hibernation Mode basically defines as "Sensory Overload". I go into a quiet place, trying to regroup, recover and redirect myself. 

I briefly caught my breath and my sister came in to visit me for a week. We had a lot of fun but I lost another week of writing. 

MILEAGE

I have been running still. 

June 14-20: 43 miles, Charlevoix marathon week.

June 21-27: 68 miles

June 28-July 4th: 67.2 miles

July 5-11: 59.3 miles

My miles are in the zone for my training plan I use, I love Hal Koerners training plan. 

That may look like a lot of miles but I do the 80/20 rule. 80% of my mileage is at 20%  and 20% of mileage is at 80% effort level. 

 

NUTRITION

My nutrition is very important to me. The average SEDENTARY female should be consuming on average 46 grams of protein. Protein helps speed up the recovery process after exercise. 

My post run smoothies average between 25-35 grams of protein. I use high protein yogurt, collagen and plant based protein. 

I hard boil eggs, 1 egg is on average of 6grams of protein. 

I love beans, 1/2 cup of beans provides about 7 grams of protein. 

Upcoming Races: 

OPEN SESEME! Races are opening left and right! The more races open, the broker I am getting! 

This past Saturday I earned my first official DNF! Ode to Laz is a last man standing format. I ran over 16 miles. I had so much fun. After finishing, I crewed Andy to an epic 50 miles! He did so good! 

July 17th I am running Loopty Loops. I have signed up for 12 hours. I am excited to go run loops, play in the woods and get a long run in. Every race is a training run preparing me for the next thing. 

August is my more serious race, North Country 50K. This is the same weekend as the CRIM. Its gonna be a tough weekend. 

Everyday is a gift. It may seem like a lot but its living life again. Its doing the hard things, accomplishing dreams, overcoming fears and challenges and self. Its being depleted, emptied and having to rely on God. I love relying on God. This is one of the biggest reasons I run these crazy races, it is an intimacy I have with God. 

 Things UNSAID:

This past weekend I was part of a truly epic weekend. Ode to Laz is a 4.16 mile course that runners run over and over at the top of the hour until they either don't make it into the corral or they drop out. 

I have volunteered at this race since it started 3 years ago. 

I have watched grit, perseverance, guttural passion that will either ignite a flame in you or scare the hell out of you. 

The first year I volunteered  that damn cancer had hijacked my body and I fought to be normal, to feel alive amongst rockstars. I was bald, shallow, hairless and hurting. I hid my cancer from everyone behind a 70's black afro and iridescent body suit with bell bottoms. It was that day I fell in love with Sarah Moore. This girl gave those men a run like no other and beat them all 2 years in a row. 

I showed up this year with LIFE running through my veins. 

ALIVE! 

Full of zest and animation. I was ready to cheer on all those runners especially Andy to 50 miles and Sarah to victory. 

Sarah has been in my shadows since cancer cheering me on and supporting me with love and kindness. 

That girl ran 41 yards/ hours, 168 miles and came in 2nd. 

But I must share this.  

Sarah came into one of the later laps broken and crying. My heart was so heavy for her as she willed herself back to the starting corral. Her body breaking, her spirit crushed, her voices defeating her, she cried through the starting line. 

We all rushed to Andrews van to meet her down the course. We knew she needed a voice stronger than her own. We knew she needed us. 

When we arrived at the stairs the other 2 runners climbed up and out of the woods with no trace of Sarah. We screamed and yelled her name from the top. My heart was beeping, my chest was heavy with concern for her. We saw her walking to the base of the stairs sobbing. 

Everyone yelled at her their own version of encouragement and she yelled back, "NO, I am DONE..." 

She cried and told us all to "F-off". I fought the tears back myself. 

I remembered this pain. God I remembered being so defeated by my cancer. I remember being so sick and so tired and so broken. I remember trying to be strong for everyone else but I just wanted to curl up and die. "WHATS the POINT" she yelled. 

