Not so Incredible...

 "When you recognize that failing does not make you a failure, you give yourself permission to try all sorts of things" Lauren Fleshman 

Today I thought I would test my legs out on the trails. Every step today was a struggle. A struggle to get out of bed, a struggle to get dressed and a struggle to get out the door. 

I didn't start running until close to 10am. The temperatures had risen to almost 80 degrees and the bugs were more active than I was. 

About 2 miles into my run, I thought I saw something moving through the trees. 

Glancing over my shoulder between the trees I spotted someone coming towards me in blue. Panic set it. I did a quick run down of my dangers and my plan. 

I picked up my pace. I thought I will out run them. 

I whipped through the trees, weaving in and out of the switchbacks and tackled the hills that I would normally walk. 

After a few minutes, I looked behind me again and realized I was never going to out run them, it was a biker. 

He came up on me fast, I jumped to the side of the trail as he peddled up the hill I just ran breathlessly. 

As he rode pass me he shouted "YOU are INCREDIBLE, YOU are AMAZING!" 

And as quick as he came he disappeared into the woods. 

But his words remained. 

"YOU are INCREDIBLE, YOU are AMAZING!"

I recited the words over and over to myself. "Ha, if only you knew..." I thought. 

My mind has been a mess. I hear my thoughts, I hear my words and I am ashamed of myself.  

I said to a co-worker this week after getting a text,  "Help me respond, Heidi, tell me what to say because I am struggling.." 

"A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh." Eze 36:26

We have days we just don't feel so Incredible. Part of this I know is "Post Race Blues" It is very common to struggle with sadness after a race. Your endorphins are at a low where they have been peaked for weeks of training and even race day. Add fatigue and soreness to the mix, a lot of runners get the blues. 

I thought of his words for miles. And all I could do was laugh. Running doesn't make you amazing. Winning in a race doesn't make you incredible. 

At the end of the day none of those miles mean pee diddly do. 

It's how you treat people. 

It's how you respond to one another. 

Its being kind, being thoughtful. 

It all the things people don't see that can make a difference. 

Tuesday night at our addiction meeting a comment was made. "Addicts don't understand, they don't care about what they do to us...." 

I held my tongue. That comment comes from a broken heart. a heart that's been hurt and hardened. 

I paused when I wanted to speak. I waited for the right time to address this. 

"Hurting people hurt people..." A broken heart will speak from emotion, that emotion is so vivid, so passionate it feels like truth. 

Not so Incredible...so many yesterdays I let my emotions rule me. I let them dictate my actions. And those words still haunt me years later and their actions. 

Somewhere on that trail God got tired of my pity party. Lauren Daigle's voice sang sweetly to me. 

"I thought I was too far gone

For everything I done wrong

Yeah, I'm the one who dug this grave

But you called my name...."

"All at once I came alive...." 

And I smiled....

As I came off the trail, I saw that biker one more time..

I always come out of Holdridge and walk around the parking lot. As I came around the outer edge near the west loop, 2 vehicles were parked. I got the show of my life. He was standing on the inside of his van with the woods on his other side. ONLY he was standing there totally naked changing. BUCK A$$ nude! I almost died! I QUICKLY diverted my eyes and acted like I never noticed as I cracked up. His wife was in the pavilion and had no idea what I had just seen. 

I was like, "Am I still INCREDIBLE?" 

RUNDOWN:

19-25= 80 miles (59.27 Loopty Loops)

MON: 4.1 miles

WED: 8 miles

THURS: 11 miles

Anita 

Loopty Loops RECAP

 "I thought I was broken but you were breaking ground on me." Tasha Layton

2 years to the DAY later. 

 

Loopty Loops 12 hour Ultra

Course: 3 mile trail at Bloomer Park

Start: 7am

Object: To get the most loops in before 8pm, but you must starrt last loop by 7pm. 

