Call Me Crazy.

I Love this guy! He is at the cross walk on my runs. He makes me smile with that big old STOP sign.



6 days away until I will be lined up with thousands of runners. Together, we will let our training lead us to conquer 26.2 miles. We will run over the bridge, under the tunnel and into Canada. The Detroit Free press Marathon and half marathon is one of my babies.

Training hard for the marathon is very important to me. Running those miles puts your body at the brink of crazy. It is physically insane. I try very hard to be trained so that I can feel confident at the starting line.

This year is some kind of DIFFERENT.
I am not confident.
I am not trained perfectly.
I am not whole, my body is broken.
I feel 40.

I had signed up for the marathon before the price increased months ago. When I was healthy and whole. Before I ran Boston.
Before I got injured.

I was financially and emotionally invested in the Free press Marathon.
I am just stinking crazy. Officially crazy. I can not believe that I am going to run THIS SUNDAY.

I am scared. Yes, I said it. I have NO idea what my body is going to do. I have no idea how my body is going to carry me or recover for me.

I ran my last long run later than most. My calves were still tight on yesterdays 3 miler.
I ran with Lacy today. I ran 2 miles solo, and 4 with her.

BEWARE OF THE TAPER:
Crabby, starving, angry, edgy

Lacy chatted with me about her emotional status. She was so hard on herself. I reminded her of her training. The taper is brutal. It leaves you like an emotional toilet. You are full of toxic emotions that are floating around. You know you smell and you know everyone can smell your attitude a mile away!
You just want food, all the time, all food. Not even food makes the runner happy..

For me, already being under trained, I am emotionally stressed out. I want to run more to make sure I have all my eggs in the basket, except I would be cutting off my right leg off in that process.

It doesn't even matter. I couldn't run more if I wanted. I am barely out of the woods with this injury of mine. I am already playing with fire. This marathon has potential to do me in physically for a very long time.
But the crazy addictive part is I CAN'T turn away. I Don't Quit. I Can't Quit. That just isn't an option. I guess the crazy part is I would rather take DOOR #2..Injury. All the time praying that Door # 2 really is "Victory W/O Injury"

With everything I have and everything I am calling on God for, Which is EVERYTHING;  I CAN'T Quit.

Call Me Crazy, Some of you probably are even saying "You get what You Deserve". Your right.
But I believe God called me to RUN.
God calls me to that Starting Corral. Not FOR me, FOR YOU.
Because TRUTH is, I am scared. But I know that he is calling me to run this marathon for someone else, not me.
These miles are not about me.

They are for those that want to Quit. Those who want to Give Up. For those who Feel Weak, Insufficient, Broken, and Discouraged.

"He gives Power to the Weak,

And to those who have no might He increases in strength."

Isaiah 40:29

 





I am running Sunday for those who are Scared, for those who are Confused. I am running for those who are Injured and those who are Alone.

"Fear not, for I am with you;

Be not dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you,

Yes, I will help you,

I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

Isaiah 41:10

 

I feel your pain. God Feels your pain too. I am not going to give up, for myself and for you.

I am asking for prayers. My legs are weak, I need God to provide continued strength both physically and emotionally. I am asking you to Pray that God keeps my legs and body from being injured after the race.
My thinking has to be on target. My mind has to be focused and positive. My body will do what many mind tells it to.

I am being very transparent when I say I am scared. Please know my heart. I will NOT Quit. No matter what. With Everything in me, I will make it to the Finish Line.

 

Anita