Count it all JOY: Humility

 "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing" 

James 1:2-4

I headed down the street with the evening sun warm and inviting. I quickly turned my head thinking I heard a car behind me and felt my ponytail whip across my face. 

I felt every strand, I felt the wheaty texture brush across my cheeks. 

I FELT my hair touching my face. 

Humbled. 

I was flooded with humility. It was less than 3 years ago I was running the same route with a baby soft head, bald, sick, cancerous, fighting all of hell for LIFE. 

It was one day not so long ago I was separated from my siblings in foreign homes confused and alone. 

It was one day not so long ago I was jumping out of a single wide trailer running as fast as I could from midnight chaos. 

It was one day not so long ago I was holding my mother's hand at 18, as she lied lifeless, alive by machines and tubes begging God for her to open her eyes. 

It was one day not so long ago I just wanted to fit in, I wanted to be part of something, I wanted to feel love, not shame. I wanted to feel security not fear. I wanted to trust not doubt. 

HUMBLE beginnings. 

As I turned my head I turned back in time. I reminded myself that no matter how far I have come, NEVER forget your yesterdays, stay Humble and count it all JOY. 

Consider it JOY

Many of us have had our faith tested. 

Growing up in the chaos of addiction, foster homes, losing both parents by 18, the struggles of being married young and making better decisions, life continued to present many trials, many struggles. 

Consider it JOY. 

No matter how ugly life got I still showed up, smiled, laughed and never gave up. 

Consider it JOY

I am grateful for all those trials, I am humbled by my yesterdays. And I always want to embrace my yesterdays trials with grace, with love and with forgiveness. 

Consider it JOY

I was not and I am not a VICTIM. 

I AM victorious through Christ. 

Even in my WORST, I have so much to be joyful for. 

Consider it JOY

My humble beginnings taught me to love genuinely, to forgive deeply, to give grace upon grace as it has been given to me. 

Consider it JOY

I am a simple ragamuffin from a trailer park of chaos and addiction. I am a little loud, a little broken, a little messy with a vocabulary that says words like "Fart knocker" and "Butt munch". 

I am just as happy to eat hot dogs as I am filets. I love garage sales and "Hand me downs" make me smile. 

Consider it JOY

The truth is, I am blessed abundantly with nothing but BREATH. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh. There is nothing in me that is great, it is Him in me. The Lord opens doors and shuts doors. The Lord is my security. He is my Identity. He get the Glory. When my TRUST is fully in HIM, the outcome no matter good or bad is HIS. It is my response that illuminates my Faith in HIM no matter the outcome. 

RUNDOWN:

"Live Life with great Humility." 

Don't take the EASY Road.

I have gotten up and out the door in the rain and lightning and smiled the whole time. Everyday is a gift. Even on my bad days, oh yeah BABY, I have bad days, I have whispered to myself "Count it Joy Anita". 

I get to FEEL the FEELs. I get to feel the good and the bad. Just like my running, I don't have to run, I GET TO! 

Oh I have JOY, I have another breath. I have another smile. I have this crazy wild and free life that gets to run, gets to love, gets to smile, and gets to give Him the Glory in my Ragamuffin testimony. 

Weekly MILES: 33 miles

Monthly MILES: 93.5

In Peace, Not Pieces,

Anita~

DOUBLE Double

 

"Turn down the volume of fear and turn up the volume of confidence and resilience." 

I should have been out of the house WAY earlier than I was, but I lost track of time in my bible and my coffee!

I strolled out of the house to find the heat was already turned up. I didn't have a designated plan for my run, allowing flexibility and comfort be my direction as it had been for the last 2 weeks since Twilight. 

I turned my speaker on letting the music motivate me. 

WOWZA! The sun was toasty on my skin and blinding in my eyes. I was hoping the more I ran the more I would come up with a plan. 

But the strangest thing happened, unplanned. My Garmin just beeped at 2 miles when a song came through my speaker. I don't know if it was the lyrics, the tune or my wild heart but I felt something moving in my heart. 

I felt my belly begin to quiver and my heart tremble as my strength released from my body and tears erupted. 

