GOD WINKS.

My old neighbor, Amy gave me a book called "When God Winks". The book talks about the miracles in life that many others see as "coincidences"

I am going to tell you a story today that is INCREDIBLE. TO me a GOD WINK.

I do not believe in coincidences.
If you are not a believer in Christ and his omnipresence, if you do not Believe in the Power of Miracles than you are just going to think I am CRAZY.
You are going to think I am a freak who is trying to string together anything to believe that there is something Greater out there.
I am Fine with THAT.
At 40 years old I do not have enough pages to list the Miracles that GOD has performed in my life.
Unexplainable.
Unimaginable
Immeasurable Miracles.

HERE IS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME THIS MORNING:
1. I finished yesterdays post, A Tank full of Discouragement.. It rehashed the feelings of fear as I typed the keys beneath my fingers. I was reminded what a failure I was yesterday during my track session.
I deeply read Gods words and his promises as I was seeking HOPE.

2. I left the house to meet Danielle at 8:35am to run.

3. Running late, we decided to only run 7 miles. We took off down Silver Park Way. This was a different route than we had ran just the week prior.
As we were running, I confided in Danielle about my terrible track work out. I told her of how discouraged I was at the same time as how distracted I had gotten from my own training plan. I was bragging about how amazing Rochelle and Kathleen were to be able to run that same session like a beast. The same one that almost killed me.
As we turned unto Leroy street I heard my name.  Danielle and I stopped to turned around in the direction of the Bigsby Coffee behind us. AND GUESS WHO WAS calling my NAME?
ROCHELLE. As we were talking about her! I introduced Danielle to her. I was compelled to admit my failure to her. As I finished telling Rochelle that I failed on the mile repeats, explaining that I couldn't reach the 6:50 minute mile, she laughed at me.  Then Rochelle replied "NO, that was not this weeks repeats, this weeks repeats were at a 7:50 pace!"
I felt this huge burden release from my shoulders. Danielle was laughing and shaking her head. We all were laughing at that point.

During THAT run I received this text from Ashley "So I Read this on FB this morning. I feel like God meant for me to share. Just read your blog! You got this!"

I do not know what YOU believe. I do not know who even reads this.
BUT THIS I KNOW.
Yesterdays VERSE: "TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL THINE HEART, LEAN NOT UNTO YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING, ACKNOWLEDGE HIM AND HE WILL DIRECT YOUR PATHS."
HE led me right to Rochelle. I just met her less than 1 week ago. What are the ODDS that she would see ME at that precise time?
What are the odds that I would see her at that precise place. After all, we are not running the same route or even city every week.
And what are the odds that she would share with me that I had made a mistake?
The Lord KNEW I was discouraged and deeply burdened about that run. As I finished writing yesterdays blog this morning I picked those verses to ask God to help me get out of the pit.

HE did. In His Perfect timing. He cares about EVERY detail in my life and in my heart.

Please let me encourage you. Never be ashamed, embarrassed or feel unworthy of his LOVE and Guidance.
God can use all things, all people and all failures.
God cares about the big things, the little things and the things no one else cares about.
God performs miracles. People do not.

John 15:7

"If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you."

 

 

RUNDOWN:

Distance: 7 miles

Terrible head wind. Danielle and I somehow managed to do a progressive run, finishing against the wind  (21 MPH winds) at a 8:22.

 

So grateful.

Anita

 



A tank full of Discouragement.

WEDNESDAYS Track WORK OUT.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.    Proverbs 3:5-6

I have people ask me what program that I follow for my training. I sheepishly answer "The Anita Program."
I have never followed a training plan due to my work schedule. On the days that I work, I am typically on my feet anywhere from 7-9 hours. Training consistently on work days has never worked for me. It was more than just being on my feet all day, it was also being away from my family.
4 -5 days of running has always worked for me.
I usually average about 40 miles a week, peaking at 50 miles before a marathon.

