Peace

"I am leaving you with a gift, peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid. John 11:27

• PEACE IS A GIFT
• BE STILL AND KNOW

We are almost through our first week of quarantine. The world has gone mad. People are so sensitive. I try not to go on Facebook because I am so disappointed in the way people are responding to each other and the situation. 

I am shocked at how fragile people are. So much fear, anxiety and depression. 

The same people that were all going on spring break are also the same ones that are scared they can't pay their mortgage. It confuses me, then how were you going on vacation spending twice the amount of money your mortgage would have been. 

And its thoughts like this that I find MYSELF equally as rotten. 

I feel myself getting sucked up into the chaos. 

I was brought up in chaos, I work best in the mess. The last year has been totally off the wall. 

Between 10 months of cancer, chemo, surgeries, off work, dr. bills up the ying yang, 25 rounds of radiation, to blowing my knee out, 6 weeks of PT and now This Corona Virus mayhem. 

AND I'M STILL SMILING. 

I have Peace. I still believe God is on the throne. 

Because he is the God of Yesterday.

The God of Today.

And the God of Tomorrow. 

I know that my suffering is just for a little while. And I COUNT IT ALL JOY. 

"Then the PEACE of God that exceeds all understanding will keep your hearts and minds safe in Jesus Christ." 

Toughen up and have FAITH. Have Peace that He is in Control. We have gotten to a place where we have made ourselves mini gods controlling everything. And you CAN'T control this and many of you are struggling. 

LET IT GO. 

Be the best you-you can be. 

Have peace. It's Gods gift to you. receive it. 

I am so grateful for the hardships I have been given. It has made me trust HIM and fully rely on HIM and not others. 

So many times when I thought I could rely on others I was disappointed and hurt. 

I had to slow my thoughts down and come back to God. 

I challenge you to slow your roll, calm your spirit. You are not the only one struggling, get over yourself. Take this time to "Be Still" and Seek His Peace that is there for you. 

You will not find Peace in this world...

I got up and out the door this morning to see the sunrise. This is where I find Peace, in Gods beautiful canvas. Take time to find Peace, especially now when you have so much of it. 

Anita~

Turn Em Over Coach

SMILE!

"You are a true inspiration and role model in my life. Stay strong and never lose hope. TURN EM OVER COACH."  Mason W. 

This is the first year I haven't coached or assistant coached CC at Holly Academy in 8 years. I coached 5-8th grade, middle schoolers. 

Yesterday, I received 2 messages from former athletes I coached. I absolutely loved coaching. One of my greatest positions I have ever had, next to being a mother. Coaching these kids was more than teaching them the love of running, it was teaching them how running can help navigate you through life. It was coaching their hearts and their minds, teaching them grit, perseverance, team work, compassion, encouragement, and passion to name a few. 

"TURN EM OVER COACH..." 

I hold back the tears as I recite these words Mason sent me yesterday. I can see that boy like yesterday. Big curly locks of hair draping his face. A gentle spirit, always kind and respectful.

Now he is coaching me and my broken body. 

Legs that just don't move like they did. Bones that hurt before I even start to walk for the day. 

I dressed up and headed to the trails reciting his words..."TURN EM OVER COACH". 

The first 10 feet my legs hurt. I questioned myself, quickly removing any thoughts of turning around. 

I told myself to just run, stay steady, run the hills but don't quit. 

All I had to do was keep moving, stay positive and don't look at the watch. 

Time didn't matter. Pace didn't matter. 

I made it to mile 3 when I began to feel the fatigue. The roots were saturated in slippery muck. Leaves scattered across the trail hiding ankle breaking rocks. 

And another hill loomed ahead of me. I counted, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8,....UP, UP, UP...

I just caught my breath when the hill went up again. 

"TURN EM OVER..." I barked at myself as if Mason or Brianna were on the sidelines coaching me. 