I wanted to tighten my grip and buckle down but instead I allowed myself to feel the feels and it felt wonderfully sweet. 

It felt like Peace. It was gentle. It was comforting, tears of compassion and love that I knew was the Lords wings around me. 

I embraced it even though I probably looked like a lunatic on the side of the backroads, I loved how it felt like refuge. 

And then I smiled and headed back down the dirt road with a plan!

"A goal without a plan is just a wish"

Tempo RUN! 

I hit the first 3 miles easy, mostly because I didn't have a plan, then I decided to drop a gear and do the thing I was fearful of, the pain of running hard, outside the comfort level. 

It doesn't take much to put yourself in the hurt locker down Rattalee Lake Rd. Every mile was a struggle.  I considered changing my plan or quitting my plan, I really didn't know how I was going to follow through with my plan of 5 hard miles. 

"ONE mile at a time Anita".

When things are hard, when I am struggling, I get overwhelmed if I look at the BIG picture. I had to break it down. 

I did it!! My 2-mile cool down still had my heart rate red lined!

I did a much better cool down after finishing my 10 miler, I walked over to visit mom and dad a mile away! 

Double TIME!

Thursday is our group run with Complete Runner. Everyone runs different but we all encourage one another. 

I planned on running easy but I found myself in a conversation with Sarah, one of the faster runners and somehow her and I found ourselves chatting with a couple runners going even faster making our run a total SUFFERFEST. 

It was 91' out as we stared uphill at Mott College. 

I said to Sarah, breathlessly, "Ugh, look at that hill." 

Her reply was worse than my statement, "Yeah, look at the sun, no shade." 

I was cramping, sweating like a stuck pig, exhausted, breathing like a dying animal and scared of this view in front of me. 

Sarah could have dropped a gear and left me, she could keep up with the group in front of us but she stayed with me. She knew I was having a hard time and got in front of me to pace me. 

We finished together. Stronger together. We both set out for an easy run and did the hard things. 

RUNDOWN:

Am RUN

Distance: 10 miles TEMPO 5miles @ 80%. Total time: 8:41min/mi

Cool down: 2 miles walk.

Pm RUN

Distance: 5 miles w/ Complete Runner @ 8:28min/mi

 "Turn down the volume of fear and turn up the volume of confidence and resilience." 

What are we listening to. Today, I had to remind myself to be CONFIDENT in who I am and what I can do. I had to Turn UP the volume of who I am and BELEIVE it FEARLESSLY. 

Being CONFIDENT in who you are is POWERFUL. No one knows you better than you know YOURSELF. There is STRENGTH in confidence. The body does what the mind roars. 

FEAR is a LIAR. 

In Peace, not pieces,

Anita

Leave space for Grace.

"Grace be with you all." 2 Timothy 4:22

The morning started out so beautiful. 

I was running down Holly Rd counting all my blessings, finding gratitude in the flawless blue sky, waving at all the cars that moved over as they passed me. 

I took the same route Andy takes to work hoping to get a peak of him on his way to the office. I giggled to myself after 26 years of marriage how I still get excited to see him. 

GRACE. This has laced my heart for weeks now. And today as quick as a blink of your eye, I would have to understand it on a more intimate level. 

Heading towards home with the sun warming my skin, with my legs turning over without any pain and with a smile across my face humbled at how "Graceful" my body has recovered my joyful run came to a screeching halt. 

I saw this precious family of ducks crossing the road. 7 ducks, a large family waddling across N. Holly Rd. 

My heart smiled as I watched them following their mama, but I saw a mini van coming towards them. 

Frantically, I throw my hands up and run faster hoping she would see me. 

I am screaming "NO NO, with my hands flailing. The mini van looked like it slowed down.

I was just yards in front of her when I realized she wasn't stopping. 

The ducks were gone, some made it some did not and I was crumbling in tears watching helplessly. 

I rushed over with my hands out unashamed and stopping traffic. 

"No, Oh No" I cried and cried as I stood over their lifeless little bodies. 

I reached down crying and began picking them up. One by one I held those beautiful little creatures so gingerly in my hands as I carried them out of the road. 

The lady came over to me. 