The plan: to run my first 7 loops (21 miles) at 33-36 minutes. Next 7 loops 40-45. Then assess my time, body and go from there.  

It took 2 years. 2 years of fighting, clawing, begging, crying, praying to feel. 

To feel pain, to feel accomplishment, to feel alive, to feel that all that hell was defeated. 

Loopty Loops would be my first ultra that I would lay it all out there. All the fighting, all the recovery, all the training, all the work I have put in, all the prayers, all my faith and all I had, I would give. 

I decided I would just run, run till my legs fell off, then find a way to put them back on and RUN some more. To run with joy, to run with gratitude, to run on purpose, to run for pain but to run with everything I had and to run with everything I didn't. 

I had nothing to prove to ANYONE. 

I had everything to prove to MYSELF. 

The race started at 7am thick with humidity. Everybody took off into the woods with me trailing in the back of the pack. 

I was not my normal obnoxious self.  Even in the midst of all the runners I felt introverted. I had many friends there but I started alone. 

As we entered the woods I realized Ryan L was in front of me. We chatted a bit but I was uncharacteristically quite. 

Loops 2: Lacey was running the 8 hour, her start time was 7:30am. She was a breath of fresh air standing there waiting for me. 

Before coming into the loop it had started to rain. Andy gave me a hat and cheered us on. 

It rained and rained. We found our groove splashing each other, jumping in the puddles and keeping pace. 

Lacey took a little break and sat a loop out. 

So I picked up my pace. I came in that loop at 32 minutes. Andy came out with the biggest SH!% eating grin, "I KNEW IT! I knew you were going to come through this loop under paced!"  

Lacey jumped back in with me. 

The rain had stopped, but the air was thicker then snot. Running in the heat has always been my super power. 

I ate and drank as much as I could, pickle juice, pickles, pizza, Pringles, Roll-ups, cheese quesadillas, Ucan, watermelon. I new I had to keep on it. 

I never used the port-a jons to pee, that's the beauty of trail running! The best was Lacey getting caught peeing by a runner, squatting on the side of the trail, I couldn't stop laughing! 

Somewhere I fell apart. As we came into a loop Mom and dad were there and I was a mess. I could see the look of panic on moms face. I tried so hard to look better but I couldnt disguise it. Mom had to leave, it hurts her to see me that way. She would come back. 

Nothing last forever. Lacey went over her goal  of running a marathon and did a 50K! She ran so good but now I had to dial it in. 

I had 37 miles and was running solo back on the trails. I had everything I needed, my music was blasting old school Grease soundtrack as I found a second wind. 

Andy discovered he could pace me after 4 pm. Mom and dad came back and I felt so much better, or at least faked it better! 

Andy the whole day had been keeping track of all my loops, taking care of my needs. I was no longer counting my loops, I had my watch on the time. I was dialed into trying my laps in so I could go back out at 7pm. 

I came in so pumped. The aid stations would cheer me on, Andy was grabbing me ginger ale for my belly issue and I rushed through to another loop. 

As I came in he jumped in to run with me. I was so excited. 

I think it was loop 17 Antonio jumped in with us. I was so elated. I was getting tired and my body was beginning to hurt. 

My brain wasn't calculating correctly. I was trying to compute my time for the laps but it was all foggy. Antonio was able to decipher my thoughts and did some quick math, "Anita, you have to get through this loops in 42 minutes...." 

"Pick up the pace..." I responded. 

Game on. 

I picked up the pace, Andy and Antonio dropped and I was alone to bring in the last couple loops. 

Most of the runners were done. I had made the time to hit the last loop. Everyone was so encouraging. People were clapping and cheering me on as I went out for my final loop, 6:58pm. 

I had an hour, my legs were cramping and I was scared I was going to have to walk. 

Then the thunder rolled. The lightning crashed. Walking 3 miles was no longer an option. I was genuinely nervous. I tried to run but felt my hamstrings started spasming. I prayed. 

