The Medals we earn in our Hearts.

I ran MY First Run since LAST WEDNESDAY!!
I ran with the group today. And if it was not for running with the girls, my run would have stunk!
We did almost 4 and 1/2 miles this morning. We started off running in the rain. We finished running without rain and without half of our clothes. The humidity went into full effect as we approached Grange Hall rd. As we all stopped to cross, at the same time we started taking off our jackets and long sleeve shirts. I am sure it was a funny sight, 7 woman on the side of the road all sweaty and stripping down!

I knocked out 2 and added 2 more.
Last week, I went to see my primary doctor. I left with a handful more of appointments.
I have been poked, prodded, examined and today totally embarrassed.

Yesterday, I had a foot of tubing stuck down my nose. They had to numb my nasal cavity to make it more comfortable?! Really? I looked at the tubing then at the Dr. with the look of horror. "That is a cruel joke, Seriously? You are sticking all that through my nose?"
He replied with laughter.
I didn't really feel it too much, it was just awkward and a little creepy. It looked like a snake, it creeped me out knowing he could see everything through this little skinny alien. It felt like I was being invaded in a sense. No pun intended!
Even though I got that appointment knocked out, he set me up for another procedure.

Today, I had the follow up procedure done but again left with another appointment.  Directly after that appointment, I had another appointment in the same building.
The MAMOGRAM!
Ok. So I will be as mature as I can about this one.
First: "I am Fearfully and Wonderfully made." But I do believe God has a sense of humor. I have never had a issue with the way God designed me. I am very comfortable in my own skin.
But to get a Mammogram as a size A is hilarious to me.
I tried not to giggle as the technician was trying to scoop, tug and pull. I turned into 15 again. The tech was really earning her pay with little ole me.
My mom had a tumor removed in her early 40's. I know that breast cancer is very serious. But I was really shocked that they found something abnormal and I have to go back. I am not concerned about it, just surprised.

Back for 3 more appointments tomorrow. I am looking forward to tomorrows the most. It is a double edged sword I suppose. My MRI on my knee is tomorrow. I am glad that I am getting it so fast, however, I am scared to death of what it is going to say.

Could use a lot of prayers right now.
I am feeling very broken, physically and if we keep the momentum going I will be financially too!

BACKTRACK:

Yesterday was our Cross Country Banquet. I walked in about 5 minutes to 6pm. I was taken back by how incredible it looked. There was a parent group that headed up decorating and organizing the banquet. It was done with so much thought. This is my 4th year volunteering and the best banquet by far.
The kids had me in tears. I am 1 of 6 coaches. We have over 60 XC kids. With 6 coaches, we were really able to zone in more with kids and their personal needs.  Many of the parents commented on what a great experience it was this year for their children.

I was still receiving messages at 10pm at night from parents.
It was a great experience for me. When the kids walked by me after the Head Coach gave them their awards, many of them said "Thank You Coach."
I responded with the same words. I was so thankful to them.
I was thankful that they came out with dedication, commitment, hard work, and great times. Our team consistently took all the medals at the meets. It was the best gift a coach could ask for. I am truly the thankful one.

I felt bad for Alec. He is my 6th grader. On the way home Alec said "Mom, I am never going to get an award, am I?"
I replied, "Alec, I am so sorry, I know you are an incredible runner. You were our fastest 6th grader out there. But as your mother and your coach I could never nominate you."
Alec had his head down, "I know mom, it wouldn't be fair......"
I am not sure what the right thing to do is when you are in my position. Alec is a great runner. I see so much potential in him. The awards had his little head spinning with thoughts. I think it may be time to start setting some goals for himself. I feel bad because you want your parents to be your number one fan. And I am, only I can not show it.  In my case, even if he was Ryan Hall I wouldn't feel I could ever nominate him. This would be hard for me if I was in Alec's shoes. I feel bad for him. I look at it as an opportunity for him to push through and grow from it. I am glad he understood my position on it. For a little guy he has a lot of quiet wisdom.
It isn't always about getting the award. The awards don't make the person. The person makes the person. Awards and medals are what many of strive for in running. We work hard to earn them. But even if you never get an award or a medal you have to know that you are still incredible.
You have to look at the tools you learned along the way. Ultimately, the hard work and dedication is an award in itself. The heart and the grit is a great gift that you know more than anyone. Even conquering your defeats with a great attitude and cheering someone on to their victory is a medal winner. Even if you never get the bling around your neck, you humbly earned it in your heart.