I couldn't look at her. I just kept carefully picking up another duckling. 

I was so distressed. 

My heart was aching. 

Thier feathers were on my hands. 

She saw them, she slowed down, why didn't she stop? Traffic was not bad, WHY?WHY? 

As I let the cars pass, I heard her beside me. 

"I'm so sorry, I looked away for a second to fix my air conditioning, I am so sorry..." she wept. 

I HEARD her crying. 

I HEARD her crying over my cries. 

I turned around and looked at this lady. She was precious. Her face was stained with tears, as she sobbed to me. 

"I am sorry.." she said again. 

I looked at her. I listened to her. 

I reached out and held her. 

I rested my face in this strangers shoulder and whispered, I know, it's ok, I know it was an accident, I am sorry." 

“I do not at all understand the mystery of grace – only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.” ~ Anne Lamott

GRACE. 

"Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms. 

1 Peter 4:10. 

I was able to share Grace in this moment of anger, confusion and hurt.

I was by the Grace given to me in my mistakes, mishaps and misdemeanors able to humbly give Grace to someone else. 

I have been given GRACE upon GRACE, exceedingly abundant GRACE. 

Through my GRACE given eyes I could see her hurt, I was able to see her brokenness and the same GRACE given to me I could extend to her in LOVE. 

“Grace is love that cares and stoops and rescues.” ~ John Stott

As I ran home, I reminded myself of all the times God has given me GRACE. 

I do nothing to earn God Grace. 

I was reminded of all the times I had wanted GRACE from others and what that felt like. 

“God answers the mess of life with one word: Grace.” ~ Max Lucado

My heart hurt for that family of ducks being separated. 

"You are more valuable than the sparrow..." 

I thought of this verse in Matthew. Yes, I was deeply wounded by the horrific scene I had witnessed, BUT...

My heart hurt MORE for the tearful lady. 

This woman needed GRACE. She parked her van on the side of the road and shamefully walked to the scene. She didn't need to be shamed, ridiculed, yelled at anymore than she was already feeling. 

She Needed Grace. 

I Need Grace. 

In our hurts we often get easily offended by others. We get sensitive to our pains and are quick to judge and retaliate. 

But when LOVE leads there is space for Grace. When we know Gods LOVE and recognize the GRACE he has given us we can humbly share Grace to others. 

In Peace, not Pieces,

Anita~

In my Distress: Twilight 100 Recap

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on the wings like eagles; They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

Above is the Play By Play of running 103.49

 Lap-Distance-Split-  NOTE

1.-2.5: 0:25:03-

2.-5: 0:27:52-

3.-7.5: 0:28:30- 5 min.- Cereal, applesauce, pretzels, Gatorade 

4.-10: 0:32:36-

5.-12.5: 0:28:14-

6.-15: 0:30:52- 6 min.-UCAN, water, orange, pickles 

7.-17.5: 0:33:41-stomach upset

8.-20: 0:28:45- Gatorade

9.-22.5: 0:30:49-6 min- 1/2 peanut butter. (did not drink Gatorade)

10.-25: 0:32:21-

11.-27.5: 0:31:21- Still working on Gatorade from an hour ago. 

12.-30: 0:29:39-6min.- pizza, Ucan powder in H2O

13.-32.5: 0:35:41-

14.-35: 0:30:28-

15.-37.5: 0:33:32- Sat awhile, rubbed feet, clothes change, could not eat

16.-40: 0:40:22-

17.-42.5: 0:30:40-rested-veggie burger, Vernors, powder Gatorade

18.-45: 0:40:37-

19.-47.5: 0:30:47- HR high last loop. Over heated. Sat for a few. no food

20.-50: 0:36:20- mashed potatoes, Vernors, Looks tired.

21.-52.5: 0:41:04- Lap with Antonio, no break

22.-55: 0:30:04-lap with Antonio, sat for a minute, potato chips

23.-57.5: 0:37:04-peanut butter roll up, brief stop to greet Danielle. 

24.-60: 0:36:16-Danielle starts...

