Shut Up Anita

"To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart."

Eleanor Roosevelt

"Shut up, shut up...Anita, shut up." 

Every time I opened my mouth I knew it was more than I should have said. I could tell what I was saying was not being received well. And the more I spoke, the more I got mad at myself. But then I felt like I had to speak MORE to explain my ideas, share my heart...

If I could just describe my heart. 

Shut up Anita. 

This is almost every day of my life. 

On Tuesday nights it is our Addiction ministry. I facilitate a group for families and friends of addiction. A passion of mine. 

I stroll down the hallway to our meeting room. I am exhausted, mentally, physically and emotionally. It was a long day at work. It has been a long week and it was only Tuesday. Our room is set up in a circle with chairs. As everyone sits down, the room is packed, getting busier every week. 

"Hi, My name is Anita, Welcome to Families United by Faith, a group to support you and encourage you...I always have the group answer 3 questions and I usually give another question based on the sermon upstairs......" 

I look at the group and I can tell I am not the only one struggling. I can see many are tired and burdened. 

"...say you name, who brings you hear today, how you feel on a scale of 1-10 and...." 

Ahhh the final question, the question every waits to hear, the question that changes every week.

The question that opens the hearts of those struggling. The question that unites, bonds, and holds us together. 

The sermon was on giving. The sermon was on sacrificing, on where you heart lies. 

"WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO SURRENDER or SACRIFICE? FORGIVENESS? COMPASSION? ENCOURAGMENT? BITTERNESS? EGO?"

And I sit back and listen. 

Until it comes to me and I have to confess I am only a "6". 

It shocks everyone. My smile, my humor, my countenance is perfected. A clever disguise that stuns the group, that rarely hears low numbers from me. 

Reason 153 why I run. Because I can't always "Shut Up" when I want to. And even when I vocally "shut up" my internal voices are SCREAMING at me.  My mistakes, my imperfections, my quirks scream at me like Jezebel and like Ezekiel I just want to go hide under the Juniper tree. 

RUNDOWN: T-10 days A1A marathon

Ramping up your miles a few weeks before your marathon usually puts you on the cuff of burn out. You have put in the miles, put in the time, you have pushed your body and your mind and you are exhausted. Peak week I found my body teetering towards physical annoyances. Tight hamstring, Pf started to blow kisses at me, twitching muscles, sleeplessness and emotional fatigue. 

With 10 days until my marathon I am trying to recover and listen to my body. I continue to scale back my miles and even my effort level. I usually run 2 times on Thursday but not even Andy begging me could get me off the couch this evening. 

I am scared. Afraid I have too lofty of a goal, a 4 hour marathon. But I really want to try. I know my body is stronger than 6 months ago. But it isn't as strong as it was before cancer. 

I am not changing my goal based on fear. A sub 4 hour marathon. 

I have to try. I don't want to use cancer as my excuse. I want to overcome all that. God brought me out of that, I have to quit looking back. 

Beginners Corner: 

The average 5K training for a physically fit person takes about 4 weeks. 

From a beginners program 7 weeks. 

Treadmill training has a lot of benefits. You have the ability to set a goal pace for different workouts. With the winter pummeling us there is NO SHAME in treadmill running. It actually gives your body a break from the pounding of running on non forgiving outdoor surfaces. 

 

Cake Cookie Recipe. 

Danielle gave me a few cookies today after our run at Indian Springs. They were soo good I went out and bought the ingredients to make them this afternoon. 

• 1 box cake mix of your choice
• 1/2 cup canola oil
• 2 eggs
• 1/2 bag chips of your choice

Preheat oven to 350'

Mix ingredients, folding in chips.  

Bake 7-9 minutes and transfer to baking rack. 

SO Easy and so Good. 

Whether you are trying to hush the inner voices or hush the outside voices we all just trying.  Some voices scream while others whisper. But we have an amazing God that always listens and when we can not understand the words we hear or speak, He knows all. 

DON'T FORGET TO SHARE YOUR TIME YOU THINK I WILL FINISH MY MARATHON, I HAVE A GREAT GIFT FROM FLORIDA TO THE WINNER WHO COMES CLOSEST TO THE TIME OF MY MARATHON!!