You are as sick as your secrets.

It seriously breaks my heart when you see people you care about make terrible choices.
It pulls on your heart, makes your stomach do flip flops, brings tears to your eyes and rents space in your head.
I know there is nothing that I can do.
I am Helpless.
I feel like a nobody.
Invisible.
You want so bad to say.."Nooo, Do not do that. That is going to hurt really bad."
It does not matter how much influence you have tried to have on them, they are going to make their own decisions.
Do people seriously think that their choices affect only themselves?
It is time to wake up people! It is time we looked at someone other than ourselves and realized we affect others in everything we do or do not do!
We have gotten so self absorbed and consumed by ourselves, our feelings, our cares we could care less about anybody else.
Such a narcissistic thought pattern.

I wish I would have had a mom or dad to hold me accountable. I wish I would have had someone out there that would have said to me "Anita, It really hurts me to see you living like that." or "Anita, I believe you are better than this, why are you going down this path, I love you and am praying you make better choices."



So many sleepless, tear stained nights I lay awake in bed recounting my bad descisions.
So many days I just got through empty, lonely, confused.
So many moments I hated who I was and who I was becoming.

For God is not the author of confusion but of peace ... 1 Corinthians 14:3

For the moment it felt good.
For the moment I convinced myself it was good.
For the moment I wasn't alone.
Because for that moment I was in the company of drama, lies, secrets, and many other adversaries.
I was dancing with the Devil.

The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again.Proverbs 24:16

But it was only for a moment everything felt good.
Them I had to deal with ME when that moment passed always too soon.
I danced with the Devil.  
And that moment lasted a lifetime, filling my closet with skeletons.

YOU ARE AS SICK AS YOUR SECRETS.

My heart is broken. I can continue to pray. I know more than I want, but that does not change the love that I have. I love you from a distance but always hold you close to my heart.

RUNDOWN:
Indian Springs:
Distance:6 miles
Time:
RAIN RUN # 1. Awesome run solo. Started sprinkling and after 5 miles it was pouring. Park cleared out with the rain.
Independence Oaks:
Distance: 4.25
Time:9:20
RAIN RUN #2. Well I figured I was already wet! Why not add a few more water logged miles to the day! Met Katie


Anita

Leave em' on the Pavement:

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."

Galatians 6:9 

I woke up to a sunny day. A good day by most standards for a run.
I saw Andy off for work and grabbed my cup of coffee to sit down and have a few minutes of quite time. By the time I got ready to run  something implanted itself in my head that was bugging me. I figured I would go out for 10 miles, I knew that would dispose of the mental mess circulating in my head.

I felt pretty good. The first few miles were composed of little aches and pains scattered about but nothing I was concerned about. And by mile 4 I traded in all those little aches and pains for sweat and exhaustion. So many times in that 10 miles I tried to convince myself to slow down, stop and get a drink or even not go as hard up the hills. But for every voice that tried to get me to not give 100% there were 5 more voices SCREAMING at me to Not Quit, GO GO Go!

The Crim is in 3 weeks. I have not trained for it other that putting in miles. Not very much speed work. Not a good thing. This year I made it the year of "Fun Run" and I really stuck to it. Houston we are gonna have a problem!!

Running Tip:

LESS is MORE when you want to increase your speed. It is not about quantity it is about quality.

You have to run hard. You have to make a date with pain.

If you want results you have to get serious and seriously mean it. 3 or 4 miles hard will make more of a difference than 7 or eight miles at conversational pace. 

As you set your foot unto the pavement you have to say to yourself  "This is gonna hurt". And YOU have to run NOT to PAIN rather THROUGH PAIN!

Embrace it like the love of your life.

You have to convince your body and your mind that your NOT afraid to overcome the work that it is going to take to make you victorious.

Believe in YOURSELF.

Believe in your abilities.

See yourself where you want to be and then Go For It!

As I ran across the road towards home I no longer remembered what had irritated me. I didn't even care. None of it mattered. What matted was I ran hard, I ran through pain, I was out of breathe, my legs were weak, and my head was light. Compiled together this meant EVERYTHING. This was my trophy for a job well done. 

RUNDOWN:

Time:1:20

Distance:10.01

Pace:7:56

Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did.
- Newt Gingrich

Anita

Monday in a Nutshell

I do not believe in coincidences. I believe in GOD.