25.-62.5: 0:37:42- Andy, no food, brief rest

26.-65: 0:37:46- Andy, brief rest 

27.-67.5: 0:38:40-Andy, dry heaving, no food or drink,- no rest, charged watch

28.-70: 0:38:04-bad lap, puked bile, really Hot..Vernors, Tums, Pretzels 

29.-72.5: 0:47:45-felt better, did not stop

30.-75: 0:37:23-nausea back, rested, mashed potatoes, new water, looks tired

31.-77.5: 0:44:58-still upset stomach- chicken noodle soup

32.-80: 0:41:17-looks much better, ate more soup

33.-82.5: 0:44:11-Longer break..real tired, stomach getting bad. ate mashed potatoes

34.-85: 0:48:49-No break, realized needs to get to next 7 laps in 40min each lap

35.-87.5: 0:28:46-Unreal-Huge comeback-ran through the aid

36.-90: 0:31:29-Last Lap with Danielle

37.-92.5: 0:34:00-Andy-

38.-95: 0:34:46-Andy

39.-97.5: 0:35:37-Lacey 

40.-100: 0:37.40-VICTORY LAP!!!

" I shall sing of your strength; Yes, I shall joyfully sing of your lovingkindness in the morning, for you have been my stronghold, and my refuge in the day of my distress." 

Psalms 59:16

You see it started many moons ago. It was a flame God sparked in me when I didn't know His plans for me. His plans for me all those years ago prepared for me in darkness, in brokenness, in pain, in chaos..but all of it had purpose. 

In my Distress, it all had a purpose. 

• I learned to have courage when the cause was so chaotic. 
• I learned to persevere when my pain put me in pause. 
• I learned to fight when fear buckled my knees. 
• I learned to ignite when I wanted to ignore. 
• I learned to rely on Him when I wanted to retaliate. 

I never knew why I had to journey such hardship as a child. I never saw ANY good from the growing up in addiction and chaos. 

I never saw any good in losing both parents at 18.

In my Distress...

God was doing a work. He gave me a gift. He healed me from that harsh and broken world. 

• He strengthen me. 
• He recovered me. 
• He reframed my future. 
• He lit a powerful flame in me that I would need later. 

 I learned to jump into the lions den with Faith not Fear. 

I didn't understand "fight" in me 30 years ago.  Truth is, it was like a super power that I had no control over and I didn't know how to use all that power properly. 

• I used that power without purpose. 
• I used it in my pain causing pain to others...

Twilight 24

"You don't need to understand your emotions. They are not always rational. But you do need to know how to manage them; That's your responsibility." Dr. Steve Peters. 

Barely 30 miles in and I was already questioning my strength. I questioned EVERYTHING. 

The humidity was tightening its grip around me. The air was so thick leaving my skin sticky and my lungs heaving. 

I already felt so broken, my suffering was screaming at me louder than my 100 mile goal. 

I have had God part the seas for me, I have witnessed the Lord quiet the storms that raged deep inside my soul, I have had Him move the mountains with power and might and every so tenderly wrap me in his wings and yet here I was withering away with uncertainty. 

And just like that, without much effort I forgot about those miracles as I ran jaded in my current misery. 

I had this dream, this desire, I trained, I prayed, I believed and now I crumbled in confusion and was quick to retreat. 

He carried me in darkness, he breathed life into me when death lay its shadow over me, he restored my soul and put a new spirit in me. 

And I was jaded in my pain unable to see Gods goodness. 

And then...the text messages came in. Prayers over me, Gods promises reminding me to not give up. 

"Fear not, He is with you and in you!" 

My brother Facetiming me with love and encouragement all the way from Florida. 

My sister in love Kim, sending me memes to "keep going" and verses reminding me "I can do all things.."

We all started together but we were all running different, it took 30 miles for us to all cross paths together on the trail! 

There is POWER in Prayer, there is strength in encouraging words we shower others with. 

I had to be BRAVE. I came to fight for 100 miles in 24 hours. I had people who might not understand this crazy desire but their LOVE for me was selfless and gave me a second wind. 

I was getting sick. The humidity was causing nausea. I made it to our crew tent and collapsed in the chair. My stomach was turning somewhere around 30 miles. I would suffer with nausea from then on. 

