Kettle Moraine 100 Mile RECAP.

 Kettle Moraine 100 Mile Recap:  

We didn't know whether the race was going to happen. As I lined up at the starting line, I was excited, nervous, and full of questions about what the next 24 hours would hold.

My crew would consist of Andy, Joe, Sarah and Sara. Joe drove out with us, but he was catching up on his beauty sleep for when I would need him later in the night. I didn't know when the gals would be here and the element of surprise gave me something to look forward to. 

Andy stood on the sidelines exuding the deepest love and support for me. We prayed together, hugged and he sent me into coral. 

It was so close to being a race that never happened. On the outside I meshed good with all the other ultra runners but on the inside I felt foreign. I was still gathering the idea that I had made it and juggled guilt. I had spent the last 6 weeks in turmoil as my father fought for his life the last several in a hospital bed at U of M Ann Arbor. The decision to show up in Wisconsin with over 200 other ultra runners did not come easily, and the confidence to go- came at the 12th hour. 

Joe, He would smile and be a lot more chipper on race day...

THE BLOWHORN went off

At 6am sharp, Michelle blew the horn as we all melted together into the woods. There was a distinct smell of bug repellent and Irish Spring-a clean scent I wouldn't smell again until another day. 

Race Details:

• My first CREW Encounter wouldn't be for almost 20 miles. I couldn't see Andy and Joe for 40 miles-two stints of 20 miles each, one in the beginning of the race and the other in the middle-ish.  I would be on my own, relying soley on the aid stations and myself. I found myself praying a lot in those 20 miles. My plan was to run through all the aid stations, briefly gathering food and high tailing it back out.
  
  
  

  

  Bertha!!

  
  I had to gather as much time during the day as I could because once the night came, I would be tapping into that banked time. I wanted to finish this race in under 24 hours. I wanted to fight hard like I knew dad was doing. To make this happen, I needed to run under 14:20 on average. This 20-mile stint I was aiming for sub 12min/mi. The weather was perfect, a cool 65 degrees. I ran on both a wide flattish two track and some gnarly trails, a good mix of everything.
  
  
  These 25 miles proved to be challenging. I had to eat, drink and keep my head space clean. Roughly mile 22, I heard the aid station, I couldn't wait to see Andy!! He had my white board already with a cute note and was waiting for me with a sweaty kiss!
  
  
  

• 27.1: Hwy67 Aid Station. 11:19am. I would see my crew again around 27 miles. I would fly in and fly out. I had eaten a couple turkey rollups, Noka smoothies, liquid energy, granola bar and continued to eat as often as I could to stay ahead of my calories. 
  
  
  
• 29.4: ZZ Aid Station. 11:45am.
  
  
  I was breaking my paces down by 20 miles. at almost a 50K I was consistently banking 2 minutes a mile or so I thought. My legs were beginning to get tired, and the weather was damp with rain in the air. When I saw Andy and Joe I wanted to sit but we made the choice to sit at the following aid station. They were great at getting me in and out.
  
  
  
• 34.5: Scuppernong Aid Station. 12:59pm. Just a few miles and I would get to see Andy and Joe again here. The trails were gnarly and I had tripped and flipped a half dozen times.  I found a guy that I ended up running behind for a while. We would go back and forth. We came to a very confusing intersection where he allowed me to navigate. He CLEARLY did NOT know my navigational skills! It was a good thing he had a fancy Garmin that had the course downloaded. He says to me as we are climbing a hill, "I am concerned we are on the wrong path..." Because we were and his watch confirmed it! He would stay together just a few more miles together but then I had to make the choice to leave him. I had put my music on hoping it would keep me in a good headspace. I found myself belting out Billy Idol through the fields making my own little karaoke party. I would see Andy again at 36.8 but I knew I had to hit it and get it. 
• 44.4 miles. McMiller Aid Station. 3pm. This was a bittersweet stop. I wouldn't see Andy for another 20 after this. I had to have a good head space. The trails were beautiful, but the elevation was kicking my butt. The uphill was long and rugged, and the downhills were even longer and rockier. I would find myself clenching my fists and holding my breath as I came down the treacherous path.  I had slowed my pace down, no longer banking as much time. I was hoping the next 20 miles I could just stay consistent and steady. But the rain came. The trails turned to a thick black muck. I was running in road shoes with NO traction. As I came to the hills, I found myself staring up in defeat before ever moving forward. My legs were slipping out from under me. I came through a thick slimy spot and as quickly as I tried to find the best line, I found myself sliding through it on my butt and side. I got up quickly, chucking at all the caked-on mud down my right side and headed back down the trail. My confidence began to deplete along with my footing. As I approached a significant incline all I could do was just stare at it. I knew I needed to get up it however it was so steep and scummy I didn't see it possible. This guy came up behind me and said, "Are you wearing road shoes?' I painfully admitted I was and rather than shame me he cut in front of me and reached his hand behind, gathering my hand in his and escorted me up that hill. It took everything for me not to cry. "Thank YOU" I yelled at him down the hill, and added "What's your name?"  He replied, "Jason".  I said it again to myself, "Jason, my trail Angel". 
  
