Significant, Living with Heart.

 

"If you faint in the day of adversity your strength is small." Proverbs 24:10

Saturday morning my head was saturated with thoughts of significance but significantly misunderstand by self. 
I believe this is called anxiety. 
Life on life's terms has weighed in heavier recently, abruptly but not surprisingly. 

The last couple weeks of training for Kettle Moraine has been my "peak weeks' with a running load of 70-80 miles. I always dread these weeks because it is so difficult with a busy life schedule then the added events catapulted me into a emotional hotwire.
Saturday as I headed down the backroads, I swallowed back the sour taste that was coming up from nerves. 

I wanted to sleep in.

I wanted it to not be raining. 

I wanted to go to the hospital (someone I love dearly is there) 

I wanted to get spring flowers. 

I wanted to mop my floors. 

I wanted to do a lot and nothing at all. 

What I didn't want to do was run and yet that everything I wanted to do. 

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, swallowed the bile back down and headed out for 30 miles without a plan, only a PRAYER. 

I failed miserably at planning my long run. I didn't have a route designed, I didn't have proper nutrition,I scrambled to find friends to run with me at the last minute, and my head space was not in a place of positivity. 

My legs were tired, I felt beat up, unmotivated and weak. 

Reaching mile one, looked ugly and the thought of getting to 30 miles was ominous. 

"Like so many women, sometimes my needs and interests are so congruous, and sometimes they compete with each other for my time, energy and focus." Joan Benoit Samuelson

I knew I had to focus on the task at hand. I had to dial my focus at the now and let the rest go for the next few hours. The more I let myself get distracted the more I felt my energy fading. 

I had a couple friends that were going to meet me for a few miles, and I shuffled forward to receive their good energy. 

"Years ago, women sat in kitchens drinking coffee and discussing life. Today, they cover the same topics while they run." Joan Benoit Samuelson

I felt that little pep in my step when I arrived at my friend's house. We were joined a couple miles later with another friend. We only ran a few miles together; it went by fast as we were all fighting for air laughing and solving all of life's problems.  

"My basic philosophy can be summed up by an expression we use in Norwegian: Hurry Slowly. Get there but be patient." Grete Waitz

I was over 10 miles, 1/3 done. I was smiling. I was dialed in, hopeful not in a hurry. I was running along Dixie Hwy, as the cars sped passed me, I felt so insignificant in my pace in comparison to the vehicles. I found this deep swelling of emotions surface. I was SIGNIFIGANT. Even though the cars didn't see me, or I was running alone, I was doing something hard. This run was hard in so many ways. Andy sent me a text, he said he was PROUD of me for maintaining my training in the midst of all we are going through. 

The tears flowed in that perfect timing. The Lord was with me, I was NOT alone. 

"Do the work. Do the analysis. But feel your race. Feel the joy that is running." Kara Goucher

My splits were steady before I headed into a nursery that I planned on my run! I NEVER stopped my watch as I picked out my flowers, paid for them and begged my son to drive up and get my goodies! 

I lost an hour. 

But I had a second wind, laughing; knowing I would get my long run in and my flowers all at the same time. 

Also knowing I only had 10 miles to go. I did some calculating, tried to pick up my pace a little bit to get warm. The temps dropped, it was spitting rain and I was chilled but, on my way to see another friend who would finish me in. 

"There are a lot of times it's just not fun. It's a lot of discomfort. There must be something I am searching for."  Scott Jurek

I found Sara coming down N Holly Rd. Everything hurt, and I felt like I was dying. But I shouted with pure JOY to see her. 

I can't say those miles were glorious but the company sure was! 

• I finished my 30 miles. 
• Sunday was another 10 miles. 
• Today another 21 miles. 

RUNDOWN: LIVING with HEART. 

My Training plan said SATURDAY 35miles, SUNDAY 20miles, OFF MONDAY

Mine was altered a bit but time on feet and total distance executed for 81 miles last week. 

I keep telling myself, DO it UGLY but don't quit. 

We all have stuff; we all have excuses to quit. Keep that passion and the joy of life burning. I remind myself of all the places the Lord has delivered me from but all the passion I had to have to execute HIS plan. 

If it was easy everyone would do it. Running is my own reward. It is a reminder of living with heart for me. My strength is HIS. It is not perfect, but it is hopeful, faithful and true. 

Mothers Day 

In Peace, not pieces, 

Anita 

The Heart of Failure

 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." 

