Runners Burn Out:

It is very common after a big race to suffer from mild depression. You have trained for weeks with this epic goal and when it has passed you are left with this black hole.
Your body is beat up, your mind depending on you results can be discouraged and you are often just left burnt out.

After running Mohican a few weeks ago, a few of us really struggled to get our groove back on. When we did run our runs were labored, making us sing the blues.
We grieved our "Happy Place".

I loved what Lacey said  even weeks AFTER running Mohican,  "I am NOT A Runner right now."
It wasn't until just this week that she flipped the switch to "Ok, I think I am a runner now."

Finding Joy Again:

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. Phil 4:8

Good Grief:
Finding a positive note in a slumber will produce positive results. It is work and sometimes it is a pain staking task but you will see positive results.
Negative thoughts will control you.

I am a fairly positive person but that does NOT mean I do not have negative thoughts. I can only deal with myself for so long and feel guilty when I hear myself verbalizing my negativity.

Looking on the Bright Side of things: 
If you try to cast negative events in a positive light, and you see the silver lining, you can turn a bad situation into a joyful one. 

Mohican was painstakingly difficult. It was hotter than Haiti's, with elevation that made my training runs look like a walk in the park. The trail was tangled in thick roots and loose rocks destroying your feet and ankles. It was one of the hardest races I have ran. BUT...IT was AMAZING. I didn't have the finish I had hoped for but I had soo much to be thankful for.
It was the experience, I got to do something that many will NEVER be able to do. I was able to see sights that many could never dream of.
It was so good even when I had bad, but it was on how looked at it.

The Company You Keep:
Encircling yourself around optimistic people. I am not so open minded that my brains fell out. I know that I do not live in a world of unicorns and rainbows. Not everyone and every conversation is always hunky dory and Jim Dandy. We all have our moments. But it is learning to pull the plug on negativity and turning that frown upside down.
Inspire each other to a peak of positivity rather than getting stuck in a valley of negativity.


Bringing it all together," Burn out" doesn't have to be a destination more like a Drive Thu. Get in and get out quickly.


RUNDOWN:
SUNDAY:
AM RUN. w/ Lacey 7miles PM RUN. Holdridge  10 miles= 17 miles
MONDAY: Run w/ Claudia Grubers Grinder 16miles
WEDNESDAY: Track work out: 6 miles

THURSDAY: 1run, backroads w/Lacey 2nd run at Holly Rec total miles 16 miles

Total miles: 55 miles

Anita~

My issues with Pain.

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12

My client Laurie came in this past week. I love listening to my clients, they become like family to me.
Laurie asked about my running. This always makes me smile.
As I shared some interpersonal thoughts on my running, more the testimony of my running and nothing really about my miles or races, she shared HER outlook on my running.

I always try to explain that my running is deeper than putting miles in to people. Laurie commented that my running helps to show that you don't quit. She added much more details to her thoughts but in a nutshell that was her thoughts.

Yes, Yes. It is human nature to look at "ANITA Running" and roll your eyes or think, "Ah, that's all she does…"
But to some they see a different picture.

Today, I ran on the trails alone at Holdridge. It took everything in me to wade through the obnoxious voices of defeat.
Seriously, with only a mile in the temperatures were well over 80'. My skin was slick with sweat dripping in all corners.
Loud panting heaved from my chest as I WALKED up the hills. My ears sounding like a drum solo, my heart was beating so heavy.
IT WAS AWFUL.
I couldn't convince myself that running in the heat was one of my better ideas. HOWEVER, I did smirk knowing that I had cheated this long run. I met lacey at 7am and together we ran 7 miles.
I just had to make it out of the trails at 9.5 miles.

"Why am I suffering?" I asked myself, the same question I ask myself all the time.
I never want to forget what Pain feels like. You can not be an Overcomer if you do not experience Pain.
Part of me feels like I deserve Pain. How will I ever know what I am made of or capable of if I take the easy train?
We have gotten so lazy and complacent. We don't want to feel pain and avoid it at all cost.
Running brings that suffering to the table again.

Today I was lonely. Grieving. Loss. So much loss. I pushed myself up the hills whispering "Up, Up Nita, all the way up."
It hurt so bad as the blood left my legs leaving them feeling like dead limbs.

The woods were so hot. I felt like I was running in a oven. The air was still, thick and stagnant.
I told myself to just get to the next mile marking.
Little goals to break up my agony.

The pain life brings us doesn't have trail signs or maps. There is no path mapped out for us to navigate ourselves through the anguish and turmoil life presents.

And often times we will see danger signs but look for escape routes. This does not dispose the hurt, pain, or discomfort, it often only prolongs it or allows it to gain momentum, tripping us up later down the road even worse.

Further into my run my body began to have little twinges. Knee aches, sore feet, silly little things. These only gave me fuel to persevere. Pain was relative. I had suffered with deep inclines and steep declines, my eyes were stinging from the sweat and I had made it through fatigue and fear. I had managed my pain and with the end of my run just a little bit further I knew these were just mild annoyances.
I was confident through my Pain I would overcome.

