The Tempest; Persevering through Life's Storms

I am not afraid of the storms for I am learning how to sail my ship." Louisa May Alcott

In Acts 27, we find Paul and his companions caught in a fierce storm. Thier ship was battered by relentless winds, and despite all efforts to maintain control, they were driven by forces far stronger than themselves. The sailors tried everything-anchoring, securing cargo, and even throwing cargo and supplies overboard to stay afloat. They couldn't even eat they were seasick and exhausted. 

YET, in the end, they had no choice but to surrender and trust God to see them through. 

In the TEMPEST

"There is Peace, even in the storms," Vincent Van Gogh

This morning, I faced my own storm on a routine run. I was thrown off course from the very start, arriving at the wrong location. As I drove to the right location, I could see the rain pelting the windshield and I knew it was going to be a struggle. 

Cold rain and biting wind quickly wore me down, and even though I managed to push forward for miles it seemed like each step brought me closer to the edge of my endurance. Andy, Joe and I were stronger together, I was so happy to have company in my miserable state. 

But when they both had to leave, I faced the decision alone: to press on or give up. 

At that moment, I felt a deeper struggle. The battle wasn't just against the elements but within my own spirit. I felt every reason to call it quits. But I remebered that God sometimes allows these storms NOT to DEFEAT us, but to STRENGTHEN us, to remind us of His POWER when our own strength is spent.

A SECOND WIND: the IRONY!

"The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next." 

Mignon McLaughlin

Tuckering out, the Lord gave me a second wind-a brief, almost miraculous boost to keep me moving forward and not back to my truck!

But then the winds shifted, the rain stung my face again and I wondered if I could keep going. For a moment, the temptation to call Andy for help was strong. Stronger the wind blasting me. 

I heard myself, "UGH, I can't do it, I can't make it back to the car like this."

But instead, I held on, taking it one step at a time, counting the telephone poles. 

Then I saw that dreadful hill to the parking lot on Fish Lake Road. Truth is, I walked the rest of the way to my car, I realized I hadn't given up, I didn't quit, I just did it differently. 

RUNDOWN:

The World breaks everyone, and afterword, some are strong at the broken places." 

Ernest Hemingway

Sometimes, life can feel like this TEMPEST. We do our best to set course, but things go awry, sometimes right from the beginning. 

We find ourselves in situations where nothing seems to be going right, where the winds of adversity beat against us. Just as the sailors faced a physical storm, we face our own storms, whether emotional, spiritual or physical. 

In life and in my running, I have had moments I just feel like surrendering, but in those moments, God meets us with just enough strength to the next step.

The Lord may not calm my storms right away, but He equips me to endure it. 

Paul's ship did not escape the storm, and they had a lot of damage and trauma, but they were saved because of ultimately trusting in the Lord's sovereignty.

This was part of my bible study that I read YESTERDAY! Gods word was fresh and real in my struggles. The story of Paul's struggle encouraged me in my own storm today.

• God is Sovreign in our lives.
• I hope you are reminded that the Lord is your STRENGTH when you are weak. 
• When the winds are against you it is an invitation to call on HIM
• Be encouraged to trust in Gods timing
• And PRAISE HIM in the storms. 

November RUNNING:

October 28-Nov 3

Distance: 65miles

Elevation: 3,000 ft

Nov 4-Nov 10

Distance: 64

Elevation; 2,800

In PEACE, Not Pieces, 

Anita

 

Integrity or Idol: A Chicago Marathon Reflection

 "May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, Lord is in you." 

Psalm 25:21

The Chicago Marathon was more than 26.2 miles. It was more than a personal triumph, a test of endurance or a chance to bod with friends. It became a journey into something far deeper-an exploration of my heart, my faith, ad wo I am as a child of God. 

WHAT IS INTEGRITY? It is living in TRUTH, even when no one is watching. It is standing firm in honesty when the easier path might be deception or manipulation. It's choosing the harder right over the easier wrong. 

WHAT IS IDOLATRY? It's when something-anything-becomes more important than God. When your identity is placed in achievement or success rather than in Christ. When the prize takes center stage, leaving the TRUE PURPOSE of who you are. 

As a Christian athlete in a world obsessed with SELF-Self strength, Self goals, Self-glory, where is MY FAITH? 

What does it mean to run with Honesty, Integrity, and Humility in a world that celebrates the opposite? 

Chicago presented me with a platform to wrestle with these questions. After just finishing with what I believed was a time of 3:43. Thats what I stopped my Garmin at when iI stopped. However, the text I would get moments later would dispute that.  The Chicago Marathon clocked me at 4:07. 

Andy was next to me full of excitement but the joy of crossing that finish line vanished in an instant. 

Andy witnessed my countenance change abruptly. He told me to let it go, to find joy in what I had achieved, but the human part of me couldn't shake the sting. 

Over the hours that followed, I realized I had a choice. The TRUTH was, I had moved up into a faster corral that morning to avoid a hotel check-out issue, breaking the rules. I not only had to be out of the hotel by 1pm I also had a 4pm train to catch. 

The temptation to manipulate my way out of the discrepancy was strong. BUT the Lord gave me peace. I could not bend the truth. I had to face the potential consequences, including possible disqualification. 

After days of waiting for a response back from the email we sent, the race organizers emailed us back. 

They investigated and found that the error was due to a chip malfunction, not any wrongdoing on my part. They adjusted my time to reflect what my watch had recorded. 

THE RUNDOWN

"The truest test of a person's character is what they do when no one is watching. " John Wooden

In those days of waiting, I realized the real test wasn't about my marathon time, but about MY HEART. If I had lied or twisted the outcome, running would have become an idol-something that stood between me and my integrity in Christ. 