I prayed a lot that last loop. And by the grace of God, with the woods storming behind me I finished. 

CHARACTERS: 

Lacey: So proud of her. She ran her little heart out, running her farthest trail run ever. She actually signed up for this race FIRST, and talked me into it! I love this girl. 

JOE:

This guy always makes me laugh, This was the text I got from him the night before, "Picked up your loopty bib and chucked it in the dumpster when I grabbed mine. Save you some disappointment.:)"

JOE tell Lacey "My only job is to beat Anita..." Joe did awesome. He only has one lung we found out. He was struggling to breath. I came into a loop and he was standing there with 2 black eyes. "JOE! what happened?!" I asked panicked he broke the bloods vessels in his eyes as a symptom of over exertion. YEAH, NOPE! He let Antonio's daughters put make up on him! 

Andy: Andy hasn't crewed me in a long time. He is so meticulous. We had our tent and the Complete Runner tent, he brought 2 tables, food, chairs, towels, the Theragun, ibuprofen and the list goes on. He was there almost every loop taking care of not just me but a lot of us runners.  

He jumped in to pace me at the last minute not knowing he could. He pushed me knowing I could do more than I thought. He had the biggest grin as I came in those last two laps. His smile for me was priceless. 

Nicole: It was her first go at 50 miles, and a trail run and she rocked it out! 

Ryan L: This guy is the most humble runner I know. He has such an amazing story. I love watching him run. He is so disciplined. He is one of the most polite runners I know. He did amazing running over 50 miles preparing him for Hennipen in the fall. 

Sean C.:

I have ran a few races with Sean. I saw him several times on the course, always smiling. We heard ice cream truck music in the woods, we thought we were hallucinating! Sure enough there was Valerie and another volunteer like angels with POPSCICLES! It was like mana from heaven! 

Mom and Dad: Do you have someone in you life you think "Why do they love me so much?" I think about them loving the way they do and I am in awe. So grateful for them always chasing me around, encouraging me, cheering for me, believing in me and supporting me. I love them so much. 

Antonio: I was coming out of the woods some loop around 4 pm and I heard him singing into a microphone. I couldn't quit smiling! 

Then next I knew he was running and pacing me. He was thinking for me and my goal became his mission. 

Great JOB out there, Christina and Brian, Brian ran his first 50K! Congrats to Claudia and Matt, Mark and Shirley and all those I am forgetting. 

Big thank you to Geneva and all the volunteers. The volunteers were so amazing.  

 "I thought I was broken but you were breaking ground on me." Tasha Layton 

So I never knew how many loops I was doing. I wanted to run not afraid of chemo, or injuries, or surgeries, 

I wanted to run with nothing left in me but my faith in God, with the strength He would give me. 

I wanted nothing left. 

I had no idea when I finished that I would end up first place OVERALL. 

I just couldn't process it. I haven't really posted anything about it until now. 

"Anita, can I just have 90 seconds of your time..." A woman I didn't know asked to talk to me as I was coming through the aid station...

Nikki P. pulled me side to share that she had 6 more treatments to go, TNBC. I felt the tears well up and just reached into to hold her. 

We FIGHT. We go another round, we never give up. And when its not our fight we get in the ring and help others fight. 

So many times I thought I couldn't go, broken...But God was breaking ground on me. 

Anita

Watch and Be

"Example is not the main thing in influencing others, it is the only thing."

 Albert Schweitzer 

Wednesday, I went out for a solo run before work. It was a  5mile loop around my house. I had no ambition. For the last week, I have been dragging myself out the door. Most of my runs have been solo and have proved to be exactly what I needed mentally.  

As I ran down East Holly road, I tried to convince myself into running. One minute into another minute I felt my body slowly meshing with the idea of running. 

I tried to feel the elements of encouragement, the warmth of the sun against my skin, fresh air in my lungs, the smell of fresh cut grass, the sounds of the birds chirping...

