"You cannot keep people from rejecting you. But you can keep rejections from enraging you." Max Lucado.
My afternoon appointment cheerfully arrived early. "Jack" is the name I will use to protect him. Jack is 16 at 6'4, tall, slender, loves hockey, athletic and one of my favorites. I have been cutting Jacks hair for a few years now. When he talks he looks directly into your eyes, into your heart with a gentle and excitable character. His parents are divorced, and he lives with his mother. His mom is beautiful, trying desperately to be a good mother and she is. I fell in love with him the first time I met him, the way he talked about his little brother was so endearing. I could tell his heart was soft, vulnerable, precious.
Jack comes in towering over me with a genuine welcome that makes me even feel special and I think, "This is my job".
"HELLO, Jack! How are you?" I look up at him and his smile melts my heart.
He shares his joys with me, "Hey! I am back on the ice..."
And we talk about that as I wash his hair, all the little details, because it's always the little things.
BUT THEN, I bring up those little things from his last appointments, I ask questions. The hard questions, the painful questions, the questions that no one really asks.
Jacks story is similar to mine.
A father who struggles and a son who is damaged in his father's pain.
And Jack talks, and talks, his face is getting redder, "I wouldn't go to his "F-ing grave if he died..." He cried. Like we were the only two in all of the world, he shared his deepest hurts. I knew he was sharing things for the first time and he knew I was safe. I set my scissors down and wrapped my arms around him, "cry, cry, be angry, be mad, be hurt, feel it all, but don't let that anger conquer you...."
"And remember this, life will make you Bitter or life will make you Better, don't let it make you bitter, don't give it that power...."
He shared so much more. I shared a small chapter of my story with him, he never thought I had that kind of ugly. "Jack, there are gonna be dark days, I am sorry, there are going to be days that feel like they are never gonna to end, days when everyone feels like they are against you, days when you feel like no one understands, Please Pause.
It is truly by the grace of God I carry no bitterness or resentment for the petri dish of chaos, addiction and disfunction I grew up in.
The truth is they were broken and hurting people themselves. I would give almost anything to hold my mother and tell her "I forgive you mom, I love you so much, you are amazing." If I could just tell her how beautiful she was, how special she was, how valuable she was, If I could just touch her, it never goes away. No bitterness, no anger, just love, so much love for my mother and father.
Love covers all. Trust me, only the Love of the Lord could soften the heart of a child who lived in addiction, foster homes and abuse. The Lord redeems and recovers.
5 thoughts about addiction:
- WORDS HURT: "Jack" kept reciting the words his father spoke over him, they haunted him, they broke him, they screamed at him tearing his innocence away.
- Is your own self growth abandoned waiting for others to change? Don't make others your excuse to get healing and growth.
- You do not have to go to every argument your invited to. Learn to walk away. Arguing with addiction, no one comes out uninjured.
- Detachment: I do not get mad and I do not get had. Learn to love with boundaries.
- Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until its faced.
We should be reminded that it is healthy to react to life's pains, acknowledgment is the direct opposite of denial.
"Love suffers long and is kind, love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil." Phil 2:14-15.
ABOVE all LOVE.
Love does not get bitter. Wounded, hurt, and mistreated it might be, but love will always forgive.
Sunday: 4 miles GAC
Monday: 7 miles Holdridge
Wednesday: 4miles, strength, row
My miles are down but I am embracing it because there are some exciting things for next year.
In Peace not Pieces,