(Brianna now a senior,  has been checking in on me for years now) 

I never quit, I never gave up. It wasn't pretty, but I did it. I did it for those kids who believed in me as their coach. I dedicate todays run to them. 

Rundown: 

Distance: 5mile

Location: Holdridge, West loop with Lake loop. 

Time: 51minutes.

" Be joyful in hope,patient in affliction,faithful in prayer." 

Romans 12:12

As we are all on pause right now let us not give up hope. these are just little while times. Stay strong. It is in times like these we see what we are all made of.
This my dear is WHY I LOVE RUNNING.
Its doing the hard things. None of us like being uncomfortable. Adversity will build your character.
When I wanted to walk up that hill or skip the Lake Loop I reminded myself to be patient, stay steady and I will finish. It wasn't about pace or time, it was about finishing healthy and with gratitude for each mile.
Sometimes you have to cling to the words of another to inspire you. words of another And pray. Give God all the Glory, stay humble and never giving up.

ROCK ON! I left some Kindness Rocks out on the trail.
Also, I posted virtual miles today to get people out there. We had over cumulative150 miles !!!
Families were sharing miles of running, biking, hiking and even workout like jump roping. WTG everyone!

ANITA~

It is not Empty Time

"Trust the process. Your time is coming. Just do the work and the results will handle themselves." Tony Gaskins

This post is dedicated to Melissa. I think she is my only consistent reader of my nonsensical ramblings. She asked me to post today. Someone must be really bored to want to read my meandering verbiage.

We are now one week into  quarantine.
 Five of those days were without sunlight. If being stuck in the house wasn't enough, not seeing the light of day was enough to make us all go coo coo for Cocoa Puffs.
This is a extrovert's greatest nightmare.

Last week, I was asked "Anita, how are you?" They followed it up with their concern for me being immune compromised.
I responded with a little chuckle, "This really isn't a big deal to me, this is what I lived all last summer, quarantined, shut in when I had no immune system, out of work and afraid of people and their germs!"
Welcome to life of a cancer patient.

I am practicing social distancing. My skin is raw from washing my hands so much. We really are not hurting for anything.
We are not hoarders, I have enough toilet paper for about 2 weeks. And truth be told if you didn't have any I would give you mine.
I'm almost out of dish soap but I can get my camping supplies out, I'm pretty sure I have soap, toilet paper and paper towels packed away.

I love having my boys tucked in at home. Austin is a bit crazy hyper, he reminds me of someone I know....
Alec likes his nothing box, poor kid. Dinners used to be so quiet, now its loud, ridiculous, full of bickering and teasing, I like to sit back and laugh. I love it.

I have been out of work a week now. It doesn't look like I will be back till April 14th per the governor.
Andy is working crazy hours. I am so grateful he works so hard. He is stressed to the max. Andy is at the frontline of all this along with all the brave health care workers. He has put his tie away wearing scrubs right along with his nurses. He came home one day last week at 10:45pm. His nurses still working till 2am. His phone is going off all night, conference calls, problem solving and trying to put out fires.
I have made Andy take his scrubs off at the door. "Andy, take your clothes off there..." I yelled at Andy from the kitchen. Every mans dream to come home and have your wife tell you to strip down! Too bad that's were it ended! "I'm serious, put your clothes in the washer!"
I am concerned with what he will bring home but there is nothing I can do. Just be smart and responsible.

I have been running, walking, even biking. The boys and I went for a bike ride at Indian Springs last week. It was colder than a witches tit in a cast iron bra.
I get all giddy seeing so many people at the parks.
I am still going to physical therapy 3 times a week trying to strengthen my weak sauce body.
I did almost get in 40 miles this week! It was UGLY for pretty much all of it.