And with that I walked closer to her. I wanted her to see me. I wanted her to see the point. I wanted her to see you don't quit in the middle, you quit when your done. And she was not done with that loop. I wanted her to see that it didn't matter how ugly it was she just had to finish. I wanted her to see that I believed in her the way she believed in me. 

I didn't have to say much, truth be told that girl picked up her boot straps, wiped her tears and somehow passed those boys who were 4 minutes ahead of her and came into the finish line like a stallion! 

"Anita, what did you say to her?" they all asked me. 

"It's not what I said, its what her heard." I responded. She heard my heart. 

She heard all of us. She saw us all there for her. 

She ran the farthest she has ever on that course. She finished that loop and a few more. She finished in second place but with grit and grace. A true champion. 

Collision: I know I am not for everyone. There are people out there that do not like my energy. But truth be told, my energy, my passion, my zeal is not malicious, not mean, not hurtful. Those that love me, love my explosive personality! We were created to encourage, love, support and lift others up. There is so much power in that. When we see others hurting, get out there, get uncomfortable for the love of them. Get over your sensitive egos and lift those hurting up! 

Sarah and I. After her finish and a little recovery, I got to enjoy a hug with her. 

Anita 

Charlevoix Marathon Recap.

"I'm always nervous. If I wasn't nervous, it would be weird. I get the same feeling at all the big races. It's part of the routine, and I accept it. It means I'm there and I am ready."

Allyson Felix, Olympic Gold and Silver Medalist 

Saturdays Charlevoix Marathon was not my first marathon and to be honest I have lost track of what number it is, numbers and memory have never been my strong suit! 

Before cancer I was just cruising through life. 

I was not done living when I was diagnosed with TNBC. 

I still had more dreams. 

How was I going to run again? Would I be able to run the way I used to? 

I struggled emotionally. After a few weeks, I decided I would read about other athletes with cancer and study their training. 

 In between chemo, radiation and multiple surgeries and a very broken body I questioned my dreams. I kept moving whether it was biking, hiking, going to the gym or running in the capacity my body allowed me. 

I tried to navigate myself off of the pity pot and continued to reach for optimism. 

Charlevoix Marathon was a dream I had. 

My ugly is Gods Glory. I saw myself running again, running strong again. 

But the only way to achieve that was to not quit and work harder than I had in years. 

Charlevoix Marathon:

Start: 6am

My alarm went off at 4:15 am. I hit the snooze only once before jumping out of bed to get the coffee going for Lacey and I. 

I had taken a "PM" the night before to help me sleep, however my measly 4 hours of sleep was as good as it got. I had everything laid out, I grabbed my coffee, the bagel Chris gave me and began to get ready hoping I would be able to go poo poo. 

Chris was kind enough to drive us last minute. We were staying in the Bay Inn in Petoskey, 14 miles away. Funny thing, the race course actually turned around just a couple miles from our hotel. 

STARTING LINE: 

Runners, runners everywhere! The music was loud, the sun was shining, the temps were perfect at 59'. 

Runners were shoulder to shoulder, laughter and excitement surrounded us. 

We saw Antonio and Doug and jumped in the corral behind the 3:45min/mi pacer. I had to pee so bad but knew I didn't have time to wait in a port-a-jon line so I tried to ignore it in all the hype. 

As the National Anthem was being sang I closed my eyes and prayed. I humbly prayed for favor. 

READY, SET, GO

We separated quickly from Doug and Antonio who tucked in behind the pacers. 

GOAL "C" s a Boston Qualifying time, not a time I knew I would get in with but the official time, 3h50min. 

GOAL "B" was 3:49, this was a 8:44/mi. 

GOAL "A" was a frightful secret to many, 3:45. My dream goal. 

Within the first 2 miles we found Joel, a runner friend of mine from CRU. It was his first marathon. We discovered his goal was similar to my "C" goal so we thought we would stay with him and hope to encourage and help him. 