It was a little after 8, Danielle, my pacer was full of excitement and I had my head between my knees crying "It hurts, it hurts so bad..." My stomach wretched and twisted as bile, spewed like poison between my shoes. 

My belly convulsed, uncontrollable, and tears erupted as I questioned how long this would go on. 

I had to go. I had to get back out there!

Deep breath. Pause. Let's GO! I had this one lap to get through and then Danielle would be with me! 

Truth be told, I was holding pace, but I was stopping too much. I need Danielle to lead me. 

Danielles longest run was with me at Higland Rec just a few weeks prior, around 14 miles. 

Danielle would run and run surpassing that distance to pace me to my goal.

I wasn't much for conversation, I tried but my stomach was not making friends with me. She was gracious and gentle with me. 

Runners were dropping left and right. The night was dark in the woods and it felt like full loops we hardly saw anyone. The aid station was still as lively at 2 am as it was at 2pm. 

My watch said 84.5 miles, I had ran over 17 hours when we came into the aid station. Andy was wide awake still cheering me on. He came around to Danielle and I, and even in the dark, even in my fatigue and nausea I knew something was wrong. 

"Anita, do you want the good news or the bad news?" 

Without answering he continued. "Good news, you are in the lead, you are right now 1st place overall...but the bad news is you have to do the next 7 loops in 40 minutes, that is really tight if you are going to get 100 miles in, I just don't think you can...." 

His voice was audible and yet trailed off from me as my mind began to race. 

"Anita..your last few loops have been over 40 minutes..." He shared with me the exact time of each one and rather than get discouraged I interrupted him. 

"I didn't run this race to place, I signed up to run 100 miles..." 

" I don't care about the results. As long as you left it all out there, that's what matters."

 Brad Stevens

In My Distress...

I shall sing of Your STRENGTH...

Danielle had ran over 20 miles and without any thought for herself, without many words, with just love and desire to help me reach my dream she dropped a gear! 

My headlamp began losing battery, but I stayed close to her heals. I had 7 loops to do as we picked up our pace through the damp night. 

We were swift, running the downhills in rhythm together. I clenched my fists asking God to strengthen my feeble body. 

We ran all the way into the chute where Andy was waiting and SHOCKED, "NITA! You ran that loop in 28 minutes!!" knew we couldn't stop, as he tried to get me to eat, "no, no Andy, I have to keep going.." 

We didn't stop. Danielle took off again leading in front of me. I couldn't say much but I could say "THANK YOU, Danielle". 

She had exceeded more miles than either of us had expected. I was in completed awe of all she had given me. 

Andy again was shocked as we came in at 31 minutes. This time Andy jumped in to help me as Danielle graciously disappeared into the dark.  

He was able to pace me for 2 more laps at 34 minutes a piece. My feet were hurting, my belly was still funky, my skin had a sticky filth all over it and I was so tired.  

As we finished up Andy confided, "Nita, you have exhausted all your pacers..." As he shared this we were over the mat and Lacey was there! 

The sun had come up as 6am was upon us and I thought my mind was playing tricks on me. I was so confused. I had no idea Lacey was coming out. I collapsed in my chair trying to understand what was happening. 

This is what 98 miles look like, not so good!

I was so upset, I had to run 2 more loops even though my watch had me at 100 on my next loop. The course was over and I was in pieces trying to wrap my head around all that was happening. 

Lacey came to help me with this loop. I was so grateful but in such agony, I couldn't express anything.

 We had to GOO if we were going to get 2 loops in before 8am. 

We headed out of our tent and proceeded to the trail. Lacey never quit talking. She must have asked me a million questions. I was getting so mad at her for making me talk as my energy had melted away. 

"Lacey, I'm not running another loop, my watch says 100, I AM DONE!" 

I repeated this statement several times. 

"No, you have time, you are running it..." 

We bantered about it. We were running another solid loop under 40 minutes. As the minutes ticked by and we were closing in on the end of the loop I gained my confidence, I saw Gods faithfulness in the last 22 hours and knew I could do it!

The Final Hour. 