My integrity as a human.

My integrity as a runner. 

By choosing to be honest, I placed my faith in God above the outcome, trust in that His will, not mine would prevail. 

No matter what race we are running-whether it's in athletics, work, relationships, or personal growth-the challenges are the same. 

We will all face moments where the temptation to cut corners, bend the truth or prioritize success over integrity feels overwhelming, but in those moments, we have a choice, to hold fast to what is right and honor the path God has called us to walk. 

In Peace, not Pieces,

Anita

Midwest to Everest 50M. Chasing Everest.

 "Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase."  

Martin Luther King Jr

Last Saturday, I found myself standing at the base of Cannonsburg Ski Mountain, about to take on a challenge I only signed up the week before. I blame Christina for this, and the fact that I am weak for a new race experience. 

We found a campground just a few miles away, so the 17 minute drive at 6am wasn't too bad. Little did I know, by noon I would actually know what the true meaning of BAD was. 

Armed with only a bag of gear, a couple chairs, and a table, Andy and I set up camp at the base of the mountain along with Joe. 

The task ahead? Climbing the slope 76 times along with a 2-mile trail run that I could do any time in the race. 

Each loop was only .6 miles, but the total elevation gain was meant to mimic half the height of Mount Everest for the 50-mile race. It didn't sound so terrible when I signed up...

Before the race started, Andy and I prayed together. Without that, I'm convinced my suffering-and maybe even the possibility of finishing-would have looked different.  

The race kicked off at 7am., with only about 30 runners split between the 100-mile and 50-mile categories. That should have been my first clue. There was a reason, so few people signed up for this race-and somehow, I missed the memo!

UP Up Up

"It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. He makes my feet like the feet of deer; He causes me to stand on the heights." Psalm: 32-33

With the sun still hiding we started our initial journey up Cannonsburg Ski Hill. One of 76!

 Joe and Christina, both seasoned ultra runners, made the hill seem effortless as they cracked jokes and chatted with the other runners. Meanwhile, I was fighting off every little tweak my body decided to throw at me. I kept coaching myself, trying to silence the whining in my head and telling myself to "suck it up." But my mind and body were having none of it. 

For the first 10 to 15 miles, Joe, Christina and I stuck together, quietly grinding away with the hope of finishing in around 14-15 hours. As the clouds separated the sun came out a blazing. We were completely unprotected and left vulnerable to the elements. 

It was in these loops my mind and body were having a conniption fit.

It was in these mile my mind was racing much faster than my legs. 

It was in these tumultuous miles that I had one of my very few good ideas, to change my GOAL!  The reality of my agony was humbling me quicker than I was getting up that hill.

Andy had left back to the camper as the three of us continued to move in the mayhem. 

How do you eat an ELEPHANT? One bit at a time. 

Joe and I decided to take coverage in the trails, we knocked out our first 2-mile trail run at 11:30am. We had almost 17 miles in at this point. 

I thought we would do the second one

closer to dusk. This plan would turn out to be one of my bigger mistakes. 

By this point, the sun had become a fierce adversary, and the heat sapped energy from many runners. The three of us began running separately.  

At 1pm, I heard my name! Andy showed up on the side of the mountain running their 10K course for fun. He did not look like he was having fun!

I waited with weakness as he approached me. "ANITA! This is NO joke, how are you doing it?" Andy asked with sincerity. 

I replied a little vulnerable, "Ha ha, yep, this is so HARD!" 

I found myself alone back up the hill. Andy headed back to the camper to take a shower and come back in the evening. 

One strategy that helped me push through was simply SMILING! I even wore a singlet to remind me to smile! Each time I finished a loop, there was a 10th-of-a mile stretch at the base where most of the runners had set up tents. I called it "Tent City," No matter how awful I felt, when I came through Tent City, I forced myself to SMILE. That brief moment of faking happiness tricked my little brain into pushing harder and finding joy. 

The clock was ticking slower than my miles and I tried not to look too much. Because my brain does not math well I decided I could kill time and calculate the time it was taking me to run up the mountain. I realized it took me about 5 minutes to go up the mountain and about another 5 minutes to go down. To protect my quads, I did not pick up my pace too much on the downhill. If I could maintain a loop between 10-12 minutes, factoring in some rest stops and breaks, I knew that I could achieve the new plan of 15-16 hours on this God forsaken mountain. One hill at a time. 

Now that I was running on my own, I had to trust myself to stay consistent, by now, I recognized nearly every runner on the course. 

Thankfully, as I approached the 30-mile mark, the clouds rolled back in, offering a much-needed break from the scorching sun. A breeze picked up, and I found some relief, even a little chill. 

I decided to STOP obsessing over the number of loops and changed my focus to mileage. 

At mile 40, I decided to tackle the 2-mile trail section before dusk.  It was 6:30pm and I had no idea that I had made a HUGE mistake. As I neared the end of the trail, I began to realize something critical: Most of the runners had completed the trail section earlier in the race. Thier loops reflected their REAL TIME progress, while mine did not, due to my loops now being paused in the trail.  I was neck and neck with another female runner, but my failure to run the trail earlier had put me at a disadvantage.

As I was coming out of the trail, it hit me. The other runners had run the trail while they still had fresh legs, saving themselves from the struggle I just faced with tired, sore muscles. It was a hard and late lesson to learn at that moment, but I couldn't dwell on it. I had to make up for my mistake. 