I have had the opportunity to see God perform miracles in my life that most of you would say were coincidental. Not me. Too many. Too awesome. Too perfectly molded to me and my life.
Today I had another "God-cidence"
I had planned on going to take the boys to the beach for a couple hours. We discussed going to Holly recreation. But at the last minute we ended up at a beach I have never even gone to before, Seven lakes beach. I have biked, hiked and ran through Seven Lakes but I have never been to the beach there.
As I laid in the sun catching up on last months "Runners World" magazine I heard a soft spoken voice above my head."HI, are you Austins mother?"  My first thought was "OH no, what did he do now?" But cautiously I responded "Yes, I am."
As I looked into the woman soft brown eyes that matched her warm brown hair I felt very relaxed. At ease. She introduced herself as the pastors wife at the local Nazarene church that my son goes to sometime with one of his friend "Cole".
As we engaged in conversation I discovered that we had a lot in common. We both had addiction running through our family, we both love God and.....She is a RUNNER!!!! The conversation was smooth and easy. I enjoyed listening to her and learning about her. She had many questions and I think we chatted for almost 30 minutes without a moment of awkwardness. I know God put me there for a reason. He wanted to introduce her to me.
*******
NOTE TO SELF: Do not push hard on the pavement 20 minutes after eating Mexican for dinner!!!
I decided to do 7 miles. Alternating between 1mile easy and 1 mile race pace. After only mile 2 my stomach started to cramp up. They were not the cramps that annoy your obliques. No, these went from the right all the way around to the left. My stomach was bloated and tight. It was not a lady like run as I tried to swallow down the refried beans only to belch up Tabasco and spit it up on the side of the road. I grunted out loud begging for the race pace mile to be finished. I just wanted to get to the slower pace...But underneath it all I loved the pain. I wanted the torture of this run. I NEEDED it. This pain has been absent from my training this season. It was time to suck it up. Cry if your gonna cry, whine if your gonna whine and Puke If your gonna PUKE. And that is exactly what I did as I entered into my street. I was embarrassed as I got to the end of the street and started dry heaving. There was not holding it back. The kids all looked at me mortified, Austin ran into the house freaking out. I yelled "Don't get dad." I knew a little puke was not the end all. Only by the time I got into the house it came out projectile. I was glad my head made it to the toilet..It was not pretty!

RUNDOWN:
Distance: 7.01
Pace:8:02
Time: 57.12
Mile 1-8:42
Mile 2-7:05
Mile 3-8:18
Mile 4-7:05
Mile 5-8:22
Mile 6-7:23
Mile 7- 7:52
Icing the KNEE!
Good Night..Gonna go find something to eat to replace my dinner!!

Anita

What is your Identity???

The Weekend:

Danielle and I got to see each other in something other than running shoes and pony tails! I Love this lady. She is a great High School asset I have received. I was so happy to see her this evening.

Saturday was my 20 year class reunion. I graduated in a class of about 140 students.  Only about 40 people showed up and that is a generous number. It was great to see everyone. I enjoyed everyone's company and wish I could have caught up even more. I would say  most everyone I maintained good relationships with. I was never a mean girl. I was the goofy girl. I was never the girl that the boys liked. I was probably closer to the class clown. I was the girl that got locked in the lockers by my friends, the girl kicked off the bus because she jumped out of the school bus window...I was not the girl anyone ever had a crush on. I was not one of the popular girls. I was not one of the athletic girls. I was not the smartest girl, the coolest girl or the girl that turned heads.
What was I?
I was the girl who was comfortable with me. I was not a "Try Hard". I didn't need to be in the cool club. I was friends with all them and that was good enough for me.  I didn't have enemies. And that was good for me. I got along with just about everyone. And I liked it that way. I have never liked it if someone didn't like me. This has gotten better over the years (the need to have everyone like you). Not everyone is going to join your Fan Club.

Allen, Sara, Terri and I

And for the most part 20 years later I still do get along with all of class of 1992. There were classmates that I didn't get to chat with, "Lori", "Summer" and a few others I wish I could have chatted with. There were classmates I wish would have come out so I could have caught up with them "Lisa", "Jeanine", "Christine" and many others. Overall it was nice.
There was one person that was still after 20 years  a snot to me. But that is on them.