Joel was doing incredible but I was getting concerned I might be running too fast. 

Mile 1, I was proud of myself seeing a 8:40min/mi, but then mile two was a 8:16 min/mi. I slowed it back down the next 3 miles at a 8:54, 8:39 and a 8:52. 

The course it relatively flat and Lake Michigan was beautiful when we finally ran next to it at mile 6ish. 

Our pace sped up again and I didn't slow back again until mile 9. We had made a few friends out there and we were chatting it up. Joels family were cheering him on almost every 2 miles. Their motivation inspired you to move faster. 

Mile 10, I hit my targeted pace and quietly prayed I could hold it to the finish line. The  temps were warming up and I had some of the elevation rehearsed in my head that I would have to do again on the way back. 

I just wanted to get to the turn around. 

HALF WAY POINT. We all made it to the 13.1 turn around. Joel, Lacey and I were still laughing it up. I was feeling good, just scared I would fall apart any moment. 

We were concealed in between the trees most of the time, hidden from the sun. 

Joel began to break away, running strong. I hit mile 13 at 8:41 and 14 at a 8:46. Doubt was seeping in. Doubt and fear. My body felt pretty good but I was still scared of the pain that would be up ahead of me. I fumbled for my IPHONE. My hands were sweaty and sticky from GU's as I tried to find a playlist to revive me. 

About mile 15, as Lacey shared a GU with me she said she didn't know of she would be able to hold on to the pace all the way to the finish. 

"Lacey, GET me to 20, just get me to 20 miles..." I asked. I knew I was asking a lot. Lacey had only trained the last 8 weeks but I knew she would help me. 

I still had to pee. "Lacey, I think I just tinkled, ohh no, when it happens the flood gates are going to open..." 

Thank God Joel was still ahead of us. At mile 18, there was no holding it, no stopping it, no slowing it down, my bladder exploded. Lacey couldn't stop laughing. She could hardly breath as she watched my shorts begin to drip like a three year old. Then I got tickled laughing as my shoes squeaked with pee pee. I looked around me, "Lacey, can you tell...." she could hardly respond, "OHH YEAH!" she laughed now holding herself from peeing herself too. 

We lost Joel around mile 19. 

Mile 20, with my music loud I went to say something to Lacey and she was gone too. 

Mile 20, where the race begins. 

Truth be told I had been steadily holding a sub 8:30min/mi. 

I prayed again. I gave thanks for every perfect detail and asked God to bless me with perseverance. 

"Hold on Nita, Hold on!" 

The sun was beating on me, I was running on the bridge when my ankle was not responding well. 

As I came off the wooden bridge, I remembered the incline I had ahead of me. I took a deep breath and headed up the half mile incline. 

1, 2 ,3 people, I kept passing all the runners that had passed me the first 5 miles. As I came onto mile 22, I saw Chris. 

I pierced my eyes on his florescent yellow shirt and dug deep to catch him, 8:32, 8:24, 8:21 min/miles to catch him. I reached him at mile 24, a 8:15min/mi. I tried to drag him with me but my pace was dialed in and I knew I had to hold it. 

It was a finish like no others. DOWNHILL. I was so tired, my quads were on fire but I knew I had to bring it in. I continued to pass runners, "Your doing great, keep moving.." I would say as I passed another runner. I felt my belly flip the last half a mile. I felt the vomit churning. 

I came into the downtown of Charlevoix. I saw people on both side cheering me on, "You look so strong, your almost there." 

I saw the Finish Line, I tried not to face plant as I turned my legs over. 

I crossed the mats with pure JOY. 

I heard my name, I felt the tears, I swallowed back my sour belly and saw Debbie M. like an angel cheering me on. I couldn't hear or  think, she smiled at me, brought me water and was so kind. 

I closed my eyes, "OH LORD, thank you, thank you." 

Each minute that passed another friend of mine came in, Chris, Lacey, Nicole, Doug, Antonio, and Joel, all a sub 4 hour marathon. 

