The Fight.

A couple things about me. I hate confrontation. It makes my stomach turn inside out and upside down.
Its not because I struggle with communication. Its because I struggle with ME.
I struggle with The Old Me.

The hot tempered, short fused, spit fire. I am afraid of the Irish temper and the Mexican mouth that once controlled me. When it unleashes itself it is like the Hulk. It rears its powerful personality that is capable of destroying a city in one easy swipe.

I am a Fighter. I was born that way. Fearfully and Wonderfully made. A FIGHTER.

We are ALL called to Fight.
never GIVE UP.
To be Persistent.
To have the Zeal of a Zealot.
God gave us tools to Fight:

“The Lord is my strength and my shield …” (Psalm 28:7)

 "For the Lord will be your confidence, and will keep your foot from being caught.” (Proverbs 3:26)
“He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength.” (Isaiah 40:29)
“In the day when I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul.” (Psalm 138:3)

One of my best friends lost her mother to cancer this week. 62 years old. SO young. Oh the memories flooded through me. 
She asked me to do the Eulogy. Sadly, I have done this a few times now. 
"Anita my mom was a fighter, she fought so hard.....she didn't want to go...." 
My chest was so heavy as her words penetrated every emotion I had. "Don't cry, Don't cry Anita..."
**

Yesterday, I was on the treadmill gritting my teeth, my lungs were burning.
I thought of Denise. She fought so hard.

With 3 miles in, sweat dripping so early, lungs burning prematurely, I felt my hands clench.

We FIGHT. We Fight all of Hell and we don't QUIT fighting.

I fought so hard. I fought so many battles. I fought all of Hell to have a different life. I fought for life and sometimes I fought for death.
Some battles I fought out of confusion and some battles I fought out of desperation.
I fought blindly and I fought skillfully.

BUT DAMIT, I FOUGHT.

I fought HELL. I Fought Abuse, I fought Addiction, I fought for life, my future, my broken marriage, my children. I fought.
I fought resentments, I fought love, I fought for myself and I fought for those I love.

BUT DUG DEEP, PRAYED HARD, I begged, I pleaded and I never gave up.
I fought myself across 100 miles, I fought through the mountains of Kentucky crying in the rhododendron in the middle of the night.

I fought for my beautiful mothers life, anxious for life to flow through her.
I fought for my boys. sacrificing, working so hard to give them a chance.
I fought for my husband, when death flirted with him, tricking him, battering her eyes at him, I fought.

My BIGGEST FIGHT....MYSELF.
Let me explain something.  You see a smile, you see success, you see happiness...BUT what you DON'T see is THE FIGHT.

FIGHT. DON'T YOU DARE GIVE UP.

You fight all of HELL, you fight your yesterdays, your tomorrows, you fight your demons and you fight YOURSELF, but DO NOT QUIT FIGHTING.

Quit looking at your defeats, you take those with you and grow from them. You get back up and go another ROUND.
We have all FOUGHT, you are equipped, you are stronger than you think.

Rest in peace Sweet Denise. You fought the good fight. 
Thank you for reminding me to never quit fighting. 



RUNDOWN:
WHERE: Holdridge
Distance: 12miles-ish

We hit the East loop together. Bitter cold temps and winds had us hustling for the protection of the trails.
I thought we were doing 16miles. The crew dropped down to the 11.5 route instead. I had my pack on, loaded with nutrition ready for 3 hours on the trail.
I was actually happy to hear we were cutting out those few miles even though I didn't have a handheld and would be wearing my pack for the next couple hours. "It's Good Training" my crew would say, a polite way of saying "Suck it up".

I lead, I kept a steady pace running half the hills and walking the other half. I felt great considering I worked out my legs Wednesday. "It's Good Training" as I found myself running sore.
As our miles increased we slowly separated from one another.
We were all in sight of one another within a couple minutes.
Or so we thought.

We all finished but Kris was no where in sight. We ran up and down the road screaming "MARCO" no answer.
Rachel jumped in her truck to go looking. I ran down the road again screaming with panic. Every bad thought began to pierce rational thinking. I jumped in my truck to find Rachel. Together, we both jumped out and found a hidden trail head off the road. "MARCOOOOO" we yelled. "POLOOOO" It was Kris. We got so excited she sounded so close, we kept yelling, but them we had NOO reply. Rachel went back to her truck to see if she was coming out  of the trail and I went back in screaming "MARCOOOOO".
"POLOOOOO"

And a SMILE. 

YES! I could hear her but I couldn't see her. We followed each others voices until we could see each other through the trees. We discovered the only way to get to one another was to bushwhack our way through the woods.
I gave her a big hug and kiss.

Always an adventure with Teamsquishy Toes.

Anita~

I challenge you...When you don't feel strong, you feel defeated, collect your battles, Remind yourself you are a FIGHTER, Don't ever quit fighting. 

“Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you.” (Luke 10:19)