Goals. Back in the dirt.

Say Goodbye to pavement pounding for the rest of the summer!
Back on the Trails.

What a Glorious Day for a 18 miler on the trails.

RECOVERY from Glass City this week is what made all the difference.
I ran so minimal and so slow it was hardly any kind of a run to log.
The couple days that I ran made all the difference in getting my shoes dirty on the trails for a 3 1/2 hours today.

For Breakfast I had:

A cardboard breakfast. 

1 cup of Starbucks Verona dark roast coffee.
1 Vans Whole Wheat blueberry waffle. It took EVERYTHING to swallow it down. I probably should have put syrup on it. The puny pad of butter did it no service. It was like chewing on cardboard, nothing like Hungry Jacks buttermilk waffles!
I try to convince myself that food is more than just for pleasure. It is to sustain a healthy life...so eat your cardboard and washing it down with coffee...gag.

HOLDRIDGE: 

Quick pick on the little loop, Rachel and I. 

I ran almost 2 miles with Rachel on the North Loop. I was chasing these deer through the trails, actually they kept switching back in my direction after I would startle them. I was just glad they didn't pummel into me they were that close.

As we came back to meet the rest of the clan I was ready to shed my jacket and my long sleeve shirt. I was so happy I had put on shorts and brought a short sleeve shirt, I was sweating.

Holdridge Grubers Grinder: East Loop 16miles. 
I followed to the back of the group tagging behind. The person in the back of the pack usually speaks the less because they cant hear the conversation in the front.
Sounds travels forward not backward.
After a few miles I was glad I was in the back. We were running a good pace and I wasn't sure how my body would react throughout the run. I was hoping if I was suffering no one would remember I was back there and I could just hide my agony.

I was so excited to bask in the sun after our run. Shoes, Brooks Cascadia's 

However, other than a few tweaks here and there, my legs were strong. I knew we were running faster than normal, it all felt so good. "One mile at a time."
Switchbacks, roots, hills, tumblers, rocks and downed trees. I was seriously having so much fun.
Not a cloud in the sky. Everything just fell into place!

NOSTALIC:
I am a sap. I am very sentimental. SO much so that after running Hennipen last fall I hung my hydration vest up and NEVER touched it again. I didn't rinse it out or clean it out. I wanted it to stay that way until the season opened up again for me to jump into my next adventure.

extra batteries for my head lamp, wipes to refresh myself, chocolate waffles because chocolate makes me so happy!

My bladder in my vest had a silky film all inside it. It was so nasty that even Andy came into the kitchen to make sure I cleansed it properly. He actually took over and I was happy to let him!
It was fun to look at all my goodies in the pockets. I even have Ginger tabs from Cloudsplitter the year before.

This little trinket was still in there from last year. A very special gift from Erin.
The other side read GOALS.

This was a reminder that I accomplished a very big GOAL last week. Qualifying for Boston. I stared at it for several seconds. GOALS.
My goals came with failure and success.
BUT is Failure really Failure if you didn't Give up? Or is it a tool? A tool in your tool box to use and work harder.

Rundown: 
Distance: 17.8
Trail: Holdridge, North and East
Temps: started at 38', finished at 65'.
Nutrition: 16oz water, 1 Honeystinger chocolate waffle and gum

My next adventure: Highland Loops in May. Trail run. It closes out. This is a GREAT RACE.

Anita~

Taking the Me out of ME

"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise."

Phil 4:8

Positive thoughts. 
It is a tough world out there. And it will make you bitter or it will make you better.
I am not always a positive person. I have moments of extreme hostility.
They are often emotional temper tantrums. Its hard being Irish and Mexican! 
I know a few people that I just want to brush up on, in hopes their positive character will rub off on me. 

Today, was my first attempt at running. Even though my legs continue to feel heavy and I still feel wiped out, I tried to stay very positive. 

THE RUN WENT great! I only ran 3.1 miles with my XC kids but I felt soo GOOD. Initiially, I felt every muscle firing. Slowly my legs began to feel natural. They moved on their own without me coaxing them forward. I felt like I wanted to run more, but I knew better. Ease back into it. Recover. I will run again hopefully Sunday. 

