The Place of Vulnerability.

 “Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences.” Brene' Brown

Vulnerability. 

What is this place? Is it an actual location? Is it a destination? 

Some foreign land? 

A place that frightens most people and a place that has left many broken and never the same. 

Vulnerability scares me. It is my land that I protect with all cost. I have invited others into my very sacred place with extreme caution and realized too late that my space was abused, and I invited the abuser in. 

My fault. 

My weakness. 

My misjudgment. 

My bad.

Vulnerability is like a land that is exposed in the darkest of nights. 

The deepest of wounds. 

The sunniest of skies and the cheeriest of moments.  

The spaces of extreme. 

Vulnerability cannot be retracted and can be defined and judged in its intense form with ease from others. 

Vulnerability is often a place of regret because of this. 

Misjudgment.

Confusion. 

Disorganized chaos. 

Vulnerability is a place I have licked my wounds, ripped my scabs and still...heart wide open bled out over and over again with the intention....

To Love. To Believe. To Hope. To Trust. 

Sometimes it is reckless, feeling like I am going off the deep end but if one person can see that land with LOVE, with FAITH, with HOPE then I will share that Place of Vulnerability. 

Vulnerability in the darkest hours and the deepest pains. 

It is dark and quiet except for our feet crushing the limestone on the Hennepin canal. 

I was pacing Erica over the weekend for her first 100 miler. Erica is strong, a mother, a wife, an incredible athlete. She knows pain, my kind of pain. She grew up in darkness that made her resilient, strong, dangerous and risky. 

At 10pm, I jumped in again to trade pacing with her husband. Her armor was cracking. She had been running effortlessly at a 9:30min/mile for over 70 miles. However, when she arrived this time at the aid station, she was almost an hour late. 

It was so dark we both needed light. This is the place of vulnerability. 

As we ran the chill in the air left me shivering. I kept myself hushed. I walked next to Erica under the moonless sky, the trees looming over us, wanting to feel her pain, wanting to carry her pain so I could help her better. 

But I couldn't. All I could do was stay beside her. Pray for her. Listen to her. 

All I had was my light and she had her own light.  She trusted me weeks ago to be beside her, truth is she is a much better runner than I am. 

What I could give her was a place of vulnerability.  A place where I could only give me, and she seemed ok with just that. This is the place that scares me. 

Erica finished like a rockstar! 

Andy and I snuck out of our hotel room a few hours later for a 6-hour drive home. 

The drive home was quiet, but my thoughts were loud. 

As the minutes turned into hours I had not heard from Erica. 

I thought many thoughts and struggled to take mine captive. That place of vulnerability began to tug a little. 

The place in the darkest of nights. In the cold, quiet path down the Hennepin canal that I spoke vulnerability. 

Did I share too much? Did I say too much?

I found myself settling down the closer we got to home. The Lord wrapped me in His security with peace and soon Erica texted with such love I knew it was from the Lord. 

"For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ" 2 Cor. 10:3-5 

Just be who God made you to be Anita. 

I am made to be vulnerable. To give myself freely, openly and transparently. Not everyone is going to like you, understand you, accept you, and the list goes on. 

But when we do things with LOVE we have succeeded. And you will accept others in that same place. There is peace in that. 

Taking our thoughts captive helps drown out the noises so we can hear the melody of love, peace and grace. 

We all come with a light. Sometimes that place of vulnerability drains the batteries. And sometimes that light burns out and darkness covers you. 

Take time to Pause, Rest, Recover and daringly turn your light back on. 

Shine the way you were meant to. 

Be who God made you to be. 

Confidently. Boldly. With a Reckless Love Shine on.  

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 

Phil. 4:8

In Peace not Pieces, 

Anita