I walk out of this little restroom with oversized scrubs and a larger-than-life gown that I look lost in. I was finally getting my MRI of my pancreas. Cancer follow-ups for my BRCHA gene are more rare but just as weighty. MRIs are not my favorite and dealing with insurance was more of a battle I had before the procedure. Insurance companies do not want to pay for the preventive but will pay for the thousands and thousands of dollars for cancer.
The techs were very nice as they escorted me to the trailer outside the building to do my MRI. I was very pleasant, a response to feeling nervous and anxious. I noticed the techs looking directly into my eyes, studying me. I confidently looked back at them, fearless.
This was NOT a new experience, it was not an enjoyable experience either, but it was necessary.
I laid back on the tray trying not to get tangled in my gown as he prepped my IV.
I HAD A BAD FEELING.
I clenched my fist as he directed me and felt the needle pinch into my skin and then I felt a warm sensation and a little pull.
I knew he over did it.
I took a deep breath and smiled. His partner looked at me and I winked. He knew I knew.
After a couple minutes the tech tells me he is going to try again.
He is looking up and down my arms and I am just laying there smiling trying not to make him more nervous than I can tell he is.
He picks a vein on the side of my arm that no one has ever tried. I just waited for that to fail, and I didn't have to wait long.
I smiled and tried to relax him, "Third times a charm." And then I prayed.
I thought if he pokes me much more, I am going to spring a leak!
He poked me again and it was bad, I gritted my teeth as I felt my arm bruising, he worked it a bit more and I prayed "PLEASE LORD!"
Then I tasted the metal. IT worked, finally!
It took everything in me to not ask to reschedule. I wanted to QUIT.
It hurt and my confidence in him was depleting.
Each poke I was not bouncing back with RESILENCE.
And my attitude was getting sour.
"The Lord is with you Oh valiant soldier." Judges 6:12
Learning to have RESILIENCE in the face of adversity can be very challenging. I am walking around with 8 toenails and one that is about to fall off any day from tripping 6 times in a race I did in the beginning of January.
But Resilience is not a nomad and doesn't travel alone.
She travels best with PERSISTENCE, which is the ability to intentionally pursue a purpose regardless of opposition, delays and disadvantages.
They go HAND in HAND.
I have had to learn to not only recover from a setback but also find the endurance to continue and NOT GIVE UP.
You can NOT persist without getting back up and sometimes getting back up we are a total HOT MESS.
I have felt beaten up, tattered and frayed like an old rag doll but not in my strength but HIS I have crawled back out of the grave.
When I operate in an identity shaped by the LORD, I am capable of great and mighty things. I no longer see a raggamuffin but a valiant soldier.
I can get up in my fragility and failure.
"How frail is humanity, how short is life, how full of trouble..." Job 14:1
Job had it right!
Trouble is inevitable.
Adversity is inevitable.
However, it produces strength, physical strength, emotional strength, and spiritual strength.
Our challenges do NOT define us. Whether we are victorious and successful or we fall short.
The Lord positions us victorious when we seek HIM, trust HIM and give HIM the Glory.
When the tech poked me for the third time, I knew that if I gave space for my crisis, it would not make the situation any better. Yes, it HURT, I was uncomfortable, nervous and lacking a lot of trust.
RESILIENCE has been my word all week.
I knew it came down to my REACTION to the unfortunate circumstance.
It is how we respond to challenges that helps create resilience.
OH Valiant Warrior, GET back UP and get back at it!!
Do it ugly, tattered, beaten and broken but don't QUIT!!
And Keep Smiling!!
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| 5 of us girls went rock climbing, some of the walls were 40ft high. We were all scared and sweating from anxiety. The goal was to make it to the top. we were there cheering each other on with encouragement till we all conquered it or did our best! |
RUNDOWN:
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| Girls weekend of adventuring! Stoney Creek. We conquered our fears rock climbing. and ran in a new place. Valiant Warriors. |
WEEK of Jan 22-28th
MILES: 62.39 miles OOPS, overshot my miles again.
ELEVATION: 2,350
This week I have brought my miles WAY back.
I hit 3 parks in 10 days,
- Kensington
- Indian Springs 2x
- Stoney Creek
"THEY ARE JUDGING BECAUSE YOU KEEP STARTING OVER, I'M CLAPPING BECAUSE YOU NEVER GAVE UP."
In Peace, NOT Pieces,
Anita
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