Psalms 73:26

I FAIL a lot. 

Social media shares my victories, my smiles, my blessings but that is not the everywhere or the all the time. 

Life has presented a lot of ugly. Life has handed out some darkness in abundance. As we navigate through life, sometimes treading water, sometimes barely afloat, we all encounter seasons of rough waters. 

Failure through the lens of others can look like victory. I have learned to be gentle on how I present things, being aware of how things appear to others. 

A FAILED attempt to jump and look cool at Holdridge. 

You see me out running but did you know I was actually running into the Lords lap? 

My heart broken, my burdens heavy, my mind confused, disappointed in myself, in others and at life. 

Those miles were and are in prayer for my failures, my imperfections, my judgments, my iniquities that only the Lord can REDEEM. 

I pray in weakness.

I pray in failures. 

I pray in insecurity. 

I pray in a mess of a human that only the Lord can heal. 

I pray that I will never go back to the dark places I fought so hard to get out of. 

RUNDOWN:

Week April 22-28

Miles: 74.11

Elevation: 3,740ft

1 week out from Thumbcoast 50. (Turned out to be a PR for me!) Praising God for still giving me a PR at 50!

NO place to RECOVER. 

Thumbcoast was a TRAINING RUN for Kettle Moraine 100 in June.  This meant I had to get my miles in for the week with a lot of whining.

Tired, sore, fatigued and sluggish, no excuses, and no perfection. 

This week I have ran in 4 different parks;

1. Holdridge
2. Holly rec
3. Island Lake 
4. Ortonville rec

It is time to dial it in for my 100. 

Pinnacle Point X's 2. 
20 mile run, a whole lot of walking, overheating and HILLS. 

• Get back into the trails.
• Back-to-Back long runs.
• Time on my feet runs.
• Increase mileage.  
• Don't look at PACE, focus on time and distance. 
• Seek His strength, not my own. 
• PRAY, stay humble. 

The last week was a week of failed runs. 

Nothing felt good. The runs were hot, rainy, broken and I was on the struggle bus for all of them. The truth is I set out to do the best I could, and I TRIED. 

One run at a time, one mile at a time and Grace upon Grace. 

I had to remind myself this week, my HEART has a lot of FAILURES, but one thing is doesn't have it the FAILURE TO TRY. 

Relentless Forward Progress. 

We are all perfectly imperfect. Full of failure but give yourself some Grace and get back out there!

"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but-I hope-into a better shape- "Charles Dickens

In Peace, Not Pieces,

Anita

Thumbcoast 50: The Spirit to Sustain

"Sustain me, my God, according to your purpose, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed." Psalm 119:116

I was watching the weather like a hawk the week before Thumbcoast Ultra in Caseville. Every day the good weather began to fade and race day was appearing to be a typical windy, cloudy Michigan day. 

We had rented a Airbnb that was right at the finish line and just a 2-minute walk to Lake Huron. 

Race MORNING: 

Christina, Joe and I would be escorted with Andy to the starting line in Harbor beach about 50 miles away. Even though we all had shuttle bus tickets we took advantage of have our own chauffer. 

It was a blistering 39' out, I made a last-minute wardrobe change from my favorite Rabbit running skirt to my 10-year-old track pants. I could hear the wind and it made me tremble. I was having PTSD from Blackbeards Revenge 4 weeks prior. 

"What were the odds?' I heard myself repeating. "WIND AGAIN?!" I felt like I had barely recovered, and I was about to run 50 miles in 20-mile headwinds all over again.  

I finished my coffee, grabbed a banana, my egg bites, all my gear and we all piled into the car.  It would be about a 45-minute drive to the starting like. 

GOAL: 

I get asked a lot "Anita, do you race with a plan..." Truth is, I DO. I always have a plan. 

THE PLAN: 

1. NOT TO DIE!

2. Keep Smiling!

3. No matter how bad you feel, ENCOURAGE others!

4. Maintain a 10-10:15min/mi. 

 "Remember, that of all the elements that compromise a human being, the most important, the most essential, the one that will sustain, transcend, overcome and vanquish obstacles is-Spirit." Buddy Ebsen

Starting LINE: The first 20-ish

I had asked Joe to help pace me. Andy would be chasing me on the course, and I knew this would encourage me. 

Andy, Joe, Christina and I took a quick sunrise photo together with enough time to pray and make it to the starting line. 

Andy had already warned me that we would basically be running into the wind the whole time. What made the winds worse was the flat farmland, we were vulnerable to the elements.   