Andy was waiting for me as I exited the trail, concern written all over his face. He knew I was in the trail too long.  "You're on the same loop as the other female," he told me. I had 42 miles down, but my legs were destroyed. I looked at him and yelled, "I GOTTA GOOO!" I sprinted pass him towards the hill, trying to gain any advantage I could. My blood was pumping, and I knew I had to pick it up. 

I heard Andys voice respond in my burst of adrenaline, "I FREAKING LOVE YOU.." 

The wheels came back off as I approached mile 45. I realized I was racing those last couple miles and wondered if that was a good idea, I was suffering enough without racing. I was still fighting for 1st place female. The truth is, I wasn't sure if I should push hard for it because I had completely fallen in admiration for the woman I was competing against-a 62-year old powerhouse who trained on a ski hill in Chicago. She was an absolute force and a true inspiration. 

The downhill started to feel like torture, with my muscles screaming, I began walking the descents, my body moving in slow motion as I crested the hill again and again. Darkness began to settle in, and I grabbed a headlamp reluctantly. While it helped me see, it also gave me a slight edge-no one could see me coming. 

Andy updated me: I was now one loop ahead of "Katherine". I was paying the price for pushing it. My stomach was inside out; I could only manage sips of ginger ale and quesadillas, but even that was hard to keep down. I had some beef stew I had made that Andy heated up in the Jet Boil but I would just sip on it to keep Andy appeased and get moving as quick as I could.  

I just needed a couple more miles and I didn't have time to waste eating to only be sick anyway. 

When my watch hit 50 miles, I was crushed to know I still had 2 loops to go. I prayed for strength, asking the Lord to carry me a little longer as I dragged myself up that mountain YET AGAIN. 

As I came down the hill that final time, trying not to just roll down, I saw Andy waiting for me, yelling, "This is it! You did it!" I smiled, joyfully pushing myself, mostly because I knew I was NEVER going to run this mountain again! 

It was a victory in the dark. 

The race directors were all there waiting for me. I hadn't looked at my time for hours and had to have them repeat what my time was. I had NO idea that I had come in at 14:32.03 my original goal. 

I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude crossing that finish line. 

FIRST, to the race directors who encouraged us by name every loop, cheering us on without pause, this picked me up when I was at my lowest. They truly made this grueling event feel possible. 

Special thanks and photo credit to Jamie Geysbeek, who did an amazing job at capturing the essence of this race. 

 

To ANDY- your support throughout this entire journey was everything. From setting up camp to cheering me on to making sure I had what I needed when I was barely hanging on, I couldn't have done this without you by my side. 

A huge congrats to Joe, Christina and Katherine. 

Joe, we pushed though the heat and hills, you gave me more material to laugh at then I know what to do with, great job.

Christina, the courage it took to sign up for 100 miles out there is inspiring. You did amazing, showing what grace and perseverance looks like. 

Catherine- what an absolute force you are. Running alongside of you, a true trailblazer at 62, was an honor I'll never forget. 

This race was an experience of a lifetime, one I'll carry with me forever-though I think it's safe to say I won't be back on that mountain anytime soon! 

In Peace not Pieces, 

Anita

Extras: 

Foods I ate: Bacon, quesadillas, granola bars, Noka smoothie pouches, Beef stew, watermelon, pickle sandwhiches. oranges, Gingerale, Gatorade 0, and flat coke. 

A 50K Tale of Ten Falls and Six Rules. North Country 50K

 

At mile 28, after taking 9 tumbles, I found myself down in the dirt again. It was like Andy knew; it was right then as I dusted myself off yet again, I answered my phone ringing. I heard Andys voice with concern, "Anita, I'm calling to check on you. Its 88' degrees out, are you OK?"

I couldn't help but laugh, still wiping the dirt off my body from my recent splat and knowing I only had a couple miles to go. "Yes, Andy, I'm almost finished, and the Lord provided me with a friend." I shared a few more thoughts as I tried to catch up to my Trail Angel the Lord provided me with. 

The 28 miles prior to this conversation were a different story. 

The morning started with Pam, Christina, Kara and me showing up early Sunday morning for a sufferfest of unknown depths. The temperatures were already in the 70's and you could feel the heat waiting to encapsulate you. 

Our 50K adventure would kick off with Sean Cummings snapping the only fresh photo of us ladies as we took off at 6:05am down the dark trail. It is here I would see the girls together for the last time for hours. 

******************

In the quietness of those early miles, I coach myself. I keep my music off and listening to my body, my thoughts, and the wisdom the Lord has given me through experience. The one thing I try to avoid is listening to at all costs is EGO. That will ruin a race with no remorse. I have some ANITA RULES, I try to follow. 

*******************

RULE #1: SETTLE DOWN

"Settle down for the first few miles." 

The first 5 miles were like gridlock. No one was moving fast but we were all moving. I actually fell for my first time before mile 2 and tripped but a guy grabbed my wrist from behind preventing me from landing. 

I checked my pace with each mile as I felt the runners behind me trying to maneuver through the gridlock and just settled in with patience. 

Patience is key, trust your training, my pace was slower than it needed to be for my goal of a sub-6-hour 50K, but I trusted it would all come together, Lord willing. 

You are not going to lose that much time and it's not worth the heartache or headache to try to keep pace that early on. 

RULE #2: DON'T CRUSH THE HILLS

"Do not crush the hills in the beginning of your race because it could kick you in the butt on the second half of the race."

By mile 7, my body was finally finding a groove. The temps were pleasant, a cool breeze flowed through the woods. But the trail? Oh, it was a minefield of roots, sand, and elevation changes-the kind that makes you question your life choices, especially when you find yourself already counting your falls. 