I am not a religious person. Religion is man made. I believe in Gods word.

I am so thankful that HIS word has kept me from becoming bitter. We all have so many circumstances we can complain about. 

Remember the game on Price as Right, Plunko? I think of the above verse as that game. Only my thoughts are the disc gravitating to the bottom. And the negative thoughts never win. I sift them down asking myself  Is it True?, is it Honorable? Is it right? and down the line.

 

The thing is, If your thoughts are not in a good place, neither will your actions BE. 

"Hurting people Hurt People"

  

I have multiple self help books, books on being a better person, a more forgiving person and I have read them over and over because I am a slow learner. 

"GI -GO"

Garbage in Garbage out.

 

What are you teaching yourself? What are you learning? Are you choosing to be negative or find the negativity in things? 

No Thanks. 

Somedays it is really a chore. And some days I fail and land on my face. But most of the days I dust myself off and try again moving toward a happy place. 

I choose to circle myself around positivity and in return I try to be the same to my friends.

And it feels soo good. 

Peace. Love, kindness, it all feels so good.  

I love Reading Gods Wisdom in the bible. It helps me to move forward lovingly. It teaches me to not get offended. It leads me to be humble. To forgive and to Love People where they are at. All people, in their state not mine. It takes ME out of ME. 

Thankful for my little run today and so much more. 

Anita

 

Glass City...BQ or Bust

"Anita, I don't understand WHY you have so much fear running this morning?" Andy asked.
"Seriously, you have done this how many times?" he added.

"I just do, before my goals and dreams were MINE. I was in control. I only let myself down, but I don't want to let Lacey down, I want that DREAM of hers." (To run Boston 2019, together, finishing holding hands across the finish line) I explained.

I helped train Lacey for her very first marathon. I KNEW she could run Boston and I planted that seed 4 years ago. 

My sleepless night presented itself surprisingly well. I had lots of energy in the morning I was just a emotional mess.

Alec and Andy had to get up at 5:30am, that made me emotional with thankfulness for Team Harless coming out together for me. 

Praying together before I headed into my corral made me emotional with humility. 

Rereading all my texts made me emotional. It amazed me the love and support from so many. This wasn't my first rodeo. I often feel like I have burnt people out on my running, but the support and sentiments were so fresh and encouraging. 

Then when I finally got my eyes drying, I saw a running friend of mine, MaryAnn from Michigan!

Glass City Marathon. 

Weather: 39' Sunny

Attire: My butterfly skirt Lacey bought me, my nickname is Whiny Butterfly. Compression socks, a long sleeve lightweight shirt, moisture wicking and loose. A black vest in hopes that the sun would warm me. A buff, a hat, light mittens and my pink Goodr's.

The Goal: 3:50.  I need a 3:55 to BQ, however, you need at least 3 minutes to bank to get your spot. Each qualifying time only allows so many runners in, the faster ones get in first. 

Nutrition: gum and Honey Stingers w/caffeine 

The Start: 7:02

I have always been very confident when running a marathon. 

Last year was the first time I had ever missed all 3 of the goals I set. With that being said several other things were set in my mind, mainly FEAR. The Mack Daddy of them All.  Because Fear never comes alone, he brings friends. 

As I waited to cross the starting line I really had NO IDEA the outcome of this marathon. 

THE FIRST 10K

Andy said they would be at the 10K mark. That was my original Goal. Seem My family with smiles. 

I was a little concerned starting out. My bladder was flirting with the idea of needing to go again. I had just gone in the car, I found a empty Tim Hortons cup, I know so nasty, but I didn't have time to wait in the porta johns, improvise like a camper!

And we were off. They did not have a pacer for my time. I had to rely on my Garmin and myself. I needed to keep a 8:46min/mi.

I was in LOVE with how well my body was responding. I was hoping I could just feel like this the WHOLE time. A girl can DREAM...

AT MILE 4ISH...I look to my left and hear these girls SCREAMING and jumping. This was insane how much energy they had so early. I had to take a DOUBLE take. It was KRIS and RACHEL! These are my trail running buddies. SHOCKED I could feel myself tearing up. I had NO idea they would travel out so early to visit me! 

