Have you ever REALLY listened to the dialogue in your head when you are suffering? When you are in pain, physical or emotional?
Well, I am not sure what your voices speak to you, but mine...its like a barrage of different tones and conversations of mass chaos.
Saturday I had a race, IDIDARUN in Linden. It was a 8 mile race using the middle schools parking lot and CC course.
ANDY beat me. Granted that was his only mission and he succeeded. He passed me on the trail, hit my shoulder and took off.
EXCUSES.
I am not one for excuses but I had a few reasons that my time suffered.
Friday alone I wore the same heels for 12 hours, both to work and for a funeral. Saturday I worked again all day on my legs.
I was not starting out with fresh legs my any means.
The cries of suffering and defeat echoed, screamed and tormented me with every mile.
I felt my Wednesday workout, squats and lunges.
I felt my Thursday long run at Holdridge.
I felt my heals on the tile. I felt my fatigued. I felt the bitter cold holding me back. I felt every little incline and that dreaded hill I had to run 4 times into the trail. I felt my quads and hammies cursing me.
My heart rate wouldn't come down with the inclines, my ears were ringing, the trail was frozen making my ankle wobbly. And the pavement was hard and giving my footing no grace.
By mile 6, my body was tore up, my heart hurt from discouragement. I wanted to be done, I wanted to walk, Jeesh, I wanted to just breathe.
"Great Job" I mumbled as I passed a few runners who were grunting through the same pain.
I saw the finishing mat and gratefully mustered a faster finish.
Even though I felt behind the gun before I even raced, I somehow, quite shockingly, took 1st place female overall. This came as quite a surprise to me.
Pathetic.
I think my 45 year old body is not in alignment with my ideas. I believe my tolerance for pain has decreased and I am getting a bit soft.
Monday, I was running an easy run, Kris slowed down into a walk. And when I responded to our walk break she kindly says "..you sounded like you were breathing pretty hard...."
I WAS! I wanted to cry. My body was still sore, I was out of breath I was going to pieces.
Last week, my GOAL was to run sore: ACCOMPLISHED! 49 miles.
Learning to run in a beat up phase teaches me a lot. A great reminder I can still move forward. I just have to coach myself harder. I have to count on my mind to over ridie my body.
I thought of this over the last couple weeks. Days when I am suffering emotionally, I coax myself to battle back against the negativity, the discouragement, the confusion.
"For as the heavens are higher than the earth so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:9
Life does not always go the way we plan. When our bodies don't behave as we have trained them or even the way we were expecting them to care for us it is discouraging.
My thoughts, my plans, my goals, my ideas are just THAT, MINE.
Life throws a her plans at us and we fight the process rather than changing our paradigm of thinking.
HE is in Control.
Take time to Breathe.
Give it to God.
Catching my Breath.
Today as I ran on the treadmill alongside my old buddy Jeff, it was no different. I was breathing like a dying horse, seriously trying to string a sentence along without crying in defeat over a pace I used to run in my sleep.
Jeff reminded me I needed to suffer, I had to increase the intensity. With everything I had I gritted out 5 miles. I found some energy to sing to him in his agony. "COME Along....Come, Come, Come along now, we will run away from the humdrum....." I giggled singing loud enough that I saw heads turn around towards us. "we will dance and sing till sundown..."
And I picked up my pace!
BUT you embrace the little moments, the small victories, find gratitude in the little things.
Laugh. Laughter is the biggest kill Joy for those nasty negative thoughts!
Sooo once for the Brightside....Run away from the Humdrum....
Come Along: Cosmo Sheldrake
Song of the Day.
Anita~
Saturday I had a race, IDIDARUN in Linden. It was a 8 mile race using the middle schools parking lot and CC course.
ANDY beat me. Granted that was his only mission and he succeeded. He passed me on the trail, hit my shoulder and took off.
EXCUSES.
I am not one for excuses but I had a few reasons that my time suffered.
Friday alone I wore the same heels for 12 hours, both to work and for a funeral. Saturday I worked again all day on my legs.
I was not starting out with fresh legs my any means.
The cries of suffering and defeat echoed, screamed and tormented me with every mile.
I felt my Wednesday workout, squats and lunges.
I felt my Thursday long run at Holdridge.
I felt my heals on the tile. I felt my fatigued. I felt the bitter cold holding me back. I felt every little incline and that dreaded hill I had to run 4 times into the trail. I felt my quads and hammies cursing me.
My heart rate wouldn't come down with the inclines, my ears were ringing, the trail was frozen making my ankle wobbly. And the pavement was hard and giving my footing no grace.
By mile 6, my body was tore up, my heart hurt from discouragement. I wanted to be done, I wanted to walk, Jeesh, I wanted to just breathe.
"Great Job" I mumbled as I passed a few runners who were grunting through the same pain.
I saw the finishing mat and gratefully mustered a faster finish.
Even though I felt behind the gun before I even raced, I somehow, quite shockingly, took 1st place female overall. This came as quite a surprise to me.
Pathetic.
I think my 45 year old body is not in alignment with my ideas. I believe my tolerance for pain has decreased and I am getting a bit soft.
Monday, I was running an easy run, Kris slowed down into a walk. And when I responded to our walk break she kindly says "..you sounded like you were breathing pretty hard...."
I WAS! I wanted to cry. My body was still sore, I was out of breath I was going to pieces.
Last week, my GOAL was to run sore: ACCOMPLISHED! 49 miles.
Learning to run in a beat up phase teaches me a lot. A great reminder I can still move forward. I just have to coach myself harder. I have to count on my mind to over ridie my body.
I thought of this over the last couple weeks. Days when I am suffering emotionally, I coax myself to battle back against the negativity, the discouragement, the confusion.
"For as the heavens are higher than the earth so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:9
Life does not always go the way we plan. When our bodies don't behave as we have trained them or even the way we were expecting them to care for us it is discouraging.
My thoughts, my plans, my goals, my ideas are just THAT, MINE.
Life throws a her plans at us and we fight the process rather than changing our paradigm of thinking.
HE is in Control.
Take time to Breathe.
Give it to God.
Catching my Breath.
Jeff reminded me I needed to suffer, I had to increase the intensity. With everything I had I gritted out 5 miles. I found some energy to sing to him in his agony. "COME Along....Come, Come, Come along now, we will run away from the humdrum....." I giggled singing loud enough that I saw heads turn around towards us. "we will dance and sing till sundown..."
And I picked up my pace!
Suffering hurts. Getting older is not for the weak of heart. I am learning to laugh at myself even more than I used to!
I am trying to really not let myself fade emotionally. So many stolen moments. I wonder if I will ever get them back. The silence of the unknown is almost more painful then the thoughts that try to convince you that you SUCK.BUT you embrace the little moments, the small victories, find gratitude in the little things.
Laugh. Laughter is the biggest kill Joy for those nasty negative thoughts!
Sooo once for the Brightside....Run away from the Humdrum....
Come Along: Cosmo Sheldrake
Song of the Day.
Anita~
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