I know that some of you might think it is goofy to pray for my run, but I do.
Today was no different, I prayed extra hard because of the struggle I have been in all week. My body has felt so crippled. My breathing has been altered, my legs feel like lead, I have been very discouraged. I thought once I was cancer free I would be back in the saddle again. FALSE.
I can't get my legs to move, my knee is still so quirky and my heart feels like it might explode out of my chest. Then I make the mistake of looking at my pace only to find myself emotionally crushed.
"Stay positive Nita, stay positive.." I coach myself.
SO YES, I prayed last night and this morning asking God to grant me strength. Begging for grace in this recovery process.

The RUNDOWN: Social profiling during social distancing.

Lacey and I met and headed to the CVS parking lot in Lake Orion, this is where we start the Paint Creek Trail.
Social distancing was hard to do when everyone was outside walking, running or biking on the trail.
THE GOAL: to run 14 miles faster than last weeks 14 miler.
It was fun to see so many people. Every age, every nationality, it was a hodge podge of randomness.
It made running 14 miles really go by fast, we had so much to look at, laugh about and carry on being goofy. It is really hard to run 14 miles and not pee, it is even more difficult to try to pee when people are everywhere. One would stand watch while the other one would sneak into the woods, or down a side trail to do our business.
By mile 11, Laceys foot was hurting and my knee was getting wonky. Horses to the barn. We dropped a gear to gut it out, finishing our 14 miler 20 minutes faster than last week!
I praised God! I was just so geeked. I could barely run a 5 miler at the pace I ran todays 14 miler this week. Now, granted it was really flat today.

My Nutrition today

TODAY:
Distance: 14 miles
Time: 2h17m
Pace: 9:27min/mi
Elevation gain; 226

LAST SUNDAY:
Distance: 14 miles
Time: 2h37m
Pace:11:17min/mi
Elevation gain: 680

Thankful for the God's favor. For victories. Great triumphs. Thankful for the little things that make big differences.
Thankful for friendships, for laughter, for family, for HOPE.
In Closing. What seems like slowness towards you in keeping promises is actually a plan of preparation for those eventualities. The time of waiting is not empty time, it is a time of growth and nurturing. I know it is all His timing, being patient in the process will produce fruit if you are willing to change your perspective.

Anita~

Social Distancing

"Can we talk about something other than the Corona virus, I am sick of everyone talking about this...." Alec ranted from the back seat of the car.
It was like a slap in the face. I had to put myself in time out and assess our conversations.
Alec was right. 
Even though the virus had now officially hit all 50 stated but had not affected us physically, it had done a lot of damage.
And even though most of us have not even come in contact with anyone who has had the virus we ALL have been in contact with those who have spread the fear and concern of the virus, understandably.
If you have not been affected physically, it has now stolen our finances, our freedom, our routines and our peace to name a few.  We all have been affected at this point.

I had to seriously rack my brain to think of something else to talk about. Both the boys were game to getting out of the house. We packed the bikes and headed to Indian Springs for some Social Distancing.

It was great to see so many people at the park. Everyone was very friendly. It was like we all felt the tension but we were all trying to be kind.

We are all trying to be responsible in this.
By now most of us have gotten groceries and our homes have been disinfected 2 times over!

I have made a list of some of the things we all can still do:

1. Send out cards to encourage those that are struggling. I personally know how much of a difference this meant to me being sick.
2. Have your children color pictures and send them to loves ones. 
3. GET OUTSIDE. Go for a walk, a bike ride, a scavenger hunt in the woods with the kids, but GET OUTSIDE! The fresh air will help calm you, the Vitamin D will prevent you from getting depressed. 
4. Reconnect lost relationships.
5. Make a list of daily/ weekly goals, this will help you to stay focused and feel like you are accomplishing something. (clean out closets, organize, bake, paint, ect…) 
6. Take time everyday to be in prayer and read Gods word. His word brings peace. 

Rundown:

My body is slowly healing. My Pt guy said that my knee is going to be a long road. 