My challenge to you is to feel the pain. But Don't Quit. Whether it is the struggle of being a parent, or the loss of a beloved or maybe it is trying to get healthy and active, Just FEEL IT.
Be courageous and make your move. There is purpose in your pain but you must persevere to find out.

Anita

My Exciting News.

My idea of exciting news is probably not your idea of exciting news.

No, I didn't win the lottery, I'm too broke to buy a ticket.
No, my money tree in the backyard did not start yielding fruit.
No, I am not the next contestant on the Price is Right.

Yes, it pertains to a little dream I have had...
I have a wish list of races and marathons that I want to run (As long as I can still run).
One of these marathons is a lottery and voted one of the best marathons to run by Runners World.
Marine Corp Marathon.
Sadly, it is really hard to get into. CRAZY though, because my Sister-in-Law put both her and my brother in the lottery and BAM! They BOTH were selected!
My brother called me up in a tail spin when he found out several weeks ago. . He was in a panic on what he was going to do.
I, of course was like..."AHH, give it to ME! I'll run it with Leeanne!"
That was not really an option. This would be Leeannes FIRST marathon!

From that moment, I was on a mission. I put my name in several different social media sites and even succumbed to the idea of doing a charity for Woman in Burma, I would only have to raise 550$. That seemed doable.

I am part of a local running club site that shared a post looking for someone to transfer their MCM registration.
It had posted 2 days prior and I knew it would be snatched up.
I private messaged the guy and gave him my sob story. I explained that I really wanted to run this marathon but I didn't get in. And to make matters worse, my brother and sister-in-law got in and I would LOVE to be there and run with them. I explained that no matter what I was already planning on going out there to support them but it would be awesome if I could run it with them.
HE REPLIED " it is yours if you want it. Transfer opens on Wednesday".
He continued adding after I told him it was a "dream come true for me to be there for my brother and his wife..." saying "That is great that you will be doing it with them to support them. I love the MCM.....I am glad it is going to a good cause...."

This really is a DREAM come true. More than running MCM, running with my family. Leeanne has always been so supportive and encouraging to me. I cant wait to be there for her. Now, I am just hoping she is as excited as I am! 

My Weekly Rundown;

Sunday: Backroads

15 miles

Monday: Trails, Holly Rec. & Holdridge North loop

21miles

Wednesday: Roads

7 miles

Thursday: Trails, Holly Rec Wilderness loop x 3.

18 miles

TOTAL Miles: 61 miles

I am shocked to add that number up. I didn't know I put in that many miles, this explains why I feel like a slug and was breathing like death on the trail today.

In Other News...

MCM was NOT the only amazing thing that happened to me this week. I also won "MEET and GREET" passes to see my favorite musician, David Crowder. 

David Crowder signing my shirt! I was like a school girl. I dressed ridiculous to catch his eye during the concert...it worked. That and the fact that I was one of the only ones standing up and acting like a baffoon while everyone else was sitting. You only live once. 

Love Yourself,
because you are amazing.
Never Quit,
because dreams are worth it and success isn't easy.
Enjoy the Little Things,
they make big differences.
Live for the Adventure,
because you only live once.
Give yourself Grace,
no ones perfect, mistakes are part of the process. 

The words I wrote on a graduation card. #truth

Anita

Grudges..Long run thoughts

I really don't go around trying to make enemies or get people mad at me but I have a gift for doing it.
It is always so funny when I hear how people describe me, as if they really know me.

Being an extrovert for me is like being a bull in a China shop. I can really leave a trail wherever I go.

I could do an autobiography on the things that I have heard people say about me. People that love me, people that know me, people that don't know me and of course people that could care less for me.

HOWEVER....
At the end of the day, most days anyways I try to let it go. I still hear those words of that person who spoke ill  about me, and they still hurt but I really try NOT to let it break me.

THIS week was a week of checking myself. I had a couple encounters allowing me to see where my heart was.

Todays long run proved to be more valuable than just a training run. It was about 4 hours of doing MY inventory regardless of those that have taken my inventory for themselves.

Seriously, when is the last time you were in your head for any length of time? Not a place many of us like to travel, camping out in our personal mind madness.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

Just be kind. Respond in Love. Don't post your issues all over social media calling people out or responding to bad behavior. 
LET IT Go. 
If you have nothing nice to say...Don't say Anything.
Give second chances, or third or fourth. 
Build a bridge and Get Over it. 

I literally have a Hate Club. But I have learned that I can only do what I can do to mend bridges and at the end of the day they have the problem not me. If I have done everything in my power to make it right just shy of compromising myself or being a doormat then I have to LET IT GO.

For me "Letting it Go" doesn't mean it doesn't rear its ugly head emotionally every once in a while because it does.
And somtimes it takes a 4 hour run to let the emotions sift.
But it feels good at then end of the day to know I am not holding grudges.