The little things. 

I then let my thoughts wander to those who inspire me, encourage me... 

I thought of how many people I have learned from. I thought of how many mistakes I have learned to not make from others. 

I thought of all the painful mistakes I have learned from myself. 

I like to watch others. I learn so much watching others. 

Watch and Be;

Be inspired.

Be encouraged.

Be stronger.

Be secure.

Be confident.

Beware.

Believe.

You fill in the blank, Watch and Be_________.

LOOPTY LOOPS

This Saturday. 

My taper program has me running 19 miles this week, Tuesday-Friday running. 

Monday: 12

Wednesday: 5.5

Thursday: 3.1

Weekly miles:  20.6  

This week has been a struggle to lace up the shoes. One of the things I have learned is that when I am feeling the burn out it is best to give in a little then to risk loosing a lot. Tapering allows that and invites you to bring down the miles.

Loopty loops is a 3 mile loop at Bloomer Park in Rochester. I signed up for the 12 hour. The idea is to get as many loops in that time frame as you can. You can run, rest, or lolligag as much as you like! 

We have 70% storms on Saturday. That should make the course a bit interesting. Rain Runs! 

Some Basic thoughts on running 12 hours:

• If you think your going fast, YOU ARE. 
• Slow and steady, do not burn yourself out the first 6 hours. 
• Start out conservative. 
• Set you goal: Goal A, Goal B and  Goal C...
• Remember that every loop can be all together different than the next, don't quit. 
• Be conscious of the clock, your pace and your goals. 
• Eat and drink often. 
• Be mindful of the time you rest. The longer you rest the harder it is to get going again. 
• Change socks and shoes. 
• Encourage others when your struggling and it will encourage yourself. 
• Bring a smile, share a smile, don't forget to have fun! 

Idea: If I try to get 50 miles in 12 hours that would be about 17 loops. 

OR 14: 24 min miles.

Or I could run by loops, running the loops between 11-12min/miles and rest in between 

So many different variable and ways to do it. But for me, it is another training run. I am going out with Lacey, Andy is coming out in the morning to set up our tent and hang out with us. 

I look forward to having fun in the rain. The element of surprise is something I just LOVE!

Chris and I introduced Nicole to the trails Monday. She fell in love with them. She is running Loopty Loops too. Good Luck To Nicole! It is her first time at running a Ultra. I am very excited for her. She is going for 50 miles! She is one tough cookie! 

ANITA~

I would rather die of passion than of boredom. -- Vincent van Gogh

Things Unsaid

 

"And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." Marianne Williamson

Jiminy Crickets! I have been absent. After running Charlevoix Marathon, I went into hibernation mode. Hibernation Mode basically defines as "Sensory Overload". I go into a quiet place, trying to regroup, recover and redirect myself. 

I briefly caught my breath and my sister came in to visit me for a week. We had a lot of fun but I lost another week of writing. 

MILEAGE

I have been running still. 

June 14-20: 43 miles, Charlevoix marathon week.

June 21-27: 68 miles

June 28-July 4th: 67.2 miles

July 5-11: 59.3 miles

My miles are in the zone for my training plan I use, I love Hal Koerners training plan. 

That may look like a lot of miles but I do the 80/20 rule. 80% of my mileage is at 20%  and 20% of mileage is at 80% effort level. 

 

NUTRITION

My nutrition is very important to me. The average SEDENTARY female should be consuming on average 46 grams of protein. Protein helps speed up the recovery process after exercise. 

My post run smoothies average between 25-35 grams of protein. I use high protein yogurt, collagen and plant based protein. 

I hard boil eggs, 1 egg is on average of 6grams of protein. 

I love beans, 1/2 cup of beans provides about 7 grams of protein. 

Upcoming Races: 

OPEN SESEME! Races are opening left and right! The more races open, the broker I am getting! 

