Tough go at it.

A couple girls that I work with bake cookies every year for Christmas. Kelli and I planned this weeks ago. I had been looking forward to our baking party for a while.
In order for me to stay on track today to make our bake I needed to be at the gym as soon as I dropped off the boys.

Without pausing I went in, got a locker, changed and headed to the track.

I recently downloaded a few new songs.
I love this song Mi Mi Mi Mi. I considered sharing the video until I watched it and read the lyrics! I have always loved music. I am often moved my the tune or the beat.  It is funny on my part to actually read the lyrics with surprise.

It was this song that got me out of my 2 mile slump. It was closer to 3 miles to be honest.
Everything was so painful without actually feeling any physical pain. It was slow and exhausting going around and around the track. I looked for anything to take my mind off the fact that I had only been running for minutes. I tried to run with other people without them knowing it. I prayed until I repeated myself and then got sidetracked with even that. I looked at the decals on the walls but they are so boring after the 10th time looking at them. My thoughts just kept going back to ONE: "Stop and Walk."
It took everything in me to keep going ignoring the voices.

Then my song came on! When no one was around I would quickly make the turn around the track and start dancing down the lane. I was cracking myself up with my little secret dance. I would peek over my shoulder and for about 20 seconds, get my groove on then get back into proper running form. I was having so much fun I played the song twice!

The RUNDOWN:
Distance: 7 miles
Pace: 8:32
Time:59:56

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?   Jeremiah 17:9

Collision: This morning running was hard for me to put one foot in front of the other. I was in a slumber. I knew just to make it ONE MORE MILE. Not to give up but to keep moving.
I love to play WORD WITH FRIENDS. I play with Anthony T. Anthony is really good. He smokes me every time leaving me NO chance to remotely catch up. But he always says this to me when I am getting stung by a 100pt word " It is not a sprint it is a marathon.". This is his way of saying "No hurries, take your time and be patient." Well that is how I define his words anyhow.
Some days we are like this. We feel behind the gun. We want to accept defeat without even trying to challenge ourselves into something GREATER.
We want to quit before we have hardly begun.
I wanted to quit. I didn't have a valid reason to quit other than just being tired, unmotivated, whiny, bored and a dozen other reasons that didn't amount to anything good.
SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP!
There are a lot of things we need to do but we don't FEEL like doing. Sometimes the outcome isn't even that good. But it is honorable, or it is the RIGHT thing to do.
Running a few extra miles today wasn't the prize. The prize was beating down the voices of defeat. It was more of a mental challenge than a physical challenge. I needed to strengthen my mind and overcome discouraging thoughts.
Just keep going. Take hold of your thoughts. You always hear people say "Let Your Heart Lead you."
NOO!! The Heart is full of Emotions. The Mind is the engine that has the true Power to steer you to Success.
Take your thoughts Captive. Self Control is victorious.

Anita

HOKA Kailua Tarmac Review



Michiganders  have now been hurled with about 6 inches of snow.  Running has now come to painful elements.
I HATE THE COLD!!!
Now we run in snow, sleet and slush.
We run with layers, yak trax, gloves, headlamps, hats and reflectors.
We consider 35 degrees a warm front.
I run with the expectation of getting flipped off at least once if I am running on the roads.
I also expect more than one driver to purposely slosh me with wet snow as I just smile and take it all the time pretending I am tough enough to shrug it off.
The warm summer breeze has long since been replaced by frigid winds that rip your face off all the while leaving your eye lashes frozen together and snot dripping into your mouth..YUM.

YEAH to WINTER running.
WE ARE BEASTS!

There are some days that I turn into a pussy cat. Today was one of the days. I have been battling illness for almost a week. Struggling with a clean bill of health and a lack of time I chickened out and hit the gym.

Maybe I didn't grow hair on my chest with bragging rights to a challenging Michigan run but I was wasn't grieving over it either!

I was entertained by all my secret running partners on the treadmills next to me. The music selection in my ears had me smiling and slightly dancing on the TM. I loved feeling my arms and legs bare rather than hidden deep beneath layers and layers.