I was breaking the race up into 5's and 10's. We were maintaining our pace, and I was so excited when I got to see Andy every 5 miles. 

We shared some miles with Steve H and Robert the race director for Bear Lake. We all kept smiling even though we were all getting pummeled with the wind. 

I had my Race Joy app running so I could hear my splits and hear my cheers that some of my friends were giving me. 

SPECIAL thanks to those who sent me encouragement, it meant so much to me especially as the weather conditions was tormenting my head space. 

Around mile 7 Andy was calling me and I accidentally hit the brightness on my phone and couldn't see anything. I knew it was still working, I was hearing my alerts but all I could see was a a black screen. Messing with my phone I heard a guy's voice, then a women's voice, "ANITA, ARE you LOST? RUN FASTER!!" I had somehow dialed Mark and Erica and they answered knowing I was racing and that I normally get lost! This very brief conversation had me laughing. Thankfully Andy happened to check on us and I was able to throw him my phone while we kept running. Andy discovered I had turned my brightness all the way down and tossed it back to me less than a mile later. 

The first 20 we maintained our pace, but I began to feel myself slipping forward, I hoped I was not making a bad choice. 

20ish to FINISH: SUSTAIN.

"Sustain me, my God, according to your purpose, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed." Psalm 119:116

The course is very flat, we ran on backroads, paved roads and sandy two-tracks. Going into mile 25 the winds felt like they had picked up. We had wind gusts reaching over 25mph. Runners looked miserable. 

To make my goal happen I found myself praying ALOT. I would have been on my knees in prayer but I was trying to maintain my pace! The wind was humbling. 

SUSTAIN, sustain...sustain. I kept praying that. 

As I passed other runners I would encourage them with those words. We were going into an intersection uphill when I saw a runner friend of mine, Sean. 

"You got this Sean" I yelled.  He is always smiling. 

"You know I have been praying for the Lord to SUSTAIN us, well, to be totally honest, I have been praying mostly for myself!" 

We laughed and as I moved forward I committed to praying harder for him and all the runners. 

My competition is not with ANYBODY but MYSELF. It is me trying to push myself, push my goals and be humble in the process. 

I saw Andy at mile 42. "Nita, are you doing OK? You look tired?'  I quickly replied not wanting to stop, "I am Andy, I am..." 

I would speed up when I saw Andy at the aid station because I knew I would take a few second to hug him, grab some nutrition and go. At mile 42, Andy took my hydration pack and gave me another water bottle with Ucan in it. This was the second bottle of sustained energy and was working really good. I had been able to avoid stopping at the aid station, this saved me a lot of time. 

I would see Andy briefly at mile 45, I was trying to NOT fall apart on the 2-track. This portion of the race with full of sand and moguls, making it hard to run. My pace was falling behind when Andy called me. It was just a couple minutes after I had seen him. I thought I had forgot something when I answered the phone. 

"Nita, there is a female about 15 seconds behind you, just maintain your pace..." 

I was so confused, I was hurting, tired, and I wasn't competing, or was I? 

I looked behind me and there she was. I didn't want to go faster, the two track as messing me up, I had already passed so many runners on this stretch all wrecked. I wanted to WALK, run a little maybe but surely not run faster. 

I came into a aid station full of guys. I passed through saying "HI GUYS" with a little smirk as they all looked at me. I knew they were coming after me. I decided I better pick it up now. 

One of the guys caught me at mile 47 and I felt the others in my shadows. I anxiously looked behind me, and saw the gal. 

GO TIME. 

SUSTAIN me LORD. 

All the way in, deep breath, heavy prayer, and sustained pain. It was more than sustaining my pace, it was persevering in pain and fatigue. 

I looked at my watch, at my pace and I counted down how long I had to maintain. 

Mile 49: 9:06min/mi.

Mile 50: 9:07min/mi. 

I looked for Andy as I came into the park. My heart was ready to explode when saw him, I was SOO happy to see him. 

Excellence endure and sustains. It goes beyond motivation into the realms of inspiration." Azim Preji

The Lord did sustain me. I met my goals by the Grace of God. My goals were personal, but the biproduct was I discovered that I was SECOND overall FEMALE. 

All Glory to God. 

A BIG SHOUT out to Andy, THIS GUY!! Andy chased me all over, exchanged my nutrition, made sure I was eating, drinking and helped me with great encouragement. THANK YOU for all the encouragement, cheers and calls. 

