Muted or Miracles.

"A goal sets your life on a path, gives it direction and energizes you." Andrew Wheating, Olympian

 I was listening to a sermon from Mark Driscol this afternoon as I emptied the dishwasher. I was putting a container away when I felt that lump in my throat. 

He was talking about modern day miracles. I AM ONE. 

He was talking about the power of prayer.  I AM the PRODUCT of answered PRAYER. 

He was talking about how we question God in our trials. I have humanly DONE this.

Every day I live is a miracle. Every breath I inhale is a miracle. 

This weekend I will be running a 50K. This too is a miracle. 

I found myself humbled in my simple little kitchen. I don't have a lot; I didn't come from much and I don't require much. 

I came from food stamps and foster homes, from a broken home and bitterness. 

I walked out of my trailer at 18 years old with a lot of baggage and I don't mean of material things. 

I am a Miracle. 

I am a product of Prayer. 

This weekend I am running a 50K. I am all trained up. There is nothing more that I can do. 

This is a Miracle. 

If I had a dime for every time a surgeon told me to quit running. 

BUT My LORD has NOT told me to hang up my shoes yet. 

So here we go again. 

The Lord pursues me in the most intimate place. 

In the woods, on my run, in that "thin space", He chases me, directs me, redeems me and Loves Me with grace. 

I am found in the depths of myself, in my deep wandering thoughts, He gathers me up leading me back to his divine direction. 

As I get older, I find myself at the crossroads of fear and faith. I feel fear creeping over me as I compare my todays to my yesterdays. 

Age is more apparent the older we get. My confidence is slowly eroding away with my sub 8min mile!

Comparison will steal more than your confidence. 

Gratitude will get muted. Faith will be silenced. 

We will lose our heart. 

We will lose our voice. 

We will lose our words. 

Faith over Fear. 

Trail Weekend 50K April 29th

GOAL: To beat 2022. 

2022 I ran 3 races in 3 weeks. 

1. April 9th-Carpe Diem and Carpe Noctem: 26.2 total
2. April 18th-Boston Marathon: 26.2
3. Trail Weekend 50K: 31miles

The only race that I really raced was Carpe Diem, mostly because it was the only race I was trained and strong for. Too many races that close rarely get good results because your body doesn't have time to recover properly. I was a catastrophe by the time Trail Weekend came! 

Trail Weekend 4/29: PRAYERS PLEASE. For Favor, to Glorify Him, for protection, to be steadfast, to endure the suffering, to persevere. 

MY RESULTS for Trail Weekend 2022 

Time: 5:53:50

Overall: 12/47

Category: 45-49: 1/1

Gender: 5/20

Muted or Miracles. 

I choose miracles. I choose not to let my reproach, brokenness, my mistakes, or my grief silence me. 

I choose to go from grief to grace. 

I choose miracles. 

TRAINING TIP:

Run your sport, do not let it RUN YOU. Embrace the journey, all aspects. The training, the running, the friendships, the challenges and even the disappointments. Strive to achieve your goals but also find joy in the journey. Remember REST, RECOVER and REFLECT in those moments. 

From Glory to Glory,

In Peace, not Pieces,

Anita~

 

Chicken Wings

Psalms 36:7 " How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings." 

 I have been wanting chickens for a while now. I have a couple friends that have chickens and convinced me "It's easy"! 

So I have a half dozen little hens. These 6 are all that survived a gruesome chick massacre. Katie, a coworker of mine fostered her 12 and my 8 until I was able to get their coop, make a run and convince Andy it was ALL a great idea! We lost a couple just by unfortunate circumstances; however, nothing left a bloodbath like the raccoon. It was terrible. 

Raccoons are nasty, mean animals. They ripped those baby chicks out of the little squares of the dog crate one by one. 

It is terrible. Without purpose. Evil. 

I find myself going into the chicken coop just watching them. They huddle up together like a little hen posse, protecting each other, scared together, so vulnerable, so fearful, fragile. 

I drifted off this afternoon watching them. I stood still, afraid to make a move, not wanting to scare them and wanting them to trust me. 

TRUST? 

I laughed. I felt like those little chickens. 

Vulnerable. 

Fragile. 

Scared.

We have all felt this way at some place or another. 

TRUST, I hardly trust anyone. I am afraid of most people. I have been hurt by the very people you would think you should be able to trust like many of you. 

Like those little chickens, I would just start to trust someone only to have my heart tore apart. 

I stood looming over those little chickens. They trembled and squawked, and I just tried to get them to trust me. 

As I watched these little chicks they would try to cuddle under each other's wings. They were searching for refuge amongst each other and afraid or every part of me. 