I am out of work currently allowing me to have a little more freedom to run. I was supposed to run a race on St Patties day. And typical Anita fashion, I had a goofy skirt and headband to wear. Andy asked me if I wanted to run the trails. I was excited to wear my outift because the race got cancelled. I was nervous how my knee would hold up but I was also anxious to see how it would do also. 

I not only was able to run the 6 mile trail at Holly Rec but I also ran it in 1 hour. This is pretty good for me, granted I was gassed and totally spent but I was also stoked! 

Today, I went for a walk. Even Sasquatch was tired of social distancing himself! 

Someone snuck out of the woods! 

I didn't do any running today, I did walk 2.5 miles and biked 8 miles with the boys. 

It felt so good to have my boys with me. Like when they were kids. For that brief time out there chaos was a echo, ever so faint. 

I was reminded I have near me what matters most, Family. 

It was calming. 

A few quotes/Verses  to help settle your fears. 

1. “Calmness is the way we show that we are trusting in God.”
2. “Sometimes God calms the storm.  Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child.”
3. Isaiah 26:3 “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.”
4. 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.”

One sees qualities at a distance and defects at close range. Victor Hugo

In closing, it is a great reminder that sometimes we have to distance ourselves a little bit to see a different picture. My mother used to say "Anita, stand back and look at it..."  As we are all social distancing ourselves lets take some time and look at things from a different perspective. Looking at this time with a different lens, set the chaos that is surounding us at bay distancing yourself from even that. Look for beauty, seek peace, keep your smile. 

Anita~

I'm Trying.

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all. Dale Carnegie

I look forward to running Thursday nights with Complete Runner and Andy.
Sadly, I have not been able to due to this thorn in my side...My knee and all the broken pieces that have been birthed from my bout with cancer. Residual Damage.

I am trying. 3 miles on Monday. I wanted to avoid that hill on my way home. I also wanted a sub 9min/mi. I came up the hill with hardly any air in my lungs. "GET UP Anita, get up, get up.." I just kept reciting this to myself. 

This morning at PT my guy gave me shock wave treatment again. It hurts so bad. It makes my teeth chatter as he rolls it across my patella. "Nita, is that pressure O.K.?" I dig deep and reply, "Yeah, but the numbers are lower than yesterday."
"Oh, they are?" Chris replied as he increased it.
I faked a smile and looked away.

I spoke to myself, "You can do this, its a minute maybe 2, suck it up Anita..."


Ahh, if only that was the only time I said those words.

I made tacos for Complete runners group run. I needed to run if I was going to eat that and the White Chocolate Sea salt Rice Krispy treats I brought.

Andy said he would stay back with me. I watched the runners getting smaller and smaller as we continued to run, them ahead of us.

I was breathing so heavy. I was trying so hard to not get frustrated with my body. I felt like I was running in mud, I couldn't get my legs to move. My body felt so weak. I could hear my leg dropping as I pumped my arms harder trying to maintain my pace.

I hurt. However, my knee was being kind to me, it was just soo hard.

"Anita, you have nothing to prove." Andy recited to me.
"I have nothing to prove to anyone but everything to prove to myself." I whimpered.

I couldn't talk but my mind was screaming with dialogue.

"Your doing great Nita, are you ok?" Andy asked me as we just climbed a quarter mile hill at mile three.
Out of breath but proud of myself for not walking I responded quietly, "I'm Trying..."

"I'm trying" is all I could respond to Andy each time he asked me how I was doing.
I thought about this for a mile.
"What are you "trying" Anita?"

And I thought of all the things I am "Trying".

• I am Trying to not give up.
• I am Trying to not go too slow.
• I am Trying to not go too fast. 
• I am Trying to not be so emotional. 
• I am Trying to be kind in my responses. 
• I am Trying to be patient with this process. 
• I am Trying to not get mad at life.
• I am Trying to stay strong. 
• I am Trying to not get my feelings hurt. 
• I am Trying to toughen up. 
• I am Trying GOD...Oh God I am Trying so Hard. 
• I Am Trying. 