  
  
• 63.9 miles: Nordic Aid Station.:7:25pm  

  

  Me looking for me crew, I was so depleted. 

  
  I was now back to the beginning, things were familiar. Those 20 miles were brutal. I tripped more, I fell more and my choice in shoes was really poor with 20 miles of rain. I just wanted to see Andy. I would finally get my pacer her. When I arrived I was so excited to see EVERYONE there! I knew I would get to sit, change my socks and shoes and get hopefully emotionally recharged. 
  
  
  The Sarah's were there with the brightest smiles. Joe was antsy to finally get to run and Andy was getting me changed. I sat down as they proceded to take my socks and shoes off. MY toes looked like they were murdered. I screamed, the pain was so vicious as they washed my nasty blistered and muddy toes down to replace my socks. As much as I wanted to hang out with everyone Andy was kicking me out. He would not tell me how much time I had banked, this made me nervous, my calculations had me at 2 hours.....or did it? 

  

  Sarah K looking for me

  
  
• 71.3 miles: Bluff Aid Station. 9:13pm. It was officially dark when Joe and I arrived. But I got to enjoy flamingos on this stretch even if they were only plastic ones, they made me smile. Truth is I felt like I had been hallucinating early the last 7 miles running with Joe. He was like running with Mr. Rogers. He was so polite and nice to everyone. He was cheering the runners on, encouraging everyone and quite delightful to run with. When questioned this ODD behavior I was told he had been told that he was to act like me because I wouldn't be so chipper! 
• 77.9 miles: Hwy12 Aid Station. 11:19pm. Joe and I were not moving fast, and conversation was mostly silent on my part. My light began losing its power and I thought "Thats not the only power going out..." Thankfully Joe came prepared with another light but even the extra light couldn't save me when I tripped so hard I busted my toe open. The pain felt like someone had taken a machete to my toes. I felt the blisters tear open as I tried so hard to get myself back up. I knew I was robbing my banked time quicker than I had made it, I didn't have time to cry about it. 
• 82.2 miles: Rice Lake Aid Station. 12:45am. I just wanted to curl up and die. My belly was trashed, I couldn't keep any food down and even water sounded like sewage. Everything hurt. I could barely keep my eyes open but I would get to see Andy. Despite the agony of nausea by  belly was overcome with I sat in the chair, hoping it would settle. My stomach revolted with waves of retching. Sara, with gentle kindness, brought me a cold rag to try and calm the storm inside me. All I wanted was to sleep and escape the torment, quitting wasn't an option.  As I leaned back in the chair with a blanket over my body, Andy set a timer for six minutes-just six minutes of rest. It wasn't much, and I was hoping for more. During those moments Andy massaged my legs and feet, offering a compassion that I needed. Those six minutes were a testament to the strength found in brief reprieves. But as the timer went off so did the compassion! Despite my pleas for a couple more minutes, Andy remained steadfast. "Let's GO.." he insisted, and with the support of my crew rallying for me I found the strength to rise. Andy was incredible. We venture into the woods together, each step a reminder how tough the journey had been and how much I had overcome this far. Andy was so patient with me, my falls were harder, and he would have to completely pick me up dead weight. This part of the trail was brutal, I was so afraid. My belly had finally settled down with a bug got caught in my throat. I attempted to gag the bug out only the bug won, the coughing triggered my gag reflex and I began puking the little bit I had eaten all over again. "That Damn BUG!" Andy shouted angrily.  We ran into this guy in the woods that I had seen with Joe on the previous loop. I might have thought it was a hallucination if I hadn't witnessed him again with Andy. He had a little station set up in the middle of the woods with essential oils and quartz and to be honest I think he had more going on there then I saw! "HI! My name is TURK..." I told Andy I had to stop. He was a kind man that swore by his oils and at this point what could it hurt, if anything the thought of smelling essential oils had to be better than the smells that clung to me of death and vomit. I can not say that I ran faster or stronger, that was only the Lords doing but we walked ran off smiling and Turk ran after shouting, "HERE HERE, I have some quartz for you to rub..." I said "Thank YOU" and took the stones and Andy and I had some good giggles to break up the miles. 
• 86.5 mile: Hwy 12Aid Station. 2:14am. Andy and I made it back and Sarah K. traded spots.