CONGRATS to all those who conquered the blistering winds and frigid temps. 

RUNDOWN: 

THUMBCOAST 50

SUSTAIN, wherever it is you are running in this thing called LIFE, when obstacles are thrown at you, when the conditions are less than desirable, Don't give up, Don't give in, Keep going, just tuck in and KEEP Moving. 

In Peace, NOT Pieces, 

Anita

The Birdcage: Fly

 "A bird in a cage is safe, but God didn't create birds for that."

 Pualo Cohelo

HAPPY 50th to my Special Friend Danielle.

Everywhere I go there I am again. 

It is best not to out-run yourself, it never ends well. My morning runs often make me feel as though I have my life figured out, but the truth is, I DON'T! No where close!

It is a safe place for me. 

A place my fragmented mind comes back together. 

It is a place people can't take from me. A place I don't hear all the chatter, all the voices, noise that pollutes my heart and mind. 

A place of Release. 

Rest.

Recovery.

Redemption. 

My running is a spiritual place of refuge. I can run to the Lord unashamed of who I am. 

I have been shamed into believing my running is something I should be ashamed of. I once got fired from a job/ministry and the statement was made "Anita's doing her running..." 

My running has been used against me, misguided judgment of idolatry. 

BUT GOD. You become UNSTOPPABLE when you work on the things people CANNOT take away from you. Things like your FAITH. your MINDSET, your CHARACTER, your entire BEING! 

THUMBCOAST ULTRA 50: A BIRD

Last weekend, I chased Andy around Carmel Indianna cheering him on for 26.2 miles. This weekend I will be towing the line for my final race before Kettle Moraine 100. 

I am very strategic at trying to find races that will align with my "A" race. 

THUMBCOAST 50 fit good for my last "longish" run and run week. While I tapered, I will still need 75 miles for the week. 

My Goal, to STAY ALIVE! I am going to try to hold onto the same pace I did for Blackbeard's Revenge, 10:40min/mi. 

I will give it a go. 

I will go at it with this silly shin issue, all the pavement pounding and the anxious curiosity of what the day will bring! 

The Lord is responsible for the day. 

This Ragamuffin is not so arrogant to think I have so much control over how the race will unfold. The Lord is responsible for my gift to RUN, the blessing the successes, the victories, He get's the Glory in it all. 

I only get to run because the Lord has allowed me to. 

I could play it safe or I can go out in faith. 

"A bird in a cage is safe, but God didn't create birds for that."

 Pualo Cohelo

RUNDOWN: 

April 8-14th

Distance: 56 miles

Total time: 10Hours

Elevation: 2,500

This week:

Distance: 22 miles

Time: 3H 35 min

Elevation: 565

Tapering is so delightful. 

I met Danielle this morning at Indian Springs. Tapering messes with your head so bad. Trying to be disciplined and NOT RUN too much, too fast, too hard is discipline! Finding SECURITY in your training, your goals, yourSELF is everything.

You do things with Faith you will be ready to FLY!

Congrats to all those who ran Carmel Marathon!

• Jazz CRUSHED IT with a 2:57 marathon!
• Donny had a PR 3:37 marathon!
• Sarah was a savage running covered in prayers for a PR of 3:20. 
• Joel, only running a few years killed the marathon with a 3:14
• Andy Finished strong with a 4:11
• Sara F who also was injured finished with strong determination with a 5:39 marathon. 
  
  
  

I was so inspired with them all. But especially with Andy and Sara. They both had alterative plans of finished due to injured. But they showed up, prayed up, with determination fixing their eyes on the finish line and NEVER gave UP!!!

I made a new friend,
 together we drove all over the city tracking the guys down. 

If you can remember me in prayer this Saturday. Asking for prayer to run humbly, glorifying the Lord,

to be used by the Lord in the gift He has given me. 

If you would like to send me cheers while I am running, I love THIS, you can download the RACEJOY App. Look for THUMBCOAST Ultra Caseville then put my name in to track. I get all the messages and it is so fun! it will give you a real time tracking of me. 

In Peace, Not Pieces,

Anita

Cut the Cord

 "Don't believe everything you think." Unknown 

Andy and I were on a road trip this past weekend to the Ark. We were not going anywhere fast driving down to Kentucky. It would be our farthest trip pulling our camper and giving us almost 6 hours of driving time together. 

That time was occupied with random conversations, podcasts and sharing our music favorites. 

