Out of Sight

I wear other clothes other than running, my new skirt from Poshmark! 

     

Last Tuesday, I worked and headed to church for our recovery program that I have done for the last 15 years. The problem with this little routine was me. 

Addiction is a passion for me. Growing up in the chaos of addiction didn't make me bitter rather the battle made me more compassionate for the disease. The problem was not with my passion rather my pain from surgery less than a week prior. 

I touched up my make up, pulled up my boot straps and headed to Waterford to love on those struggling worse than even I was. 

Covid has really interrupted the recovery program at the River and many recovery places all over. 

After Roger spoke, we all left the auditorium to go to our individual meetings.  

Every step hurt to walk from the auditorium to downstairs where my room was. My thighs and hips were dark from angry bruises. I winced every time I had to get up or sit down. The pain took my breath away and fatigue had now set in as the clock approached 8pm. 

OUT OF SIGHT

We all sat in a circle. "Anita, I was surprised to see you here after your surgery." Angie was the 3rd person to express her surprise to see me. 

I sat there dressed from work, with a genuine smile across my face disguising my pain. My ruffled dress concealing my blackened legs. I had a late coffee to keep me from showing my exhausting. 

"....aren't you in a lot of pain...." She follows it up with. 

"Yes, I am but it's all good." I reply.

"Are you on any painkillers?" 

"No, no, I have gone this long with out them, I am not starting now." 

A new lady intercedes "Well, you must not be in that much pain." 

And added "you don't look like your in pain..." 

Concealed. Hidden. Disguised. 

Never underestimate the pain of a person, because in all honesty, everyone is struggling. some people are better at hiding it than others. Will Smith 

Soo many are going through a battle you will never know. Don't be quick to judge. 

Covid has birthed a lot of emotional hurt. A lot of grief. A lot of loss. 

Pain isn't always written across someone's face. Some fight with everything to conceal it, that doesn't mean they are not struggling. And some are very open and share it. 

Be gentle with your words and your judgments. 

In other news, 

I tried my first run post surgery one week out. I biked 20 miles and walk/ran 3 miles. 

Yep, it hurt soo bad I think I quit breathing as I gritted my teeth. 

So I tried again the next day with Complete Runner. I ran 5 miles. The pain is in my legs where Dr. Hainer did all the fat grafting. It's soreness to the next level. 

Saturday I really wanted to try and run a longer run. Andy and I ran 12 miles, it was a very quiet run as I tried to listen to my body one mile at a time. I actually ended it early for fear I might regret it later. 

I knew I had to be gentle to my recovering body today. So I headed to the gym. I wasn't sore from running but I didn't want to overdo it and possibly do damage. So I masked up, road the bike, rowed, walked and did some light weights. 

11 days later...Ouch!

”Pain nourishes courage. You can’t be brave if you’ve only had wonderful things happen to you.” – Mary Tyler Moore

ANITA~