The Rundown:
Distance: 7:01
Pace: 8:17
Time:57:59

HOKA Kailua Tarmac
I am long overdue with my Hoka Review.
I love them. They are much more lightweight compared to the trails shoes. The Kailua Tarmac are more for road running. They allow me to have a faster stride with great cushioning.
Hoka sent me out the Kailua Tarmac a few weeks ago and I have really enjoyed running in all conditions and surfaces.

The Treadmill: They are lightweight and less bulky for not just running on the treadmill but also doing intervals and hills. They didn't get tripped up on me. Just walking in them they feel a little stiff but as soon as you get into a running pace they fit comfortably and supportively.

Dirt Roads/Trails: I felt more balanced in the Kailua than the trail shoes. This may be due to the fact that I am so short. They still gave all the support of the trail shoe without the bulk and beefiness. I had great grip with the  dirt roads and never experienced any blisters after a 20 mile run! I had a lot of room in the toes box so after over 4 hours in the winter elements not only didn't I get blisters but my feet never got cold either.

The Track: The Kailua running around the track rocked yet again! They took the curves with ease all the while hugging my feet inviting speed. Confidently I did some pick ups and was quite surprised at how airy they were during sprints. I am prone to blisters on long runs and speed work. I have gotten NO blisters at all from these shoes!

AWARDS:

• July 31, HOKA ONE ONE was awarded the Outside Magazine Gear of the Show award
• Gear Institute awarded Hokas the "Best New Gear"

Does anyone out there run in Hokas One One? Why do You Like Yours?

Anita

What did you learn today?

Yesterday I got hit hard. I felt the illness entering my body Tuesday night. It came like a bull. Within hours I had a sore throat and aches and pains. Wednesday it typically a running day however I wrote it off somewhere in the middle of a sleepless night.
I made it out of bed Wednesday to make the boys lunches and drive them to school. When I arrived back home at 7:35am I went directly back to bed WITHOUT taking my 2 coats off!
Mom called me at 1:30pm and this was the first time I had opened my eyes.

When your body is down the best thing to do is listen to it. I was grateful that the sickness fell on my day off.
Wednesday night I took a shot of Nyquil to insure that I would sleep and that was the last thing I remember!

Andy was home today. This is rare but worked out good. Danielle hit the treadmill today so Andy was my running partner.
We are both in this running game.  (The running game that the worse the winter weather conditions the more points you get.)
It was 2 degrees out with the wind-chill: we knew this would be BIG points!

OH MY GOSH it was cold. But I was dressed for success. I ran Tuesday night in similar conditions. I basically wore the same clothes.
Other that feeling like marshmallow running I was relatively comfortable.

WHAT I WEAR IN Single Digit Weather:
Base Layer-Mizuno long sleeve
Nike Long Sleeve outdoor thermal shirt
Hooded fleece pullover
Nike Running jacket
Running tights
Running pants
Hat
Gloves
bandana for face.
Thicker running socks
HOKAS.

RUNDOWN
Distance: 5 miles
Pace: 8:45
Time: 44

NEW BEGINNINGS
This morning I was reading before Andy came home from dropping off the boys from school. When he walked in and saw me closing the bible he asked "HMM, did you Learn anything??"
"Well actually I did...."

Healing of the Water

¹⁹ The people of the city said to Elisha, “Look, our lord, this town is well situated, as you can see, but the water is bad and the land is unproductive.”

²⁰ “Bring me a new bowl,” he said, “and put salt in it.” So they brought it to him.

²¹ Then he went out to the spring and threw the salt into it, saying, “This is what the Lord says: ‘I have healed this water. Never again will it cause death or make the land unproductive.’” ²² And the water has remained pure to this day, according to the word Elisha had spoken.

 

 

 

 I learned that I am so thankful that God gave me a little salt. I am so thankful for second chances. I am so thankful that I am not still that person that is unproductive. I am still not good but I try every day. I try to be a producer. Producing something good. Giving and not just receiving. Maybe all I have to give for the day is a warm smile but even  smiles can be a valuable gift.

There was a day I produced nothing. I lived for myself.  I thought about myself. I didn't think about others unless I was part of the plan. I was young and in self destruct mode.