Andy was not a big fan of my playlist but not opposed either. Andys music playlist gave me instant anxiety and sweaty palms more so than driving a 30ft camper through construction and hills. 

One song of his caught my attention, not because I liked the song, rather because I liked the title. 

Cut the Chord. 

My mind began firing off all sorts of thoughts. 

ATTACHMENT: Cut the Cord

I trailed off thinking of the different things I have been attached to that I needed to cut the cord on. 

Areas of my life that I have had to learn to LET GO of. 

Areas I have clung on to, too tight, too long. 

People I have clung on to, too tight, too long. 

Ideas I have clung on to, too tight, too long.

Cut the Cord of YOUR PAST. 

Most of us hold onto our yesterdays and struggle to enjoys our todays. 

We hold onto Failures, Mishaps, Misfortunes, Bitterness, Dreams, Expectations, Hurts/Wounds

We Hold onto People.

We hold onto Ideas. 

We hold onto Habits. 

You fill in the blank. 

When we are attached to the cord, we will find ourselves STUCK. You were meant to move FREE. 

Freedom is cutting the cords that hold us back!

RUNDOWN: Cutting MY CORDS

As I am aging and still running, I am learning to embrace running at 50 in the capacity the Lord has me. 

When I compare myself to others or to my younger self, I am no longer FREE. 

The Cord of Comparison will rob you, you will never feel equipped, or confident or even secure. 

The Cord of "Stinking Thinking": Most of us have a tendency to OVERTHINK. I have another race in 2 weeks. It will be my 50miler, Thumb Coast. If I am not careful, I will overthink my training. I will compare it to training when I was younger. And if I am really struggling, I will compare myself to other athletes. I have to CUT the CORD or that chord will become a noose. 

I have learned when I cut the cord sometimes, I am a little vulnerable, a little unsteady but I will learn how to sail solo.

God's word is my teacher. He guides me, teaches me, comforts me, and steadies me. 

Week of Apri1-April 7th 

Distance: 56.55

Elevation: 2.400

LEGACY Trail: Andy and I found this great paved trail in Kentucky, and we discovered a little park for a waterfall trail, Cove Spring Park. We came in a day earlier and had fun adventuring!

Struggles: Vacation is always a bit of a struggle for me when it comes to training. To compensate for that, I racked up my miles in the beginning of the week to allow me to not be anxious about running over the weekend. There was no pressure to run Saturday or Sunday. I had to Cut the Cord of routine and BOOM!! Its All GOOD! 

Training as an athlete at this season of life has me cutting the cord to a lot. 

Living on this side of eternity has showed me cords I have held onto to and even picked back up. 

We were meant to be FREE from holding onto things that were NEVER meant to be gripped so tight. 

LET GO. 

In Peace, Not Pieces,

Anita

BlackBeards Revenge 100K: Gird Yourself

 "Gird yourself and put on your sandals." Acts 12:8

8 of us gals took a road trip to race Blackbeard's Revenge. 5 of the gals were battling the harsh conditions as a relay team that started much earlier than my10am start. 

It was 7am in the Outer Banks and the wind was blowing with intense anger. I found myself trembling at the thought of racing in the brutal conditions. 

BlackBeard's Revenge 100K

Place: Outer Banks N. Carolina 

Distance: 62 miles

Time: 10am

Elevation:189ft

Weather: 59'degrees, Head wind 35mph, rain

I curled up on the couch with my coffee, throw blanket and bible. 

I was feeling a little bit lost. 

I was lacking confidence in my training, my abilities and my body. 

I opened my bible searching for a voice bigger than my own. I needed the Lord to fill in my inadequacies.

This was the only area that I was confident in, my Faith that the Lord would direct me, would call me and lead me. 

I began to read...And I prayed. And the Lord navigated me to "Instead, you ought to say, If the Lord will, we will live and also do this or that..." 

I rested there, humbly with peace and contentment. 

I wanted more so I opened my bible study on "BY FAITH" and the Lord showed up in a mighty way. 

"An Angel of the Lord suddenly appeared, and a light shone in the cell; and He struck Peters side and woke him up saying, "Get up Quickly." and his chains fell off his hands. And an Angel said to him, "Gird yourself and put on your sandals." And he did so. And he said to him, "Wrap your cloak around you and follow me..."  Acts 12:7-8

GIRD YOURSELF ANITA:

Lynn, Christina and I pulled up to Jennettes Pier, our starting line. The winds raged around us; the rain was pummeling us as we rushed towards the protection inside the store. The pier reaches out into the ocean 1000 ft, displaying violent waves that crashed into each other with fury.  High white caps and loud winds added another element of fear as we quickly entered shelter. 

