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| ALL DONE! Girdled up and going home. |
I have only had my breast surgeries at Beaumont Troy. And truth be told I have had so many surgeries there I actually know the staff.
HERE IS A CRAZY part of my story. On TUESDAY, the day before my surgery my client came in mentioning he was heading to Beaumont after his haircut. He was representing the CRNA's at the hospital. David my client told me he would make sure I had the best anesthetist. When I showed up for surgery they knew me! He actually set me all up!
I had the same nurse I had the last time, Janice. "Yes, I remember you, you had the best attitude..." Janice welcomed me. I was very thankful that she remembered me from a good attitude rather than something bad. You never know if you are going to have to cross over the same bridge.
Dr. Hainer came in, marked me in blue sharpie like a science project.
They came to wheel me down to the operating room asking me if I wanted something to calm me down.
"Nope, I am pretty relaxed, this isn't my first rodeo, thank you but no." I responded chatting with my nurses like it was their lunch break.
The room is bright and cold. Still laughing and chatting my nurse introduces me to everyone in the very large room. George is off to my right laying out all the instruments, my nurse anesthetist is behind me preparing my juice and my nurse is putting the oxygen over my mouth, "Deep breath Anita..your doing good..." She repeated that about 5 times, a couple deep breaths later I say to her "That light is getting blurry....."
And 2 hours later, I was shaking, cold and groggy trying to will my body awake.
"Hello Anita, how are you, can I get you anything?" A new nurse asks.
"Coffee please."
My legs are pulverized. The deep purple welts were now connecting turning my legs angry and blackened. This time it hurt even more than the last time. I had so many holes where Dr. Hainer tried to get fat I was afraid I might spring a leak. My hips, my thighs, my belly, I had steri-strips all over my body. Every time Andy looked at me he cringed.
My nieces and nephew spent the night with me Friday night. Even though I was in the hurt locker I wanted the company to keep my mind off my misery.
Saturday morning, I snuck into the shower. I averted my eyes from the mirror as I gingerly removed my cloths. I climbed into the shower. I was scared of even the water touching me.
I heard little footsteps. "Oh God NOOO" I cried to myself. There was nothing I could do as my niece popped her head through the shower curtain. I had no place to hide. I grabbed the wash cloth desperately trying to hide my mutilated body. "Annt Neeta.."
I was mortified in my ugliness. I was so scared I would frighten her.
But I didn't.
She didn't even notice my horridness. She just looked at me with total adoration and love.
She walked away and I began to cry.
She saw love. She saw security. She saw her Aunt, flawless. She saw nothing physical at all.
This was how we should see one another.
I wanted to hide in shame. Embarrassed by my scars, decolorizations and ugliness.
But she didn't see my shame. She didn't see me imperfections.
I started this post sharing my last surgery but I wanted to end it by challenging you to love this way.
To love blindly.
To love unconditionally.
To love the unlovable.
In my shame she loved me blindly.
Lessons from a toddler.
"You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear."
Anita~
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