Psalms 36:7 " How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings." 

With the wounds of mistrust, verbal abused, broken, and wounded by those I love and those I trust I am reminded to seek shelter under His wings. 

The Lord is who I put my trust in. He provides with completeness. He gives grace upon grace providing peace for my soul. The peace that passes all understanding. We can come to Jesus empty, with nothing to offer, broken, wounded and in Him be protected, connected and completed. 

RUNDOWN!

Less than 2 weeks for "Trail Weekend 50K. 

With over 70 miles last week it is time to TAPER! 

Time to let the body heal and recover. I am getting excited!! I have put in a lot of training. The Lord has prepared and protected me. My Strength is in HIM. Now to Trust Him and the training I have done the last 16weeks. 

I have had a few runs the last few weeks that have really shocked me. Just when I feel every bit of my age, I would pull out a strong run. Redeeming myself in HIM. 

Andy and I snuck away camping this weekend. It was so nice!

In Peace, Not Pieces, 

Anita

Walk this way. Grand Canyon Training.

 "Falling down is an accident, staying down is a choice."

I was able to gear up and get out for my first training hike for the Grand Canyon last week. Andy and I received an invite from a friend of ours to go for a walk. Antonio invited us over and I was throwing my new Osprey pack in the truck full of excitement. 

I placed my pack on my hips, in the very place that didn't feel comfortable. But with a little weight in the pack, it settled nicely. 

We went for a 2 mile hike down the backroads of Davisburg. Both Andy and Antonio made comments about how big the pack looked on me, I am kind of a dwarf in comparison to the size of the pack. 

I am 5'2, 110 lbs and my pack is a 70liter pack, making me look lost inside it. But the truth is, as large as it is the pack is NOT heavy and was not uncomfortable. 

When Andy and I got home we pulled out the tent from my pack. (Andy had placed our 5LB tent in the pack for a little extra weight on our hike.) 

"Anita, you wanna set the tent up? Andy asked.

Even though it was almost 8 pm, I was so hyped to do it. 

We purchased a REI Brand tent for half the price of the name brands. I am NOT the sharpest tool in the shed. When Andy pulled out all the canvas and poles while my brain started to explode!

Thankfully this was not Andys first rodeo, he put the tent together in less than 10 minutes, I helped but only did what I was told because I had NO idea what going on! 

So, tent anxiety is GONE! 

No issues on my baby hike! 

Andy ordered his pack, so we can hike together and get REAL serious! 

Tripped UP:

"Sometimes when things are falling apart they are actually falling into place." 

I am as transparent as I can be. What you see is what you get. So today when I tripped running, I found myself chuckling. 

It was an UGLY fall. Both hands caught my body buried in the weeds. Everything landed including my pride. 

I really don't have any trail pride because I fall almost every time I run. 

In the heat, Danielle and I started early, however we didn't run without suffering. When I fell it was not a shocker. I was over heated, almost out of water and tired, these elements are a sure proof sign of a trip and fall for me. 

We ran Highland Rec. trail. This is almost a 17 mile trail with enough elevation in the first 5 miles to send your toosh and calves crying. 

We were excited for the challenge, or so we thought. Truth is it was a quiet run unless you count my heavy breathing. 

So after tripping multiple times and then going almost head over heels unashamed, I had nothing but time to think. 

We all trip up. When I fall I always go back to find the culprit. The root, the rock, the little booger that took me out. But the reality is I am just looking for something to blame my clumsiness on. 

The trail is covered with ankle breakers and objects of disaster. But when I am not aware of my surroundings or I am tired, thirsty, hungry or just not focused I get tripped up and it's no ones fault but MY OWN. 

INSPECT what you EXPECT. I have to look at MYSELF, my weakness, my role, rather than looking for someone or something to blame my "trip ups" on. 

As tired, hot, hungry and thirsty as our run was, it was a VICTORIOUS run. 

The run itself was HARD. We challenged ourselves to do the hard stuff this morning. To push ourselves. And even though we ran our legs more than we ran our mouths, even though we were gritting it out, our finished product brought a smile to our face! 

I was praising the Lord all the way home. 

I was reminded we are NOT too old. 

It does not have to look pretty. Just don't give UP. 

Anita

What IS and What IS NOT.

On my days off I spend little time putting myself together. I know I should spend a little more time "painting the barn" and combing out my hair, especially the older I get the more work I need. 

I wake up early, give the Lord the first part of the day and try to cram 10 hours of stuff into 8 hours of day. 

I usually look like a I just got off the hot mess express!

Today, I had to run to the hardware store to buy some more flower seeds. I didn't realize how terrible I looked until I recognized how people looked at me! 