In Conclusion. I stepped to the starting line confident in my training. I felt courageous, setting goals that scared me, realistic yes, but just out of reach. I knew I had to be resilient, holding my resent failures close. Using them as a training tool to work harder and overcome. 

KEEP DREAMING. 

I needed to feel Alive again. I wanted to qualify for Boston because it represented strength again to me. I don't care if I get in or not. It was just a representation of OVERCOMING. 

Thank you to Chris and Lacey for the training runs the last several weeks. 

Congrats to all those that ran Charlevoix, Joel, Chris, Nicole, Christina, Brian, his first marathon too, Trisha, Tracy Lynn, Joe B, Antonio, Doug, Lacey, the Wickams and  Kathy. 

You all did great! 

Lacey, Chris, Debbie, Doug, Me, Nicole and Antonio

Lacey, Doug, Me, Antonio, and Joel

"The one training tool I couldn't live without is my training partners. It's so much easier to get out the door when you have someone to run with and push you on workout days."

 Kim Smith, 3 time Olympian 

Anita~

Glory To God. 

Phone it in or..Charlevoix T-6

"Shift from thinking to feeling-feel yourself accomplishing your goal. Take that feeling out of your head and put it into your heart. Embrace it as reality." 

Erin Taylor, founder and head coach of Jasyoga 

The adventure is at single digits. Charlevoix Marathon T-6 days. 

The great debate; fight with every cell in me to see what I have, 

OR play it safe, call it in,  run Nita run, save a little back for fun, smiles and no great failure?

If you don't set your goals too high then you never fall that hard.  

The harder you fall, the more it hurts. 

What to do? 

We must ask ourselves this a dozen times a day. 

Just the thought of lining up to the starting line rattles me. The early morning sun creeping over us as the runners line up, quickly filling up the corrals. The clamor of excited runners chattering, laughing and studying you. You see the eyes look you over and settle in on your bib. In seconds, you notice they are  exploring your age and distance and then their eyes glance back at you, matching it all together. 

You just smile. 

That's what I do. I smile. 

Nervous, I smile. 

Anxious, I smile.

Excited. I smile. 

In 6 days,  I will be running next to Lacey. I am so tickled. 

We had our final long run, a whopping 8 miles Saturday. We met at GAC, starting slow we quickly picked up our pace. We were all a bit foot loose and fancy. Chris kept gauge on our pace reminding us to slow it down. 

I was happy we had started early and finished early as the temps kept getting hotter. 

Lacey, Chris and I, That's a wrap!

There is Joy in the Journey. 

I find myself trying not to get discouraged as I have tried to clean up my marathon failure back in February. 

Charlevoix is a chance to recover. It is a out and back, Lacey, Chris, Antonio and Doug are going to be lined up with me. I am really hoping I don't give Doug and Antonio any material to tease me and hoping they give me some so I can tease them! 

The weather looks AWESOME! 71'! 

I have had so much fun training for Charlevoix with these two. It felt great to feel a little bit of normalcy with last few weeks. Between feeling human again, and Covid taking a back burner running gave me so much joy. 

Timing is everything. There is a season for everything and a time for every matter under the heavens, Ecc. 3:1. 

Course Description: "All courses start and end at the Draw Bridge in downtown Charlevoix.  The course is primarily fast and flat, unless you're from Florida, then you will feel like you're climbing Everest around the 11 mile mark.  We have an incredibly high rate of Boston Marathon qualifying times  (18% of the entire field) on this course because it is very fast. 
The courses venture through the historic neighborhoods of Charlevoix which provides great shade especially early in the morning, and then out onto our paved trail system which follows the shoreline of Lake Michigan.  There is approximately four miles of running on our wooden bridge which is a great relief for the knees!  All courses are an out-and-back style course which keeps the course feeling energetic but not over crowded." 