I was in the shadows of this strong runner who was crushing the downhills. The other runners cheered her on for being such a force tackling them and even nicknamed her.  I would watch her weave through the trees like a superhero, fast and furious until I would no longer see her.  I cautiously came down the hills for 2 reasons, I kept falling and I didn't want to blow my legs out that early in the race. 

We played leapfrog for several miles pushing each other. At one point we both had to pee so bad. The port-a-poopers were both being used, she followed my lead off the trail where we both became more friendly peeing next to each other! 

RULE #3 RUN YOUR OWN RACE

"Recognize who you're competing against and what your goals are and stick with them."  

By mile 13, a small competitive pack of us girls had formed. We would chase each other through aid stations and quietly try to get out and back in the trail. After hearing one of the gals slowly close in on me, tucking behind me for a couple miles, I decided to let her pass. The pace had picked up and I had to direct myself back to MY GOAL. And that goal had nothing to do with racing the other runners as much as it was a goal time for me. I could also see the heat was beginning to affect the runners. The ladies were all drenched in sweat, and I knew I had to control my body temps and heart rate a little longer or I would bonk or cramp. 

There was an out and back section we were coming towards around mile 19 where I was still in the shadows of the two stronger and younger females.  

We were coming out of an aid station, and I fell for about the 6th time. I got back up only to trip again less than a half a mile up.

Each time I went down, I felt a mix of embarrassment and frustration. The other runners checked on me, slowing down to offer help, but I insisted they keep running their race. "Go! Run your race, I am OK." But I wondered why I couldn't stay upright.  

I kept asking the Lord "Why do I keep falling?" And the answer came back CLEAR as day: "I keep picking you up and keeping you uninjured, it is just your pride that is getting hurt." 

Each time, my body would RISE off that dirty trail and with each fall, I'd thank the Lord for his hand in PULLING me UP. But truth is, my confidence in my legs started to waiver, all the confidence I had was in The LORD. My armor was cracking. 

I stayed focused on MY Goals, MY why, and MY faith in Gods will for me.

RULE #4 TREAT YOURSELF

"Set little goals and treat yourself when you reach them, it breaks up the race and gives you a little reward for all that suffering!"

The aid stations were a godsend and the energy at each of them was a huge encouragement. I had my hydration pack filled that morning with a liter and a half of water and brought along a flask of electrolytes that I kept filling. I knew when I hit mile 20 it was time to enjoy my music as a "reward". 

This energy booster put a pep in my step. The heat is a superpower for me, I run really well in it and mixed with my favorite tunes it delivered a dose of supernatural energy. (I of course really give God all that praise). 

It was here at the out and back section I carefully pulled ahead of the pack. I was very thoughtful when making this bold move with all my tumbles and 11 miles to go but I knew it was time. 

I was just so stoked to enjoy my "reward". But the Lord had a different plan. 

Just as I got my tunes and a rhythm going, I heard footsteps behind me and a voice say, "I knew if I could just catch up to you, I'd be good,"

Thats where RULE #5 was born... 

RULE #5 PEOPLE MATTER MOST. 

"Lord! I just want to listen to my music and be by myself..." 

I argued with the Lord silently every time I had to stop my music to reply to this guy talking to me. He had a soft accent and a kind voice making it very difficult to move away from. 

Sarab quickly became my trail angel. I wanted to zone out to my music but the Lord asked me to change my plans. I gave up when I fell 2 more times, and Sarab with hidden strength and speed was as fast a cheetah to pick me up. He was like a trail ninja the way he appeared to help me and each time he would say, " I am here to help my coach..." 

From there, he stuck close, he was fatigued but he was confident if he could just stay with me, he would not just finish but finish with me a sub-6 hour race. 

I became quite fond of my new friend and would confirm his presence yelling, "Roots! Rocks! Downhill, let's go." 

When the hills came into view, I would shout out a plan to get up them as swiftly as we could and get us to the next aid station to refuel and hydrate. 

This is where I lost my trail Angel. I was very swift getting in and out of the aid stations. I turned around as I exited and yelled back "Let's go!" But he was not ready, so I slowly made the accent up a hill solo. 

Just as I turned my music on, thinking I lost him, I heard him barreling after me. I chucked to myself, "I hear ya LORD!" and found myself delighted to turn off my music. 

It is HERE mile 28 came. Sarab and I had mathed together and in our sweat, stink and fatigue we knew we had plenty of time but we both knew we wanted to finish strong. 

It is HERE we came out of the woods to make a right-hand turn to our last out and back section that would add about a mile. 

And it is HERE I fell as I was introduced to Sarabs father proudly taking pictures of his son. 

It is also here Andy called me. 

Alot going on in the brief moments. 

RULE #6: STAY HUMBLE 

"Stay humble and give God all the Glory." 

By mile 28, I was better than I had should have been, despite the dirt, bruises, and relentless sun I was smiling. 

Sarab and I conquered that last grueling hill together I would take my last fall, a record number 10 total! 

With everything drained from my body, my heart pounding in my ears, I knew I was giving it my EVERYTHING. As we headed down that last, treacherous mile with roots and rocks waiting got trip me up again, I PRAYED to the Lord to keep me upright to the finish. 

Sarab dropped a gear never leaving my side as we finished side by side. I was filled with gratitude.

I gave the Lord all the glory for not just my finish but picking me up and keeping me safe for 31 miles.

MY Trail Angel, 

A FINISH WORTH CELEBRATING

Blood, sweat and tears each of us gals finished.

Kara and Pam

Christina and I 

To my surprise I was second place female, but I should have gotten an award for MOST TUMBLES!   

Those falls didn't break me; they only made me more determined. 

