When things feel unfair.

"I don't have much, I don't have much but I have a heart that beats for you...." Mission House 

This is the anthem of my heart, mostly the last couple years. The Lord stripped me close to death, humbled me to my knees until all I had left was my beating heart. 

Life will make you bitter or life will make you better. 

Last week,  I saw a memory pop up of me and my sweet niece, Ariel. 

Within seconds my throat swelled up, my stomach turned sour and tears erupted out of my eyes. My mind went dark, my thoughts went deep, my reality went emotional. 

Without much thought I repost it. 

30 minutes later I remove it. 

Grief is a response to loss. It can be a loss of a loved one, a loss of a job, a loss of circumstances, a loss of of communication, a loss of normalcy, dreams, virtually a loss of anything. 

Everyone grieves differently, different isn't wrong. 

My post didn't feel wrong to me...but I was afraid it would be received wrong, deleting my post seemed the better idea. Sadly, we can not delete our grief as easy. 

Sometimes we feel like we can not take another blow. We question how much more we can handle or endure. The burden feels so heavy. 

Sometimes we feel like the world is just out to get us. Like we have a black cloud over our head.

I recently had a friend text me about her unanswered prayers and unmet expectations. Oh could I relate. 

I think many of us can relate. 

"I don't have much, I don't have much but I have a heart that beats for you...." Mission House 

On the flip side of grief is GRATITUDE.

49% of your choices are on autopilot- subconscious. Are my thoughts on thankfulness and gratitude or am I spending more times disappointed, depleted and discouraged? I have camped there many times. I am good at hiding in the darkness, I am good at isolating when I have been hurt.   

The best service I can give to others is based on my wholeness, my contentment, my hope, my trust to name a few. 

We can go without food and water for a bit but we all need hope. That hope is held in gratitude, being grateful for ALL things, seeing a purpose even in the pain, knowing God is preparing more than my days, he is preparing my heart. When I have come to the end of myself I know that I need nothing but HIM. I have gratitude knowing that I have nothing to offer, nothing to share, nothing to give but my beating heart. 

"O give thanks unto the Lord; for His mercy endureth forever." Psalm 136:1

Rundown: 

October Miles: 235 miles

November 1-7= 36.25 miles

November 8-14= 41.73 miles

I have no races in the books for the rest of the year. My body is still recovering, I have dropped my miles back considerably trying to find my groove. I am back to the gym to cross train. 

I have some big dreams and some crazy ideas for next year. 

Anita