Anita

Preaching to Myself.

I am proud of myself for the self discipline if anything I had today. I have not ran in 5 days.

I did a lot of running around without putting the wear on my legs.
Maw Maw is still in the hospital. She has been in as long as I have not ran.
Last night she took a turn for the worse, throwing us all into a tail spin.
This morning she was not much better. Mom went to the hospital to be with her.
I went over to Maw Maw's  house to clean it. Maw Maw is suppose to have her 90th birthday party this Saturday. Out of town family are beginning to arrive this evening, so a clean house was necessary.

I had to call my niece Ju Ju to help me. I had a meeting at 11:30am. I was not going to strip sheets, get laundry caught up, mop floors, dust, clean the bathroom, tidying up by myself and make it to the meeting on time. I needed help.

My meeting was nice. It was at the French Laundry, now called The Laundry. I am on a committee for our schools 5K. The meeting was a wrap up meeting from the race.

I headed to the hospital directly after my lunch meeting to see Maw Maw. It was nice to see her. She had color in her cheeks and was sitting up.
She had a room full of visitors. I think this helped her spirits.

What a day. It was good to be busy and not notice I had not run. Or at least try and ignore the thought of not running.

It is funny how so much of my days have running in them one way or another.
EX: Yesterday, even thought I didn't run, during my bike ride a got a call. It was from Austin's XC coach. He was asking me if I would be interested in running with one of the girls this year. It was a paid position. All I had to do was show up at every practice and run EVERY day with her.
She is blind.
My heart sank. What an honor.  I wanted to do this so bad. "Anita, you were the first person I thought of."
But I just couldn't commit.

Today, another NO run day. I still was at a meeting for running. They actually gave me a medal for the Best Coach. It was very informal and just for fun. It was very sweet though.

Today I got thinking. It is nice to have a coach. It is nice to have someone believe in you. To have someone cheer for you, encourage you, train you and come along side you.

But there are going to be days when there is no one there. Days that you are going to have to coach yourself. You are going to have to use the tools that someone has given you. Pull out the power words, collect your mantra and just be your biggest fan.
There are going to be days that you are discouraged and unmotivated. Days when you are dragging. You have to turn up the radio a little louder. You have to attach a megaphone to greatness so  all you hear is your strength, determination and courage.

I am preaching to myself. These are the words I need to write to help me get over this obstacle. I am desperately trying to coach myself right now. I think that if I write it I have to practice what I preach, right?

RUNDOWN:
Distance:0
Time:0
Pace:0


Anita

The EEYORE Attitude

 

 

2 Timothy 1:7
  "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power,of love and
of self-discipline."

 

 

It is slow building. It comes on slow. But you feel it growing inside you. It comes unwelcomed.

It is the like you are being invaded from the inside out. It is a bunch of CRAP. That's what it is.

CRAP CRAP CRAP.

This jacked up knee of mine has put me through Mary Kubler-Rosses 4 of the 5 stages of GRIEF.

 

• DENIAL: I just tried to ignore the pain in my knee. I thought I would take a couple days off and it would be better. Ice, rest, elevation...Blah Blah Blah. " Hey, maybe its not really that bad, Hey, maybe you are a bigger moron that you are letting on Anita."
• ANGER: Angry. ANGRY.. Seriously I ran 26.2 miles and NEVER had a problem. I run a routine 8 miler and my knee jacks all up on me. Yeah, I am a little MEXICAN ANGRY to say the LEAST.
• BARGAINING: I thought maybe I could reason with my knee. Maybe I could take enough Motrin to help my knee and trade in my kidneys. Maybe I could not run on my knee for a couple days or run extra slow or even run/walk. I thought I might even be able to speak power words over my knee, I thought I could even try and bargain with God. I spoke  many "Please, Please  God". Yeah, none of the above worked. Note..God does not bargain, at the point of thinking that was a possibility, I realized I was working myself into the next stage...
• DEPRESSION: This is where I fell into myself today. I just sunk into a pit of depression. I am registered for The Crim, The Detroit Marathon and I wanted to run another Ultra this fall. I have made my MRI appointment and set an appointment up with a Knee Specialist. I considered a shrink. The more and more I thought about all the places my running takes me, all the people I have met, all the Joy I have from running, the more I found myself buried in the pit.
• ACCEPTANCE. NOT HERE. NOPE. I don't throw the towel in that easy.

SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP.

Without further ado I turned the switch on. I got off my poor whiny butt. I briskly marched to the bedroom to change. Running was not a wise option. SO with a swift back hand off the pity pot I got on my bike.

It was 75 degrees out.  The sun was shining with warm air wrapping around me.

I fumbled my feet into the pedal straps of my old Schwinn mountain  bike. "Turn Em' Over girl." I coached the old mantra back into my blackened spirit.

I just wanted to go fast. I wanted my lungs to burn. I wanted my heart to race. I pedaled harder. I didn't care what I looked like. Here I was riding my old bike like a 14 year old through the Village of Holly. The breeze blowing my bad attitude away with each mile.  The sweat began to bead up in my brows, my thighs began to burn. I felt love.
 

2 Timothy 1:7  For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and
of self-discipline.
 

I wasn't sitting at home like Eeyore with my tail between my legs. I was feeling God power me up. It took everything I had to not lace my shoes up. Danielle had even texted me as I was getting ready to leave the house to be my verbal conscience.

I road my old bike with all I had. Powering up the hills with the burn of intensity. I road my bike to the state park where I saw 2 runners I knew out there. We chatted a few minutes before I headed out.

I could have road my bike till I couldn't sit on a seat for a week. It was so freeing to remove my baby pants full of my crappy attitude.

I ran 11 miles over my Eeyore attitude.

 

It stinks being injured. I am one day closer to knowing what the heck is going on. I even made it one more day without running or ending up in therapy.

 

Anita

 



 



Recover, Remember, Rejoice.

RECOVER:
The beginning of my day I drifted through trying not to think to much. I got the tears out of the way early so I could try and recover in order to get through my very busy day.
Today was Ariel's Birthday.
During our morning devotion I could tell Austin was thinking. When I finished reading to him I asked if he would close in prayer. Without hesitation he bowed his head.
"Dear God, ......You had a plan for taking Ariel, ......I just ask that you bring us all together as a family for Ariel."
It was so tender hearted. He prayed for unity. For the family to come together. I thought this was full of wisdom and love.
There is another part of recovery I had to put in place this morning. My Knee. I met Danielle as scheduled for out regular 8 miles. Only we did almost 10! BIKING! The spring elements were teasing me to run. I even tried to run in the parking lot of Panera's before we took off. I made it about 30 feet. With my knee rehearsing the pain of yesterday I headed to the trunk to get my bike. I brought my bike and even Danielle surprised me bringing her bike also.

I finally went to the Dr.s today. I left with a half of a tree in paper for specialists that I need to see, images that I have to have done and prescriptions I have to fill. Please keep me in prayer. I have had some health issues I have not taken care of and they may haunt me now.

Maw Maw Smith ended up in the hospital today. I spent a couple hours with her this afternoon. They are going to keep her for observation over night.  More Prayers please.

It took over 10 hours for her to get a room out of the emergency and food!

 

REMEMBER

This was one of Ariel's last blog posts. Charlie meant the world to her. He loved her dearly.