Mary and Tanya

Such is LIFE, so many falls, so many tumbles but if we just take a pause and try to see the Lord in it all we will get back up and go another mile, another round another go. 

Tina and Sean, they bring out the best in me!!

Anita Harless

Bib# 7009

OVERALL: 10th

2nd place female

1st Masters

TIME: 5H35min.

ELEVATION: 2,150ft

"If you start to feel good during an ultra, don't worry you will get over it." Gene Thibeault 

In Peace, not Pieces,

Anita

Divinely Capable; not "I Can't"

 "It is the athlete's job to learn to do the hard things easily." John Jerome

A couple of weeks ago, I was running solo, the Lord impressed a powerful word on my heart:

capable.

He reminded me that I a so much more capable than I give thought to. The Lord counseled me, reminding me He created me in His likeness, with a unique design and purpose. He taught me to LEAN on HIS STRENGTH, HIS POWER, HIS STAMINA, HIS ABILITIES, which far surpass my own. 

The bible says in Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." This verse reassures us that with God's help we are empowered to accomplish anything. 

In His wisdom, The Lord also reminded me that I am CAPABLE of doing and being MORE. WE are all CAPABLE of so much more. We often respond to questionable things with..."I CAN'T" and never even TRY! We are CAPABLE of so much more than we often give ourselves credit for. You often hear the encouragement to "believe in yourself"; I have never been a fan of that. Imagine if we all believed in what the Lord could do through us, we would be CAPABLE of far more than ourselves. 

Ephesians 3:20-21 "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us." 

2nd Corinthians 12:9-10 "For when I am weak, than I am strong.." emphasizes that HIS power is PERFECTED in our weakness.

Let's embrace this divine capability in all areas of our life. 

In Loving Others.

In Helping Others.

In Listening Better. 

In Organizing our Time.

In Forgiveness. 

In Relationships. 

In Gratitude.

Let us trust in His Power working through us and discover how much more we can achieve when we lean on Him. 

Isaiah 40:29-31 "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak...but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength." 

 In His strength, we are CAPABLE of the extraordinary.

THE RUNDOWN: 

"Running an ultra is 90 percent mental, and the other 10 percent- is mental too!"  Hal Koerner

The last month, I have trained on so many different trails. The weather has been stifling, the humidity has been brutal, but I have stayed disciplined to my training getting up even earlier to beat the heat.

Trails I have ran the last 6 WEEKS: 

• Island Lake
• Highland Rec
• North Country Trail
• Potowami Trail
• Ferguson Bayou
• Holly Rec

July, I ran Bastille 15K as a training run preparing me for NCT in 2 weeks. I have not posted a lot of my training. 

I snuck in a marathon with some friends as another training run. But I praise God He has kept me strong and healthy. 

Yesterday morning, I went out for a 4-mile run and decided to push myself.  Each mile I was determined to go faster. shockingly, I felt great. I finished my run with my heart pounding and sweat dripping and in TOTAL AWE of my capabilities! I tried to push it even when I didn't feel confident I could. I finished sub 8min/mi with my last mile a 7:35min/mi. after coming off a 100-mile run week. 

My AWE was not in MYSELF but in what the Lord did through me. I am DIVENELY CAPABLE and so are YOU. 

 

In Peace, not Pieces. 

Anita 

Moments

"For You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy." Psalms 63:7

I never pictured myself at 50. I had no ideas of 50, no expectations of what 50 years old would look like. All I had were the 50 year olds before me. 

My heart weeps with grief at 50 for those who I loved so dearly that missed out on a journey of trials but one also covered in joy. 

I look down from my mini laptop and see some of the ugliest feet I have ever seen and smile. The feet, as my darling hubby puts it have seen some miles. 

My legs only took me as far as I could dream, as far as I believed and even farther than I could have imagined. 

My heart has cried tears for a hundred years. 

My spirit has wanted to give up more times than I should admit. 

My body so weary, so broken and barely a breath left in me. 

My mind, a battlefield, fighting sanity, fighting demons, fighting the darkness of defeat. Fighting the voices of others defining me with their brokenness with their insecurity with their demons. 

"God makes a home to the lonely;" Psalms 68:6

I never imagined myself at 50.

Maybe it was cancer, bringing me so close to death. 

Maybe it was growing up amidst addiction, fighting my way through that hell. 

Maybe it was the feeling of abandonment, an orphan in those foster homes. 

Or perhaps it was people I trusted too much, who tried to take my wings. 

But whatever the reason, I've learned to move forward the best I can, trusting God in every detail. Embracing my relationships and trying to love well. 

I cherish every moment, making the most out of each one. They're not always great moments; some are pure struggle, yet I remain truthful, honest and transparent. Many of my moments are spent in recovery, seeking the Lord's forgiveness, and asking for redemption with a humble spirit. 

"Healing is the end of conflict with yourself." 

Even in difficult times, I'm reminded of how blessed I am. I strive to embrace each moment, knowing that even in the darkest times, there's light and hope to be found. 

This past week has been all about spontaneity. Maybe not the most responsible week, but no one got hurt!

I pulled the car off a country road to frolic in a sunflower garden. Took a last-minute trip with a friend, landing in a quirky motel room over 2 hours away. And let's add a unplanned running adventure- no route, no map, just pure silliness. 

And hey, let's just sign up for a marathon this weekend, a quick overnighter with some gals who are embracing every moment they can too! 

This is 50. 

One day at a time.

Not perfect. 

Not excessive. 

Not pretentious. 

It is Not What I KNEW. It is Not addiction, it is not abuse, it is not abandonment, it is not shut off notices and government cheese, OH BUT I do miss that government cheese! 