RUNDOWN:
Distance: 21 miles

Claudia met me for accountability and motivation at 6:30am at Holly Rec. We took the first loop easy. This was my back to back run, yesterday Claudia and Lacey met me at 6:30am for 15 miles.
Claudia could only do 1 loop with me, that is why it was so important, I needed to be pushed.

My second loop, I put on bugs spray and tried to pick up my pace just a little bit more. I ate some trail mix and enjoyed a Starburst Claudia gave me.
The voices in my head were getting a bit unnerving as I ran. I prayed a lot asking God to help me work through several things.
I also made a deal with myself. GET through this 2nd loop and the last loop I could listen to music. A little treat.
As I came into my third loop, I was excited to turn on my tunes. I could smell myself and it was rather savage. Sweat mixed with DEET and saturated with evergreen and woodsy dirt funk. GROSS.
My water was getting low. I knew my 20oz bottle of water I put in my hydration pack would be gone before I was done.
But the music had my feet feeling fresh all over. My pace picked up. That last 6 miles I added some distance on the dirt road and ran most of the hills.
I came out with over 18 miles.

I had to run home and didn't have time to run that last couple miles.
I took care of my business at home washing up and changing my clothes to encourage me to finish my distance and it worked.
Holdridge has a 2 mile loop that is easy. It was slow, almost a hike but the tempertures were pushing 90' and I was just happy to get my legs to cooperate.

Let your grudges go. Life is too short.
Take time to actually listen to the voices in your head. Then rather than pointing fingers at everyone else Point them at YOURSELF and figure out what good is in you.
It is a beautiful feeling to not be angry at people, even when you think you are justified.

I didnt want to RUN.

With the weather in the high 80's I have been to the beach more than usual this summer. I LOVE the beach. Lacey knows I love the beach and has gotten me out there twice this week.
People watching has been the best.
At 44 years old, I am still tucking myself in a bikini. Of course I don't have the body I had in my 20's but I put my bathing skirt on covering my less than desirable middle age saddle bags and I make sure I have my favorite coverup with me as I drool at the perky butts on the beach.
Behind us I caught a glimpse of a very skimpy bikini. It wasn't really the small amounts of fabric that caught my eye as much as it was the rock hard buns glistening in the sun. I was so glad I had my dark Goodr's on as I just stared. "WOW! Lacey, check that out...." She had VERY  little fabric covering her perfectly round tush and she could have modeled those buns in a Athleta catalog.
"OH well Lacey, It is what it is..." We giggled at our middle aged mom bodies. We both work hard for what we have but neither of us have the energy to work any harder than we do.
Squats, lunges, even crunches these days are not consistent.
I have the same dimples I had when I was 9 months old, "Lacey, I am good with it...."

I do what I love, and I love what I do, RUN. But even this week I struggled wondering what the purpose was.
I questioned every fiber in me. My emotions got the best of me as a funk of dark matter seeped into me.
Defeat and discouragement swept over me. I thought about things foreign to me. I had a hard time even smiling. NUMB, I felt numb. And at the same time I was in a whirlwind of confusion.
I cried, I screamed, I hated who I saw.

The idea of doing anything more than running was never going to happen especially when even running seemed like something I didn't want to do.
Lightly, I shared a little with Lacey. "Anita, you need to run..."

"When my Spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way...." 

Psalm 142:3

She was right. Depression was making me want to quit, even quit the very thing I love. I didn't want to pray, I didn't want to talk, I didn't even want to RUN.

"Anita, I will be at your house at 6am and run an hour of your long run with you." 

I needed the help, the encouragement, the motivation.

20 miles today. I thought I was going to either NOT run it or run solo.
I was so happy when Lacey pulled into my driveway at 6am.
77' degrees out.
NO trails, No backroads, the Black Flies are satanic, blood sucking evil creatures.
This meant SUN.

With only a half of a cup of coffee in me and no breakfast we took off towards downtown Holly.
My legs felt heavy but good.
I breakfast, my belly cant eat that early.
The morning was thick with humidity making the sweat present itself quickly. But the sun stayed behind the trees making that first hour not too bad.
I was sad to see Lacey go. I ate a banana quickly and filled my handheld up with ice cubes.
Back at it for about 14 more miles.
I had my music in my ears, feeling more alive than I had in days.
Even though the temperatures were holding at about 78' degrees, I still had no direct sun and a gently breeze blessed me all the way down N. Holly rd.
Rachel set out an aid station for me. At mile 14ish, I was so excited to refill my water and swallow a salt tab.
I didn't want to stop too long. I quickly took back off and headed back home, less than 7 miles to go.
I knew I was running strong. I thanked God and tried not to cry. Undeserving, I felt humbled and unfit for such a great run.

Distance: 20 miles. 
Time: 3h:11min
Pace: 9:34min/mi

I have no idea where this run came from. It wasn't me! I was and am pretty stoked still! God is Good. 

Anita~