I am not pure or perfect. But HE is. And HE gave me a second chance.

That's what I learned today~

Anita

A Little Piece of Me: Alcoholism.. A Murderer.

Alcoholism is NOT prejudice.
It turns beautiful into ugly. It robs children of mothers and fathers. He steals children from their parents. Alcohol turns peace into chaos. It destroys families and lives.
Alcohol took my mother and my father. They just flirted with the bottle until the bottle slowly moved in like a bad tenant.

My mother was Irish. Beautiful. Auburn hair and silky ivory skin. She was petite at 5'2 and 110 pounds. Her father was a proud Irish man who was tricked by the bottle and died before I was born. I have been told he was an incredible man; B.I. Murdock.
My mother was always looking for love. Being a child of an alcoholic herself she was always seeking. She looked for approval, she was like a child in so many ways. As a young girl she just wanted to be loved. She had 3 children from 3 different men. I am one of those children.
Growing up was hard knowing I was never enough for her. I could not bring her happiness. I could not make her put the bottle down.
Alcohol and drugs had a hold on my mother. She traded us in many times.

How can you Hate something so much and Love it all the same?
I remember coming home from school one day to my mother falling off the wagon (Relapsing for the hundredth time).  We lived in a trailer at the time. As I walked into the house I could instantly tell something was not right. The house reeked of Pine Sol. Mom was locked in her bedroom at the back of the trailer. I walked towards the kitchen that was next to her room with my heart racing. I wanted everything I knew to be true ...a lie. I was scared to take each step closer to her bedroom. I needed to confirm my suspensions only I was scared of discovering the truth. The anger began to burn as I tried to open my mothers door only it was locked. She was in there hiding in her bottle. She came out swinging. Her words were toxic and full of venom. I responded just as volatile. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say to get her to see that I was good. That I should be ENOUGH to not drink. In absolute desperation I grabbed the bottle and began chugging. The warm beer tasted like vomit in my mouth. I had tears streaming down my eyes feeling so helpless and compromised. "If it is GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU THEN IT IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!!!" I screamed in defeat.
My mom sobbed as she reached for the bottle out of my mouth. She crumbled in front of me begging me to stop.

My mother was in bondage, She did not know how to get out from under it. But she knew it took away her pain all the while leaving more pain and destruction in her life. She did NOT want me to be in that bondage.
The one thing she knew was Alcoholism was PROGRESSIVE. It didn't rob you right away it just chipped away at you slowly. It slowly took your integrity, your passions, your bank accounts, your faith, your confidence, your friends, family and eventually Your Life.

I get many people question me about why I do not drink. WHAT GOOD comes out of it??
I have witnessed things that NO Child should ever see. I have lived things that No Child should ever have lived. There are things that I can not even talk about.  There are memories that I have from growing up with alcoholism that I have NEVER spoke of to ANYONE they are so despicable.

21 years is a long time to live without a mother. Her life was robbed from her. I have not had a drink of alcohol in over 8 years. I have no desire. I get many who think I am self righteous...I dare them to walk in my shoes...They wouldn't last. I promise you. I barely did myself.
I will fight all of HELL for my boys. 1 drink for me is not worth the risk of losing a child to our family disease.

I had to make the final decision to have my mothers life support turned off on this day 21 years ago.
Over 6 weeks she lay lifeless in that bed. I would sit next to her begging her to open her eyes. I would convince myself she squeezed my hand but she had not. She was less than 100 lbs curled up in that bed. Her skin was yellow and cold to touch. She was breathing only she was absent from the world.

Alcoholism stole a mother from her children. It steals, robs and manipulates.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

RUNDOWN:
Distance: 8 miles
Ran Outside..BRR.
I felt great, I thought of how I have honored my mother. I think she would be really proud of me.

Anita

RUN Down.

I felt like I got hit by a semi truck and I had hardly gotten out of bed. This morning I was meeting Danielle at Indian Springs. I had been looking forward to running out there for a few weeks.
I was feigning the path cut through the woods isolated from people and the pollution of man.
The freedom of running alongside of the trees and tall grasses with no interruptions. I was just struggling in one department and that was energy. I was a little nauseous but I just chalked it up to being tired.