My FIRST DISTRACTION:
HANSON HANSON HANSON program. I have been hearing this chiming in my ears now for weeks. From different people training this program. It trains accumulative fatigue, 6 days a week.
Training 6 days a week is not something I can do.

I made the mistake of entertaining different training runs that the Hanson program lays out at this time in my marathon training.

This past Sunday, I ran with Kathy. Kathy is training under the Hanson program and we both have similar goals for the Boston Marathon. I was able to run her run.

That seed started to grow..Distraction..
Kathy told me what she was running this week... More Distraction...

I bit, like a fish on a hook.

And I fell on my FACE in defeat and discouragement.

I went to the track this morning to run mile repeats. It was a beautiful morning. Jeff, came out to coach me. I wish I would have listened to him.
"Anita, why do you feel like you need to do this?" Jeff asked
"I just want to see if I can, maybe to help build my confidence." I replied slightly embarrassed.
Jeff shook his head and as an old time runner he responded, "At this point, you don't need a confidence booster."

Why didn't I listen to him. I knew better. I went to the track with perfect conditions. I was a bit sore in my legs, but nothing I thought a little shake out wouldn't fix.

My first mile repeat, I knew I was off the first 800m. I held nothing back. I ran as fast as my legs could go. I had nothing in the tank when I finished but a vessel filling up with discouragement.

I could feel the discouragement filling up more and more. My mind was racing frantically trying to figure out what I was doing wrong.

There were so many voices screaming in my ear.
"What if I didn't train good enough?"
"What if I fall apart at the race?"
"I gave my everything, how can I give all this at the race and still fail?"

It was awful. For the first time I was scared. Discouragement brought some additives. Fear, doubt, confusion to name a few.

I knew better. This what NOT my training Program. Who was I to Think I could just pull out pieces of a totally different program.
I tried to reason with my defeat as I left the track with my tail between my legs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The thing I KNOW. I am giving this to GOD. I was a mess all day yesterday afternoon. I would like to say I feel great today and have gotten over  it but that would be a lie.
I knew I should NEVER have ran the track work out.
I didn't train in such a way to reach the numbers required to have the outcomes that I was supposed to reach.
I really need God to restore my confidence and trust Him to move my legs at Boston.
I am on my knees begging God to give me the strength I do not have.

I don't want to be discouraged. I despise all the emotions circulating in me right now. DOUBT is a horrible emotion that drives you directly to defeat. It tosses your mind in all different directions.  It is like your mind goes on autopilot and you throw in the towel before you ever try.

Only it must be in faith that he asks with no wavering (no hesitating, no doubting). For the one who wavers (hesitates, doubts) is like the billowing surge out at sea that is blown hither and thither and tossed by the wind.James 1: 6

Asking for Prayers. I am 10 days out.

ANITA

Why I am going back to run to Boston Marathon 2014.



1 Corinthians 16:13

 "Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong."

"Why are You running in the Boston Marathon?" Monica Drake from the Oakland Press asked me. I hardly noticed my sushi sitting in front of me as I pondered the question.



That was over 2 weeks ago. I have taken a little more time to comb through my feelings.

I had a monumental race at last years Boston Marathon. Everything was perfect, I even had a PR at 3:28:10.
My family made it to the family welcome area with hugs and kisses. We took a few pictures to preserve the brief joy before it would be robbed from us.

The Boston bombings stripped smiles off our faces just 30 minutes later.
It was gone. The joy was invaded by terror and fear.
I have never felt pure horror like that in my life.

I was ever so fortunate to finish and even have a few minutes of victory before the devastation of the bombings would overshadow my epic Boston Marathon.

For months afterward, I didn't speak of the desire to return. That desire grew in me with every run.
I had no idea how I was going to convince my boys to return to Boston.
In November, I had the honor to run Ing NYC, I could not convince them to go to the Big Apple to watch me.
They were stuck on Fear.



This year we will be going back as a FAMILY. Together United. It was a very difficult decision.
My heart yearned to be able to return. It is something deep within me that does not like to give in.
I am a fighter. I just can not imagine not going back to Boston to run.