The Rundown: 

• July 15-21st
• Distance: 78 miles
• Elevation: 5000ft
• Race I signed up for Run the Pier Marathon in Manistee as a TRAINING RUN! 

Make moments for a sunset/Sunrise

It is taking the time to enjoy the little things. 

Life is a journey, not to be taken too seriously. 

Embrace spontaneity and savor the small joys. 

Cherish each moment before it fades away. Let the spirit of adventure and love reside in your heart. 

Find your adventure. 

It can hold both laughter and tears. 

In Peace, Not Pieces, 

Anita~

2 hour drive to Port Austin

Cheap Motel

Dinner at Local favorite

Morning Kayak trip to Turnip Rock and the caves

Back home for dinner with my son. 

Wonders

 "Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders which You have done...." 

Psalms 40:5

Andy and I set out for a little camping weekend, to a place close yet far enough to feel different, Frankenmuth. 

We don't require much to be content, and it is often the simplest things that bring us the most joy. We had great company with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law camped right next to us and waiting our arrival when we got there. 

We enjoyed heartfelt conversations around campfire, games with bantering and ridiculous competition, (Andy does NOT like to lose) and great meals. 

Wonders of laughter and love.  

Saturday morning, I set out on a long solo run. My pack was filled with water, nutrition, and food for a 20-miler. I would leave Birch Run and head towards Frankenmuth with no design or map, just where the Lord took me. 

I didn't want to get myself in trouble because Andy was golfing with the boys in Vassar. 

For the next few hours, I was alone with my thoughts, praying for the Lord's preservation and sustenance. With each passing mile, my thoughts deepened. Despite the rising temperatures, I felt contentment, even as the beads of sweat trickled down my face. 

"Methinks that the moment my legs began to move, my thoughts began to flow."

 -Henry David Thoreau

Wonders from my Yesterdays.

I reflected on the past 5 years, then went even deeper, marveling at the WONDERS the Lord has performed in my 50 years on this side of eternity. I had plenty of time to recall the places the Lord has led me from and the destinations He's brought me to. 

Wonders of the Heart. 

It's a matter of the heart where our thoughts go and how we define it. I remember all the difficult places I've been, the challenging faces I've encountered, and I smile. It was another WONDER from the Lord-the ability to not dwell in negativity but to embrace the beautiful WONDERS of His unfailing love for me. 

RUNDOWN: 

Psalm 40:5

"Many, O Lord my God are the wonders which You have done. And Your thoughts toward us; 

There is none to compare with You. 

If I would declare and speak of them, 

They would be too numerous to count."

Each mile I run is a wonder. With as many setbacks, surgeries and injures I have had, I was reminded of all the WONDERS the Lord has blessed me with. I could have settled into the "whoa is me" mode and never ran another mile and I think it would have been justified. But the Lord was still passing out WONDERS for me. 

I encourage you to not neglect seeing the WONDERS around you. Let your heart wander to a place of contentment, NOT comparison, NOT competition, but truly a place of gratitude, peace and thankfulness.

July1-7=70miles

Still feeling the recovery from my 100. I am not working on speed, just getting my distance. But I am enjoying my runs. My runs with friends have brought me laughter and adventure. I am not taking my runs too serious but seriously having fun. 

In Peace, not Pieces, 

Anita

Kettle Moraine 100 Mile RECAP.

 Kettle Moraine 100 Mile Recap:  

We didn't know whether the race was going to happen. As I lined up at the starting line, I was excited, nervous, and full of questions about what the next 24 hours would hold.

My crew would consist of Andy, Joe, Sarah and Sara. Joe drove out with us, but he was catching up on his beauty sleep for when I would need him later in the night. I didn't know when the gals would be here and the element of surprise gave me something to look forward to. 

Andy stood on the sidelines exuding the deepest love and support for me. We prayed together, hugged and he sent me into coral. 

It was so close to being a race that never happened. On the outside I meshed good with all the other ultra runners but on the inside I felt foreign. I was still gathering the idea that I had made it and juggled guilt. I had spent the last 6 weeks in turmoil as my father fought for his life the last several in a hospital bed at U of M Ann Arbor. The decision to show up in Wisconsin with over 200 other ultra runners did not come easily, and the confidence to go- came at the 12th hour. 

Joe, He would smile and be a lot more chipper on race day...

THE BLOWHORN went off

At 6am sharp, Michelle blew the horn as we all melted together into the woods. There was a distinct smell of bug repellent and Irish Spring-a clean scent I wouldn't smell again until another day. 

Race Details:

• My first CREW Encounter wouldn't be for almost 20 miles. I couldn't see Andy and Joe for 40 miles-two stints of 20 miles each, one in the beginning of the race and the other in the middle-ish.  I would be on my own, relying soley on the aid stations and myself. I found myself praying a lot in those 20 miles. My plan was to run through all the aid stations, briefly gathering food and high tailing it back out.
  
  
  

  

  Bertha!!

  
  I had to gather as much time during the day as I could because once the night came, I would be tapping into that banked time. I wanted to finish this race in under 24 hours. I wanted to fight hard like I knew dad was doing. To make this happen, I needed to run under 14:20 on average. This 20-mile stint I was aiming for sub 12min/mi. The weather was perfect, a cool 65 degrees. I ran on both a wide flattish two track and some gnarly trails, a good mix of everything.
  
  
  These 25 miles proved to be challenging. I had to eat, drink and keep my head space clean. Roughly mile 22, I heard the aid station, I couldn't wait to see Andy!! He had my white board already with a cute note and was waiting for me with a sweaty kiss!
  