Even though the sun was out by the time I arrived to meet Danielle it was already getting colder. We headed out directly into the wind. The sound of my breath or lack of was sweet music to my ears. I was already tuckered out and had barely begun.

We had a great run, However; took everything in me to finish. My legs were numb and lifeless the last 3 miles. My belly was just not right.

By the time I made it to Maw Maws house to clean I was feeling more RUN down. But mom looked worse than me. I actually felt good in comparison.

I just wanted to take a nap. I never take naps and I planned on going home and curling up with Sheeba and resting.

Novel Concept!
Andy volunteered me to make chili for a dear friend of ours. Jeannies mother passed away from cancer this week.  Very sad. Her husband has always loved my chili therefore Andy thought it would be a good idea to make some and bring it to the funeral home.
I quickly thought of the verse "Be weary in Well Doing.."
As I was adding my seasonings I began to whine. I was tired and felt like a big baby. I just couldn't get it together. Christmas has always been hard on me. December was the month I lost my mom.
There is a lot of joy this time of year but there is also grief.
The doorbell rang in the middle of my pity party. As I opened the door to this strange man I could see he was holding flowers! I GOT FLOWERS?!
It was BEA. She is a coworker of Andys. She loves me like no other. She is my sister in Christ. I pray over her. And she prays for me. Yesterday I was praying for her and she actually asked me to pray for her not knowing that God had already laid her on my heart!
It was no minutes later my phone got a text. It was Tina. She sent me a really special text that continued to encourage me.

We have those days we are just exhausted. Days we can hardly get one foot in front of the other.
"Be Weary In Well Doing."
I didn't move fast today but I did move. I did see God blesss me in my lack of energy.
Can I just encourage you to do something for someone else. Be a blessing to someone else and you will be surprised what it will do for you.
The world calls it KARMA..I call It God. He took care of me through people.
When you give it is given back to you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MY CHILI RECIPE:
Now I do not measure anything so the best I can do is give you the ingredients.
SAUTEE FRESS GARLIC, 1/2 A RED ONION AND 1/2 A YELLOW ONION, GR.PEPPER, JALOPENEO.CILANTRO
ADD MEAT (I USED RANCH SAUSAGE(VENISON) MIXED WITH GROUND BEEF.
ADD SEASONINGS..
CUMIN 1 TABLSP
RED PEPPER, CHILI PEPPER, GARLIC POWDER, ADOBO, PEPPERCORN, CORIANDER
CHILI BEANS
KIDNEY BEANS, DARK AND LIGHT
3 CANS DICED TOMATOS WITH GR CHILIES
1 CAN REFRIED BEANS
2 TABLSP  RED HOT
Season to taste..
We all have our special ingredient for chili. Mine is refried beans.
What's your secret ingredient??

RUNDOWN:
Distance: 8 miles
Time: 1:11:53

Anita

Flipped Off!!

I have a friend that started this game. It is a winter running game. "Andy" designed it so that people will get outside in run in the hard winter months. You get points for rain, sleet, snow ect. Basically the worse the conditions the more points you get.
So today was my first run. I knew it was going to be in the 40's out, therefore I had to hurry and get out to get more points.
I was out the door by 9am. This is high traffic time. This is the same time the little dog got hit a few weeks ago.
I stay as far over as I can on the side of the road. I normally do not look at traffic rather straight ahead. But today because there were so many cars I had to pay close attention to them coming towards me.
This guy looked right at me and gave me THE BIRD! He Flipped me OFF! I couldn't help myself, I just started laughing. It was crazy. I found myself laughing throughout my 10 mile run.

He who angers you conquers you.  ~Elizabeth Kenny

You can let someone's nastiness hijack your day, your run, your joy..or you can use it to fuel you!
I was really having a hard time getting up N. Holly by  Belford road but laughing out loud made me forget I was out of breath.
Coming up to 9 miles I was ready to be done yet again I was chuckling at that knuckle head so angry.
I hardly felt that last mile. What I felt was empowering. It was overcoming.