 This years Boston Marathon is so much bigger than I am. Maybe that is why I have to return. I am not just running this year for a TIME or a FINISH.
I am running in Honor of those that cannot run. In Honor of those that were pained in a way I was not.
I am going to support a great event. To remind myself and others that as Runners we run with more than our legs we run with our heart.
I am running to show my boys that we will not allow FEAR to hold us hostage. We will courageously go in Faith, trusting God to keep us safe.
I will go boldly to Honor something that is beautiful. This years Marathon is like no other. It defines Strength, Perseverance and Bravery.

It humbles me. It sets me on the sidelines of "AWE".  How a nobody, I nothing, a girl who didn't stand a chance could be part of something so immense.
A ragamuffin of a child could fight through a life of brokenness and through the Grace of God see Glory.
I am brought to tears at the opportunity to be part of something so much bigger than I am.
I refuse to back down. I will not cower in fear. I will run in Faith, in Love and Hope.

Over the last few weeks I have taught my boys as a family we are a team. Team Harless. We each will have to sacrifice at times for one another. We each will have to hold each other up. We will have to cheer and support one another. But together we are stronger. Together we will go to Boston and go in the Spirit of Courage and Love.

“To learn strong faith is to endure great trials. I have learned my faith by standing firm amid severe testings.” ~ George Mueller

Anita

Bailed on and Boston Bound : Let the Taper Begin!

I have been looking at the forecast for the last week. Sundays forecast was spot on all week.
50's and Sunny.
Could the last long run for training be any more perfect?
Other than everyone BAILING on me, it was great.

Monica Drake with the Oakland Press was coming out to meet me and some runners for interview and pictures at Indian Springs.
The article is dedicated to the Boston Marathon. I was supposed to have good size group of Boston Runners out there but..Yeah, the sunshine must have detoured them!

The really cool thing about today's run was I had the opportunity to meet 2 really great runners for the first time. I have a client, Karen, who has spoke about her sister in law, Kathleen, who was training for Boston. That same week I was in the cold Plunge and a random person was chatting with me. As we tried to ignore the frigid temperature she asked if I knew a runner named "Kathleen"
It just so happened to be the same person!

I sent Kathleen a message on Facebook. Back and forth we shared little bits about ourselves. I asked her if she would like to join us at Indian Springs. We conversed until about 10pm. She finished with accepting my invitation to Indian Springs.

We were supposed to meet at 1pm. I like to get there at 12 and run a few miles solo. I was scheduled to run 22 miles today. As I approached mile 2, a lady was hiding water and asked if I was "Anita".
Without thinking I smiled and said "Yes". It was Kathleen! I quickly explained I was running 5 miles and would meet her back by the bathrooms at 1pm.

Off I continued.

At mile 3, I passed 2 runners and heard my name called. It was Mike from DM. I also ran a trail run with him and about 15 other runners last year. I invited him to meet the group with Monica.

I finished my few miles solo and met back by the bathrooms to meet the "group".

The "group" ended up being us 4! Kathleen, Rochelle (Kathleen running partner),Mike, and I. Everyone else bailed.

Monica showed up and interviewed us. She took pictures and videos. We had fun.
Mike had just finished running 16 miles, He headed out when Monica finished
.
Rochelle and Kathleen are training under the Hansons Plan. Their plan was to run 10 miles at a 8:40 pace. I really wanted to run that with them. I had already ran 5 at a 8:45 pace. I decided to go for it.
They both are great runners. Rochelle had to bail after 4 miles she was having some pains.
My Garmin died so Kathleen was trying to pace us. After running 10 miles we looked at our pace and it was 8:25. A bit to fast. I still had 7 to go.
We said our goodbyes, wishing we were all in the same corral for Boston. Then they left me to finish on my own.
22 miles. I began recalculating that plan, after all I had just ran much faster than I had planned. MUCH.
I Bailed too. I ran a little over 5 ,making my total miles a  little over 20 total.

