Suffer Well. Race RECAPs

 

"Determine never to be idle. No person will have occasions to complain of the want of time who never loses any. It is wonderful how much can be done if we are always doing." Thomas Jefferson 

Andy and I watched an older movie with Justin Timberlake called "In Time". The basic story line was that time was a commodity, when you ran out, you died. You lived every moment with intention. 

Time was valuable. 

I think of my dad, such an amazing man. "The man takes the drink, the drink takes a drink, the drink takes the man." Addiction took him in his early 40's. He never saw his daughter graduate, walk her down the aisle or be a grandpa to her boys. Gone too soon and left time filled with tears to many. 

I think of my mother, a beautifully broken soul. "One day at a time." was not enough time for a woman that didn't want to live on this side of earth. No drugs, alcohol or man could give her the time to heal her wounds. 

Addiction takes time from you, it robs you, lies to you, deceives you. I still find myself choking back the tears of time lost. Years destroyed. Moments I questioned my purpose in all the pain. 

I decided years ago I would live out this life. If the Good Lord had me suffering, I would suffer well. 

I would not let my broken beginnings pave the rest of my time.

I knew how to suffer, I would suffer well and suck it up.  

I would pull up my bootstraps and dig in. I would fight. I would go down fighting. 

SUFFER well. 

There is something in the back of my head that scares me. I feel like I was born to suffer. I fight life like I am training for trials. The harder I prepare, the stronger I get, the easier the trial should be when it shows up. 

Even getting cancer, I felt like I had trained my whole life for it. 

I would find myself running with my fists clenched. I was so mad at cancer, so determined to fight it, ready to suffer because I felt like the Lord had prepared me from my beginning. 

I remember a day that running 3 races in a month was a lot, this week I ran 3 races in a week. 

RACE 1: FLYING MONKEY 26,2

November 19th. 

I flew solo to Nashville where my girlfriends picked me up for a race weekend.  The race was the TOUGHEST marathon course I have ever ran. Consisting of over 3000 feet of constant hills. 

My girlfriends themed the marathon Wizard of Oz , I was the scarecrow. 

The first half of the marathon I stayed with the girls for fun and encouragement. The second half of the race my suffering numbed out and I felt strong. I came down a hill at mile 20 and was ready to drop a gear. I could feel my body switch gears from fun mode to race mode. 

The last 5 miles my pace dropped and I began picking runners off. 

I finished smiling.

TIME: 4:14:08

PLACE: 2nd place Masters

OVERALL: 68/245

GENDER: 12/80

Erica was 2nd OVERALL, we both got handmade flying monkeys for awards. 

Your shirts are personalized with your nickname! One of the best race shirts I have ever gotten!

RACE 2: Turkey TRAIL Trot

November 23rd Thanksgiving

My sweet daughter in Love hates running. "I will do it because I love you and I get to be with you.." 

Shelby, Andy and I ran the turkey trot together. We had fun frolicking in the woods at Stoney Creek. 

I never looked at my results, because all I cared about with being with Shelby, I didn't care about pace just time spent with her. 

RACE 3:  Black Toenail 1/2 Marathon

November 24th. 

Andy and I have a warped idea of dates. He signed up to race this and insisted I do the same. My thoughts were to just try and beat last years' time of 1:59. I had just run my marathon 5 days prior and was still in the hurt locker. 

Several of our running friends were there as well. Half marathons are hard for me. It literally takes me 10 miles to warm up. 

When we took off I was by myself. About a quarter mile in, I see Andy blow by me. I picked up my pace to try and catch him. 

I was cutting in and out of the trail around other runners. I would jump off the trail to get around larger groups of runners trying to keep my eye on Andy. 

I caught up to Andy, running next to him for about a minute before he even spotted me. 

We laughed, briefly chatted and I told him I would "TRY" to stay with him. Truth is Andy is really strong on the trails and I was questioning my life choices again. 

I tucked in behind Andy desperate trying to stay on his heels. It took everything I had to not go head over heels, I felt so wobbly. He would see a runner, pick up his pace and I would panic. I fell back a couple times wondering when I would just let him go. 

At mile 10, I felt myself settled in. I had my music playing and I had been praying for miles. 

We came out onto the road, a gal had been running in my shadow for a couple miles presented herself. 

"You can pass us if you want, your doing great.."  I spoke to her. 

She replied "You guys have been doing all the work, thank you..." She then took the lead and moved on. 

That just didn't settle well with me. 

I could tell Andy was just holding pace. Andy knew ...."Nita, GO!! GOO race this..." 

I fought him for a few minutes but before I got passed again, I took off to catch her.

I caught up to her, but she was struggling, as I passed her I said "STAY with me, stay on my heels..." 

She replied, "I will." 

I am not sure when she fell back but I caught up to another runner. He turned around and did a double take, "ANITA! I run with you at Complete Runner..." 

"STAY with me, let's GO, you got this...." I cheered him on. 

And that is what I did all the way to the finish. I kept trying to grab runners to the finish, encouraging them because it encouraged me. 

I finished alone, breathless, trying not to vomit and the tank was empty. 

I raced it for Andy. 

I beat my time. 

TIME: 1:53:52

PACE: 8:42

OVERALL:36/182

GENDER:7th

Division: 1/7

SUFFER WELL.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full 

effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4

We can profit in our trials. Life will make you bitter or better. Fight the good fight. Put on your armor and remind yourself the Lord doesn't put you through something He doesn't see you through. He makes a way when there is no way. Your strength may fail but the Lord's strength is unwavering. 