This past Saturday I earned my first official DNF! Ode to Laz is a last man standing format. I ran over 16 miles. I had so much fun. After finishing, I crewed Andy to an epic 50 miles! He did so good! 

July 17th I am running Loopty Loops. I have signed up for 12 hours. I am excited to go run loops, play in the woods and get a long run in. Every race is a training run preparing me for the next thing. 

August is my more serious race, North Country 50K. This is the same weekend as the CRIM. Its gonna be a tough weekend. 

Everyday is a gift. It may seem like a lot but its living life again. Its doing the hard things, accomplishing dreams, overcoming fears and challenges and self. Its being depleted, emptied and having to rely on God. I love relying on God. This is one of the biggest reasons I run these crazy races, it is an intimacy I have with God. 

 Things UNSAID:

This past weekend I was part of a truly epic weekend. Ode to Laz is a 4.16 mile course that runners run over and over at the top of the hour until they either don't make it into the corral or they drop out. 

I have volunteered at this race since it started 3 years ago. 

I have watched grit, perseverance, guttural passion that will either ignite a flame in you or scare the hell out of you. 

The first year I volunteered  that damn cancer had hijacked my body and I fought to be normal, to feel alive amongst rockstars. I was bald, shallow, hairless and hurting. I hid my cancer from everyone behind a 70's black afro and iridescent body suit with bell bottoms. It was that day I fell in love with Sarah Moore. This girl gave those men a run like no other and beat them all 2 years in a row. 

I showed up this year with LIFE running through my veins. 

ALIVE! 

Full of zest and animation. I was ready to cheer on all those runners especially Andy to 50 miles and Sarah to victory. 

Sarah has been in my shadows since cancer cheering me on and supporting me with love and kindness. 

That girl ran 41 yards/ hours, 168 miles and came in 2nd. 

But I must share this.  

Sarah came into one of the later laps broken and crying. My heart was so heavy for her as she willed herself back to the starting corral. Her body breaking, her spirit crushed, her voices defeating her, she cried through the starting line. 

We all rushed to Andrews van to meet her down the course. We knew she needed a voice stronger than her own. We knew she needed us. 

When we arrived at the stairs the other 2 runners climbed up and out of the woods with no trace of Sarah. We screamed and yelled her name from the top. My heart was beeping, my chest was heavy with concern for her. We saw her walking to the base of the stairs sobbing. 

Everyone yelled at her their own version of encouragement and she yelled back, "NO, I am DONE..." 

She cried and told us all to "F-off". I fought the tears back myself. 

I remembered this pain. God I remembered being so defeated by my cancer. I remember being so sick and so tired and so broken. I remember trying to be strong for everyone else but I just wanted to curl up and die. "WHATS the POINT" she yelled. 

And with that I walked closer to her. I wanted her to see me. I wanted her to see the point. I wanted her to see you don't quit in the middle, you quit when your done. And she was not done with that loop. I wanted her to see that it didn't matter how ugly it was she just had to finish. I wanted her to see that I believed in her the way she believed in me. 

I didn't have to say much, truth be told that girl picked up her boot straps, wiped her tears and somehow passed those boys who were 4 minutes ahead of her and came into the finish line like a stallion! 

"Anita, what did you say to her?" they all asked me. 

"It's not what I said, its what her heard." I responded. She heard my heart. 

She heard all of us. She saw us all there for her. 

She ran the farthest she has ever on that course. She finished that loop and a few more. She finished in second place but with grit and grace. A true champion. 

Collision: I know I am not for everyone. There are people out there that do not like my energy. But truth be told, my energy, my passion, my zeal is not malicious, not mean, not hurtful. Those that love me, love my explosive personality! We were created to encourage, love, support and lift others up. There is so much power in that. When we see others hurting, get out there, get uncomfortable for the love of them. Get over your sensitive egos and lift those hurting up! 

Sarah and I. After her finish and a little recovery, I got to enjoy a hug with her. 

Anita