I feel bad for people that still have that energy. I don't. I do not like being consciously mean to people. I just don't see the point in letting someone know you don't like them. We are 38. If you haven't built a bridge and got over it you probably never will!

But the one conversation that continued to surface with each classmate was "How's the running?" It appeared to be my identity. I thought to myself:  "Is this how I am known?" "Is it noble?" I felt guilty. After 20 years this was my title. I pondered if it was a bad thing or a good thing.

I Love Running. I love the person it makes me. My Running is a gift from God and I am so grateful to have this incredible gift. I have had sprained ankles, IT-band injury, surgeries from Acl and meniscus but I believe God continues to have me run. My running helps me lay my heartaches on the pavement and run down my demons. I run in the direction of HIS plan and fueled by HIS strength I am able to conquer the crap that this world wants lay down on me. Every step my foot hits the ground is a therapy session that gives me time to take ownership for my behavior and make a plan to recover from it.

Running may be part of how you know me. I hope you can see it not a bad thing. I believe it is a good thing.

My Guilty Pleasures:

With less than half the fat of regular chips and larger serving I love them! I actually hide them because my boys are a bunch of HUFFA MOOSES and eat them!! I am good a sharing but not my chips!!

Salt and Pepper are my absolute favorite.

RUNNING Jargon: Negative Splits
This term is not in relation to your romance life! It is not in reference to a dirty divorce or a need for a serious hair cut! It is simply defined by a runner who completes the second half of a course faster than the first half.
One of the BIGGEST mistake that runners do is going out too fast and then bottoming out at the end. We let the crowd run us and our adrenaline get the best of us while we pay for it later.
Runners Wisdom: For every second per mile you go out too fast in the beginning of your race you can run several seconds slower at the end.
TIP FOR practicing a NEGATIVE SPLIT: Run the first HALF of a out-and-back route at a slow and steady pace then kick it into gear on your return back home! You can also do it by TIME. say you run 30 minutes. Run the first 15 slower than your last 15 minutes.

RUNDOWN:
TIME:1:45
PACE:8:58
DISTANCE:11:66
DESCRIPTION: Hills &WIND?!! Seriously ouch! Ran with Andy the route I biked with Austin last week. It didn't seem so hilly on a bike. The wind was a Blessing and a Cursing!
WEEKLY MILES: 49 running.

" Life gives us brief moments with another...but sometimes in those brief moment we get memories that last a life time..."

Anita

Keep it Simple Thursday

I arrived at the park and ride to meet Katie for our Thursday run and waited and waited. This is not like Katie, Katie is always on time, actually early!
After texting her a few times I decided to head to Indian Springs solo. As I was heading to the Metropark "Katie" texts me and I call her to calm her down. She is so upset, she had over slept her alarm.

8 miles with out a partner or an Ipod. I kept it simple and smooth. My knee was giving me a little problem. It was my left knee that I have had the 2 surgeries on. I felt weak on it and at times heard my feet  shuffling. It is so irratating when your body does not want to cooperate.
I got pretty comfortable hearing my breath and listening to my shoes tred through the woods. As I got into my groove I I heard the cracing of branching and got startled. As I looked to my left there she stood. Majestic and strong. She did not look startled or shaken by my presence. The large doe shared eye contact till I passed her.
RUNDOWN:
PACE:8:22
TIME:1.07
DISTANCE:8.01

"Katie" called me after my run still feeling terrible. I invited her to meet "Sarah" and I at Independence Oaks for my second run.
I went from a solo Run to a threesome. You get 3 girls together it is amazing how fast 4 miles go by! I am not sure what was running more our lips or our legs! Whichever it was we were having fun!
RUNDOWN:
PACE:8:54
TIME:38min
DISTANCE:4.32

• Good Day overall. Enjoyed the company of "Ally" today.
• Took Alec, my 9 year old garage hopping!
• Great to see "Jessica" come out to Families United By Faith our support group for families who have loved ones that struggle with addiction. 
• And last but definetly not least, enjoyed Andy and Alec and putting a puzzle together after my meeting and closing the night sitting down to watch "Expendables with Austin. 