  

  Sarah

  
  It was so good to have some girl time. I didn't have much enthusiasm left in me. I wanted to enjoy my time with Sarah the way I always do, with deep conversations, with inspirations and laughter and I had a very empty tank. Sarah would keep me moving quicker than I wanted and faster than I thought I could go on that rugged and gnarly section of trail. But she brought with her something the boys didn't have, a strength I needed. She was tough keeping a tight rein on our pace and pushing me through the areas I was so afraid of in the dark. I didn't have time to question my abilities, she kept me moving through the terror I knew I was running in. 
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• 93.1 miles: Bluff Aid Station. 4:08am. I didn't know what time it was. I was no longer "mathing" well. Andy still wouldn't tell me if I had any time left banked. I began to feel like running a sub-24-hour was not going to happen. Joe was waiting to trade off. Andy looked doubtful. I felt doubtful myself. My crew pushed me out quickly, saying "You can still do it..." And like that Joe took off several steps ahead of me. I couldn't keep up, my heart felt like it was going to explode, and all my limbs were disconnecting. "JOE, I cannot run this pace, you're killing me..." I shouted from several feet behind him. I knew that I had to dig in. I just had to get through the next 7 miles. I had to be stronger than my voices. Stronger than my struggles. Stronger than my weakness.
  
  
  And stronger than my excuses. And Joes was not going to let up. This 7-mile section was the easiest part of the trail. I was back on the wide-open section without roots or rocks. I had been counting on this to pick it up and apparently so had Joe. He doubled down making me run faster and longer. When we came to the uphill's my legs were foreign. I discovered I could grab the pole loops on Joes back and he would pull me forward. I felt like I was cheating, and I asked if it was considered cheating, Joe matter of factly replied "NO, you're still using your own legs.." I didn't feel guilty about it again. When the sun began coming through, I felt my energy liven up. Every mile Joe told me what our split was and each mile I began to believe I was going to make it. Afterall, he had me doing 10min/ mi. With 2 miles wot go we see two runners casually walking. Joe believed them to be 100k runners, however; when we approached them Joe (still friendly), says " We are just trying to make it to the finish..." The couple responds "..Us too..." but then I notice they turn their heads to look at our bibs. Joe picked up the pace and we headed quickly down this steep hill, out of ears reach he says, "they are 100 milers..." This just became a race and Joe was not going to let them pass us. I found another gear. I moved swiftly ahead trying to pretend I was stronger than I was. Joe would look over his shoulder to see thier whereabouts. Soon they were no longer to be seen and with a mile to go I felt quite confident to take a phot with the morning light glowing and the Lords Glory awaiting. 
• 100.5 miles: Nordic Aid Station. FINISH. 5:41am. PARKOUR.
  
  
  Our finish for Sara was a goofy jump in the air and a big smile on my face! 
  
  
  

I was depleted in so many ways; It literally takes a crew to see you through. The genuine love was truly the fuel I needed. Knowing how far and how much everyone sacrificed to be there for me gave me the drive in my low moments to dig deeper. 

They each came with a different gift for me. Each of my crew offered a piece of the puzzle that fit perfectly to make this race victorious. I am so grateful to Joe, Sara and Sarah for loving me, sacrificing for me, believing in me and supporting my wild and crazy adventure. 

The Lord carried me when my spirit faded, and my strength weakened. Every fall, and I had many, He brought me upright without significant injury. It was truly a miracle how the Lord protected me out there. 

I looked forward to seeing Andy with kiss and a hug at the aid stations. To lock eyes together is so magical, when words are void a look, a touch, a smile says everything the heart yearns for. 

I dedicate this race to you, DAD. 

Just a few weeks ago, when your spirit was waning, I pleaded with you for one more mile. I begged you not to give up, to go another round, to dig deeper. I wasn't ready to see you quit. I still believed you had another mile in you. 

And then, the next morning, you embraced the light of hope once more. I am so incredibly proud of you. Throughtout the race, I dug deep, running with your strength in my heart inspiring me.  I ran knowing you were battling every obstacle, and I fought just as fierce, inspired by your courage. 

I am so proud of you. 

I ran the miles, But the Lord gets the Glory.  

Anita~

THANK YOU Erica!! I love my sign!!

The Messy 3 M's

 

"Training to run a 100 miles is like training to get hit by a truck." Luis Escobar

I had this little feeling I messed up. Saturday night I handed Andy my training plan that I follow from Hal Koerner and asked him to give it a look. 

Andy begins counting the weeks backwards and I loosely follow as we came to the same conclusion, I MESSED UP! 

Saturday was supposed to be my 35 miler and Sunday was a 20 miler with me being off Monday. 

"If it's too good to be true it is probably TOO good to be true!" 

I had this feeling I had miscalculated my long run, now I was trying to math and design another plan. 

Triple PLAY!! SATURDAY

I would run more miles but over the course of 3 days EACH with a different design, I decided AFTER i realized I had undershot my long run Saturday. 

SATURDAY'S goal was already planned and achieved. 

• 20 miles with at least 50% in Zone 2,
• Maintain a pace between 9:45-10:00
• Run on Empty

This run I got up early and just started running, I found myself all the way in Fenton! I felt good physically, but I ran out of water. I ran without breakfast or eating. I do this to mimic running on low, I bring fuel if I get myself in a pinch, but I try to run depleted to teach myself to dig deeper mentally. 

