When you can't trust yourself.

Proverbs 4:23 "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."

Those days you can't get motivated.

No one was up at 6:20am. This only allowed me to curl my body back up under the sheets. I cuddled deeper under the covers knowing I just had minutes before LIFE had to awaken.

This accounted for day 2 of no energy for me, stupid thyroid. I felt like a cast member from the Walking Dead. I didn't even have the energy to be mad at my body for forsaking me.

I had full intentions of going to the gym at 7am. That was a fleeting thought, it went to Hell in a hand basket. My packed gym bag sat there and I sat on the couch sipping coffee.

I barely had the motivation to redirect my day. There was only 1 certainty in my day; I was not running outside. Way to cold and windy.

Running on fumes, I made it to GAC (Genesys Athletic Club).  Also known as The Mothership. I was still talking myself into running. The whirlpool sounded way better. That and the sauna was more my speed today.

ONLY there was 1 Major Problem: ME.

The voices were raging inside me. My mind was a battlefield.
This is such a hard time of year. I should be in a little white room with padded walls. I work really hard on my smile. I am on my knees a lot asking God to help me sift through this dysfunctional barrage of emotions.
Terrible memories, missed memories, and memories I long for. Disappointments, hurtful words, fake smiles, and many concerns I will crack.
It's one thing to not trust others.
Its a whole nother thing when you cant trust yourself.

I saw my treadmill. 20 TM's and this guy has to be running next to mine.
Well, I guess I was the one running next to him.
Everything felt in sync. I took off like a stallion but very quickly was reminded of my misjudgment. My overzealous pace already had my forehead beading sweat and my skin all tingly. I was trying to act cool as I punched the buttons on the treadmill, slowing it down. My heart rate slowly came back down as did my pace.
This guy and I were running the same beat. I caught him a couple times looking over at me. I smiled at him, blushed and looked back at the TV's. Awkward.

He stayed next to me during my whole 7 miler. It was nice to have a secret running partner.
Rundown:
Distance: 7miles
Time: 59
Pace: 8:20

You know what else was nice? Running some of that crazy out of me.

I did some abs, stretched, rolled, showered and enjoyed the sauna for the cherry on top! The heat was soo nice. For a brief second, I forgot it was only 32' degrees.

I am working on my Christmas List.... Running Items...Stocking stuffers....

Anita

"If you weren't so crazy I would think you were insane." The Joker, Suicide Squad