Made of Mistakes

 "I am selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and, at times, hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve my best" 
Marilyn Monroe. 

I couldn't get into the seclusion of the woods fast enough today. I wanted to run deep into the solitude of the trees, hiding from even myself. I knew I couldn't outrun myself, but I also knew I could run to God. 

Maybe it was because it was Monday that my mistakes seemed heavier than normal. 

But as I tried to chew on my mistakes it seemed like too many to swallow. 

My first bite was just a small nibble but as I took that little spoonful, I unconsciously did a face plant in the bowl of my mishaps and mistakes. I found myself a mess in the middle of ordinary blunders that really should have been left on the shelf. 

With a mouth full of my morning errors, I did what I know how to do best, Run. 

I needed to run it out. I needed the counsel of God to be a voice bigger than my own. I had beat myself up enough. I had taken a few minor mistakes and turned them into a 5-course meal pulling up every mistake from my yesterdays and began self-deprecating.  

I embraced the cold crisp February chill. I saw my breath drift off as my heart began to thump in my chest. My blood was quickly warming me up as the winds cut through the open field.

As if Jesus Himself was running next to me I bashfully began to share my heart with him. The embarrassment of my mistakes, my errors and my blunders came to the surface. 

"Sometimes God, I feel like I am made of mistakes..." 

I thought for sure I heard a giggle in the woods. 

The more I shared, the more I heard God chuckling at me. 

With each passing mile I felt freedom. Calmness encapsulated me. Peace refreshed me. And joy put a little pep in my step! 

Mindfulness in MISTAKES:

• Admitting mistakes makes you real.
• Making mistakes leads to great lessons. 
• We all make mistakes, you are not defined by them, your refined by them.
• Give grace to yourself in your mistake, Give others the same grace in their mistakes. 
• Mistakes gathered together is called experience. Learn from them. 

Collision:

"He who is most attached to a particular outcome has the least amount of power." 

Susan Stiffelman 

My miles for this year are a little down but my life activities are more than they have ever been. This is where I have had to let go of being attached to a particular outcome. I find myself singing "Let it GOO, Let it GOO" from Frozen. Running is a gift that the Lord has given me. Getting to run, working 2 jobs and doing ministry is a blessing. My motto has always been "I'll rest when I get to heaven'!

January Miles: 221

Yankee Springs 50K

February Miles: 196.73

Hot Fudge 5K

Snow Moon Run 25K 

I am currently training for a March with excitement.

March 17thPot-o-Gold 4miler

March 19th Ashville Marathon

Last week I did some fun workouts.

The Track: Ran 3 easy laps then 4th lap @ 80%. for 5 miles. 

I sandwiched this in between 2 long runs. 

One of my mistakes this week involved SIMPLE MATH. I wanted a 20-mile run on Saturday. I ran 7 miles on the backroads with Rachel only because we had to bail on our trail run of solid ice. 

She headed home and I had to pull up my big girl pants and get back out there. 

I had it in my little head I had to do 14! I thought I would do an out and back. I headed out in the blistering cold and as I approached 7 miles, I even decided I would go a little further in case I messed my miles up!!

Oh yeah, I messed my miles up all right! 14 and 7 is 21!!! And about a half mile more! 

I was going to call it in at 20 miles. But I grabbed ahold of some inspiration and challenged myself the extra mile. 

MISTAKES: 

I am full of material when it comes to making mistakes. I never take myself too serious because I just know I am going to mess something up. 

I wish I had it all together. I wish I was more organized with my thoughts and actions. I have had so many people try to fix me. But I can promise you, I have tried to fix me more than any other. 

But this I know. 

In my quiet place. In the presense of one, Him, that is when I am fearfully and wonderfully made. 

That is when I hear HIS giggle, when I feel HIS grace, when I am fully confident in my make-up with all my mistakes and mishaps. 

Anita~