Often times on my way home from church I am in deep thought mode. On my way home, I called Andy and he came beside me in my thoughts. The ladies at church had asked me a couple questions about how I see
I had tried to answer but my heart was weeping. I couldn't grasp the words; afraid I was going to unravel at the next breath.
I was processing these moments with Andy.
Childhood moments and what stays with us as we grow.
We talked about my mother. Andy actually did most of the talking, and it was gentle and kind.
It is hard to watch my parents die to addiction. But what I remember most wasn't just the struggle; it was her remorse. My mom lived in a constant posture of apology.
Always trying again, and again and again.
Always wanting to do better.
Always reaching for forgiveness, for love, for grace, for another chance.
As a child, I watched the cycle, and not very forgiving. Her slipping, falling, fighting, climbing and reaching back out of the abyss of addiction and chaos again.
And it shaped me, molding me over and over again.
It taught me compassion in a way I don't think comfort ever could.
Because when you witness someone so deeply aware of their brokenness, so desperate to make it right, you don't hold onto bitterness the same way.
It is hard to harden your heart towards humility.
Her life showed me that brokenness doesn't cancel love. And remorse, even when it repeats, still carries something sacred, it reveals a heart that hasn't given up.
RUNDOWN:
I think about this sort of things on my solo runs. Running, in its own way mirrors the same rythym.
We fall off pace.
We miss runs.
We hit walls.
We question everything. And find us spiraling into self-deprecation.
And yet, I fight the negative thoughts and Lace Up Again.
Not for anything but because I am still reaching.
There's a quiet humility in showing up again after a hard run, a bad week, or a season when everything feels off and sometimes there is a season when you are OFF! Injury is always that season. But it is not about getting it right every time, as much as its about not Giving Up in the process.
Growth isn't built on perfection; it is built on the return. I sure wish I could have taught my mother that.
Like FAITH. 
"The Lord's lovingkindness indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning." Lamentations 3:22-23
Not just for our best days but for our repeated bad ones too. The ones where we're still trying, still learning, and still returning.
Maybe that is another lesson. Whether in faith or in running, we are not defined by how many times we fall, but by the grace that meets us when we rise again.
Learning to apologize to yourself and learning to apologize to others is a beautiful act of humility. It is in that humility that grace has room to meet us and the strength to begin again is born. 
Marathon Highlights: Ashville Edition
- Mileage on Lock: 4 straight weeks of nailing my training
- Long run win: Turned a planned 30-miler into a full marathon
- Perfect set-up: Staying just 2.7 miles from the Ashville Marathon start line
- Cutting it close: Rolled in just as the marathon was starting, may have been the last one to cross the mat!
- Navigation Win: I didn't get lost running to the start!
- SURPRISE: Andy ran out and found me, jumped in and ran 7 miles w/me.
- New Connection: Met a new marathoner, Ryan.
- Strong Finish: Encouraged him through the tough miles when he wanted to quit
- Breakthrough Moment: His first marathon-and he crushed his time by over 15 minutes
- MY TIME; 30 miles: 5:04 Marathon: 4:26:41
- Countdown is on: 2 weeks out from New River Trail marathon
- Weekly miles: 66
In Peace, Not Pieces,
Anita
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