  
  

• 27.1: Hwy67 Aid Station. 11:19am. I would see my crew again around 27 miles. I would fly in and fly out. I had eaten a couple turkey rollups, Noka smoothies, liquid energy, granola bar and continued to eat as often as I could to stay ahead of my calories. 
  
  
  
• 29.4: ZZ Aid Station. 11:45am.
  
  
  I was breaking my paces down by 20 miles. at almost a 50K I was consistently banking 2 minutes a mile or so I thought. My legs were beginning to get tired, and the weather was damp with rain in the air. When I saw Andy and Joe I wanted to sit but we made the choice to sit at the following aid station. They were great at getting me in and out.
  
  
  
• 34.5: Scuppernong Aid Station. 12:59pm. Just a few miles and I would get to see Andy and Joe again here. The trails were gnarly and I had tripped and flipped a half dozen times.  I found a guy that I ended up running behind for a while. We would go back and forth. We came to a very confusing intersection where he allowed me to navigate. He CLEARLY did NOT know my navigational skills! It was a good thing he had a fancy Garmin that had the course downloaded. He says to me as we are climbing a hill, "I am concerned we are on the wrong path..." Because we were and his watch confirmed it! He would stay together just a few more miles together but then I had to make the choice to leave him. I had put my music on hoping it would keep me in a good headspace. I found myself belting out Billy Idol through the fields making my own little karaoke party. I would see Andy again at 36.8 but I knew I had to hit it and get it. 
• 44.4 miles. McMiller Aid Station. 3pm. This was a bittersweet stop. I wouldn't see Andy for another 20 after this. I had to have a good head space. The trails were beautiful, but the elevation was kicking my butt. The uphill was long and rugged, and the downhills were even longer and rockier. I would find myself clenching my fists and holding my breath as I came down the treacherous path.  I had slowed my pace down, no longer banking as much time. I was hoping the next 20 miles I could just stay consistent and steady. But the rain came. The trails turned to a thick black muck. I was running in road shoes with NO traction. As I came to the hills, I found myself staring up in defeat before ever moving forward. My legs were slipping out from under me. I came through a thick slimy spot and as quickly as I tried to find the best line, I found myself sliding through it on my butt and side. I got up quickly, chucking at all the caked-on mud down my right side and headed back down the trail. My confidence began to deplete along with my footing. As I approached a significant incline all I could do was just stare at it. I knew I needed to get up it however it was so steep and scummy I didn't see it possible. This guy came up behind me and said, "Are you wearing road shoes?' I painfully admitted I was and rather than shame me he cut in front of me and reached his hand behind, gathering my hand in his and escorted me up that hill. It took everything for me not to cry. "Thank YOU" I yelled at him down the hill, and added "What's your name?"  He replied, "Jason".  I said it again to myself, "Jason, my trail Angel". 
  
  
  
• 63.9 miles: Nordic Aid Station.:7:25pm  

  

  Me looking for me crew, I was so depleted. 

  
  I was now back to the beginning, things were familiar. Those 20 miles were brutal. I tripped more, I fell more and my choice in shoes was really poor with 20 miles of rain. I just wanted to see Andy. I would finally get my pacer her. When I arrived I was so excited to see EVERYONE there! I knew I would get to sit, change my socks and shoes and get hopefully emotionally recharged. 
  
  
  The Sarah's were there with the brightest smiles. Joe was antsy to finally get to run and Andy was getting me changed. I sat down as they proceded to take my socks and shoes off. MY toes looked like they were murdered. I screamed, the pain was so vicious as they washed my nasty blistered and muddy toes down to replace my socks. As much as I wanted to hang out with everyone Andy was kicking me out. He would not tell me how much time I had banked, this made me nervous, my calculations had me at 2 hours.....or did it? 

  

  Sarah K looking for me

  
  
• 71.3 miles: Bluff Aid Station. 9:13pm. It was officially dark when Joe and I arrived. But I got to enjoy flamingos on this stretch even if they were only plastic ones, they made me smile. Truth is I felt like I had been hallucinating early the last 7 miles running with Joe. He was like running with Mr. Rogers. He was so polite and nice to everyone. He was cheering the runners on, encouraging everyone and quite delightful to run with. When questioned this ODD behavior I was told he had been told that he was to act like me because I wouldn't be so chipper! 
• 77.9 miles: Hwy12 Aid Station. 11:19pm. Joe and I were not moving fast, and conversation was mostly silent on my part. My light began losing its power and I thought "Thats not the only power going out..." Thankfully Joe came prepared with another light but even the extra light couldn't save me when I tripped so hard I busted my toe open. The pain felt like someone had taken a machete to my toes. I felt the blisters tear open as I tried so hard to get myself back up. I knew I was robbing my banked time quicker than I had made it, I didn't have time to cry about it. 
• 82.2 miles: Rice Lake Aid Station. 12:45am. I just wanted to curl up and die. My belly was trashed, I couldn't keep any food down and even water sounded like sewage. Everything hurt. I could barely keep my eyes open but I would get to see Andy. Despite the agony of nausea by  belly was overcome with I sat in the chair, hoping it would settle. My stomach revolted with waves of retching. Sara, with gentle kindness, brought me a cold rag to try and calm the storm inside me. All I wanted was to sleep and escape the torment, quitting wasn't an option.  As I leaned back in the chair with a blanket over my body, Andy set a timer for six minutes-just six minutes of rest. It wasn't much, and I was hoping for more. During those moments Andy massaged my legs and feet, offering a compassion that I needed. Those six minutes were a testament to the strength found in brief reprieves. But as the timer went off so did the compassion! Despite my pleas for a couple more minutes, Andy remained steadfast. "Let's GO.." he insisted, and with the support of my crew rallying for me I found the strength to rise. Andy was incredible. We venture into the woods together, each step a reminder how tough the journey had been and how much I had overcome this far. Andy was so patient with me, my falls were harder, and he would have to completely pick me up dead weight. This part of the trail was brutal, I was so afraid. My belly had finally settled down with a bug got caught in my throat. I attempted to gag the bug out only the bug won, the coughing triggered my gag reflex and I began puking the little bit I had eaten all over again. "That Damn BUG!" Andy shouted angrily.  We ran into this guy in the woods that I had seen with Joe on the previous loop. I might have thought it was a hallucination if I hadn't witnessed him again with Andy. He had a little station set up in the middle of the woods with essential oils and quartz and to be honest I think he had more going on there then I saw! "HI! My name is TURK..." I told Andy I had to stop. He was a kind man that swore by his oils and at this point what could it hurt, if anything the thought of smelling essential oils had to be better than the smells that clung to me of death and vomit. I can not say that I ran faster or stronger, that was only the Lords doing but we walked ran off smiling and Turk ran after shouting, "HERE HERE, I have some quartz for you to rub..." I said "Thank YOU" and took the stones and Andy and I had some good giggles to break up the miles. 
• 86.5 mile: Hwy 12Aid Station. 2:14am. Andy and I made it back and Sarah K. traded spots.

