The Peacock Feather

3 miles from home, I peddled to the corner of Quick road and Fish Lake road to drop off a bottle of water for Andy. 

I wanted to run so bad but I was grateful to have my bike back and the ability to at least bike in my recovery from meniscus surgery. 

I peddled that bike with all I had. Grunting, panting I just kept turning over my feet. As I came to the corner, I saw a young kid running shirtless towards me. He ran effortlessly, his countenance with peaceful. I waited for him to pass to hide Andys water in the tall grass. "Good Job" I encouraged the young runner as he floated past me. 

In an instant, I recognized him as one of my CC athletes I coached at Holly Academy. But he didn't recognize me. 

Emotions immediately erupted. 

"It was just yesterday..." I cried. My throat closed up, I couldn't catch my breath, I was falling apart.

"He didn't know it was me, it was just yesterday....." 

I was his coach for 2 years, he would look up at me with these sweet eyes clutching every word I shared. "Coach Harless can I run with you?".  

It was just yesterday I was running with him, or so it felt. He didn't recognize me. My long dark flowing hair is gone, replaced with tightly woven chemo curls. The rich brown hair is muted with thick gray patches barely touching my shoulders. Here I am biking, it was just yesterday I was running with him, it was just yesterday he would have known me...Oh how so much has changed. The last he saw me he had gotten teary eyed when I told my team I had breast cancer. I remember looking right at him and encouraging him I was not going to quit fighting the same way I never wanted him to quit. 

Tears flowed down my cheeks, "It was just yesterday..." I sobbed. 

God I miss my yesterdays.

The month of July was not my best month. Truth be told I think it may may been the worst month for me in the last 15 months. 

Between struggling with Plantar Fasciitis in both feet, more booby surgeries than I expected, (How do those little things get so much attention is beyond me!) meniscus surgery and not being able to run, ride my bike or go to the gym my world got darker with each passing day. 

In my emotional despair and my physical agony my  sister in law reached out to me with the most  inspirational text. It was perfect timing, Gods timing. 

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.”
― Emily Dickinson 

The Peacock; Debs devotional to me. 

" I believe God gave me this for you today...….I truly believe the Lord gave me this word to encourage you and with prayer lift you up to encouragement. 

We were walking in this little park in Frankenmuth today. There was this tiny fence even enclosed the roof. Inside the attachment of the fence were two beautiful peacocks, a couple morning doves and a few nasty pigeons LOL. 

As I admired the beautiful peacock I admired his shed feathers that laid on the ground. Nita, they were so intricate and beautiful! Glistened with gold, green and blue, they changed color as the breeze lightly blew their quills.  

"I mentioned to Bruce how badly I would love to have one of those feathers, I even, in my heart, said Lord I'd love to have one of those feathers. But every single one of them was just out of reach for us to grab through the fencing. I praised the Lord in my heart for the beauty that e create in such a loud and dirty bird. But, in my heart I still longed for that long flowing beauty that the peacock had shed and it laid wasting away on the ground. 

We headed back to the camp ground and stopped at a little diner right at the entrance of the campground. It is about 17-20 miles away from Frankenmuth where I saw that beautiful feather. Bruce and I ate lunch. As we left, I noticed a beautiful color in the grass. It was just in front of Bruce's truck. I was absolutely awestruck to see a peacock feather sitting at my feet about 20 miles aways from where I had desired that little piece of beauty. 

It brought me literally to tears! The Lord spoke to me and remined me how faithful He is! He's not just faithful when we need healing from a torn meniscus! He's not just faithful in curing cancer! He's not just faithful in painful graphs to repair scars and imperfection! His faithfulness is as simple as a feather! He always gives us the desires of our hear! We simply may not know exactly what that looks like at the time. He just asks us to trust His process. He wants us to trust the good and be excepting and even joyful in the bad...He wants us to remember He is a God that desires to grow us, mold us, tear us down, build us up, bend us, break us and the whole time He knows that at the end of our journey He is a beautiful feather just waiting as a reminder of how faithful He was all through the journey. 

I love you so much, I know you are tired. I know you are weary. I know you want to give up. I know you want to withdraw. I know you don't want to be strong. I know you don't think you can. But sister, this feather is for you and it is sent STRAIGHT FROM Heaven to remind us that our God does not care just about our "big" needs. He wants to remind us of how faithful He is in the little things.  Don't discount feathers from Heaven, Love you to feathers." 

Gods Timing. This text from Deb inspired me, encouraged me and reminded me. 

I wanted to share this person note to some of you that might me struggling. 

Today, as I sobbed down Fish Lake rode, barely able to breath from all that has happened in just a blink of an eye I remembered The Peacock Feather. So much can change in so little time, and often the change we want is not timely at all but in the end it is ALL HIS TIMING. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today is 2 weeks out from meniscus surgery. If you have been questioning doing this...DO IT! Dr. Lewis met with me today for my follow up. I was concerned because yesterday at work my knee kept locking up on me and giving me a lot of grief. I shared this with Dr Lewis and he laughed. "Anita, you just had surgery 2 weeks ago! Give your body time, your knee looks great, hardly any swelling and look at your pictures." Dr Lewis grabbed his Ipad and proceeded to share the photos from surgery. "I took about 90% of your meniscus, if you look there you will see you do not have much left, but you still have some left and your cartilage looks great along with you bones, it was a very large tear...."  

I told him I haven't ran but I have biked, camped and hiked. He smiled and said "That's fine!" 

Anita~