The Heart of Failure

 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." 

Psalms 73:26

I FAIL a lot. 

Social media shares my victories, my smiles, my blessings but that is not the everywhere or the all the time. 

Life has presented a lot of ugly. Life has handed out some darkness in abundance. As we navigate through life, sometimes treading water, sometimes barely afloat, we all encounter seasons of rough waters. 

Failure through the lens of others can look like victory. I have learned to be gentle on how I present things, being aware of how things appear to others. 

A FAILED attempt to jump and look cool at Holdridge. 

You see me out running but did you know I was actually running into the Lords lap? 

My heart broken, my burdens heavy, my mind confused, disappointed in myself, in others and at life. 

Those miles were and are in prayer for my failures, my imperfections, my judgments, my iniquities that only the Lord can REDEEM. 

I pray in weakness.

I pray in failures. 

I pray in insecurity. 

I pray in a mess of a human that only the Lord can heal. 

I pray that I will never go back to the dark places I fought so hard to get out of. 

RUNDOWN:

Week April 22-28

Miles: 74.11

Elevation: 3,740ft

1 week out from Thumbcoast 50. (Turned out to be a PR for me!) Praising God for still giving me a PR at 50!

NO place to RECOVER. 

Thumbcoast was a TRAINING RUN for Kettle Moraine 100 in June.  This meant I had to get my miles in for the week with a lot of whining.

Tired, sore, fatigued and sluggish, no excuses, and no perfection. 

This week I have ran in 4 different parks;

1. Holdridge
2. Holly rec
3. Island Lake 
4. Ortonville rec

It is time to dial it in for my 100. 

Pinnacle Point X's 2. 
20 mile run, a whole lot of walking, overheating and HILLS. 

• Get back into the trails.
• Back-to-Back long runs.
• Time on my feet runs.
• Increase mileage.  
• Don't look at PACE, focus on time and distance. 
• Seek His strength, not my own. 
• PRAY, stay humble. 

The last week was a week of failed runs. 

Nothing felt good. The runs were hot, rainy, broken and I was on the struggle bus for all of them. The truth is I set out to do the best I could, and I TRIED. 

One run at a time, one mile at a time and Grace upon Grace. 

I had to remind myself this week, my HEART has a lot of FAILURES, but one thing is doesn't have it the FAILURE TO TRY. 

Relentless Forward Progress. 

We are all perfectly imperfect. Full of failure but give yourself some Grace and get back out there!

"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but-I hope-into a better shape- "Charles Dickens

In Peace, Not Pieces,

Anita