When we approached the final loop so many people were awake and cheering me on. The aid station was hooting and hollering my name, "Anita, I knew she could do it..." I heard one of them say. I choked back my tears, they believed in me when I quit believing in myself. 

Danielle and Andy were there at the tent with such love and encouragement. Sarah, part of our group had ran almost all night and was awake to watch my finish. 

"Your Victory LAP NITA!" Andy cheered me on. 

Danielle, thank YOU, from the bottom of my heart. 

It was the longest 2.5 miles of my life. I walked most of it. I talked to Jesus, I praised him, humbly reminded of HIS strength in ME. 

I became very aware of my brokenness, my filth, my stench, my tender knees and sore feet and MY GOD. 

My God who did a good work in me many moons ago. 

My God who put a flame in my spirit, who gave me a CRAZY, RECKLESS, WILD, GIFT to Glorify HIM. 

My God who uses every mile and every milestone for His Glory. 

My God who just 2.5 years healed me from TNBC! 

The Lord takes all I have, He empties me only SO HE can fill me with HIS Glory, His Power and His Strength. 

I finished that last loop, walking most of it with humility and gratefulness. 

Back; Katy, Lacey, Sarah, Antonio
front: Danielle, me, Andy

 

I won money!! 1st Place Overall and Most miles. 

Special THANK YOU to Move It Fitness, Geneva is such an amazing race Director. She never quit working, encouraging, smiling and cheering us runners on! 

BIGGEST Congrats to my Running CRU: Antonio, Sarah, Joe, Keith, Ryan L, Dave and Pam.

And a HUGE shot out to RYAN, who CRUSHED it one mile at a time! Such an incredible come back from a horrific running injury a couple years ago. 

Thank you for my crew and pacers. 

Lacey, I LOVED the surprise, you helped me in my darkest hour! 

Danielle, I am still in AWE of how much running you did. There is no way I could have done it without your encouragement and support. You paced me through the dark, through my sick, and ran more than you had thought possible to help me hit 100. 

AND ANDY!!! COME ON!! This GUY gets the Gold Star, He set up, he was there at EVERY loop, recording, nursing me, making me eat, drink, counting my calories and watching my time. And made it through the NIGHT without falling asleep! Thank you for being the CREW Master!  

Thank You to my My Jesus. Praise God, Glory to Him. 

Anita~

50 miles, Saddle Up.

 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

 

Will you be with me down the backroads in the middle of nowhere?

Will you be with me at the butt crack of dawn when most are looking at the back of their eyelids? 

Will you be with me after a hours and hours? 

Will you be with me even when I feel my courage is depleting? 

9 hours of running last Saturday, starting in the morning sunrise, with the dew still resting on the foliage I continued to pray. 

I was committed to running a 50 mile training run but I was nervous. Maybe even scared. 

I wasn't familiar with my surroundings, I didn't know my route, I wasn't convinced I could run 50 miles. All I was truly confident in were my prayers. My courage was sincerely in my faith God was listening to my prayers and the prayers of others. 

50-mile training run takes a bit of courage. There are so many things that can go wrong, and a few things did!

The Plan: 6am start finishing by 3:30pm, average of 11-minute mile total TIME. 

• The first 25 miles: 9:50-10:15min/mi
• Pick Andy up and run 10-10:30min/mi 
• The last miles, solo, 10:30-11min/mi. 

(2 liters of water in my pack, oranges, pickles, protein bars, applesauce and Gu's.) 

I did the first 25 miles solo, heading down the back roads of Ottisville by myself. It was a 4-mile trek to the "Iron Belle trail" connecting Columbiaville, Otter Lake and Millington. 

I was so proud of myself when I made it to the trail without getting lost! I was smiling for a multitude of reasons when I arrived at the trail, I didn't get lost, the weather was perfect 55', I didn't get kidnapped or attacked by a dog and I found a clean port-a-jon!!

I just ran and smiled all the way to Millington and back. Play time came to an end after I had listened to Barn 45 and the heat began and I started accumulating sweat on my brow. 

My courage began to get softened with the battlefield roaring in my head. My strength was fading, and anxious thoughts were taking a grip. I tried to preach truth back into my head. 

I had eaten most of my food and drank almost all my water but the one thing I had not done was turn on my tunes. 