Rachel knows the drill, they both cheered me on but she pushed me off, "GO GO!" 

I took that energy with me and headed to the 10K mark. 

GET TO 10MILES

I never saw Andy or Alec at the 10K mark.

I saw the girls AGAIN with just as much infectious energy. I could tell they were making friends! I was entering into the Wildwood Preserve Metropark.  

And just shortly after that  I saw Team Harless. I was soo excited.

My pace was averaging about a 8:37.  

I was banking time very conservatively. My body was not fighting me on this. I told myself the next goal with to get to mile 15. 

10-13.2 Miles. 

I saw the girls AGAIN! I saw them twice in the park! I thought for sure they had found a teleport machine. They were EVERYWHERE and I was soo giddy. 

I had a few moments of questionable voices. The chatter questioning "WHY" I was doing this. That was followed by "Could I maintain this?" 

But I had a great play list in my ears and my mind reclaimed itself within a few minutes. 

GETTING TO 15. 

I am not sure why I chose 15. It was only a couple miles away. I think it was me trying to go one mile at a time clawing for my pace. My splits had been very close. I kept telling myself to hold on with everything I had. 

Next stop The BIG 20. 

This is the gal I tucked in behind and let her pace me. Until she told me to go and I had to put my big girl pants on!

15-20 was starting to tug on me. 

I was so happy to see both Team Harless at the 18 mile mark and the girls AGAIN, I'm pretty sure I saw them at least! My brain was getting foggy trying to maintain my pace to 20. I would have 2 minutes banked at this point. Not a lot but enough that I was fairly confident I was going to need. 

I had tucked in behind this gal about my age. After several miles behind her I told her thank you for helping me. 

She looked great, much better than she was feeling. "I'm nursing an injury, I am about to drop back, you better GO!" she informs me.

I went into panic. 

I had already peed my pants, had 1- 20 second walk break and really needed her...so I thought. I needed HIM more. As I passed her on the freeway I prayed harder. 

20-miles to FINISH.

Kris took this picture...I was still smiling!

I had enough time banked that I was able to maintain a 9min/mi. 

I didn't want to claim that pace, if at all possible I was still aiming for a sub 9min/mi. 

"A 10K Anita" I said about a million times to myself. My quads were burning. My back, where I had my iPhone was soo sore that I kept trying to move around.

I reminded myself, felt so much better at this point than I did last year at this point. 

I was running alongside the phone lines, counting them down trying to trick my mind. 

I heard the ambulance and police very loud from all directions. It was just a few minutes when I saw a younger lady laying on her belly passed out. The medical workers taking care of her, I ran passed her with deep prayers. 

I slowed up to give myself a 10 second walk break. The flood gates opened again. It was horrific. I had drank and ate very religiously at almost every station. By suddenly, without warning my bladder failed me. So much so that my spandex actually had a bladder. I had a bulge in my shorts as more liquid continued to surge out of me. I got scared because I couldn't understand how I had soo much. I felt it now saturating the back of my skirt, running down my legs and soaking my compression socks. This had never happened this bad before, I was scared to look because it wouldn't stop. I thought my bladder itself had fallen out. I was embarrassed knowing that all those behind me could see. I just kept running and was relieved to see it was nothing to be concerned for. Running a marathon is not for the weak of heart. Your body goes through such crisis. 

I was surprised to see the girls again along the power lines. I was doing everything I could to count the number, adding, replacing and trying soo hard to not lose my position. I was still on pace for a 3:50 marathon. But it was going to be tight. Rachel jumped unto the paved trail to encourage me. But I could barely talk. She ran alongside me and could see my struggle. 

I just had to make it a little over 2 miles. 

It was going to be tight. 

I added more numbers thinking I had more time banked than I added. I took another 10 second walk break. 

I couldn't get my pace below a 9:20min/mi. 

The sun was starting to bake me. I had to hold on. Victory was soo close. 

My mouth was dry despite my drinking. My lips were chapping and I could tell that if I stopped too much more my calves were going to start seizing up. 

Less than a mile to go. I was good. I could run a 10 minute mile and be FINE.... 

