Not so Incredible...

 "When you recognize that failing does not make you a failure, you give yourself permission to try all sorts of things" Lauren Fleshman 

Today I thought I would test my legs out on the trails. Every step today was a struggle. A struggle to get out of bed, a struggle to get dressed and a struggle to get out the door. 

I didn't start running until close to 10am. The temperatures had risen to almost 80 degrees and the bugs were more active than I was. 

About 2 miles into my run, I thought I saw something moving through the trees. 

Glancing over my shoulder between the trees I spotted someone coming towards me in blue. Panic set it. I did a quick run down of my dangers and my plan. 

I picked up my pace. I thought I will out run them. 

I whipped through the trees, weaving in and out of the switchbacks and tackled the hills that I would normally walk. 

After a few minutes, I looked behind me again and realized I was never going to out run them, it was a biker. 

He came up on me fast, I jumped to the side of the trail as he peddled up the hill I just ran breathlessly. 

As he rode pass me he shouted "YOU are INCREDIBLE, YOU are AMAZING!" 

And as quick as he came he disappeared into the woods. 

But his words remained. 

"YOU are INCREDIBLE, YOU are AMAZING!"

I recited the words over and over to myself. "Ha, if only you knew..." I thought. 

My mind has been a mess. I hear my thoughts, I hear my words and I am ashamed of myself.  

I said to a co-worker this week after getting a text,  "Help me respond, Heidi, tell me what to say because I am struggling.." 

"A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh." Eze 36:26

We have days we just don't feel so Incredible. Part of this I know is "Post Race Blues" It is very common to struggle with sadness after a race. Your endorphins are at a low where they have been peaked for weeks of training and even race day. Add fatigue and soreness to the mix, a lot of runners get the blues. 

I thought of his words for miles. And all I could do was laugh. Running doesn't make you amazing. Winning in a race doesn't make you incredible. 

At the end of the day none of those miles mean pee diddly do. 

It's how you treat people. 

It's how you respond to one another. 

Its being kind, being thoughtful. 

It all the things people don't see that can make a difference. 

Tuesday night at our addiction meeting a comment was made. "Addicts don't understand, they don't care about what they do to us...." 

I held my tongue. That comment comes from a broken heart. a heart that's been hurt and hardened. 

I paused when I wanted to speak. I waited for the right time to address this. 

"Hurting people hurt people..." A broken heart will speak from emotion, that emotion is so vivid, so passionate it feels like truth. 

Not so Incredible...so many yesterdays I let my emotions rule me. I let them dictate my actions. And those words still haunt me years later and their actions. 

Somewhere on that trail God got tired of my pity party. Lauren Daigle's voice sang sweetly to me. 

"I thought I was too far gone

For everything I done wrong

Yeah, I'm the one who dug this grave

But you called my name...."

"All at once I came alive...." 

And I smiled....

As I came off the trail, I saw that biker one more time..

I always come out of Holdridge and walk around the parking lot. As I came around the outer edge near the west loop, 2 vehicles were parked. I got the show of my life. He was standing on the inside of his van with the woods on his other side. ONLY he was standing there totally naked changing. BUCK A$$ nude! I almost died! I QUICKLY diverted my eyes and acted like I never noticed as I cracked up. His wife was in the pavilion and had no idea what I had just seen. 

I was like, "Am I still INCREDIBLE?" 

RUNDOWN:

19-25= 80 miles (59.27 Loopty Loops)

MON: 4.1 miles

WED: 8 miles

THURS: 11 miles

Anita