Out of my League

"I missed it. I missed the nervous tension, the butterflies that told me I was alive and living." 

David Gillick

Out of my League

Last Saturday, I was meeting my running group at Indian Spring for a loop, 8 paved miles.  

It was frigid! 

 The start of the loop rests at the top of a hill that is open and unsheltered making it blustering and brutal. 

The Goal: to run 2 loops, I wanted to get there early and run one loop solo then run the second one with my running group. 

My Fears: My legs would be trashed, and I wouldn't be able to run the second loop. Or that I wouldn't be able to keep up on the second loop. 

The Plan: Get 6 miles in solo, run intervals, slow. Then run another loop with the crew and if I couldn't keep pace that would be OK. 

My first loop, the wind came off the hill cutting through me. My eyelashes froze, my fingertips went numb, and I just told myself it would get better. 

I walked for 20 seconds at the top of every mile. The deer were curious and stared unstartled at me from the trees. I was alone. I had the park all to myself and it was wonderful. 

My mind counted the miles and the time. 

I felt good considering how cold it was, but I was conscious of the time trying to finish for the second loop and connect with Complete Runner. 

I finished the first loop on time.  The parking lot was now filled with runners scattered all around their cars. I was warmed up, but they looked stiff and icy! 

Complete Runner brought a new brand of shoes to try out. I struggle saying "No" and tried them on to run the next 8 miles. 

One by one runners headed out. I tucked in a little behind everyone. I had my music and was quite content running solo. 

Brad the owner, dropped back and ran with me. I never looked at my pace, I assumed we were going a little slower, the faster runners were several yards ahead of us. But at 2.5 miles with no warning, Brad bid me farewell and turned around back to the parking lot. 

SINNERMAN

The other runners were several yards ahead of me and I was content staying back, staying comfortable. 

I like being in control of my pace. I was enjoying my music and having no expectations of myself. Even though they all looked like they were having fun and I did have a bit of FOMO I was in no hurry to catch up and have to put in more work than I currently was. 

The problem was the closer I came towards them I realized they had stopped at the bathrooms. 

"Nita, which way do we go around the loop?" they asked as I approached. 

I wanted to say the opposite way I was going! No pressure that way. 

 But I ushered them in the direction I was running. I love my running group; they are all so encouraging and welcomed me in like they always do.  I realized I was setting the pace and quickly fell back telling them to take the lead. 

About 5 feet back, I shadowed them all around the back of loop. If I stayed back far enough I wouldn't expect as much from myself. However, I found myself determined to stay with them even though I had already run 6 miles. 

I didn't want to do the work. I didn't want to be uncomfortable. 

After a couple miles, Sarah turned around to ask me something. In order for me to engage I had to come out of my shell, participate and be a little uncomfortable and out of my control.  

I chatted with them all as we approached the last half a mile, I saw my soon to be suffering. I massive hill to the finish.

I joked around with Sarah telling her I needed to find a power song. And that is exactly what I did!

POWER SONG: Sinnerman, Nina Simone

"Oh sinnerman, where you gonna run to?

Sinnerman where you gonna run to

Where you gonna run to? 

All on that day"

And together the 4 of us started climbing. The air was bitter but without losing pace we pushed on. 

"We got to run to the rock 

Please hide m, I run to the rock

Please hide me, run to the rock.."

Sarah begins to sing and smiling I joined in. 

We sang "But the rock cried out, I can't hide you, the rock cried out..." 

We crested to the top of the hill singing with a second wind, with power shattering all possibilities of slowing down or quitting!

Complete Runner makes the best Hot Cocoa! 
Sarah, Joel, Will and Tony B

The truth of the matter is that I was no more out of my league then the invitation I accepted. 

The invitation of Comfortable. 

I know my capabilities. 

I know my limits. 

I know my excuses.

I know that the truth is I was not wanting to do the work. I was afraid I couldn't. I wanted to settle.

I wanted to stay comfortable. 

I wanted to stay where I was in CONTROL. 

I controlled my victory, and I controlled my failure. I controlled my pain and my plan. 

 That was last Saturday, and this past Thursday I jumped in the truck and drove up to Flint by myself to do it again! 

Embrace the Challenge: Silence Doubt

Even at my age I feel the same anxiety as you. I have doubts. I have my own fears, my own insecurities, I bleed red like you. 

But this I know, If you want to be better you can't walk away from the things that scare you, the places or people that challenge you or listen to the voices that hide you. 

Collision:

(Running lessons colliding with life)

I can live my whole life hiding behind DOUBT. I am challenged by my abilities every day in every way. But I have to CHOOSE to silence DOUBT. 

This week presented an opportunity to hide back under my shell. I found myself questioning my abilities, my identity, my purpose. 

I questioned my qualifications and felt like a master of nothing. 

Broken and angry at the aim of someone else's agenda that birthed triggers from my past I felt defeated. 

In that defeat I began to DOUBT. 

SO I did all I know how to do well, PRAY. 

From a night of restless sleep God began to heal my heart. He broke through my darkness of doubt with the reminders. 

HE qualifies me. HE prepares me. He equips me. And He shows me TRUTH. 

"Get yourself in a position you didn't think you could be in, and with your adrenaline pumping see what happens."  

Chris Solinsky, Olympian/ Distance Runner

ANITA~