I went to take another walk break and a girl in purple shorts passed me. We had passed each other a couple times. This time however, she turned around, looked at me and motioned me to RUN. "COME on" she whispered. 

I fought everything to not stop. I counted the minutes. I counted the tenth of a mile, I looked so hard for that turn into the stadium. My stomach was beginning to turn.

I looked at my watch with a half a mile to go and realized I forgot to calculate the .2 of the 26.2. That's another 2 minutes. I was NOT going to be able to run a 10min/mi. . It was going to be so close. But my legs wouldn't turn over! I heard shouting to my right, it was MaryAnn, Ken and Andy J. I attempted to hand clap them but my aim was way off. 

More shouting, it was Kris and Rachel AGAIN! I mustered a smile and swallowed hard. I thought I was going to puke. 

Coming into the stadium I could see Andy and Alec looking for me. I heard my name across the stadium, "ANITA HARLESS.." Andy yelled "PICK IT UP" 

I was glad I was still upright. I saw the clock, I felt bile surfacing. Get to the finish Line. 

THE FINISH: 

Team Harless. My Loves. 

No one would hand me my thermal blanket or my medal because I was retching so bad. My stomach felt like it was turning inside out. Sharp pains came in waves and I bent over waiting to vomit on everyone. 

Thankfully it never came. I collected my medal that weighed as much as me and my cover. 

The gang gathered around me. 

I DID it! I DID it!

3:50:20!

My Tribe, Kris and Rachel teleported themselves all over the course.  

"Strength in the Journey"

"Two are better than one"

The dream is Alive. Now Lacey has to qualify. She will do it. Boston 2019 here WE come. 

A big shout out to all the prayers, all the love, encouragement I have received. 

I am sooo Glad this is OVER, Time to get back on the trails with Team Squishy Toes! 

Next race:

Mohican 50M, June. 

Anita

A New Heart in Damaged Goods

We  look at people at face value.
We see what we see and we don't know what we don't know.

Everyone has a story.

My dad died when I was 11. As a small child I was actually rather quiet and bashful. Surrounded by violent alcoholics I never trusted anyone.
The day my father died we all went back to my Aunt Marys house. I remember feeling so small. Minisule. Unnoticed. Irrelevant. Confused.
"My father died, does anyone care I am without a father the REST of my life?"

It didn't seem fare. Everyone was grieving and I was alone, fatherless.

This tall Mexican gal walks up to me with the most beautiful smile. Her long dark hair falling around her face as she knelt down and looked me in the eyes.
"ANITA! I am your sister....."
WHAT? WHAT? I have a sister? I had no idea. I thought I was my daddys one and only.
I felt betrayed.
The reality was my daddy was a good man, he loved me, he cared for me but he really wasn't around me that much in those 11 years.
He never rescued me from the abusive drunken evenings. He never saved me from the foster homes I was in. Or took my mom away from that nasty boyfriend.

But he came back to my mother to have her care for him when he was dying.
I remembered that. I remember the last 6 months. I loved my daddy.

Some of our stories start very very early. They rob us of our innocence. They steal away our childhood. They hurt us.

Damaged Goods.

We make mistakes in our teens. Some of us recover and some of us continue to make mistakes.
Some of us were never given the tools to make good choices. And some of are so damaged we just continue to self destruct  because all we know is pain. We don't even know how to feel Joy, Happiness or Contentment. We even subconsciously sabotage happiness because it is so foreign to us.

VALIDATION;
Warm tears streamed down my face as "JOYCE" gave her testimony of her abuse as a child. She spoke at our addiction group on Tuesday night to hundreds of addicts, family members, friends and staff.
"I LOOKED for VALIDATION..." She cried out.
"Call ME a WHORE, Call me a Bi#@%, Call me a Murderer, Call me a CRACKHEAD....."
She cried and screamed.

She explained she was fatherless. Her mother was an alcoholic. She was just a innocent girl at one time. Full of life, curiosity, love, adventure....Until someone robbed her of her innocence.

"I was always looking for VALIDATION...."
Oh, the tears rolled down my cheeks. My tears. I felt my throat tightening up.

