Moments

"For You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy." Psalms 63:7

I never pictured myself at 50. I had no ideas of 50, no expectations of what 50 years old would look like. All I had were the 50 year olds before me. 

My heart weeps with grief at 50 for those who I loved so dearly that missed out on a journey of trials but one also covered in joy. 

I look down from my mini laptop and see some of the ugliest feet I have ever seen and smile. The feet, as my darling hubby puts it have seen some miles. 

My legs only took me as far as I could dream, as far as I believed and even farther than I could have imagined. 

My heart has cried tears for a hundred years. 

My spirit has wanted to give up more times than I should admit. 

My body so weary, so broken and barely a breath left in me. 

My mind, a battlefield, fighting sanity, fighting demons, fighting the darkness of defeat. Fighting the voices of others defining me with their brokenness with their insecurity with their demons. 

"God makes a home to the lonely;" Psalms 68:6

I never imagined myself at 50.

Maybe it was cancer, bringing me so close to death. 

Maybe it was growing up amidst addiction, fighting my way through that hell. 

Maybe it was the feeling of abandonment, an orphan in those foster homes. 

Or perhaps it was people I trusted too much, who tried to take my wings. 

But whatever the reason, I've learned to move forward the best I can, trusting God in every detail. Embracing my relationships and trying to love well. 

I cherish every moment, making the most out of each one. They're not always great moments; some are pure struggle, yet I remain truthful, honest and transparent. Many of my moments are spent in recovery, seeking the Lord's forgiveness, and asking for redemption with a humble spirit. 

"Healing is the end of conflict with yourself." 

Even in difficult times, I'm reminded of how blessed I am. I strive to embrace each moment, knowing that even in the darkest times, there's light and hope to be found. 

This past week has been all about spontaneity. Maybe not the most responsible week, but no one got hurt!

I pulled the car off a country road to frolic in a sunflower garden. Took a last-minute trip with a friend, landing in a quirky motel room over 2 hours away. And let's add a unplanned running adventure- no route, no map, just pure silliness. 

And hey, let's just sign up for a marathon this weekend, a quick overnighter with some gals who are embracing every moment they can too! 

This is 50. 

One day at a time.

Not perfect. 

Not excessive. 

Not pretentious. 

It is Not What I KNEW. It is Not addiction, it is not abuse, it is not abandonment, it is not shut off notices and government cheese, OH BUT I do miss that government cheese! 

The Rundown: 

• July 15-21st
• Distance: 78 miles
• Elevation: 5000ft
• Race I signed up for Run the Pier Marathon in Manistee as a TRAINING RUN! 

Make moments for a sunset/Sunrise

It is taking the time to enjoy the little things. 

Life is a journey, not to be taken too seriously. 

Embrace spontaneity and savor the small joys. 

Cherish each moment before it fades away. Let the spirit of adventure and love reside in your heart. 

Find your adventure. 

It can hold both laughter and tears. 

In Peace, Not Pieces, 

Anita~

2 hour drive to Port Austin

Cheap Motel

Dinner at Local favorite

Morning Kayak trip to Turnip Rock and the caves

Back home for dinner with my son. 

Wonders

 "Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders which You have done...." 

Psalms 40:5

Andy and I set out for a little camping weekend, to a place close yet far enough to feel different, Frankenmuth. 

We don't require much to be content, and it is often the simplest things that bring us the most joy. We had great company with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law camped right next to us and waiting our arrival when we got there. 

We enjoyed heartfelt conversations around campfire, games with bantering and ridiculous competition, (Andy does NOT like to lose) and great meals. 

Wonders of laughter and love.  

Saturday morning, I set out on a long solo run. My pack was filled with water, nutrition, and food for a 20-miler. I would leave Birch Run and head towards Frankenmuth with no design or map, just where the Lord took me. 

I didn't want to get myself in trouble because Andy was golfing with the boys in Vassar. 

For the next few hours, I was alone with my thoughts, praying for the Lord's preservation and sustenance. With each passing mile, my thoughts deepened. Despite the rising temperatures, I felt contentment, even as the beads of sweat trickled down my face. 

"Methinks that the moment my legs began to move, my thoughts began to flow."

 -Henry David Thoreau

Wonders from my Yesterdays.

I reflected on the past 5 years, then went even deeper, marveling at the WONDERS the Lord has performed in my 50 years on this side of eternity. I had plenty of time to recall the places the Lord has led me from and the destinations He's brought me to. 

Wonders of the Heart. 

It's a matter of the heart where our thoughts go and how we define it. I remember all the difficult places I've been, the challenging faces I've encountered, and I smile. It was another WONDER from the Lord-the ability to not dwell in negativity but to embrace the beautiful WONDERS of His unfailing love for me. 

RUNDOWN: 

Psalm 40:5

"Many, O Lord my God are the wonders which You have done. And Your thoughts toward us; 

There is none to compare with You. 

If I would declare and speak of them, 

They would be too numerous to count."

Each mile I run is a wonder. With as many setbacks, surgeries and injures I have had, I was reminded of all the WONDERS the Lord has blessed me with. I could have settled into the "whoa is me" mode and never ran another mile and I think it would have been justified. But the Lord was still passing out WONDERS for me. 

I encourage you to not neglect seeing the WONDERS around you. Let your heart wander to a place of contentment, NOT comparison, NOT competition, but truly a place of gratitude, peace and thankfulness.

July1-7=70miles

Still feeling the recovery from my 100. I am not working on speed, just getting my distance. But I am enjoying my runs. My runs with friends have brought me laughter and adventure. I am not taking my runs too serious but seriously having fun. 

In Peace, not Pieces, 

Anita