That music and the power of prayer put a little pep in my step as I made it back to our campsite. Andy was incredible, he was sitting at our picnic table waiting for me with potato chips, more oranges, pickles, Vernors, Gatorade, it was a ultra runners dream buffet. 

THE SECOND 25:

I was soo delighted to have Andy. I loved having some company and encouragement. Andy had his watch set up for walk breaks, giving me something to look forward to and break up our miles. We had fun running back to the trail only this time going the opposite way towards Millington. 

Andy shared with me he would be with me for 17 miles, this was such a surprise blessing. I felt that courage coming back. I felt like the Little Engine Who Could as we knocked out one mile at a time. 

It was fun until it wasn't as unfortunately, we both BONKED, I was around 38 miles and it was UGLY! Andy was running out of water, the heat was baking us, we were both out of food and we were not feeling any romance in this running date anymore! 

Andy found a gas station and bought me a bag of pretzels and water to get us back home. I literally ran carrying my big bag of pretzels and it was like it was manna from Heaven. 

My Last 8. 

By the time we arrived back at the campsite I was green with envy that Andy was done. He asked if I wanted to sit down for a minute. OH did I EVER!!  I knew I had to keep moving. I knew I had to dig deep those last 8 miles. 

Everything was beginning to wear down. My mood was worn down, my strength was worn down, my energy was worn out, my heart rate was the only thing I couldn't get to come down!

I took off down Farrand Road heading to M15 to do 4 miles out and back. 

It was hotter than Haiti. Full sun beating on my tender skin. I ran a little, walked a little, a couple times I had to stop all together under a tree to get my heart rate to come down. 

I had several friends reaching out to me to check on me. This meant so much to me. The encouragement and thoughtfulness helped me finish it in.  

Be Strong and Courageous. The Lord was with me. He never leaves me. Even when I fell apart, even when I was weak, even when I lost my mind, even when I felt fear creeping in on me, even when I have these wild and crazy dreams!!

Glory to God, very thankful for Gods provision over me. 

“Courage is being scared to death … and saddling up anyway.” —John Wayne

In Peace, not Pieces

Anita~

Stealing my Thunder!

 

"Storms draw something out of us that calm seas don't." Bill Hybels 

I left my house before 7am to meet my running partners and it was already 80'. It was like running in soup the humidity was so thick. Training for a 24-hour race has me running a lot of miles back-to-back.

I figured if I left early enough, I would be able to get 20 miles in before the thunderstorms rolled up on me. 

I was able to get my 8 miles in with the girls without a rain drop. 

But OHH the skies opened up not 2 miles down the backroads.

The rain came down so hard I could hardly see. 

Lacey knew my route and told me she would get me if it got bad, but I was determined to get my 20 miles in. 

I heard thunder off in the distance, I had another 9 miles to go. The rain settled down, I kept moving, no more walk breaks. It was supposed to be an easy run, now I was trying to beat the storm. 

The thunder drew closer, louder and lightning began to light up the sky. I was no longer smelling the blooming lilacs or looking for deer on the backroads.

At 14 miles, the roads were flooding, there was not a dry patch on my body, the sky was angry and loud and I couldn't stop laughing. 

It was that crazy, slightly lunatic laugh.  I startled myself with how much joy I was experiencing in such disturbing weather. 

A warm smile of security resonated in my soul. The sky had darkened, I could see the clouds moving with lightning flashing through its shadows, it was magnificent. I was awestruck as my legs moved effortlessly through another mile. 

The temperatures dropped, my wet skin was chilled and invigorated. 

I spoke to my Lord. 

He controls the thunder and the rain and the safety of his daughter. 

So small, in the vastness of a great storm. I ran by the comfort and peace that God was protecting me from the harm that surrounded me.  

My phone started making all kinds of rings and dings. Lacey was texting, Andy was calling and I was only at mile 15. 

I was begging Andy to let me keep running. It was too late, both Lacey and Andy were driving through Holly looking for me. 

The sky CRACKED and the thunder now interrupted itself with another BOOM! 

I ran faster hoping I could run more until they found me. 