RUNDOWN:
Monday: 6miles
Tuesday:REST
Wednesday: 4m
Thursday: 14.5 ( Laceys long run) 
Friday: REST
Saturday: 8.3
Sunday: REST

TOTAL MILES: 32.8

Final touches: 

I have my shorts for the marathon. I have to find a white tank top now. I will try to share it later this week when it is all put together. Lacey and I decided to sneak out early! we are leaving now Thursday night. 

Anyone have any suggestions on a good place to eat in Charlevoix or Petoskey?

So do I phone it in for fun, or die trying to see what is in the tank? 

Anita~

Preparing for Charlevoix Marathon: Simple list.

 "Fear is gradually replaced by excitement and a simple desire to see what you can do on the day." Lauren Fleshman

Charlevoix Marathon is Saturday June 19th. I am not going to lie. I am nervous. I always get nervous when I have a goal. And I get especially nervous when I have already failed that goal already once this year. 

THE GOAL: 3h 49min. 

THE FEARS:

1. That I am not going to be able to accomplish it. 
2. That I am washed up, beat up and burnt out and my faster marathon days are gone. 
3. That I need to accept reality, start acting my age & if I fail again maybe I should start knitting. 

MY HOPES:

1. That the weather would be kind to us at 6am, our start time. 
2. My legs and lungs would work like they did in my 30's. 
3. That I don't get lost or stung by any jelly fish....:) (A1A)
4. That nobody notices when I pee my pants at mile 20. 

MY PREPERATIONS: 

1. This year, I have ran a marathon in February & a 50k in April. 
2. I did Yasso 800's twice hitting my target pace. sucks
3. I scheduled my prerace massage next week. 
4. May 24-30=38 miles, May 31-June 6= 69miles (step back week, last peak week)
5. Hill repeats, targeted pace for 12 miler and biking to cross train. sucks
6. I purchased my nutrition for race day and new sunglasses!

MY FAILURES

1. I ran too may miles this week. I needed extra mental health miles this week. It was better than throat punching people or drowning in emo tears. 

MY DIET

1. Protein smoothies after every workout, a MUST and a Probiotic. 
2. Whole wheat waffles in the morning...just started this lil routine. 
3. Been drinking water...(I only like water with coffee grounds in it) 

MY TO-DO

1. Figure out my race outfit
2. Work on play list
3. Figure out if I am going to carry my own water.

Rundown:

T-12 days. 

I did my 12 miler on the trails at Holly Rec. The training program called for 12 miles. Chris wanted to change it up and run trails at Holly rec, 2 loops, 2 hour 15 minutes was his goal. Andy and I met him and the heat was picking up faster than my legs were. We hit the goal, that was exciting. 

That should have been my last long run. 

Andy wanted company running the following day back at Holly rec for some loops he is training. 

HIS GOAL: 4 loops= 16.5 miles. 

I knew it was going to be a challenge due to the heat, but you run them slow and smart. 

YOU have to PREPARE for the sweat fest. We set out chairs and made it a aid station with towels, clothing, a cooler, a bag of food, salt tabs, and GU. I drank water and sugar free Gatorade, 16 Oz on each loop and I peed every loop....this is a good thing, it gauges if you are properly hydrated. 

I know I shouldn't have ran those miles but Andy needed company. We should never be miserable alone, you know misery likes company! 

SIDE NOTE: 

Last weekend, I was a HOT MESS of emotion. Sorry for the emotional post. This weekend was a another emotional weekend but I managed it better, hence why my miles were up! 

But I want to make it very clear. No matter how sad, how upset I get, God is GOOD all the time. 

No matter how dark the days, how broken I may feel, I know that life is GOOD. I have no ill feelings, no bitterness, no unforgiveness in my heart. I am joyful in my sorrow, grateful for Gods plan for my life. I am loved and I love. I love my family, I love my mother and father. They had a terrible disease. They loved me and my siblings. My parents were beautiful people, kind, loving, funny, generous, adventurous, addiction just interrupts that. My mom and  dad were beautiful on the inside and out. 

ANITA~