Andy still had to RESCUE me! I ran out of water at 15 miles, and I was in full sun. Andy found me on Milford Road and brought me both water and pickles. I took the pickles because I was sweating so bad, they were delicious! 

I nailed this run! 

SUNDAY: MIDDAY Roasting

MY Plan: 

• 20 miles in full SUN
• Maintain a pace between 9:45-10:15
• Majority of run in ZONE 2

I started this run after church, it was already 84 degrees. I headed down N.Holly Rd in the blazing sun. My legs felt great, and I found myself having to add more walk breaks to keep my pace down. 

But mile 5, the sun was beating relentlessly. Andy had already warned me he would NOT be able to save me. I brought plenty of food, water and even a handheld with energy fuel. By mile 9, I was recalculating my life choices under an oak tree. 

I was sweating like a stuck pig, I had only peed once and it wasn't pretty. I knew I was getting dehydrated. 

My stomach was turning, and my heart had its own pulse. I decided to add extra walk breaks in there and slow my goal. 

By mile 15, I was almost out of water, my skin was on fire, my belly was nauseas, and I hated this thing called RUNNING. I hated the sun. I hated my choices, my goals, I couldn't even stand MYSELF!

"Just do it ugly" I told myself as my heart felt like it was going to explode as I was WALKING!  

"TIME ON FEET" and "GIVE YOURSELF GRACE" I was trying to come up with all the mantra and prayers to stay in the game. 

At mile 18, I was OUT of water and walking the backroads home when I saw that precious angel. She was watering her flowers when I asked if she would water ME! 

She was so sweet as she tilted the hose towards my bottle. It was like water from Iceland. 

I didn't make my pace goal and the honest truth is I had to stop a half a dozen times for a couple minutes at a time to cool down, settle down and relax. 

When I finished this run, it was 87 degrees. 

MONDAY: 3rd 20miler back-to-back-to-back

My Plan:

• hills repeats
• Don't PAUSE the watch
• Don't look at your pace, run by feel
• Keep heartrate mostly in ZONE 2 

Lacey called the night before and asked if I wanted company, I was so giddy for someone to be with me. She would join me the last 5 miles home. 

I started before 7, and I could already feel it steamy out. My shoulders got burnt on Saturday and they were stinging the first couple miles. 

I headed to a local subdivision that has "HILLS" in its name. I would do 10 miles of hills out there practicing not only the inclines but also the declines. Kettle Moraine has 8,800 feet of elevation and I have heard the downhills are a killer. 

I found a picnic table at the top of the hill and took off my hydration vest making a little station there. I felt SOO free and weightless without my vest. 

Each of my runs I gave myself more grace knowing it was accumulative. At mile 14, I was heading out to meet Lacey when I felt both the heat and the fatigue. 

By the time, I reached Lacey I was adding more walk breaks in gutting it out. 

I knew that even though I had MESSED up my long run, the last 3 runs were good training. 

RUNDOWN:

MESSED UP: A MESS UP: MESSY

I knew that I could recover from my mess up, I just knew it was going to be painful. 

"SUFFERING is EXCELLENCE" I told my friend NOBLE when he saw me running in the blazing sun Sunday. Preparing to suffer is what I am ultimately doing for my 100 miler in June. 

Yes, I am scared. 100 miles is a LONG way, with opportunities everywhere for failure. 

Each of these 3 training runs all had a PURPOSE to help me be more successful in 3 weeks. 

1. Heat training
2. Time on feet without recovery
3. Hill training
4. Solo running...you better be able to run with only your voice
5.  Running sick
6. Running fatigued
7. Monitoring heart rate
8. Running disciplined
9. Running discouraged and NOT giving up

YES, I MESSED UP, but I flipped the script and turned it into a challenge. We all mess up, most of the time we let it own us. But when we change the direction of our thinking there are usually many options. 

IT was NOT A MESS UP, and NEITHER am I. Initially I was mad at myself for such an airhead move. 

I have literally been called someone's mistake; those words stung.  Mistakes happen, but we ARE not one. 

SOMETIMES recovery is MESSY. But the victory lies in overcoming the MESSY. 

My finishing line is NOT a guarantee, I have to EARN it, and overcoming my MESS UP'S, the Messes and the Messy only brings me that much closer to succeeding!

May 13-19  Distance: 84.4 miles

Monthly miles: 243

Yearly Miles: 1,220

"With God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26

In Peace, Not Pieces, 

Anita

Significant, Living with Heart.

 

"If you faint in the day of adversity your strength is small." Proverbs 24:10

Saturday morning my head was saturated with thoughts of significance but significantly misunderstand by self. 
I believe this is called anxiety. 
Life on life's terms has weighed in heavier recently, abruptly but not surprisingly. 

The last couple weeks of training for Kettle Moraine has been my "peak weeks' with a running load of 70-80 miles. I always dread these weeks because it is so difficult with a busy life schedule then the added events catapulted me into a emotional hotwire.
Saturday as I headed down the backroads, I swallowed back the sour taste that was coming up from nerves. 

I wanted to sleep in.