It was a good day overall.  Even if I had to ice my poor knee.

Anita

Olymipic Participants from Michigan

I heard my phone going off at 5:30 am. I knew right away that it was "Heidi" confirming our run this morning.
I ran the half mile to the local grocery store to meet her at 6:30am. I was dragging this morning. Those bike miles with Austin really put me in the hurt locker. I was trying to convince my legs to get a move on! To just move! I had high expectations from my body considering I had not given my body any coffee to motivate my lower extremities.
When "Heidi" smiles it is like the sunshine coming through the clouds. She has a smile that is contagious.
I took her down some back roads that I know.  "Heidi" is a lot like me and gets a bit nervous going down the dirt roads alone. But together we had a refreshing run underneath the shaded trees. There were no deer flies attacking us and the air was crisp and cool.
We have not ran together in weeks, actually months! There was so much to catch up on. We ran at a nice easy conversational pace. But the hour of running was hardly enough to catch up on everything.

RUNDOWN:

Time: 1:05

Distance: 7:23

Pace:8:55
********************

2012 London OLYMPICS

July 27-August 12

There are 11 participants from MICHIGAN joining the 519 other members of the USA team:

• Betsey Armstrong-Ann Arbor Water Polo Goal keeper
• Tia Brooks-Grand Rapids-Track and Field Shot Put
• Desiree Davilla- Rochester Hills-Track and Field Marathon
• Geena Gall- Grand Blanc - Track and Field 800m
• Tom Peszek- Farmington Hills- Rowing Men's Eight 
• Nathan Ritzenhein- Rockford-  Track and Field 10,000m
• Claressa Shields- Flint- Boxing Welterweight
• Daryl Szarenski- Saginaw- Shooting 10m Air Pistol
• Jordyn Weider- DeWitt- Gymnastics Artistic
• Peter Vanderkaay- Rochester- Swimming 400m free
• Allison Schmitt- Canton-Swimming 400m free, 200m free, 400m free relay, 800m free relay

 Desiree Davilla- Favored for the Marathon. Injured: Hip Flex or. She hadn't as of last week even put any weight on her legs because of injury hoping for the best.

 According to Hansons Brooks Original Distance Facebook page: "Sorry for the misunderstanding earlier. Desi was frustrated with the fact that she is a long way from 100% both fitness wise and health. She had decided that it was probably best to pull out of the Marathon. After discussing her options with the Olympic coaches and medical staff, they convinced her that she deserves the entire experience and that means giving herself every chance to make it to the starting line."

 "An Olympic medal won't define my whole life, although it might look like it to onlookers. When I look back, I should have been able to get an Olympic medal."  Paula Radcliffe

Paula Radcliffe, FIND YOUR GREATNESS 

Check out this video. So Inspiring!

Anita 

 

LOST at 10.

 "For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways."

Psalms 91:11

I swallowed a bitter pill when I got into my truck after work and read my text message from Andy.  He left for a run with out me. I was looking forward all day to a run with him. At least I had a 15 minute drive home to dispose of my  disappointment. 

For dinner we made, grilled steaks, baked potato, cottage cheese and fresh tomatoes from the garden. 

Even though our bellies were stuffed Austin was ready to go on a bike ride.

With a little bit of money in my Amphipod and my cell phone we took off for a 10 mile bike ride. 

Seven Lakes

The Chain fell off on the back roads. Creepy!

Too bad we got lost on a dirt road I have never been on. My running partner "Heidi" runs on it so I knew roughly where it came out. When my Garmin beeped 10 miles and I was not sure when the road was coming to a head I started to get concerned. Austin was getting tired and it was also getting dark out. I tried to act like everything was cool but Austin was tired of my same response, "Austin the road is right over the hill, relax."

We made it out of the wooded back roads with a little light to get us home the  mile and a half we still had. My legs were burning and I was very parched. Relief was my new passenger all the way home. 

Psalms 91:11

 "For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways."

I found this verse to represent my bike ride and getting lost. As I studied it I noticed something very interesting that depicted my anxious heart while I was lost. 

CAN YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT I DISCOVERED ABOUT THIS VERSE THAT IS UNIQUE AND CLEVER???

It is a verse that can help in an emergency!!!

Anita