The course had already been changed in the middle of the night due to the turbulent evening which resulted in flooding. We were still waiting on the final call, if they were going to allow us to run across the bridge. 

Just minutes before the start they announced we would get to run the bridge; this produced an ignorant applause. We would find out very soon what suffering was really like. 

GOO time! The three of us girls headed across the starting mats with blind faith and excitement. I instantly noticed I messed up my RACEJOY app. I needed this app to work, I had family following me and I needed them. I had helped both the girls set theirs up and now here they were helping me recover mine! 

After we fixed my technical difficultly, I GIRDED myself up and settled in. Together us gals stayed together but the winds were so loud I found myself talking thinking they were with me rather when I turned around, I discovered I had been talking to myself. 

It was less than a mile and I knew I would be running a long, lonely, blistering race. 

MY PLAN: 

I always have a plan; I fight and battle to follow a plan seeking God in all of it. Prepared for God to change things up at any time...His Will be DONE.

Run BY 20'S- 

• The first 20 miles 10-10:30min miles
• The second 20 Miles 10:30-11min miles
• Last 22 -11-12min miles
• Finishing in a sub-12-hour 100K

I broke down the plan even more, into 5-mile increments. Every mile intentionally eating and drinking. We had a strong head wind, so I just tucked myself in and coached myself to stay calm and steady. 

The first aid station came about the 5-mile marker. I quickly ran in and grabbed a hummus wrap, the rain had subsided allowing my food to not be soggy. 

I saw the bridge as it melted into the gray sky with no prominent boundaries. I told myself this is what I train for. I train for elevation, for suffering, for discomfort. I entered the bridge with the wind smacking me harshly in the face. The elevation was gentle allowing me to not feel too abused all at once. The bridge is 2 miles long and the center of the bridge takes a more drastic climb. I was fixated on my pace trying so hard to stay on target as the unmerciful winds blasted me head on. Dead birds mangled and lifeless had met their demise in these harsh conditions and were scattered all across the bridge. With a sustaining 35 mile an hour wind gusts of up to 60mph would almost stop me in my tracks. I would grunt and wince clenching me fists and laughing like a crazy person. Snot was dripping down my nose, my fingers were frozen, and the rain appeared again searing through me. 

And I laughed harder. Andys last words to me were "Anita, you are going to have a head wind right in your teeth..." 

He wasn't lying! 

I made it up, turned around and headed back with the wind at my back. 

I saw both Christina and Lynn on the turnaround, they looked strong, and I cheered them on. 

"Get to 20 miles Anita".  

The SECOND 20.

I somehow made pace through severe winds, pelting rain, flooded roads and solo running. This race was all pavement, roads and highways. I have been avoiding pavement due to an injury I have been battling for months. My left shin has been temperamental and pavement pounding exasperates it. 

But here I was going into mile 20 with NO pain. What did concern me was cramping. The temperatures warmed up and the humidity was at 95%. I drank water from my hydration pack, pickle juice, took salt tabs and drank Tailwind at the aid stations. I came into the aid stations full of life thanking all the volunteers with great appreciation. 

And I ate. I knew I had to stay ahead of my calories. 

I maintained my pace, encouraged by all the "CHEERS" I was getting from the RACEJOY app when Andy called me. 

Andy was following me from the app from home in Michigan, he was getting notifications on every mile, my pace and my exact whereabouts. "NITA, how long are you going to maintain that pace?" Andy was uneasy with my pace because of my injury and lack of training. 

I responded "I feel good, I'll be slowing down..." 

Only I never really did that second 20. 

THE Final 22. 

It was closing in on 6pm. I was staying lucid doing math and extrapolating miles, pace and time. But fatigue was approaching. I told myself I would slow down only to argue back to keep running pace while I felt decent. 

The temperatures slowly dropped again. I drank some warm water at one aid station with a PBJ, some ramen noodles and a banana bite at another. 

I had caught up with another 100K runner and we went back and forth encouraging each other but I picked up my pace to pass her for the final time. 

This is when I knew I was racing. 

As the sun began to set, I was noticing the same cars piggy backing. They were the 100-mile crew cars. They also noticed me. They would roll down their windows and shout and scream, I would raise my hands with thumbs up and high fives. 