I wanted it to not be raining. 

I wanted to go to the hospital (someone I love dearly is there) 

I wanted to get spring flowers. 

I wanted to mop my floors. 

I wanted to do a lot and nothing at all. 

What I didn't want to do was run and yet that everything I wanted to do. 

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, swallowed the bile back down and headed out for 30 miles without a plan, only a PRAYER. 

I failed miserably at planning my long run. I didn't have a route designed, I didn't have proper nutrition,I scrambled to find friends to run with me at the last minute, and my head space was not in a place of positivity. 

My legs were tired, I felt beat up, unmotivated and weak. 

Reaching mile one, looked ugly and the thought of getting to 30 miles was ominous. 

"Like so many women, sometimes my needs and interests are so congruous, and sometimes they compete with each other for my time, energy and focus." Joan Benoit Samuelson

I knew I had to focus on the task at hand. I had to dial my focus at the now and let the rest go for the next few hours. The more I let myself get distracted the more I felt my energy fading. 

I had a couple friends that were going to meet me for a few miles, and I shuffled forward to receive their good energy. 

"Years ago, women sat in kitchens drinking coffee and discussing life. Today, they cover the same topics while they run." Joan Benoit Samuelson

I felt that little pep in my step when I arrived at my friend's house. We were joined a couple miles later with another friend. We only ran a few miles together; it went by fast as we were all fighting for air laughing and solving all of life's problems.  

"My basic philosophy can be summed up by an expression we use in Norwegian: Hurry Slowly. Get there but be patient." Grete Waitz

I was over 10 miles, 1/3 done. I was smiling. I was dialed in, hopeful not in a hurry. I was running along Dixie Hwy, as the cars sped passed me, I felt so insignificant in my pace in comparison to the vehicles. I found this deep swelling of emotions surface. I was SIGNIFIGANT. Even though the cars didn't see me, or I was running alone, I was doing something hard. This run was hard in so many ways. Andy sent me a text, he said he was PROUD of me for maintaining my training in the midst of all we are going through. 

The tears flowed in that perfect timing. The Lord was with me, I was NOT alone. 

"Do the work. Do the analysis. But feel your race. Feel the joy that is running." Kara Goucher

My splits were steady before I headed into a nursery that I planned on my run! I NEVER stopped my watch as I picked out my flowers, paid for them and begged my son to drive up and get my goodies! 

I lost an hour. 

But I had a second wind, laughing; knowing I would get my long run in and my flowers all at the same time. 

Also knowing I only had 10 miles to go. I did some calculating, tried to pick up my pace a little bit to get warm. The temps dropped, it was spitting rain and I was chilled but, on my way to see another friend who would finish me in. 

"There are a lot of times it's just not fun. It's a lot of discomfort. There must be something I am searching for."  Scott Jurek

I found Sara coming down N Holly Rd. Everything hurt, and I felt like I was dying. But I shouted with pure JOY to see her. 

I can't say those miles were glorious but the company sure was! 

• I finished my 30 miles. 
• Sunday was another 10 miles. 
• Today another 21 miles. 

RUNDOWN: LIVING with HEART. 

My Training plan said SATURDAY 35miles, SUNDAY 20miles, OFF MONDAY

Mine was altered a bit but time on feet and total distance executed for 81 miles last week. 

I keep telling myself, DO it UGLY but don't quit. 

We all have stuff; we all have excuses to quit. Keep that passion and the joy of life burning. I remind myself of all the places the Lord has delivered me from but all the passion I had to have to execute HIS plan. 

If it was easy everyone would do it. Running is my own reward. It is a reminder of living with heart for me. My strength is HIS. It is not perfect, but it is hopeful, faithful and true. 

Mothers Day 

In Peace, not pieces, 

Anita 

The Heart of Failure

 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." 

Psalms 73:26

I FAIL a lot. 

Social media shares my victories, my smiles, my blessings but that is not the everywhere or the all the time. 

Life has presented a lot of ugly. Life has handed out some darkness in abundance. As we navigate through life, sometimes treading water, sometimes barely afloat, we all encounter seasons of rough waters. 

Failure through the lens of others can look like victory. I have learned to be gentle on how I present things, being aware of how things appear to others. 

A FAILED attempt to jump and look cool at Holdridge. 

You see me out running but did you know I was actually running into the Lords lap? 

My heart broken, my burdens heavy, my mind confused, disappointed in myself, in others and at life. 

Those miles were and are in prayer for my failures, my imperfections, my judgments, my iniquities that only the Lord can REDEEM. 

I pray in weakness.

I pray in failures. 

I pray in insecurity. 

I pray in a mess of a human that only the Lord can heal. 

I pray that I will never go back to the dark places I fought so hard to get out of. 

RUNDOWN:

Week April 22-28

Miles: 74.11

Elevation: 3,740ft

1 week out from Thumbcoast 50. (Turned out to be a PR for me!) Praising God for still giving me a PR at 50!

