Peace: A Verb.

Peace. The quiet place where we are void of movement?
Where we feel content in the midst of chaos?
Where the sparrow rests between the cliffs amongst a raging storm?
Is PEACE a verb?
Most of us seek unknowingly this thing called PEACE.

Our darkness is still and quiet with an overwhelming tension hidden in its depths.
We can't see it, but OH, we can feel it. Our anxious hearts tremble unknowingly.
Our seas appear so calm but there is an under current just below the surface waiting to capture us.

I was reading in Colossians , "Let the PEACE of Christ rule in your hearts."
We think of PEACE as inactivity, but it is very much a verb.
Christs PEACE is not a passive absence of chaos or conflict rather a mediator in the middle of the circumstance that causes us anguish.

Christs PEACE is not a denial of chaotic circumstances but a commitment to the fact that HE is enough for ALL your circumstances.

I sit quietly these days in some kind of "recovery".  I have hours and hours alone. Painting rocks, thinking, grieving and questioning. I am too broken to kick and scream so I sit and calmly paint my little rocks. My mind settles in the details.

Austin says to me the other day smirking,  "Mom, I have noticed you are so much calmer now that you paint rocks." I just looked at him sideways. He also told me I am aging at the same rate as our 11 year old boxer, Sheba. So yeah.

The definition of INSANITY is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.
Staying in this darkness is not working.
The waves keep crashing, leaving me lifeless, sad, so sad. Sensitive. Like a really bad sun burn, everything hurts so bad.

In my chaos, I chose to keep my last surgery on the down low. Depression leads to isolation, that's just where I was at. Seriously, 2 surgeries in 11 days.
Unless you called or you asked, I didn't tell.
******
PEACE: Collision
Lacey called me 2 days before my surgery. I was very cryptic answering her questions. She knew something was going on. "Anita, why are you acting so weird? What aren't you telling me?"
Apathetically, I told her I had surgery again on Tuesday.
We conversed a little more with her finishing up with "Monday, I am picking you up at 7:30am and I will drop you off at midnight, I will work the details out and get back with you."
I didn't have the energy to argue.

Monday, just as she promised she was in my driveway at 7:35am. And I didn't pull back home until 12:25am.
She planned an all day adventure to Lake Michigan State parks.

It felt awkward to smile, to laugh, to enjoy life again.
To share friendship again. The intimate friendship that I missed.
We hiked in the woods, we bathed in the sun, we walked quietly along the beaches, and we gazed out into the evening sunset.
I began to feel this PEACE filling me. Gently holding me in my fragility.

Tuesday Morning, I sat half naked calmly awaiting my 7th surgery in 15 months. Even when they can't locate my Covid test results or when they poke me with my IV, I peacefully just wait.
And I Pray.

Very large tear but easy surgery. It took a lot of my meniscus out but he said I would be good for "10-15 years" Our time is all borrowed, Life it fully.

I walk out of the surgery center just as Dr. Lewis promises. My sweet nurse blesses me, telling me she was going to pray for me as she held my hand to the car.

The next day I prayed. Differently. With deep faith, with hope, and contentment, some might even call PEACE.
Hobbling around, with even my feet still aching, I prayed. I needed God to give me PEACE in this process of healing, ALL over HEALING. Healing my broken body, broken heart and broken spirit.
"Let the PEACE of Christ rule in your hearts."
RULE: Reside, Govern..
No matter how bad our storm is, Christ calls us to allow HIS peace to reside in our hearts. His peace will not make our circumstances necessarily change but it will allow us to have His peace in the midst of it.
This is hard in the way I want what I want NOW. For my body to fully be healed and to get out there and get going, However, it is God timing and I CAN have HIS PEACE in the process.
His Peace to rule in my heart.



Recovery. 
Dr. Lewis told Andy I could "resume" normal activity as I felt. He didn't want me working for 10 days because I am standing upright on my feet all day.
I was so excited to get the call on Friday my bike was finally done after a month. A tune up, a new hanger, and a new derailer.
Friday I hiked at Holly rec, hiding my painted rocks.  My knee didn't hurt. My feet were annoyed.
Yesterday I BIKED! 10 miles! Not hard, not fast, but I BIKED and it didn't hurt my feet or my knee.
The swelling is about gone, but the stitches still remain.
I look like Raggedy Ann with all my stitches!

Special thanks to : 
Lacey, for our adventures.
Mom, She takes such good care of me. She hated not being able to be there for my surgery, she made the family an amazing dinner and dessert.
My niece Becca who stopped by after working all day, the day of my surgery with roses and a card.
My niece Sarah for stopping over with COFFEE from Tim Hortons and her kiddos.
Thank you for the thoughtful texts and calls the last few days. Thank you for loving me when I haven't been so lovable.

Special Thank you to Shelby, Austins Girlfriends. She sat with me last night on the deck talking about Jesus together, she confirmed this post on PEACE.
Anita~

"Our Sunset."