I came into an aid station around 8pm hot. I knew I needed to get out fast. The workers were great as I yelled what I needed. As I was quickly getting out a girl jumped out of a car I recognized and said "I have to come see you, you are amazing..." I blushed said thank you and said, "Glory to God" and headed back into the evening feeling far from amazing. 

I would see her several more times. About 9 pm the evening rested darkness around me, I could see my breath with every exhale, and I didn't have the energy to put my long sleeve shirt back on. I committed to just running. I had been adding walk breaks but I knew in order to stay warm I needed to keep moving. 

My knee was beginning to ache, my feet were so sore and I had removed the last latch on my hydration pack because my ribs were so tender and bruised. 

And I could no longer see enough to trust my legs when I saw that same girl in the white car. I ran to her side and knocked on the window. I scared the sh@% out of her!  But asked her if she could reach in my pack to get my handheld light. She was my road angel. 

The wind picked up and I had called Andy a few times when I got turned around but now Andy was calling me to cheer me up. 

I had run for hours by myself. With winds, rain, pavement pounding, my own stinking thinking was elevating, and I was just getting so tired. I answered the phone whiny and winded. "I am so cold, and so tired..." But Andy wouldn't have it. He doubled down, shared what the last 5 miles would be like and told me to get after it. 

I had a 2 mile out and back section. Anguished at the winds and cold I made it to the turn around. Andy had called back "Nita, is your shin hurting?" I grumbled "No". And he hollered back "THEN GOO! I want to see the last miles 10min/mi, you have a tail wind, PICK IT UP!!" 

It took me a second to let that all register. GO! I picked it up running with purpose. Alive and strong my mental fortitude powered back up. 

BUT as the second mile to the finish approached my phone rang again, it was Andy. "ANITA!! YOU missed your turn!" 

"WHAT?" I squawked. 

I praised God that Andy had been tracking me so closely. I had ran right by Corolla Park where the finish was, overshot about a quarter mile. 

It's not a race if Anita doesn't get lost, especially on an OUT AND BACK! 

I came into the Finish so happy to finish I had no idea why everyone was making over me. 

I had no idea I was First Place Overall Female!

I praised God. 

RUNDOWN: 

Gird yourself...I had chains of doubt, chains of being broken and discouraged. But I "CAME to Myself"(Acts 12:11) somewhere at mile 20 and realized that the Lord makes a way when there is no way! 

Some races will test you more than others. 

Sometimes you will be able to rise to the challenge. 

Sometimes you go at in faith with fear in the shadows.

BUT whether it's FAITH or FEAR it is BOTH BRAVE and BEAUTIFUL when you RISE to the challenge. 

TIME: 11:16:47

1st Place Female, 4th Overall

SPECIAL THANKS to those who cheered me through RACEJOY or text me during my race, it meant SOO much to me: Leeanne C, Holly P,  Antonio R, Tricia B, Doug M, Jamie B, Deanna T, Deb C. Andy, Tanya K, Deborah M, Barb F, Holly P, Erica A, Sarah K,  and Sara F. 

"Setting Goals requires gazing way out at the horizon of your life. But once you set your course, most of the time your awareness should be on the trail under your feet," Lauren Fleshman

In Peace, Not Pieces,

Anita

Race: Recap: Recovery: Repeat

 You can't be too scared to fail, or you will never even try. 

I boarded the airplane alone like I do every time this time of year to see my brother and sister. 

And also, to do "A thing"!

Leeanne and I did a 5K the day before the marathon. 

To do a THING: Treasure Coast Marathon. RECAP

Stuart, Florida.  

I went into this marathon broken. No speed work, shin pain, and lacking confidence. 

I also walked to the starting line solo. I knew NO ONE, I drove with my brother-in-law. 

It was 5:50am and I could feel the Florida humidity resting in the air moisturizing my fears even more. As I tried to settle into myself, I heard my phone buzz in my fanny pack. 

"Where are you at?" It was my brother. He had gone to the Oliver Anthony concert the night before; therefore, I had spent the night with my sister, her husband was running the half marathon and was going to the starting line early. 

I looked around and responded with my location and was so stoked that I found them! We prayed together and I jumped back in before the gun went off. 

I told myself from the very beginning I would give my all. I was aiming for a 3:50 marathon but hoping I would have a little extra room. The goal was to qualify for NYC Marathon, I would need a sub 3h:51. 