  

  Sarah

  
  It was so good to have some girl time. I didn't have much enthusiasm left in me. I wanted to enjoy my time with Sarah the way I always do, with deep conversations, with inspirations and laughter and I had a very empty tank. Sarah would keep me moving quicker than I wanted and faster than I thought I could go on that rugged and gnarly section of trail. But she brought with her something the boys didn't have, a strength I needed. She was tough keeping a tight rein on our pace and pushing me through the areas I was so afraid of in the dark. I didn't have time to question my abilities, she kept me moving through the terror I knew I was running in. 
• 
  
• 
  
• 93.1 miles: Bluff Aid Station. 4:08am. I didn't know what time it was. I was no longer "mathing" well. Andy still wouldn't tell me if I had any time left banked. I began to feel like running a sub-24-hour was not going to happen. Joe was waiting to trade off. Andy looked doubtful. I felt doubtful myself. My crew pushed me out quickly, saying "You can still do it..." And like that Joe took off several steps ahead of me. I couldn't keep up, my heart felt like it was going to explode, and all my limbs were disconnecting. "JOE, I cannot run this pace, you're killing me..." I shouted from several feet behind him. I knew that I had to dig in. I just had to get through the next 7 miles. I had to be stronger than my voices. Stronger than my struggles. Stronger than my weakness.
  
  
  And stronger than my excuses. And Joes was not going to let up. This 7-mile section was the easiest part of the trail. I was back on the wide-open section without roots or rocks. I had been counting on this to pick it up and apparently so had Joe. He doubled down making me run faster and longer. When we came to the uphill's my legs were foreign. I discovered I could grab the pole loops on Joes back and he would pull me forward. I felt like I was cheating, and I asked if it was considered cheating, Joe matter of factly replied "NO, you're still using your own legs.." I didn't feel guilty about it again. When the sun began coming through, I felt my energy liven up. Every mile Joe told me what our split was and each mile I began to believe I was going to make it. Afterall, he had me doing 10min/ mi. With 2 miles wot go we see two runners casually walking. Joe believed them to be 100k runners, however; when we approached them Joe (still friendly), says " We are just trying to make it to the finish..." The couple responds "..Us too..." but then I notice they turn their heads to look at our bibs. Joe picked up the pace and we headed quickly down this steep hill, out of ears reach he says, "they are 100 milers..." This just became a race and Joe was not going to let them pass us. I found another gear. I moved swiftly ahead trying to pretend I was stronger than I was. Joe would look over his shoulder to see thier whereabouts. Soon they were no longer to be seen and with a mile to go I felt quite confident to take a phot with the morning light glowing and the Lords Glory awaiting. 
• 100.5 miles: Nordic Aid Station. FINISH. 5:41am. PARKOUR.
  
  
  Our finish for Sara was a goofy jump in the air and a big smile on my face! 
  
  
  

I was depleted in so many ways; It literally takes a crew to see you through. The genuine love was truly the fuel I needed. Knowing how far and how much everyone sacrificed to be there for me gave me the drive in my low moments to dig deeper. 

They each came with a different gift for me. Each of my crew offered a piece of the puzzle that fit perfectly to make this race victorious. I am so grateful to Joe, Sara and Sarah for loving me, sacrificing for me, believing in me and supporting my wild and crazy adventure. 

The Lord carried me when my spirit faded, and my strength weakened. Every fall, and I had many, He brought me upright without significant injury. It was truly a miracle how the Lord protected me out there. 

I looked forward to seeing Andy with kiss and a hug at the aid stations. To lock eyes together is so magical, when words are void a look, a touch, a smile says everything the heart yearns for. 

I dedicate this race to you, DAD. 

Just a few weeks ago, when your spirit was waning, I pleaded with you for one more mile. I begged you not to give up, to go another round, to dig deeper. I wasn't ready to see you quit. I still believed you had another mile in you. 

And then, the next morning, you embraced the light of hope once more. I am so incredibly proud of you. Throughtout the race, I dug deep, running with your strength in my heart inspiring me.  I ran knowing you were battling every obstacle, and I fought just as fierce, inspired by your courage. 

I am so proud of you. 

I ran the miles, But the Lord gets the Glory.  

Anita~

THANK YOU Erica!! I love my sign!!