NO place to RECOVER. 

Thumbcoast was a TRAINING RUN for Kettle Moraine 100 in June.  This meant I had to get my miles in for the week with a lot of whining.

Tired, sore, fatigued and sluggish, no excuses, and no perfection. 

This week I have ran in 4 different parks;

1. Holdridge
2. Holly rec
3. Island Lake 
4. Ortonville rec

It is time to dial it in for my 100. 

Pinnacle Point X's 2. 
20 mile run, a whole lot of walking, overheating and HILLS. 

• Get back into the trails.
• Back-to-Back long runs.
• Time on my feet runs.
• Increase mileage.  
• Don't look at PACE, focus on time and distance. 
• Seek His strength, not my own. 
• PRAY, stay humble. 

The last week was a week of failed runs. 

Nothing felt good. The runs were hot, rainy, broken and I was on the struggle bus for all of them. The truth is I set out to do the best I could, and I TRIED. 

One run at a time, one mile at a time and Grace upon Grace. 

I had to remind myself this week, my HEART has a lot of FAILURES, but one thing is doesn't have it the FAILURE TO TRY. 

Relentless Forward Progress. 

We are all perfectly imperfect. Full of failure but give yourself some Grace and get back out there!

"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but-I hope-into a better shape- "Charles Dickens

In Peace, Not Pieces,

Anita

Thumbcoast 50: The Spirit to Sustain

"Sustain me, my God, according to your purpose, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed." Psalm 119:116

I was watching the weather like a hawk the week before Thumbcoast Ultra in Caseville. Every day the good weather began to fade and race day was appearing to be a typical windy, cloudy Michigan day. 

We had rented a Airbnb that was right at the finish line and just a 2-minute walk to Lake Huron. 

Race MORNING: 

Christina, Joe and I would be escorted with Andy to the starting line in Harbor beach about 50 miles away. Even though we all had shuttle bus tickets we took advantage of have our own chauffer. 

It was a blistering 39' out, I made a last-minute wardrobe change from my favorite Rabbit running skirt to my 10-year-old track pants. I could hear the wind and it made me tremble. I was having PTSD from Blackbeards Revenge 4 weeks prior. 

"What were the odds?' I heard myself repeating. "WIND AGAIN?!" I felt like I had barely recovered, and I was about to run 50 miles in 20-mile headwinds all over again.  

I finished my coffee, grabbed a banana, my egg bites, all my gear and we all piled into the car.  It would be about a 45-minute drive to the starting like. 

GOAL: 

I get asked a lot "Anita, do you race with a plan..." Truth is, I DO. I always have a plan. 

THE PLAN: 

1. NOT TO DIE!

2. Keep Smiling!

3. No matter how bad you feel, ENCOURAGE others!

4. Maintain a 10-10:15min/mi. 

 "Remember, that of all the elements that compromise a human being, the most important, the most essential, the one that will sustain, transcend, overcome and vanquish obstacles is-Spirit." Buddy Ebsen

Starting LINE: The first 20-ish

I had asked Joe to help pace me. Andy would be chasing me on the course, and I knew this would encourage me. 

Andy, Joe, Christina and I took a quick sunrise photo together with enough time to pray and make it to the starting line. 

Andy had already warned me that we would basically be running into the wind the whole time. What made the winds worse was the flat farmland, we were vulnerable to the elements.   

I was breaking the race up into 5's and 10's. We were maintaining our pace, and I was so excited when I got to see Andy every 5 miles. 

We shared some miles with Steve H and Robert the race director for Bear Lake. We all kept smiling even though we were all getting pummeled with the wind. 

I had my Race Joy app running so I could hear my splits and hear my cheers that some of my friends were giving me. 

SPECIAL thanks to those who sent me encouragement, it meant so much to me especially as the weather conditions was tormenting my head space. 

Around mile 7 Andy was calling me and I accidentally hit the brightness on my phone and couldn't see anything. I knew it was still working, I was hearing my alerts but all I could see was a a black screen. Messing with my phone I heard a guy's voice, then a women's voice, "ANITA, ARE you LOST? RUN FASTER!!" I had somehow dialed Mark and Erica and they answered knowing I was racing and that I normally get lost! This very brief conversation had me laughing. Thankfully Andy happened to check on us and I was able to throw him my phone while we kept running. Andy discovered I had turned my brightness all the way down and tossed it back to me less than a mile later. 

The first 20 we maintained our pace, but I began to feel myself slipping forward, I hoped I was not making a bad choice. 

20ish to FINISH: SUSTAIN.

"Sustain me, my God, according to your purpose, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed." Psalm 119:116

The course is very flat, we ran on backroads, paved roads and sandy two-tracks. Going into mile 25 the winds felt like they had picked up. We had wind gusts reaching over 25mph. Runners looked miserable. 

To make my goal happen I found myself praying ALOT. I would have been on my knees in prayer but I was trying to maintain my pace! The wind was humbling. 

SUSTAIN, sustain...sustain. I kept praying that. 

