Soften Up.

"A new heart also I give you and  new spirit I will put in you, and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh and I will give you a heart of flesh. "Ezekiel 36:26  

Softness.
"....often times you will have one breast higher than the other one due to the radiation..." Dr. Hainer continued explaining that the radiation hardens the skin making the skin firmer.

Lotions, cremes ointments I have been blessed with an abundance and yet my skin is struggling, it is dry and abrasive. I haven't even started radiation yet.

I have these visions of my boobies looking like Cyclops. And then to calm myslf down I say "Ahh, its ok Anita, you have life...."

So I lube up. I put lotion on in the morning and in the evening. I want my skin to be soft and I want my skin to be prepared for a 25 radiation treatments.

A man is born gentle and weak, at his death he is hard and stiff. 

All things including the grass and trees are soft and pliable in life, dry and brittle in death. 

Stiffness is thus a companion of death: flexibility a companion of life.

An army that cannot yield will be defeated. 

A tree that cannot bend will crack in the wind.

The hardness and the stiff will be broken: the soft and the supple will prevail." 

Lau-Tzu

I think a lot these days, you do this when you are in recovery.
Soften up Anita. I say this to myself a lot. Sometimes I get so stony. Hard.
I get hurt, disappointed, or duped and I find myself clenching my fists or fuming ready to react with a sharp tongue that cuts.
If only a little Aquaphor could soften me up.
"Anita, you are so strong..." Ahh, but sometimes being too strong isn't a good thing. Being strong can also makes you hard, brittle and stiff.

Our heart is what keeps our blood flowing and is the life source of our body.
The heart also flows our emotions.
I dont want to be hard hearted anymore than I want my skin to by dry and hardened.
I want love to flow. I want to be soft from my heart.

I found an old journal of mine from 2006. I had written many times asking God to give me a soft heart. I was so angry and desperately trying to not get embittered.

And in this stage of health blunders I want to stay soft. Only God can give me a heart of flesh.
I have to put myself in a "emotional time out".  When not caught early my emotions of "unfairness" can grow like bacteria in a petri dish.

There is strength in being soft. Being Kind. Giving a soft answer. Love.
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Things that are hard..those darn boobies! I am calling it quits! I don't want another fill in my expanders. I just want to be DONE. I am perfectly content with my A size boobies.
I just don't care about cleavage, and big tata's. God never gave them to me and I never missed something I never had. Those damn boobies just about killed me. There is no love loss there.

Things that are soft. MY BODY! I haven't ran in 4 weeks. I have been doing abs and trying to actually watch what I eat.
Todays Chow:
Breakfast: 1 slice bacon, Noosa Greek yogurt. Coffee
Lunch: Chicken, a kiwi, peppermint chocolate,
Dinner: Sockeye salmon, cottage cheese and roasted Yukon potatoes carrots and cottage cheese.
Dessert: Honeycrisp apple and kettle corn popcorn

Jeff went for a walk with me today. 

Sheba took me for a walk Sunday at Sorenson Park

Today, I set the timer for 20 minutes. I did 3 reps of 12 pistol squats and scissors for abs. I have to be very gentle with exercises. I have a layer of Alloderm in my breasts that has to heal. Being careful is next level, I want my body to heal properly. Better to be safe then sorry,

Being soft or hard. It is a choice. Let your ego go. Soften up. Let things go. Learn how to apologize, how to ask for forgiveness, how to be kind.
I continue to pray for God to give me a new heart, a heart of flesh.

Anita