REJOICE
I wore my favorite Ariel shirt, Ariel bracelet and bracelet Charlie (Ariel's boyfriend) bought for me in remembrance of Ariel. I asked Charlie if he would like to meet me at the cemetery to see Ariel. We ended up meeting at a local florist/gift shop.
I bought some flowers along with a couple gifts to give in remembrance of her.
It was a good visit with Charlie and Ariel. Charlie talked about some of his favorite memories. Memories with Ariel and Austin. We laughed. I told Charlie I have a hard time going to see her because it is so hard to recover. Charlie eloquently replied " It is a wound that trying to heal and you keep picking the scab." He described it for me so well. As we left I felt peace. I was comfortable in my emotions remembering she was in heaven. It is not about honoring Ariel in my presence, it is about honoring Ariel in my actions.
REJOICE: At the end of a tough day you have to REJOICE.
I REJOICE knowing Ariel is Dancing and smiling down on me.
I REJOICE knowing Maw Maw Smith is going to be OK.
I REJOICE being able to see Charlie today and Ariel's Sorority sister, Katie on Ariel's Birthday. Katie actually gave me the greatest gift, Ariel's comforter. I can not wait to wrap myself up in it.
I REJOICE over the box of Godiva dark chocolate truffles next to my bed.

I gave Charlie a plant of mine from her funeral. Today I bought him a rock that said Rejoice. This is the picture he sent me. It was perfect.

What do You have in your hard day to Rejoice over?

 

Anita

Smiling at My Angel in Heaven.

Whats UP Wednesday

My Wednesdays are pretty busy so I thought I would do a simple point system with the basics on Wednesday:

1. Ran 3 miles with Andy today. He had 6 to do. My knee was too angry at me to go farther so I rode my bike for the last 3.
2. My niece Becca came over today. We worked on a project for Maw Maw Smiths 90th Birthday next weekend. We had the best time together. She brought her kids with her. It was such a gift to see them all.
3. We are still in the rental house. We thought we would have a home by now. We looked at 3 houses, they were all a bust.
4. Tomorrow is Ariel's birthday. It is going to be an emotional day. There are some circumstances that have been circulating that are hurtful. Very hurtful. It is one thing to try to deal with the loss of Ariel. It is another thing to see people being intentionally hurtful. It does not make sense to me. I am co-dependent. Being a adult child of an alcoholic this trait is a given. I am to a default always worrying about if I hurt someone else or how I can recover. I am the person that will apologize to you so it doesn't make you uncomfortable to apologize for your own bad behavior. But the reality is people just don't care whether they hurt you or not. People are so self absorbed in their own hurt that they think they are isolated and could care less about you. This is a lesson that has a revolving door. I try to get over it and then it opens wide again.
5. I found gratitude in my family. Austin, Andy and I were all doing planks late tonight.  I tried not to laugh at our crazy family bonding's as we all were huffing and puffing. When the tears of the evening circumstances welled in my eyes Austin lovingly consoled me with laughter.
6. Mom called me at 9:30 at night to see if I was up. We had just finished our "Abs". She came over bringing oatmeal scotches. I knew that God was filling my heart. He gave me this incredible mother to love me, nurture me and care for me. I am so grateful to God for hearing my broken heart and showing his love to me through mom.  
7. I need to Suck it Up Buttercup. Tough as Nails. I gotta be tough as nails.

Anita

Watch IT! GPS Watch Matrix

Between X Country and our Runners club I have tried to advertise to the groups the benefits of having a nice running watch.

For me having a watch that tells my distance, pace and time ultimately becomes my training partner.
NUMBERS don't lie.

Here are a few other reasons having a GPS watch benefits you:

1. GPS watches track your, distance, pace, heart rate, calories and time. Many watches are also multi sport.
2. Most of the GPS watches also have a site that will upload all your runs. This helps you to have a log of your runs.
3. I like having different settings for different runs, Example: when I was training for my Ultra I set my watch on interval training. This feature beeped at me every "X" amount of time that I set it for.
4. Another feature that I really like is the Virtual Pacer. You can set your watch up to a selected pace. When you reach your target pace it tells you. It also tells you (By Beeping) if your are going ahead or behind your pace.
5. Many GPS watches show you the elevation of the route you ran.

With most of us getting into training mode I thought it would be good to do some GPS watch comparisons.