Yes, yes. That's what I do. I hate that I do that. The need to be loved. The need to be validated.
The need to be someone's something.
I buy gifts, I encourage people to a default, I go out of my way to help others, I do so many things for people to just LOVE me.
And they don't.
And I get hurt. I get confused.
They still gossip about you, make fun of you, so you know what I do...TRY HARDER...
because that makes perfect sense right?!
I cook and I bake and I text and I call....
And most of the time they just go on with their lives..
But I am the one broken.

And I cried some more.

People see a layer of me. They see me at face value. They see what I want them to see because at the end of the day most people have their own stories and their own issues.
And that's OK.

Where am I going with this...?

Reminding you to be KIND. Reminding you to look at someone's story.
Don't be soo quick to judge.
Don't be so quick to respond, react and reject.

If someone has a BEAUTIFUL story, embrace it, enjoy it but don't judge that with comments like "Must be NICE!"
or
"She never had a care in the world..."
YOU don't know their story. Be KIND.

And if you see someone who has struggles don't be so quick to judge and give your two cents worth. NO ONE asked YOU!
"She made her Bed..."
"That's what she gets, what goes around..."
"That's the life she chose..."

And as for me. I know God has a purpose for my story. I will continue to be who I am. I will win some of you over and I will never win some of you over.
I am getting so much better with knowing that not everyone is going to like you.
But...
I NEED to continue to be kind, loving, affectionate and compassionate.

Some of you may not believe in GOD. But for ME...I cant imagine a life without Jesus. It is only through HIM that I am where I am.
His words, His love, His death, His resurrection, His compassion is what has healed me and has taught me to overcome.

"Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh"

Ezekiel 36:26

I don't want a stony heart. I would rather have it broken a hundred times and continue to love and forgive then be cold and embittered. 

I was talking to a client about addiction. She responded "You cant help those people.." 

It hurt me. Those people were my mother, my father...They are someone's brother, their sister...

Their outward addiction doesn't show their inward battles. 

Learn to Love.
Anita

Blue is Better

Glass City Marathon. Two weeks out.
I'm 44 years old. 45 this December.

This is no regular marathon for me. This is my SECOND run at Glass City trying to qualify AGAIN for Boston.
Last year I missed it by almost 3 minutes. I bonked at mile 21. The sun baked me. I walked when I should have been running. My eyes were dry of the tears that wanted to flood them. I knew it was not going to happen. My legs were like lead weights. I felt like I was running in muck, going no where fast or slow.
I remember the sky being SOOO BLUE. It was the most beautiful day. The Perfect day to qualify for Boston.
The perfect day for my running partner, Lacey, but not me.

For the last 14 weeks, I have silently been suffering. Running more intentionally than I enjoy. I have been beating my body up on pavement and suffering in freezing cold temps. I have been in emotional agony over long runs and a big whiny mess. The demons haunt me.
Failure has a target on me.

Last week a client of mine came in. "Anita, how is your running going?" Sometimes I am just amazed that people still ask. Running is of course next to my family and my Faith my next greatest passion.
"Steve" always asks questions about my running. My heart melts with just those few words.

BLUE IS BETTER. 
"Blue is better. What would life be without Blue..."
For weeks I have felt "BLUE". Nervous, anxious, discouraged. Those closest to me know this. If you have been reading my blogs without falling asleep, you too know that I have been emotionally stressed over qualifying for Boston.

Today Lacey and I headed over to Paula and Matts house. The Sky was Blue. My new running shoes were Blue, my running pants were Blue, my running shirt was even BLUE.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT WAS NOT BLUE?
My Spirit. 

I was running next to this girl who worked her BUTT off and was going to BOSTON. I am so proud of her.
Her Dream was MY DREAM.
Her SMILE was MY Smile.

And...She is my number one fan.

"Friendship improves happiness and abates misery by doubling our JOY and dividing our Grief." Joseph Addison

This past week, I ran a lot solo. It was tough to do. I love running with my squad. I opened Instagram and my news feed was flooded with pictures of them all running together, Facebook more pictures and even a group text thread we are all in with even MORE pictures and videos. Smiles, laughter, goofiness. And I ran alone, suffering, sweating beating myself up with no running partner but the demons that haunt me all week.
I would find encouragement from those little words of a few that have been checking in on me.
My client Steve, just simply asks "Anita, how is your running going?"
Or Lacey "ANITA! YOU GOT THIS!"
Or my family miles away texting me encouragement.
The encouragement from just a few goes far to keep you going as you are suffering solo.