That's all I have for tonight. I am Trying. Go Easy on me. I am trying soo Hard. 

There are times to stay put and what you want will come to you, and there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.  Lemony Snicket

Anita~

Keep Smiling

"Be open for what you are least prepared for." 

".....I think you may have to get some imaging done...." Chris my PT guy at Clint Verrans PT is a pretty nerdy therapist and I think I have exasperated even him. Dog gone stupid stinking knee.
Wednesday I ran 6 miles at Holly Rec. I didn't get 2 tenths of a mile before I had to turn around to get my spikes.
This was probably not the most brilliant idea.
Thursday, after assessing me, giving me shock wave treatment on my patella and working on me, Chris was very stern on me NOT running after I saw him.
"Well, can I do the elliptical?" He looked at me like I had lost my brains. "NO, No repetitive motion."
With my tail between my legs I headed towards home.
I decided it would be in my best interest to NOT even go to the gym and be tempted. If anyone can find a loop hole that would be me.
The knee: hurts everyday, along with the rest of my body. Same ole song. It starts to really mess with your head. I am trying to be patient with my body. I am trying to keep things in perspective with gratitude.
I try to plan out my week, scheduling things that I will get excited for.
Attending our addiction ministry at church. One of my passions is loving on people, I love to wrap my arms around Jean, Becky, Don R, and those who come looking for encouragement and support on Tuesday nights.
And baking, I made a Pineapple Kentucky Butter Bundt cake for work.
And my long runs with Lacey on Sundays. Sunday Runday.

RUNDOWN
Sunday Runday.
I rested my body the rest of the week after Chris told me not to run Thursday.
I wanted to be able to run with Lacey today. It was going to be 60 degrees and I didn't want to cheat our run.
We ran 12 miles. Slow and steady. One mile at a time, walking each mile for about 30 seconds. My body did it. It wasn't a pain free run but it was tolerable and strong-ish!
If I can just keep adding miles, stay healthy and not be stupid I may be able to do some of the longer races I had planned.
I have had to readjust my goals but I am still setting them and I am still DREAMING big little Anita dreams.
I just have to stay off the pity pot, don't be a big baby and quit whining because  "It is what it is".
 Monday: PT, Holdridge w/Claudia 5miles
Wednesday: PT Holly Rec. 6miles
Thursday: PT
Sunday: Backroads w/Lacey 12 miles
Total miles: 23 miles.


I have been invited into a group "21 days of Abundance".  You are given tasks every day to make you dig deeper and do some introspecting.
One of the tasks this week was "List 50 people who have influenced your life."
WOW! I challenge you to get out a journal and do this.
I thought of each person and how they have impacted my life. Some of them are YOU reading this. I wrote family members, alive and passed. Tearfully penning my mom, dad, grandma and Ariel. Friends, running partners, clients, church friends, authors, nurses and enemies.
To be most honest, my enemies had to be on this list. The people who have hurt me the most have also taught me the most. They truly have shaped me more than many. Pain is a lesson hard forgotten.
I have had people tell me they know me. I always laugh when people tell me they know me, I think "Good for you, I can't figure myself out to save my life, please share!"
Thankfully, I know my identity is in Christ and I always went back to Him for healing, not at all perfect to learn, forgive, and grow.
I have been influenced so deeply by pain. With no bitterness or resentments I know I am grateful to even my harshest influencers.
"Today, I behold the abundance that surrounds me." 
I challenge you to try this exercise. It is very powerful.

"Be open for what you are least prepared for." 

Just a year ago this was me, Crazy goofy Anita doing her ridiculous shenanigan's. I wasn't prepared for what would happen to me. But as unprepared as I was, living each day like it was a gift, with gratitude and a good attitude will be your best partners for whatever comes at you. 

I had all kinds of BIG plans after I got a "Cancer Free" diagnosis only to have my knee blow out on me, again not prepared for that blow. I love this quote, "Yep, this is where I am at, suck it up Anita, it is what it is!" 