As I passed other runners I would encourage them with those words. We were going into an intersection uphill when I saw a runner friend of mine, Sean. 

"You got this Sean" I yelled.  He is always smiling. 

"You know I have been praying for the Lord to SUSTAIN us, well, to be totally honest, I have been praying mostly for myself!" 

We laughed and as I moved forward I committed to praying harder for him and all the runners. 

My competition is not with ANYBODY but MYSELF. It is me trying to push myself, push my goals and be humble in the process. 

I saw Andy at mile 42. "Nita, are you doing OK? You look tired?'  I quickly replied not wanting to stop, "I am Andy, I am..." 

I would speed up when I saw Andy at the aid station because I knew I would take a few second to hug him, grab some nutrition and go. At mile 42, Andy took my hydration pack and gave me another water bottle with Ucan in it. This was the second bottle of sustained energy and was working really good. I had been able to avoid stopping at the aid station, this saved me a lot of time. 

I would see Andy briefly at mile 45, I was trying to NOT fall apart on the 2-track. This portion of the race with full of sand and moguls, making it hard to run. My pace was falling behind when Andy called me. It was just a couple minutes after I had seen him. I thought I had forgot something when I answered the phone. 

"Nita, there is a female about 15 seconds behind you, just maintain your pace..." 

I was so confused, I was hurting, tired, and I wasn't competing, or was I? 

I looked behind me and there she was. I didn't want to go faster, the two track as messing me up, I had already passed so many runners on this stretch all wrecked. I wanted to WALK, run a little maybe but surely not run faster. 

I came into a aid station full of guys. I passed through saying "HI GUYS" with a little smirk as they all looked at me. I knew they were coming after me. I decided I better pick it up now. 

One of the guys caught me at mile 47 and I felt the others in my shadows. I anxiously looked behind me, and saw the gal. 

GO TIME. 

SUSTAIN me LORD. 

All the way in, deep breath, heavy prayer, and sustained pain. It was more than sustaining my pace, it was persevering in pain and fatigue. 

I looked at my watch, at my pace and I counted down how long I had to maintain. 

Mile 49: 9:06min/mi.

Mile 50: 9:07min/mi. 

I looked for Andy as I came into the park. My heart was ready to explode when saw him, I was SOO happy to see him. 

Excellence endure and sustains. It goes beyond motivation into the realms of inspiration." Azim Preji

The Lord did sustain me. I met my goals by the Grace of God. My goals were personal, but the biproduct was I discovered that I was SECOND overall FEMALE. 

All Glory to God. 

A BIG SHOUT out to Andy, THIS GUY!! Andy chased me all over, exchanged my nutrition, made sure I was eating, drinking and helped me with great encouragement. THANK YOU for all the encouragement, cheers and calls. 

CONGRATS to all those who conquered the blistering winds and frigid temps. 

RUNDOWN: 

THUMBCOAST 50

SUSTAIN, wherever it is you are running in this thing called LIFE, when obstacles are thrown at you, when the conditions are less than desirable, Don't give up, Don't give in, Keep going, just tuck in and KEEP Moving. 

In Peace, NOT Pieces, 

Anita

The Birdcage: Fly

 "A bird in a cage is safe, but God didn't create birds for that."

 Pualo Cohelo

HAPPY 50th to my Special Friend Danielle.

Everywhere I go there I am again. 

It is best not to out-run yourself, it never ends well. My morning runs often make me feel as though I have my life figured out, but the truth is, I DON'T! No where close!

It is a safe place for me. 

A place my fragmented mind comes back together. 

It is a place people can't take from me. A place I don't hear all the chatter, all the voices, noise that pollutes my heart and mind. 

A place of Release. 

Rest.

Recovery.

Redemption. 

My running is a spiritual place of refuge. I can run to the Lord unashamed of who I am. 

I have been shamed into believing my running is something I should be ashamed of. I once got fired from a job/ministry and the statement was made "Anita's doing her running..." 

My running has been used against me, misguided judgment of idolatry. 

BUT GOD. You become UNSTOPPABLE when you work on the things people CANNOT take away from you. Things like your FAITH. your MINDSET, your CHARACTER, your entire BEING! 

THUMBCOAST ULTRA 50: A BIRD

Last weekend, I chased Andy around Carmel Indianna cheering him on for 26.2 miles. This weekend I will be towing the line for my final race before Kettle Moraine 100. 

I am very strategic at trying to find races that will align with my "A" race. 

THUMBCOAST 50 fit good for my last "longish" run and run week. While I tapered, I will still need 75 miles for the week. 

My Goal, to STAY ALIVE! I am going to try to hold onto the same pace I did for Blackbeard's Revenge, 10:40min/mi. 

I will give it a go. 

I will go at it with this silly shin issue, all the pavement pounding and the anxious curiosity of what the day will bring! 

The Lord is responsible for the day. 