With my dreamer next to me, the four of us took off in the blue sky. BLUE IS BETTER. Each person next to me, Paula, Lacey and Matt, have done EPIC things. The four of us have all encouraged each others dreams and goals. Always cheering for each other and supporting one another. I was so happy to have them along side of me.

RUNDOWN:
Distance: 14 miles
Where: Polly Ann Trail
Pace: 9:18

Boston Qualifying time for me: 3h55min
That means I basically need a 3:50 to guarantee me a spot.

"Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. 

Failure is delay,not defeat.

It is a temporary detour, not a dead end." Denis Waitley

"Anita, I want to run Boston one time together, you and me, holding hands across that finish line." Laceys Dream. My dream.
Boston, One more time. 

We are tapering now. It is what it is. I would love some prayers if you remember a little runnergirl with a dream...

Anita

Just Start with a Smile

"Your here for a reason, you certainly are.

The world would be different without  you., by far.

If not for your hands and your eyes and your feet, 

like a puzzle, would be incomplete. 

Even the smallest things that you do

blossom and multiply far beyond you. 

A kindness, for instance, may triple for day...

or set things in motion in different ways.

It travels much further than you'll ever know...

under the treetops...

over the snow...

till it's wandered...

and fluttered...

and floated...

and twirled-

making things happen allover the world. 

You're here for a reason.

It's totally true.

Your part of a world that is counting on you. 

So don't be to worried if some days fall flat.

Good things can happen even from that. 

Life can be tricky, there isn't a doubt. 

You'll skin your knees trying to figure it out. 

But life works together, the good and the bad,

the silly and the awful, and happy and sad.

to paint a big picture we can't always see...

a picture that needs you, most definitely. 

Remember that next time a day goes all wrong...

to somebody else, you will always be strong. 

And that ball that you lose or that kite you let go

could make someone's day-

you just never know. 

Your here for a reason. If you think you're not,

I would just say that perhaps you forgot-

a piece of the world that is precious and dear

would surely be missing if you weren't here.

If not for your smile and your laugh and your heart, 

this place we call home would be minus a part.

Thank goodness you're here!

Thank goodness times two!

I just can't imagine a world without you.

Nancy Tillman

Words. Lyrics. Quotes. Verses.
I love Words.

Some days are tough to see the light of day. No matter how sunny the forecast looks our day is nothing sort of gloomy.

We get discouraged, despaired by a life that continues to rob us. There is no escaping from feeling like a living carcass being slowly pecked.

But there is so many beautiful things that each one of us carries. We were created to SHINE. To LOVE. To Give Back.

I LOVE this little poem. It's the tiny reminders that SOMEONE out there loves me. Someone out there believes in me. Sees the little things.

Being sick this week messed with my heart and my head.
I finished off my WHOLE cup of coffee like a champ this morning. Its sweet nectar made me smile with hope and excitement.
I spoke to God anxious to see how he unfolded my day.

My favorite treadmill was whispering my name. And like a little kid getting on a new bike I quivered with excitement.
My body felt strong considering I was getting over being sick and my mind was prepared to be pained by sweat and struggle.

7 miles in under a hour. That was the goal.
WORDS. Lyrics. smiles.

I FELT AMAZING! Each mile I let the lyrics seep into my skin. The words gave me energy. I thought of Gods words. I smiled. I picked up the pace. I held my shoulders back. I turned my twirpy legs over as though they belonged to someone else. My forehead beaded with sweat. It was refreshing. I was running Smooth. Easy. Strong.
I picked up the pace again.
I thought about the friends that love me. I smiled. I thought about my kids and how goofy we are. I smiled. I thought about my siblings, how we OVERCAME the odds. I smiled. I thought of the support that I so many of YOU give me through your words, your comments, your questions or even your "LIKE'S" I smiled.
The little things are so BIG.