RUNDOWN:
Distance: 20.45
Pace: Ave. 8:45
Weekly Miles: 52 miles



I got a little package in the mail!!! My stomach does flip flops when I see all this information.
I will share my bib number and corral tomorrow.

It was a great run today. I was really nervous before I started. Once you are out there running, everything just falls into place. It is like a puzzle. Running just fits perfect.

Anita

Shout OUT!!

I had one of those emotionally draining kinda days yesterday.
But I got through it. I really could have used a run. I went to bed before 10pm! That made getting up at 6 am easy and unnecessary.


So, since I am up I decided to....
Give a SHOUT out to my New Follower. SEM.

Have a great day all. Happy Running!

Anita

Throw Back Thursday: Running through my head. Being an Aunt

I really am a loner. I have a inner circle of very close friends. Ultimately, I am a loner.
I love people. More than most love me I am sure.
Running has been my best friend for years now. I went through a cycle of life that I was "Little Miss Social."
As fun as that period of life was, it also was a dangerous love affair. I found myself going places and doing things I never would have done.
The memories at times torture me.

One of the best ways for me to slip out of that scene of life was to be something different. I needed a different landscape in life, only I had no where to go. I had plenty of "friends" that would accept me and welcome me. But at the end of the night I was empty and alone. I was suffocated in guilt and shame over the things I had done.

I discovered the beauty of being an Aunt. My husband had a cousin that was at a young age and she was my first relationship that I fell in love with outside my friends.
For years I mothered my nieces and nephews. They didn't just spend nights, they spent weeks and months. I had my nieces one summer every day but about 2 weeks.
I loved it. I would take them shopping, hiking, play games, have dance parties and play dress up. We took them on vacations with us, brought them to church with us. I was their camp counselor and their youth leader.
I cried with them when they hurt. I cried over them when they hurt me.
I prayed over them and taught them to pray.
For years this was my life. Years.

Then they grew up. They grew into young adults with lives of their own. And grew apart.
There are so many days that I would give anything to turn back the hands of time. I often wonder if they still think of me, the way I think of them.
My scrap books are filled with their smiles.

GLENN

Glenn. He was such a stinker. So hyper. He loved Austin like his little brother. He would teach Austin so much. Glenn and I would go shopping and play hours of football. He was always good at everything he did. He loved to be in the kitchen and knew how to do everything. We used to laugh because his favorite line was "Yeah, I know." He taught Alec how to ride a bike. He has his own family now.

Kristin and Ariel<3



Kristin, she was the most beautiful redhead. She was deep. Always thinking about people. She was always trying to find fairness. She had a strong opinion and loved to talk about it. We used to sit for hours and hours talking. I would crawl into bed and we would just talk till we fell asleep.
She is a big girl now, with a beautiful daughter of her own.

Ariel<3 And Britt Britt



Then there was Brit Brit. She was always Andys favorite. Andy and I got in many knock down drag out arguments over Brit. She was like glue stuck to me. We laughed together and had many moments of long lectures. Brit was boy crazy. Oh that girl! She had her own room at my house. She was very close to Andy. I can still see her smiling and saying "Uncle Andy..." And he would go to the moon and back for her. When she started to draw away from us, I would find Andy in tears over her. She is a good mother today.

"I love you so much Nita, I look at this pic and see that you are more of a best friend. Thank you for giving me this memory." Sarah.
Sarah, Becca, Me and Ariel<3
Sarah sent me this pic last week. I crumbled in tears.

Ariel <3 . Isn't she Beautiful.



Then there was my sweet sweet Ariel. Now, she was the true meaning of a stinker, She was the only one that never left me. They all grew up and moved on. But not Ariel. She was so stubborn. She would be such a brat but would come back later to laugh about it. I never knew someone was watching me so close as she did. The older she got the more she shared what an influence we were to her. So many years I didn't like who I was. All the while there was this young girl who wanted to be like me. I would give anything for one more of her smiles. I try not to think about it because it hurts so damn much. It beats the hell out of me. Why would God take her from me so young. She loved me and never quit. She never moved on...Until God took her.