1. Timex/Model Easy Trainer:
   
   $99.95 /Distance/Pace/Speed: Charge USB: GPS Battery Life 8hrs: Workout Memory 30: Online NO: Compatible with NONE: PROS-Simplicity, Price, size.
2. Soleus 2.0:
   
   $149.95/Distance/Pace/Speed: Charge USB:GPS Battery Life 8hrs:Workout Memory 100: Online Data Upload /PC Only: Compatible with NONE: PROS-Current and Total Distance, Pace, Speed, Size
3. Garmin Forerunner 10:
   
   $129.95/Distance/Pace/Speed: Charge USB: GPS Battery Life 4hrs:Workout Memory 7: Online Maps, Performance Data Upload: Compatible with NONE: PROS-Simplicity, Price, Calories, Alarms when pace is too fast/slow, Auto Pause, Customizable Screen, Size.
4. Garmin Forerunner 220:
   
   
   
   
   
   $249.95 W/Heart rate Monitor $199.95 W/o: Distance/Pace/ Speed: Charge AC/USB: GPS Battery Life 8hrs: Workout Memory 1000 miles: Online Maps, Performance Data Upload: Compatible with Heart Rate/Foot Pod: PROS-Same as Above Plus Longer GPS life and Online Training
5. Garmin Forerunner 620:
   
   $399.95/Distance/Pace/Speed: Charge USB:GPS Battery Life 8hrs: Workout Memory 1000miles: Online Maps, Performance Data Upload Wireless: Compatible with Heart Rate/Foot Pod: PROS-Same as Above Plus Virtual Racer, Virtual Partner, Customizable Display, Custom Workouts, Pace Alert
6. Nike + Sportswatch:
   
   $149/$169 w/Foot Pod: Distance/Pace/Speed: Charge USB: GPS Battery Life 8hrs: Workout Memory 50: Online Maps, Performance, Data Upload: Compatible With Heart Rate, Foot Pod: PROS-Nike+Connect, Constant updates to software, Large Font Visibility
7. Timex Ironman Run Trainer:
   
   $189.95 W/O Heart Rate Monitor: Distance/Pace/Speed: Charge USB: GPS Battery Life 8hrs: Workout Memory 15: Online Maps, Performance, Data Upload: Compatible with Heart Rate, Foot Pod: PROS-Customizable Display

____________________________________________________________________________________

The RUNDOWN:
Distance:8 miles
*I ran the first 4 miles with the Road Runners group. We did a easy run.
I had plans to go the gym and do the cold plunge until Jama put on this puppy dig face while asking me if I was up for another 4 miles. It was just pure torture. I caved, knowing I shouldn't have, I did. We did the same route again for another 4 miles. Our average pace was 9:04. This was with walk breaks. I added them every mile.
Directly after finishing I hit the Gym for 17 minutes in the Cold Plunge. It feels more like the death plunge it is so stinking cold. But I feel like I have new legs when I am finished.

What Do You Run With? Please share any of your thoughts on GPS watches.

Anita

Need Not be Offenended

My son had a 10am basketball tournament today.
When we returned home the temperature had reached 82 degrees.
Andy had big plans. Double digit run, 10 miles.

I really was not sure if I could pull this one off with him. To be honest, Andy and I were having a little spat and I really didn't like him. I secretly knew that he really needed me to run this long hot run with him. I knew he was going to have to eat his words and ask me to run with him.
And he DID!
Now, I had to get over being a brat and run with him.

We hardly spoke for the first 3 miles. Our conversation consisted of simple words.
"Its Hot"
"How far are we going"
"What route?"
"How's the Knee?"

Slowly, we started to run down our stubbornness and enjoy the run and even each other again.
We ran intervals. 5 /1. Run five minutes and walk 1 mile.
Our route was hilly which aggravated my knee. Most of the run my knee pain was at a level 2. I believe the walk breaks helped to achieve the distance.

Due to the heat I ran in shorts and a sports bra. My body looks nothing like a super model. I am slender but not curvy. When temperatures are over 80 degrees I often run in a sports bra. When running you always tack on an additional 10 degrees. So when Andy and I were out there running today the temps felt like they were in the 90's.

I guess to some I may look like a hoochie mama. I am not pretentious or showy. I have nothing to show off, however, I HATE running HOT.

