Identity Crisis: Deeply

"Setting goals requires gazing way out at the horizon of life. But once you set your course, most of the time your awareness should be on the trail under your feet." Lauren Fleshman

 I find myself sliding through the intersection of life a lot slower these days. I am at a season that I am able to throttle back and take life in stride. 

For so many years, I felt completely out of place. I would wrestle with my direction and my purpose. 

Running always helps settle my soul when I am wrestling with my identity. I can step away from this world and all the distractions involved. I can have a breakdown in my broken self and know that The Lord loves me in my imperfect hot mess. 

"Do not Love this world or the things in the world." 

Identity crisis is often the bi-product of looking at earth to long. 

• It is when I want to fit it.
• It is when I want to be part of something. 
• It is when I have been "Let Go". 
• It is when I have unmet expectations. 
• It is when I have allowed others to frame me. 
• It is when I have failed or missed the mark. 

 I run in the humility of my nothingness as a reminder I do not have be part of this world. 

We have to intentionally remove false identities this world and people have placed on us. 

I belong to HIM. I have these identity crisis relapses where I am trying to locate my identity all over again. 

Such an exhausting journey.

I rehearse the words from people I trusted. Words created to break me, to burden me, and to bury me. 

Good people, bad people and even Godly people. 

Most people will spend all their value and worth in the world and find themselves broken and spiritually bankrupt. 

Belonging: Connection

YOU are beautiful. YOU are fearfully and wonderfully made. 

YOU are uniquely made on Purpose with a Purpose. 

YOU are Equipped. 

YOU are Known. 

YOU are NOT what others say you are. 

YOU are NOT your failures. 

YOU are NOT yesterday's mishaps. 

I love that quiet space of vulnerability.

My breath, Deeply inhaling with every step. Fearfully asking God to "Search Me". I invite Him into the Deepest parts of my heart, foreign to most, including myself. 

I run Deeper and Deeper into His wings, this changes my sense of belonging. 

I am reminded I am Deeply cared for. 

I am Deeply known by Him.

I am Deeply Loved by Him 

I am Deeply accepted by Him 

RUNDOWN: Deeply. 

"How Good and pleasant it is when Gods people love together in unity." Psalm 133:1

This week I have ran trails, roads, by myself, with others and even ran a race. 

I have been circled around people I work with, I run with, I do life with, I go to church with, and I live with. Our human divisions should not mean anything when it comes to unity. I try to show up smiling, I try to go confidently in Christ, finding security in my identity in Him. 

Give grace deeply, smiles deeply, dig deeply to forgive, to love, to invite, accept and embrace others. 

My client came to visit me from Arizona for a haircut. "Anita, you're the only one I trust with my hair."
Tamara, is a beautiful soul, I love this gal. 

T 

Total weekly Miles: 

Mon: Trails 11miles

Tues: REST

Wed: REST

Thur: Backroads 18miles

Fri: Pot-O-Gold 4.8mile

Sat: Backroads 22.5

Sun: Trails 6.2

Total Miles: 62.5

Pot-O-Gold recap.

I had to work at 7:30am and was double booked for most of it. By the time I got out of work I was both tired from Thursdays long run and 7 hours of working on my feet. 

Andy and I headed to Flint to run one of our favorite local races put on by our favorite running shop, Complete Runner. 

I planned to run the 4 mile course with Andy, run not race. I wore a leprechaun onesie for fun. I began to get nervous when Andy suggested we run a "warm-up". You only run a warm up if you are going to race it. And unbeknownst to me, that is what Andy decided to do! 

The first mile we were having fun. I was cheering on all the runners and having fun. 

The second mile I was still rallying up the runners and even had a gal ask to run with me to help pace her.  Mile 3, the fun was dwindling. The wind about blew me over, Andy was pushing his pace. Coming into mile 4, I was huffing and puffing, my smiled turned into a sour frown and between going uphill and the wind catching my onesie I was falling apart! We finished the race and I mustered up a quick smile to counterfeit my misery! 

The race is well done and loaded with lots of hype. Complete Runner did a great job serving pizza, having prizes and doing drawings! That last mile of suffering served its purpose when I won 1st place female overall masters, getting older has its benefits! I won a pair of Brooks!! 

All glory to God! 

BIGGEST Smile, In Peace NOT peices!

Anita