This Ragamuffin is not so arrogant to think I have so much control over how the race will unfold. The Lord is responsible for my gift to RUN, the blessing the successes, the victories, He get's the Glory in it all. 

I only get to run because the Lord has allowed me to. 

I could play it safe or I can go out in faith. 

"A bird in a cage is safe, but God didn't create birds for that."

 Pualo Cohelo

RUNDOWN: 

April 8-14th

Distance: 56 miles

Total time: 10Hours

Elevation: 2,500

This week:

Distance: 22 miles

Time: 3H 35 min

Elevation: 565

Tapering is so delightful. 

I met Danielle this morning at Indian Springs. Tapering messes with your head so bad. Trying to be disciplined and NOT RUN too much, too fast, too hard is discipline! Finding SECURITY in your training, your goals, yourSELF is everything.

You do things with Faith you will be ready to FLY!

Congrats to all those who ran Carmel Marathon!

• Jazz CRUSHED IT with a 2:57 marathon!
• Donny had a PR 3:37 marathon!
• Sarah was a savage running covered in prayers for a PR of 3:20. 
• Joel, only running a few years killed the marathon with a 3:14
• Andy Finished strong with a 4:11
• Sara F who also was injured finished with strong determination with a 5:39 marathon. 
  
  
  

I was so inspired with them all. But especially with Andy and Sara. They both had alterative plans of finished due to injured. But they showed up, prayed up, with determination fixing their eyes on the finish line and NEVER gave UP!!!

I made a new friend,
 together we drove all over the city tracking the guys down. 

If you can remember me in prayer this Saturday. Asking for prayer to run humbly, glorifying the Lord,

to be used by the Lord in the gift He has given me. 

If you would like to send me cheers while I am running, I love THIS, you can download the RACEJOY App. Look for THUMBCOAST Ultra Caseville then put my name in to track. I get all the messages and it is so fun! it will give you a real time tracking of me. 

In Peace, Not Pieces,

Anita

Cut the Cord

 "Don't believe everything you think." Unknown 

Andy and I were on a road trip this past weekend to the Ark. We were not going anywhere fast driving down to Kentucky. It would be our farthest trip pulling our camper and giving us almost 6 hours of driving time together. 

That time was occupied with random conversations, podcasts and sharing our music favorites. 

Andy was not a big fan of my playlist but not opposed either. Andys music playlist gave me instant anxiety and sweaty palms more so than driving a 30ft camper through construction and hills. 

One song of his caught my attention, not because I liked the song, rather because I liked the title. 

Cut the Chord. 

My mind began firing off all sorts of thoughts. 

ATTACHMENT: Cut the Cord

I trailed off thinking of the different things I have been attached to that I needed to cut the cord on. 

Areas of my life that I have had to learn to LET GO of. 

Areas I have clung on to, too tight, too long. 

People I have clung on to, too tight, too long. 

Ideas I have clung on to, too tight, too long.

Cut the Cord of YOUR PAST. 

Most of us hold onto our yesterdays and struggle to enjoys our todays. 

We hold onto Failures, Mishaps, Misfortunes, Bitterness, Dreams, Expectations, Hurts/Wounds

We Hold onto People.

We hold onto Ideas. 

We hold onto Habits. 

You fill in the blank. 

When we are attached to the cord, we will find ourselves STUCK. You were meant to move FREE. 

Freedom is cutting the cords that hold us back!

RUNDOWN: Cutting MY CORDS

As I am aging and still running, I am learning to embrace running at 50 in the capacity the Lord has me. 

When I compare myself to others or to my younger self, I am no longer FREE. 

The Cord of Comparison will rob you, you will never feel equipped, or confident or even secure. 

The Cord of "Stinking Thinking": Most of us have a tendency to OVERTHINK. I have another race in 2 weeks. It will be my 50miler, Thumb Coast. If I am not careful, I will overthink my training. I will compare it to training when I was younger. And if I am really struggling, I will compare myself to other athletes. I have to CUT the CORD or that chord will become a noose. 

I have learned when I cut the cord sometimes, I am a little vulnerable, a little unsteady but I will learn how to sail solo.

God's word is my teacher. He guides me, teaches me, comforts me, and steadies me. 

Week of Apri1-April 7th 

Distance: 56.55

Elevation: 2.400

LEGACY Trail: Andy and I found this great paved trail in Kentucky, and we discovered a little park for a waterfall trail, Cove Spring Park. We came in a day earlier and had fun adventuring!

Struggles: Vacation is always a bit of a struggle for me when it comes to training. To compensate for that, I racked up my miles in the beginning of the week to allow me to not be anxious about running over the weekend. There was no pressure to run Saturday or Sunday. I had to Cut the Cord of routine and BOOM!! Its All GOOD! 

Training as an athlete at this season of life has me cutting the cord to a lot. 

Living on this side of eternity has showed me cords I have held onto to and even picked back up. 

We were meant to be FREE from holding onto things that were NEVER meant to be gripped so tight. 

LET GO. 

In Peace, Not Pieces,

Anita