When Andy and I reached mile 9, we were baking. Andy had sweat that had developed sweat. The sun was beating directly down on us as we approached home. We had to stop to refill our water.
We were running through Battle Alley when we came up to a group of 4 adults lounging outside.
They were all dressed very nice. They were smoking cigarettes outside and were all obese. I would not have noticed their appearance had they not been so rude to me.
As I followed Andy's lead, we closely passed them. One of them under their breath but loud enough for me to hear says "PUT a SHIRT on!"
WOW, did I just hear that? My instant reaction was to get upset and offended.  I was taking care of my health and being active while they were being rude and unhealthy. It was 85 degrees out and I was running 10 miles in it. I could feel myself getting angry. How dare he be so rude. Who did he think he was??
I told Andy what he said. Andy started to spout off. I was so thankful we were not within ears reach of them.
I asked Andy if I was inappropriately dressed. Andy is big on being modest.
"Anita, you are running in almost 90 degree weather, it is hot out here and it is not safe to be over dressed."
I replied to Andy, "I might be able to understand if I looked like a Victoria Secret model but honestly Andy...."
I was offended.

Running is the best thing for clearing your head. I was glad that we still had a little over a mile to go for me to let it go.

This is the society we live in. If someone crosses their eyes at us wrong we are coming out of our seat. If they cut us off driving we are chasing them down the road.
If they do not return our phone call or even say "Hi" to us right away we are OFFENDED.

We get offended at people we know and we get offended at people we do not know.
We constantly carry a chip on our shoulders. We are like a crouching tiger, waiting to pounce on someone if given the opportunity.  We will chew them up and spit them out.

As much as his words hurt and I wanted to back lash at him, I knew it was not right.
FIVE things I KNEW About Being Easily Offended:

1. Hurting People Hurt People
2. Be Confident in who I am and what I am doing. Seek accountability. (I asked my husband)
3. Build a Bridge and GET OVER IT!
4. Forgive and Forget
5. Don't let it Rent Space in Your Head.

Living a life offended is like carrying a bag of garbage around with you all the time. It smells to you and you smell to others.
It makes relationships difficult. People are afraid of you. Conversations are awkward. Everyone ends up walking on eggshells.

I hold myself accountable by asking myself this simple question. I learned this from a lady I coach with. "Was it Malicious and Intentional?"

I have been in the fire many times. I have learned in order to be "Christ Like" I need  to do my OWN self inventory. I have to check not only my actions but also my heart.

IN OTHER NEWS! HA5K Race
Saturday I ran a 5k. It was my sons schools' 5K.
My role in the 5K was to organize and train participants to be ready to run the 5K. I "coached" them for over 15 weeks. I also attended meetings to organize the run. I was in charge of marking the course on the day of the race.

I had several of the ladies I have coached show up with confidence and excitement. I also had about 20 of the XC  kids I jointly coach come out to run the 5K.
I was so excited to see all of them. I am a lunatic when it comes to running. I know people who do not know me think I am off my rocker.
I JUST LOVE RUNNING. I get so stoked to part of some one's victory. I yell, scream, give High Fives, sing songs, you name it!!

For the race I went in it wanting to race. I knew there was no possibility with my knee. The harder I run the more it gets aggravated.
I grabbed as many X country kids as I could before the race and we ran a warm up lap as a group. We had about 20 of us strong. I had the biggest grin of pride stamped across my face.

We lined up in the front of the finish line and about 200 runners. I wanted to run with my X country kids but the reality was they were really FAST and I could not keep up with them!
Every time my foot stuck the ground, my knee made me sweat. I felt fatigued so much faster with the pain. It is hard to believe that last year I ran this same race at 19:27 and this year I finished at 23:11 and thought I just might kick the bucket!
I finished it with 2 of my favorite XC kids. Together the 3 of us ran the race along side one another. I coached them and cheered them on. They are both so polite they tried to talk back to me. "Shh, don't talk, save your energy." I replied.

We finished the race together with smiles and sweat. Austin, my oldest was just a couple seconds in front of us.

When they handed out awards I was even more excited. Not only did I get to watch almost all the medals go to the XC kids, I also had the pleasure of watching some of our girls from the running club get medals and PR's.
I didn't PR.
I did get 1st place in my age group: 40-49!
I was 20th overall.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is such a good feeling to end this reminding myself of things that give you JOY, Love, Victory, and Happiness. It trumps that guy who was being mean and hurtful.

Anita