AND Know.

Be Still and Know. 

 In my quiet place, my mind tends to wander. I can really have a hay day dissecting myself. 

Many of us do if we are honest. 

I find myself so needy even at 47, an age where I should have it all together and be secure in myself but I am emotionally flailing in a sea of historical baggage. 

When we are intentionally trying to be just a lil bit better, Satan is reminding us we are so unworthy. 

Maybe it is in the words of another, or maybe it is in social media, or maybe it is in your profession so many areas that can lead to unworthiness. 

It is in that murkiness we feel insufficient, defective, unworthy, incapable, we feel less than, unwanted, unacceptable and the list goes on. 

Emotionally unstable and fragile I am doing my best to sift through all those damaging lies. I am teetering back and forth on God's truth and the baggage of life. 

I am trying to figure myself out. Or maybe I am trying to justify myself and my actions, confused by even myself. I am letting the words of others become my truth and I am drowning in my own emotional vomit.  

So I wrestle with my past. I want to understand why I am the way I am. We try to figure ourselves out. 

As many of us do. 

And it hurts, so deeply that I am tormented. I feel so exposed, so vulnerable. 

Those moments as a child I wanted so bad to feel secure, excited to come home and share my day. And the smell of weed and Budweiser drifted through the door. 

Then lets add foster homes to a small 7 year old. 

It wasn't necessarily being in a foster home as a child that was so bad (although it was) it was so much worse being there because you felt unwanted, unloved, abandoned....It was the emotional damage that destroyed my security. 

Or maybe it was losing my father as a young child. 

Or maybe it was losing my mom as a teenager. 

You are left alone. My formative years make a train wreck look like a fender bender. 

Those feelings are feelings that you carry with you. That Satan finds this crack in your armor and thrashes you with lies. 

Telling you that you are alone. 

Telling you that no one loves you. 

Telling you that you don't fit in or your not welcome. 

Telling you that you are lacking and defective and good for no one, not even yourself.

It's exhausting. 

Col 2:10 " and in Him you have been made complete and He is the head over all rule and authority." 

I have to be reminded that HE has completed me. 

This was my verse I was supposed to do along side Joy this week. 

But I got sick. God knew I was going to struggle this week. He was preparing me, he was leading me in my broken spirit back to Him. 

I wrote my notes but never thought I would be applying them so soon. 

And my sweet niece, Becca sent me her devotion that aligned up with my broken spirit. 

And Joy sent me a sermon today that held my hand with comfort. 

In this world, I have to remember, God knows my history, God knows my intentions, God knew me before ANYONE else ever knew me. Psalm 139:13-16

I am HIS, always, and in everyway, John 1:12

I am made in His image, Gen:1:27

That He knows my every detail, Luke 12:7

And I am COMPLETE in HIM. Col 2:10.

When this world fails you, when you fail yourself, when you are seeking the approval of others, when you are struggling with some baggage from a lifetime ago or just yesterday BE reminded God never fails. 

All those places, all those people, all those events, all those expectations will NEVER be complete you. Only HE completes you. 

Only He secures you.

Only He provides all the truth of life.

He builds us up, strengthens us. when this world wants to kill Rob and destroy us.  

Anita~

I just love Shelby Girl, she sent me Gods sweet words to me last night. She is an amazing encourager. It is the little things like this that bring so much life.