Moments

"For You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy." Psalms 63:7

I never pictured myself at 50. I had no ideas of 50, no expectations of what 50 years old would look like. All I had were the 50 year olds before me. 

My heart weeps with grief at 50 for those who I loved so dearly that missed out on a journey of trials but one also covered in joy. 

I look down from my mini laptop and see some of the ugliest feet I have ever seen and smile. The feet, as my darling hubby puts it have seen some miles. 

My legs only took me as far as I could dream, as far as I believed and even farther than I could have imagined. 

My heart has cried tears for a hundred years. 

My spirit has wanted to give up more times than I should admit. 

My body so weary, so broken and barely a breath left in me. 

My mind, a battlefield, fighting sanity, fighting demons, fighting the darkness of defeat. Fighting the voices of others defining me with their brokenness with their insecurity with their demons. 

"God makes a home to the lonely;" Psalms 68:6

I never imagined myself at 50.

Maybe it was cancer, bringing me so close to death. 

Maybe it was growing up amidst addiction, fighting my way through that hell. 

Maybe it was the feeling of abandonment, an orphan in those foster homes. 

Or perhaps it was people I trusted too much, who tried to take my wings. 

But whatever the reason, I've learned to move forward the best I can, trusting God in every detail. Embracing my relationships and trying to love well. 

I cherish every moment, making the most out of each one. They're not always great moments; some are pure struggle, yet I remain truthful, honest and transparent. Many of my moments are spent in recovery, seeking the Lord's forgiveness, and asking for redemption with a humble spirit. 

"Healing is the end of conflict with yourself." 

Even in difficult times, I'm reminded of how blessed I am. I strive to embrace each moment, knowing that even in the darkest times, there's light and hope to be found. 

This past week has been all about spontaneity. Maybe not the most responsible week, but no one got hurt!

I pulled the car off a country road to frolic in a sunflower garden. Took a last-minute trip with a friend, landing in a quirky motel room over 2 hours away. And let's add a unplanned running adventure- no route, no map, just pure silliness. 

And hey, let's just sign up for a marathon this weekend, a quick overnighter with some gals who are embracing every moment they can too! 

This is 50. 

One day at a time.

Not perfect. 

Not excessive. 

Not pretentious. 

It is Not What I KNEW. It is Not addiction, it is not abuse, it is not abandonment, it is not shut off notices and government cheese, OH BUT I do miss that government cheese! 

The Rundown: 

• July 15-21st
• Distance: 78 miles
• Elevation: 5000ft
• Race I signed up for Run the Pier Marathon in Manistee as a TRAINING RUN! 

Make moments for a sunset/Sunrise

It is taking the time to enjoy the little things. 

Life is a journey, not to be taken too seriously. 

Embrace spontaneity and savor the small joys. 

Cherish each moment before it fades away. Let the spirit of adventure and love reside in your heart. 

Find your adventure. 

It can hold both laughter and tears. 

In Peace, Not Pieces, 

Anita~

2 hour drive to Port Austin

Cheap Motel

Dinner at Local favorite

Morning Kayak trip to Turnip Rock and the caves

Back home for dinner with my son.