Significant, Living with Heart.

 

"If you faint in the day of adversity your strength is small." Proverbs 24:10

Saturday morning my head was saturated with thoughts of significance but significantly misunderstand by self. 
I believe this is called anxiety. 
Life on life's terms has weighed in heavier recently, abruptly but not surprisingly. 

The last couple weeks of training for Kettle Moraine has been my "peak weeks' with a running load of 70-80 miles. I always dread these weeks because it is so difficult with a busy life schedule then the added events catapulted me into a emotional hotwire.
Saturday as I headed down the backroads, I swallowed back the sour taste that was coming up from nerves. 

I wanted to sleep in.

I wanted it to not be raining. 

I wanted to go to the hospital (someone I love dearly is there) 

I wanted to get spring flowers. 

I wanted to mop my floors. 

I wanted to do a lot and nothing at all. 

What I didn't want to do was run and yet that everything I wanted to do. 

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, swallowed the bile back down and headed out for 30 miles without a plan, only a PRAYER. 

I failed miserably at planning my long run. I didn't have a route designed, I didn't have proper nutrition,I scrambled to find friends to run with me at the last minute, and my head space was not in a place of positivity. 

My legs were tired, I felt beat up, unmotivated and weak. 

Reaching mile one, looked ugly and the thought of getting to 30 miles was ominous. 

"Like so many women, sometimes my needs and interests are so congruous, and sometimes they compete with each other for my time, energy and focus." Joan Benoit Samuelson

I knew I had to focus on the task at hand. I had to dial my focus at the now and let the rest go for the next few hours. The more I let myself get distracted the more I felt my energy fading. 

I had a couple friends that were going to meet me for a few miles, and I shuffled forward to receive their good energy. 

"Years ago, women sat in kitchens drinking coffee and discussing life. Today, they cover the same topics while they run." Joan Benoit Samuelson

I felt that little pep in my step when I arrived at my friend's house. We were joined a couple miles later with another friend. We only ran a few miles together; it went by fast as we were all fighting for air laughing and solving all of life's problems.  

"My basic philosophy can be summed up by an expression we use in Norwegian: Hurry Slowly. Get there but be patient." Grete Waitz

I was over 10 miles, 1/3 done. I was smiling. I was dialed in, hopeful not in a hurry. I was running along Dixie Hwy, as the cars sped passed me, I felt so insignificant in my pace in comparison to the vehicles. I found this deep swelling of emotions surface. I was SIGNIFIGANT. Even though the cars didn't see me, or I was running alone, I was doing something hard. This run was hard in so many ways. Andy sent me a text, he said he was PROUD of me for maintaining my training in the midst of all we are going through. 

The tears flowed in that perfect timing. The Lord was with me, I was NOT alone. 

"Do the work. Do the analysis. But feel your race. Feel the joy that is running." Kara Goucher

My splits were steady before I headed into a nursery that I planned on my run! I NEVER stopped my watch as I picked out my flowers, paid for them and begged my son to drive up and get my goodies! 

I lost an hour. 

But I had a second wind, laughing; knowing I would get my long run in and my flowers all at the same time. 

Also knowing I only had 10 miles to go. I did some calculating, tried to pick up my pace a little bit to get warm. The temps dropped, it was spitting rain and I was chilled but, on my way to see another friend who would finish me in. 

"There are a lot of times it's just not fun. It's a lot of discomfort. There must be something I am searching for."  Scott Jurek

I found Sara coming down N Holly Rd. Everything hurt, and I felt like I was dying. But I shouted with pure JOY to see her. 

I can't say those miles were glorious but the company sure was! 

• I finished my 30 miles. 
• Sunday was another 10 miles. 
• Today another 21 miles. 

RUNDOWN: LIVING with HEART. 

My Training plan said SATURDAY 35miles, SUNDAY 20miles, OFF MONDAY

Mine was altered a bit but time on feet and total distance executed for 81 miles last week. 

I keep telling myself, DO it UGLY but don't quit. 

We all have stuff; we all have excuses to quit. Keep that passion and the joy of life burning. I remind myself of all the places the Lord has delivered me from but all the passion I had to have to execute HIS plan. 

If it was easy everyone would do it. Running is my own reward. It is a reminder of living with heart for me. My strength is HIS. It is not perfect, but it is hopeful, faithful and true. 

Mothers Day 

In Peace, not pieces, 

Anita