You were created to SHINE. Get OUT of yourself. Never quit. Pause for a moment then RESET, SMILE and create happiness.
Love on someone else.
Be Beautiful inside and out.
Get out of your slumber and Shine. Good Days are inviting you, just start with a SMILE.

Anita~

The Heights: SICK

"The Sovereign Lord is my strength, He makes my fee like the feet of deer, he enables me to tread on the heights." Habakkuk 3:19

I am sick. I have been struggling with a head cold for the last 3 days. I do a great job at hiding it, like a pimple, I cover it up and pretend like its not really there.
But it is, the little rascal eventually bears its ugliness.

I had a 20 mile run scheduled for today. I was going to do everything I could to get through one of my last long runs before Glass City.

The stress of qualifying for Boston at Glass City was unsurfaced last week when Lacey asked me "Why haven't you registered for Glass City?" 
I debated being honest with her. I knew I had to come clean. "Lacey, I was secretly hoping you wouldn't requalify for Boston at Boston in a couple weeks, then I wasn't going to run Glass City because I wouldn't need to qualify..." 

My confession was out. But she loves me soo much that she just chuckled, and actually babied me a bit. "Anita, you got this, You are going to ROCK." 

This morning, I stayed longer than I should in my fuzzy pajamas. I drank 2 sips of coffee, mostly out of habit, the coffee wasn't even good. You know I am sick if I can't drink coffee.

Twenty degrees at 9am. Two sips of coffee. 1 banana.
20 miles of backroads and hills with a head cold. Let the fun begin.

I decided early on I would have polite conversation, save my energy. I would just let them gab and laugh it up. As the miles went on, their chipper giggling and laughter only made me feel more whipped. It was like they were foot loose and fancy, all giddy with candid conversation. While I was just trying to get over another stinking hill. I lead the pace most of the time, trying to stay focused on my pace. But the hills came, long, short, really stinking long. They made jokes about them, putting them on a scale system.
I pierced my eyes to the top and kept nailing them until I couldn't anymore, and I knew that was eventually coming.
I tried to drink, I ate my Honeystinger chews until my belly started cramping. At that point, I secretly giggled as my tush started letting out little squeaky toots! My body was too weak to try to hold them in. They were gabbing so much I don't think they heard anything from me.

In the valley of two hills, I had to take a call from my son, in those brief moments my bladder decided it was time to go pee. I was really hoping that was ALL I had to do. I found a flat rock, out of the pickers, and like a princess on her throne I did my business. As I pulled my britches up, I looked up to discover Lacey having a candid moment with me as her subject. Say Cheese!

I still had 5 miles back home. And more hills. I wish I could say I was proud of those last 5 miles.
We were holding a great pace. We were still maintaining a 9:30min/mi.
Mile 15: 9:06
Mile16: 9:33
But mile 17, my strength was fading. I was fading. I tried so hard to stay strong. My body was cramping. My heart was pounding. I still had another hill.
I tried to stay onward. But I felt like I was losing my grip. I wanted to just curl up in bed.
One more hill. I just had to make it up one more.
I thought about Boston. Do the Hard things Nita.
Mile 17: 9:47
Mile 18: 10:50 And this was a flat mile.
Mile 19: 11:14 I walked and made myself RUN. Another mile almost seemed impossible.
Mile 20: The last Hill...9:59.  I somehow managed to pick it up and bring it home.

The last hill, we brought our pace down and kept it steady. It took everything from my weak body and wobbly knees. But I was so happy that God had gave me the strength to get through the last 19 miles that the last mile almost made me smile.
I no longer looked at that last hill, that last mile, rather I looked at how FAR God had already brought me in my illness. I was actually really stoked.
20 miles of hills, head cold and gratitude.

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I was reminded today that sometimes I get caught up in the things that haven't happened, running 20 miles sick.
But I took it 1 mile at a  time. I tried to stay on pace. As each mile was conquered, I got a little more excited to see just how far God took me.

People often say to not look backwards. But I disagree. I get my strength from my yesterdays. I have seen God carry me, protect me, strengthen me and shelter me. He continues to give me Strength in my Weakness. He carries me to new Heights.

Anita