Mile 16, I was still unfound by them but never out of sight of God. 

I don't know why but I wasn't rattled as the storm raged. The cars sped pass me with their wipers on high. My eyes were stinging with rain but I just couldn't stop smiling. 

I was exhilarated. I felt such freedom, even in the middle of the storm I never wanted the feeling of freedom and peace to leave me. 

But as I approached my 17 I saw Andy spot me, he pull into the gas station madder than a wet hen at me. Rightfully so. 

The rain had slowed down, the thunder was silencing as I pleaded to keep running. The radar showed I had ran through the worst of it and it was now letting up. "Lacey is out here looking for you too!" 

I am a stubborn fool but as Andy looked one more time at the radar, he reluctantly let me keep running home in the softened storm. 

I didn't get far, I made it to almost 18 miles when Lacey found me, "HEY! I'll buy you a coffee if you get in..." 

I am a sucker for coffee. 

I smiled, sat my drenched body on some dry towels and confessed my ridiculous perseverance, my bold bullheadedness and my conviction for causing so much grief. Lacey was gentle, laughed, loved and drove me to Tim Hortons.  

I could have finished. But was it permissible? I had 2 people out looking for me in the midst of a stormy mess. Just because I had peace didn't mean others had peace. 

Everything we do has a trickle effect. I could see the pain I had caused in Andys eyes. He was worried for me. 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 Phil. 4:6-7

I fell in love with todays storm for such a reminder of that unexplainable peace that passes all understanding.

I started my run with heavy shoulders, with a pack carrying more weight than the food and water it was designed for. I had packed it with burdens of anxiety, fear, insecurity, confusion, hurt, disappointment and other weights I had not named. These burdens were bulky and cumbersome, my load was heavy and I knew the only one that could unload it was my Jesus. I knew the storms of life spewed more than the storm circulating around me. 

He met me in the storm, he heard my prayers, he chased me down, held me safely in his arms and loved me when the storm softened with a gentleness that could only come from the heavens.  He encompassed me with a peace to calm the storm inside me, a peace that divided the fear of deafening thunder and blazing lightning. He removed the distraction of fear to invite me into his arms. It was there I took my burdens, in that quiet place, that restful place that I was blinded by all the physical storms and even the heavy storms in my heart loosened their grip and the weight softened. 

 

In Peace, not Pieces

Anita

Honey Child, caught in Somewhere

Pleasant words are a honeycomb, Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

 Proverbs 16:24

 Here I am, feeling caught somewhere in the middle of someplace, drifting gently in the middle of something, not heavy to one side or another. 

Just somewhere in between. 

I don't quite fit in. 

In the churchy crowd I am not churchy enough. I can't recite, remember or recognize scriptures so eloquently. I don't have the Godly jargon down, I sit on the outside looking in. 

I stammer my words; I blunder my verses and my bible knowledge is somewhere in there but gets lost in translation. 

In the wild world of others, I am too churchy. My spiritual blunders not noticed but my passion and love for Jesus is noticed. My strength, my breath, my gratitude, my purpose all from the Lord is mayhem to many and hypocrisy in the faults of my imperfections. 

To the church I am not enough.

To the unchurched I am too much. 

Here I am somewhere in between. 

Somewhere in the middle of two whereabouts. 

Cautious of being "lukewarm".

God Forbid. 

Hush, sweet child, honey child, daughter of mine...shhh. 

I ran harder this morning. The sun beat hotter on my bare skin and I swallowed back that lump of emotions thick in my throat. 

My breath was loud as I struggled those first couple miles as my body warmed up. 

I prayed. I cried out to for security. I prayed my secret prayers that are hidden deep in my soul. I shared the thoughts of shame and sorrow seeking comfort. 

My convictions, my confusions, my Counselor please come and rescue me.  

As my run came to the end, the sweat on my brows felt like comfort. My breathing was now rhythmic, my heart was at peace and I smiled and softly laughed to myself thinking of God, calling down on me, "Honey Child....My sweet child....I am chasing after you, you will always fit in my arms." 

Pleasant words are a honeycomb, Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

 Proverbs 16:24

In Peace, not Pieces,

Anita~