Keep Smiling.

Anita

Little goals of epic proportion

Angie W made every paper flower by hand with love. This sweet angel has blessed me with care packages for the last 9 months. Grateful for her love and constant prayers. 

This past week was the first full week that I began to have a little more energy. Having a Cancer Free diagnosis does not mean that I feel like my old self and that just sucks. 

I want to go a million miles a minute, juggle 20 things and be excited that I could push my limits without the fear of being broken. 

I was close to achieving this but I got my butt handed to me before I could go a second round. 

I was stoked I was able to clean maw maws house, have lunch with a friend that was recently diagnosed with cancer and make a meal for another friend who just had her mastectomy from breast cancer. I was able to give back the lil bit that was given to me. 

I also worked, had PT three times last week, threw a birthday party for my father in law and ran a few miles. 

Things are slowly coming together. I get excited with opportunities to help others.

When I think about having cancer I smile. Because as miserable as it was, God has used me in great and mighty ways. I have no great talents, not really much to offer, I am not a scholar or own a money tree. 

To be honest, I am a broken mess, extraordinarily mediocre. 

A whole lot of nothing that great. 

And yet, God chooses to use me. "Be weary in well doing". I will go to my grave being tired. I have been so blessed in my brokenness.  I have no idea how I can pay it all back but I will die trying. 

Life is bigger than me. Get over yourself Anita. 

"Don't Let your fear decide your future." Shalene Flanagan

I feel like a lil ole lady. I bend down and wonder if I can get back up. My joints and bones sound like a bowl of Rice Krispies, SNAP, CRACKLE and POP! Menopause has me sleepless and emotional. 

I squint trying to read fine print and I am finally OVER the gray hair. 

I HURT every stinking day. Nobody tells you this! I am hearing how brittle your bones get from chemo and it frightens me.

HOWEVER.... 

I can't stay afraid. I want to live. I want adventures again. I want to smile pushing my limits. 

I am learning to run alone. I have no idea what my body will do. It is literally one mile at a time. It is walking, running, jogging, praying and learning. You can learn a lot about yourself if you are quiet enough, 

Collision: "Shift from thinking to feeling--feel yourself accomplish your goal. Take that feeling out of your head and put it into your heart. Embrace it as the reality." 

Erin Taylor, Founder and head coach of Jasyoga

3 solo miles. 

Last Sunday, I ran 10 miles on the icy trails and it took over 2 hours. 

Today, I wanted to try to run another 10 miles. I drove to Kensington to test out my legs on the pavement. 

I DID IT! I DID IT! 10 miles, at a sub 10 minute pace! And I wasn't hobbling. Now, I won't tell you it was a pain free run but it was a manageable run. I added a walk break every mile. But I did it. I was so thrilled. I have PT in the morning, I am curious to see how my knee feels through the night and tomorrow. 

Monday: PT 3miles, 

Wednesday: PT 3miles

Thursday: PT Gym, 50 minutes Elliptical, 11 minutes rowing, I saw a few kids I coached XC. They came over to check on me, it made my night. 

Sunday: Kensington, 10m

 Total Miles: 16. 

Goals do not have to be massive. Goals can still be epic proportionally to YOU. If I set my goals in comparison to what my friends are doing than I would feel very discouraged. while I am very happy for them, I can't do what they are all doing. And that is good. Because gratitude allows my goals to give me encouragement. It allows me to be appreciative for every little thing. 

Every lil goal achieved is then epic to me.  

Special Thanks:

Thank you to Angie W for the care package with your homemade goodies filled with LOVE. This lady lives MILES away and has sent me the most thoughtful packages. 

Thank you to Ruth, Aunt Lois and mom for my cards. 

So much LOVE. 

Hot Spots: 

*Get over yourself

*Be weary in well doing

*Give Back

*Set Goals

Anita