Suffering with Grace

"Be Yourself, Everyone else is already taken." 

Life is serious, but you don't always have to take yourself serious. 

"RUN Fast, Anita"  UGH, seriously, if one more person reminded me that I had to enter the hurt locker today I was going to go postal.

HERE's My Problem: I am really struggling with a high heart rate. My heart is pounding like I am going to end up in the ER.
I have let my body get so used to a slower pace that it flips out when I run a little bit faster. By flipping out you can practically see my chest thrusting up and down ( this is actually not an exaggeration due to the fact that I have the chest of a 10 year old BOY).

My Solution to this problem is to run faster spurts. Strides, repeats, intervals. Get my legs turning over faster and try to hold it. And try not to warm up too long. It literally takes my body about 4 miles to warm up and accept the plan. If you add my mind to the equation it takes even LONGER!

TODAY: I didn't have a lot of time, this of course was a obvious option to run faster.
My plan: Mile Repeats at a sub 8min/mi. w/ a quarter mile recovery.

Genesys Athletic Club: I met Jeff at GAC at 7:40am, after I dropped Alec off at school.
He tried to bail but I guilted him into meeting me. I needed some accountability for my upcoming  suck-fest.

Side by side, we programmed our treadmills. I started a little ahead of him. I wanted at least 5 miles, 4 -1 mile repeats.
We both had our music in to try and numb some of the pain.
"Your mama kept you but your daddy left you...." I sang loud and proud with my voice pointed at Jeff. "I'm a lonely boy..."
My legs were kicking it, my voice was jamming and I didn't care what people thought.
"You pulled my heart out and I don't mind bleeding....I got a love that keeps me waiting..." The music made me smile, made me sing and kept my legs turning over.
Jeff just rolls his eyes at my ridiculousness, with a smirk he says something but I have no idea what.
I didn't care, I was running a 7:24min/mi and smiling about it.
By the time that mile was coming to an end, I was too.
I couldn't wait to bring my TM down to a walking pace.
As focused as I was, I saw my brother was calling me from Florida. WALK BREAK, It was a perfect time to hear from one of my favorite people.
I had about 3 minutes to chat.
"You sound like HELL." Bobby said, I am sure in a very endearing way.
It was perfect timing to be interrupted from my agony.
I wouldn't answer the phone for most anyone during a workout, but my big brother, I would. Of course Jeff said it was just my excuse to get out of my suffering.  He may have been onto something.

I still had 1 more mile repeat. My legs were JELLO. I punched in my numbers. I knew I couldn't hold the same pace so I gave myself a little grace.
SUFFER Anita. Feel it. Feel the pain. Endure it. Embrace it. I whispered under my breath, "suffer,,,,suffer,,suffer .."
It hurt, everything hurt. There was no other option, suffer. You have to suffer to get stronger Anita, suffer...
Quitting was real, it was in front of me, taunting me, pleading with me, inviting me....
But quitting was not an option, suffer.

That last mile I thought of the chapters in my life that I suffered and I made it through. Oh, God it hurt, the pit was deep, the walls were dark but I didn't quit.
My bony fingers clenched. Suffer, but don't stop.

"Things that hurt, instruct. Benjamin Franklin

Even in all that misery, I was able to be my goofy middle age self, which makes my behavior even more foolish.
I just don't care. I spent too many years caring and look where that got me?
People are going to be lovers or haters. But if everyone LOVES you, you are doing things wrong.
So I smile, I laugh, I dance on the TM in my uncoordinated way and Suffer with Grace. 

My marathon tip: If you are training, treat yourself. Every few weeks treat yourself to a training accessory or article of clothing.  Shoes, socks, your marathon outfit, a  new hat you have been wanting. I can thing of lots of fun things. You have worked hard, you deserve the little training trophy's.

"It is a sublime thing to suffer and be stronger."

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

ANITA~