Keep training. Be weary in well doing. When you do it all unto the Lord, give Him all the Glory, Honor and praise and you will see your strength in your suffering. 

The Lord uses all things, even the passion of a ragamuffin like me. 

In Peace, Not Pieces,

Anita

Another Day!

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. The are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

Maybe one day there will be no anxiety when I walk into a Dr's office to get blood work. The nervous laugh will dissolve, and the tough girl performance will be no more than a memory. 

Maybe. 

Maybe not. 

But for today, I do all I know how to do, run and pray. 

Running 20 miles before my 4-year checkup gives me a small amount of control. For just that little bit of time I can run free, I can control my own suffering. 

I can embrace my breathlessness with comfort. 

I can relax in my elements of madness. 

I can keep my fear and anxiety trampled down by the steady pounding of my feet. 

I can swallow down that lump in my throat, blink back my tears and just run.  

Rate of reoccurrence for the first 5 years for TNBC. 

My oncologist, Dr. Cotant and I have this little game we play every time I see him for my checkups. 

I smiled as we played our little game waiting for him to ask, not about how I was feeling rather about my run. 

"Anita, how far did you run today?" Dr. Cotant asked smiling knowing the question wasn't "Did you run?" rather "How far did you run?" 

I responded with a smirk, "20 miles, almost 2000 feet of elevation.." 

And I waited for his smirk and laugh, and like sorcery, he looked at me and laughed. 

I brought the office donuts; little did they know it was my celebratory gift to them. I have made it, 4 years. This stupid cancer is a living nightmare. 

Every day I celebrate. I have made it another day. 

My 4 year date was the day of my surgery in October, but today Dr. Contant made it official! 

"Those thick veins look great but they like to roll" But my gal was all ready for them! A quick POKE and the blood was flowing. 

Another Day. 

There is no amount of suffering that can compare to feeling like you are going to die. 

Begging God for another chance. 

Bargaining with God for do overs. 

Pleading. 

Desperately seeking another go at this thing called life. 

Watching people get their panties in a wad over the mundane as you just pray for another clean bill of health. 

Just begging for another day. 

Another day to practice forgiveness. 

Another day to practice grace. 

Another day to tell someone I love them. 

Another day to share kindness, to love the unlovable, to give grace to those who have hurt me and to seek forgiveness to those I have hurt. 

Another Day. 

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. The are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

The Lord isn't finished with me yet, I continue to run for Jesus with His power, and His strength I go. 

4 years later and I have Another Day. By the grace of God go I. 

Count it all JOY, I have Another Day. 

In Peace not Pieces, 

Anita

Power.

 "What, then, is to be done? To make the best of what is in our power and take the rest as it naturally happens." Epictetus 

A friend of mine came over this afternoon to run. She barreled through the door with eyes wide opened. I was confused by her look when she said "LOOK!" as she pointed outside. 

The sky darkened, the wind whipped, and the skies opened up. 

My mind was racing how we were going to run when she said "You don't need to run..." 

I replied, "Yes, I do, I have goals..." 

I have no power when it comes to the weather, but quitting was just not an option. We gave it a few minutes as she laced up her shoes and we headed out. The rain had settled down to a soft drip and within the mile it had stopped with the sun beaming overhead of us. 

SHOW UP: The Power of Resilience 

Most of life is about just showing up. No excuses. No procrastination. Just get it done. As soon as I make room for an escape plan you can bet, I plan on the escape. I may not be able to control the elements, but I can think with pause and find my POWER in resilience. 

My Power lies in my OUTLOOK. 

No stinking thinking. There are days we feel like there is literally a black cloud over our head and finding that small ray of sunshine seems hopeless. 

In those cases when you have exhausted all possibility of butterlies and rainbows just do it in a slumber. Do it as an overcomer. 

You are the sunshine. You bring accountability. You bring consistency. You don't always have to show up all giddy, I have shown up a mess and even finished a mess, but I showed up.  

My Power lies in my Faith. 

The closer I come to 50, the more I feel my physical power fade. The aches and pains of life are taking their toll. 

I have been running for over 20 years now by the grace of God. This is the gift he has given me for His glory. 

He has protected me in danger. Boston Bombing. 

He has redeemed me. Multiple injuries and breast cancer. 

He has pulled me out of the pit. Deep depression and darkness. 

It is His power in me when I want to quit, when I want to cry, when I feel discouraged, dark or defeated to get back out there in HIS POWER not mine. 

MY POWER Scriptures:

• "The voice of the LORD is powerful, The voice of the LORD is majestic." Psalm 29:4
• "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." 2 Cor. 12:9
• "He gives strength to the weary, And to him who lacks might He increases power" Isaiah 40:29
• "For this purpose, also I labor, striving according to His power, which mightily works within me." Col. 1:29

RUNDOWN:

YEARLY RUNNING GOAL: 3000 miles

Total miles 2,600 miles completed.

October miles: 287

The last couple months I have pulled myself away. I have had to settle down. Calm down. Quiet down. The calmer you are the clearer you can think. I find myself moving more with intention and less with emotion. 

I am a tangled mess. I have to unspool the tangles. Running helps me do this. I am such a free spirit but life is broken, and the simplicity of solitude heals. 

I need His voice to cover the ones that say I am not enough. His voice to tell me I am not defined by my failures. I need His voice to tell me I am strong, I am capable. I am enough in HIM. 

My power fades. 

My power is broken. 

My power is messy. 

My power is a failure. 

It is His power that is immeasurable, unmistakable, unchangeable, and unfathomable. 

In Peace, not Pieces,

Anita~