Some things I told myself:

• This is going to HURT. 
• Focus on the prize not the pain. 
• You cannot half a$$ this Anita. 
• You are capable, The Lord will see you through, but you are going to have to fight. 

The course was rather flat, with 2 very large bridge crossings. The marathon was also an out and back, with the bridges in the first 5 miles making them also the last 5 miles. 

GO! 

I prayed the 26.2 miles of pavement would not wreck my shins as I headed out with the other 200 runners. The runners were all so friendly and I found myself chatting with several runners with similar goals. As I settled in, I found myself running with this gal who looked like she could be related to me.

We exchanged names and as we asked each other questions I discovered we had a lot in common. 

• We had almost the same goal time, by only a minute.
• Both our names started with an "A"; her name was Amanda. 
• Amanda was originally from Michigan! 
• And Amanda was a Jesus follower. 

I believed I had just been given an angel to help me to the finish line. As we chatted I got more and more attached to her. 

Caught up in the excitement of my new friend I was surprised to see my brother and sister on the course cheering me on! 

Bobby and Leeanne would be waiting for me every few miles! As I approached mile 11, I called them, and they had a cold bottle of my mixed energy drink waiting for me to swap out. 

It was a perfect hand off. 

I fell back a little in the exchange, but I was able to catch up. I was apprehensive to try my drink as it looked my white Pepto-Bismol. 

IT was GOOD! 

And in the full sun it was like magic energizing me. 

At mile 17, I was feeling pretty good but knew the end was near. I had been taking in nutrition and drinking at every stop. 4 aid stations ran out of water! As we approached 20 miles my legs began to feel heavy and I had already lost a full bladder, peeing all down my legs. I knew stopping was not going to be an option. The temperatures were in the high 70's, we were beginning to pick off runners when my side began to ache so bad. I dug my fingers deep into my side stitch trying to relieve the pain as I watched Amanda slowly break away. 

I also watched her heading up the bridge. In significant pain, I coached myself to walk for 10 seconds, bring down my heartrate, catch my breath and get back at it. 

And I prayed. 

I looked down at my watch, less than 5 miles to go. I looked up, sweat beading on my skin I clung on to the shadows of Amanda. 

Breathless, exhausted I caught her at the top, "WE made IT, I'm up, I'm up..." Just those few words depleted me. 

I tried so hard to embrace the victory of making it up that bridge, but I could see the next just minutes away. 

I tucked in as close as I could to Amanda. She would call out my name to make sure I was still with her. 

Worn out, I whispered "I'm here...."

I took a gel hoping it would be like sorcery and I would be foot loose and fancy. 

Truth is, it sustained me. With a mile to go, I fell back again. I looked at my time and knew I couldn't fall apart. I didn't have time to slow down, I could see the finish line and knew the course was over. 

I had to GOO. 

That finish line came 2/10ths over. I wasn't sure if I was going to puke or pass out. 

My stomach knotted up and my vision blurred over as my brother was shouting at me! I gave the best smile I could as I tried to stay upright and crossed the finish line. 

I DID IT. 

"We Entertain Angels Unaware." 

Amanda and I ran together almost the whole race. When was leading I would yell "YOU got this Amanda...." 

And when Amanda was leading, she would turn her head back to locate me and encourage me too. 

Then there was my brother and sister in love, they were all over that course and even went into a grocery store to get me Gatorade. 

Blessed, Favored, Loved, Humbled. 

The Lord made a way when I questioned all my abilities. It was more than what I had though. I had to fight; He would provide a way, but I had to do the work. 

Recovery

Everything hurts and I am dying. I am 11 days out and I am still on the struggle bus! Tight hamstrings, fatigue, and minor aches and pains. 

I have brought my miles down, walked instead of ran and even got a massage that was so painful I yelped! 

Ice, roll, stretch and remind myself this is all my "A" race in JUNE. 

This is training. 

March 4-10th

Distance: 62 miles

Elevation: 2,734

I am TAPERING for Blackbeard's Revenge 100K in the Outer Banks. ALL pavement! 

This is going to be a fun race! And another training run for Kettle Moraine 100. 

The last couple weeks I have been reminded that victorious battles are won with pain and perseverance. They are won NOT in fear but in faith with fear. I go into battle with fear, but it is FAITH that leads. If it doesn't scare you a little, then I have to question the battle. 

The Lord provides a way for victory in our battles, but we still have to FIGHT. 

In Peace, Not Pieces, 

Anita~