Get a grip

 

"Smile" my cheesy talent

I am really trying here. I find it best when everything seems so chaotic to just back deeper inside myself. I have gotten so afraid of relationships, conversations, interactions that I think it is best to communicate as little as possible, although that even gets you in trouble these days. 

I repeat mantra hoping that I will act accordingly.

"You can attract more bees with honey than you can vinegar." 

"Kill em' with kindness." 

"Turn the other cheek..."

"Try to walk in their shoes.."

But even all the good intentions and apologies, all the transparencies and gentleness does not calm storms. 

I have been trying to just "Get a Grip" and calm the storm inside myself. 

"I long to complete a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble." -Helen Keller

 

The storm I am fighting is to just come back. To feel alive again after all that cancer BS.  This covid life has stole my recovery year from me. It has taken my celebrations. It has angered  souls, embittered relationships, and covered so many of us with confusion. 

Today, I was trying to do something a little more than mediocre, something to get me out of this funk and it held a questionnaire. 

One of the questions ask you to describe a talent you have. 

I just couldn't think of any. I put Smile. Cheesy, right?!

I really have no great talent. I am a pretty average Joe. But oh if my heart could just speak it is full of zeal, it does backflips never performed. My heart is exploding with useless talent. 

I have the heart of a lion but I am just a pipsqueak in comparison. 

This week I did some epic runs. Runs so average in the world of running but in my world they were great and mighty. 

"You cannot run away from a weakness; you must sometimes fight it out or parish. And if that be so, why not now and where you stand?" -Robert Louis Stevenson

Last Thursday, I challenged myself to a run with Danielle at Kensington and Island Lake. I knew I would be chasing Danielle. Kensington is a tough trail and it hurt the whole time. Every time I looked at my watch I knew why I was out of breath and in the hurt locker.  I tried to not let my pain confuse me telling myself to "get a grip" and don't quit. 

When we finished I got all choked up. I broke a 2 hour half marathon. I honestly thought just 2 weeks that was never going to happen again. Danielle encouraged me the whole time. 

It's in the little things that weigh in our hearts to epic proportions. I can't solve the worlds problems, I can't calm everyone's storms but I can get a grip on my storms. I can fight my battles. Set my goals and chase them. I can find humble tasks victorious. 

Anita~

"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me." Psalms 51:10