Nephew Brian, Marine!

I love them all. There is Chelsea and Brian. Chelsea is wild and carefree. She is deep and strong. She is beautiful and broken. She reminds me a lot of myself. I believe she has something amazing waiting for her.


Niece Julieh

There is Sarah. I love my niece Sarah. She is looking for a purpose. Trying to find her way. Trying to figure this thing called life out. Like most of us. She is optimistic and open minded, trying to see the best in everyone and getting hurt by many. She has the biggest heart. She call me often with life questions. I cherish those moments.


We had the honor to take my
nephew Lucas to S.C

I have many more nieces and nephews. I Love being a aunt. I take that role very serious. I have tried to do it right and I am sure I have done many things wrong.

There are many days that are gone. Days of careless friendships and bad choices. I never went back to Egypt. I lost a lot of friends along the way. I loved replacing those days with being a Aunt.
And as they grew up I am thankful for The Run.
I replaced that time with running and my own boys. I stay to myself mostly. I enjoy my sweet friendships. I have the most beautiful friends, that I am so grateful for.
But running seems to be the easiest thing for me to manage.
Or maybe Running is the best thing to Manage me.  

Anita

When Pain IS part of the PLAN.

WHO LIKES PAIN?
Not me.
I do not like ANY pain.
I don't see sappy movies because I HATE to cry. Crying is an emotional trauma for me.  I cried for days after Marley and Me. And Titanic, well that movie almost had me medicated. It HURTS to bad to deliberately make yourself sad.
This whole running thing requires Pain to be stronger and better. And YOU have to put YOURSELF in the ring of pain.

I had serious anxiety about running today. I had convinced myself last week that I needed to run 8X800 meter repeats.
Failure WAS NOT an OPTION.
My stomach was a mess. I prayed for strength and stamina. I reluctantly invited Pain for breakfast knowing it was not the invitation I wanted to give out.
He was going to come in and tear me up. Then try to convince me it was for my own good.

1 mile warm up. I did almost a shuffle jog.
I then toed up at the starting line on the track. I took a deep breath as I hit the start button on my watch. "Let's Go, Nita."
"Dear Sweet Jesus, this hurts so bad." I cried to myself.
How was I going to get through 7 more of those?
On my recovery, I tried to relax my nerves. "BREATH" then I heard myself counting, "7 More".
By the time I had reached my 4th repeat I was scoping out the garbage cans.
"Please don't puke, please don't puke." I begged my body. I would die of embarrassment.
I swallowed down hard and skipped my drink.
My eyes were watering and tears were shooting out of them. I tried to wipe them with no one seeing. It was mostly the shock my body was in that my eyes were watering all up.
"I hate this." I complained and with satisfaction saw my times.
As much as I hated it the times were coming back where I wanted them.

I finished all 8. GLORY BE TO GOD. I am just WOWED by what God does through me. I didn't ask God to Take AWAY my Pain. I asked Him to Help me ENDURE. I knew that I needed to FEEL it. Pain is part of the process for the greater purpose.
I hit my times every repeat. Even when I thought I was going to collapse or trip, He brought me to the end. He gave me exactly what I needed to finish. EXACTLY.

I ran 8 miles total today.
I went upstairs to the smaller gym area. I stretched, rolled, and did ABS.
All wobbly legged, I headed to the locker room. I tool off my socks and shoes then hit the Cold Plunge for 15 minutes.



THANK God I did a good recovery. When I arrived home Andy was waiting for me. He was off work today. He had plans to go hiking at Holdrige.
4 Miles of hiking in snow, ice and muck. It sure was FUN! h
I was hoping to see some deer. No luck unless you count all the deer droppings.

"I have learned it is what you do with your miles, rather than how many you have run." Rod DeHaven



Anita