Proverbs 29:11  "A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back."

Rundown
Distance:10 miles
Time:1  hour 20 minutes
Pace: 8.

Before you give someone a piece of your mind, make sure you can get by with what is left.  ~Author Unknown

Let me know if you want to play the winter running game. The site will close December 8th. I will send you the link.
Anita

Looking Forward when we are so easily Distracted.

"You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them."

 

 

Holidays are tough on people. I checked my miles in Dailymile and was shocked to discover I was 1 mile short of 50 miles. That is a lot of miles for me at this time of the year.

I find running very therapeutic.

I am riddled with character defects. But one of my worst is that I am a people pleaser. I hate when people are upset with me. Being a ACOA (Adult child of an alcoholic) Co-dependency is a character defect that is very common.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everyone get along. Or maybe I could sprinkle some pixie dust and we could all LOVE one another.

AINT GONNA HAPPEN.

Pigs do not fly and there are no daisy and butterflies around in Michigan this time of year.

 

So I go running. And I run and run and run. I pray, I beg, I confess, I cry, I reflect, I think...ALL WAY TO MUCH.

Then I throw my hands in the air and say.."It is what it is."

 

"Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure. Do not swerve to the right or to the left; turn your foot away from evil." Proverbs 4:25-27     

 

I looked forward to my run like sitting down with a good psychologist.  I knew I needed more than a usual appointment.  Like maybe 4 hours and 20 miles! 

I wanted to run forever and a little longer. I wanted to go until my legs fell off and then glue them back on and keep going.  I didn't care about speed or running a specific pace. I just wanted to go until I had no more roads to cover. 

It felt so good. I was chilled as the air entered my chest. As I ran farther I began to warm up. I felt the damp air refreshing. The sky was eerie. Overcast and foggy. It was ugly out, however it had its own unique beauty.  It welcomed and accepted me in my broken state.  My mind was overflowing with diseased thinking so much so that each thought interrupted another.

 

Have you ever had that happen to you?    Have you had the voices in your head battle one another for the podium to speak a different kind of CRAZY?!

 

I knew my legs worked if nothing else was making sense. So I just looked forward and continued to do what I knew how to do: RUN.   

I met Jama after running 6 miles and we ran together another 7 miles. This was very encouraging. It is nice to run with good friends. Her words and encouragement allowed me to see that I didn't have to commit myself. Seeking God on my run would be more than effective if done right.    

There are times that you are trying so hard to hear from the Lord only to feel forgotten. I felt like this today. As I ran I discovered it wasn't that God was not speaking to me it was that I was listening to the Crazy voices in my head more. I allowed them to drown out HIS words.  I needed a voice BIGGER than my own.

When I listen to garbage it detours me. It knocks me off my PATH. It offers these escape routes that lead to chaos and confusion. Today it took everything in me to stay focused. I needed to keep my eyes forward and let all distractions fall to the way side. I had these conversations with myself. You know the ones..Where you create a scenario and then act it out as if it was happening?! I then take it to the next level of insanity and add dialogue. I soon felt my feet swerving then I heard my mind getting lost in the disfunction of situations that I have no control over.

I had to bring myself back to God. I had to examine my actions. I can not control what others do or do not do. I can only control where my feet lead me. I have to be confident in the way I live my life. And though I am not perfect I am working so hard at looking FORWARD and pondering MY PATH.

Everyone has their own journey to travel. As I ran I let go of the path I see others taking. It is their PATH...Not mine.

Today I just needed to keep my focus. As I approached the 20 mile marker I knew I had reached my pivotal point of therapy. I was chilled all over hardly able to feel my fingers. As I looked around the whole world continued to move regardless of what I was doing. No one noticed me. No one knew that I had just traveled 19 miles and really no one cared. The trees were looming over me. The darkened December sky encircled me almost swallowing me up. I was invisible. Miniscule in comparison to everything going on. "Its Not about You Anita....You just do the right thing even in the wrong situations ..You just keep moving forward...Do not look to the left or right.." I heard His words all SO CLEAR.

 

Anita