I was still in my running clothes from 7:30 this morning. Today is hair washing day, so my hair looked more like I was homeless than a hair stylist and my oversized fuzzy crocks were a total eye sore. 

As I walked in, I had some curious looks, but I just acted like I didn't notice as I looked at each of them with a big smile and cheerfully responded with "Hi!"

I have been doing a bible study in 1 John. We have been studying LOVE. 

So for the next few posts I want to share a few different biblical perspectives on LOVE. 

John 3:16 is one of the most famous verses, "For God so LOVED the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life."  

LOVE has gotten so marginalized. 

We really struggle liking one another let alone LOVING one another. 

 

"LOVE is patient, Love is kind, and is not jealous; Love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 1 Cor. 13:4-7

WHAT LOVE IS: 

First, LOVE is a VERB, it is action. It is NOT a feeling. Feelings come and go. Feelings are circumstantial. Feelings are conditional. 

• LOVE is Patient.
• LOVE is Kind.
• LOVE rejoices with the Truth.
• LOVE Bears All Things. 
• LOVE Believes All Things. 
• LOVE Hopes All Things.'
• LOVE Endures All Things. 

WHAT LOVE IS NOT:

• LOVE is Not Jealous. 
• LOVE does Not Brag.
• LOVE is Not Arrogant. 
• LOVE does Not Act Unbecomingly.
• LOVE does Not Rejoice in Unrighteousness. 
• LOVE does Not seek its own. 

As I say "Hi" to those who don't know me I am trying to lead with LOVE. I am trying not to seek my own insecurity, or get offended, or just listen to emotions rather let LOVE lead. 

Letting LOVE show kindness, bearing all things with hope. 

I am reminded of the LOVE of Jesus.

What IS and What IS NOT when is comes to My Running:

• RUNNING is an Active Lifestyle. 
• RUNNING is a Place of Humility.
• RUNNING is a Place of Prayer.
• RUNNING is Social.
• RUNNING is where I Train my Fears. 
• RUNNING is where The Lord has gifted me. 
• RUNNING is an Adventure. 
• RUNNING is where I Coach and Inspire Others. 
• RUNNING is where I Date my Husband. 
• RUNNING is a great Illustration for LIFE. 

What RUNNING is NOT: 

• RUNNING is NOT Pain Free.
• RUNNING is NOT without Failures. 
• RUNNING is NOT Every Day. 
• RUNNING is NOT an Idol. 
• RUNNING is NOT a Competition unless in a RACE. 
• RUNNING is NOT All I DO. 
• RUNNING is NOT to Prove MYSELF to this World. 
• RUNNING is NOT for Everyone. 

We are all capable of great and mighty things. To a life to be lived fully. Loving people is all about LIFE, running is just part of life. 

Loving the Lord is my everything. The Lord has been so gracious to protect me and give me a purpose. Even in a life of unfortunate circumstances that at times appeared hopeless and hurtful. He worked out the details of my heart to lead with LOVE and through my running glorify HIM and point others to HIM. 

LOVING others all the time, in all places, to all people can be challenging. Love gives Grace. GRACE upon GRACE. 

RUNDOWN:

On my way home running this morning I saw the grater going down my road. I was so excited as I was able to pick up my pace and PASS the grater, the grater was NOT going that fast but fast enough to make me so excited to pass him! 

Monday: 10

Wednesday: 4.3

Thursday: 13+3

Saturday: 26.2

Sundays: Hike, 2.5

59 Miles

3 weeks out until Trail Weekend 50K. 

Prayers please. Praying for this old body to heal and strengthen. Praying the Lord uses me through the race. 

Take the LOVE of God across to Everyone, in a World that NEEDS it. 

In Peace, Not Pieces, 

Anita~

Triggers

"Count it all Joy"

Trigger, to relive or remember something traumatic. 

The month of April represents several triggers for me. This was the month in 2019 that I was diagnosed.

Everyday I had another appointment.

Another poke.

Another test. 

Another doctor. 

Another scan, more blood, more time, more emotions, more grief and more confusion. 

I could barely swallow the knowledge of my cancer diagnosis let alone feeling like a really bad science project. 

"Count it all Joy." 

This evening I was making dinner for Alec and I. 

I was making one of his favorites, breakfast for dinner. 

Panny cakes, something I have always called them since they were littles, over medium eggs and thick cut smoked bacon. 

The house smelled like a coney by the time I was serving it. Andy went running and I stayed back with Alec. 

I love watching Alec eat. When it is something he is excited about he barely looks up from his plate. His manners were out the door but I found it so endearing that I didn't bother to correct his neanderthal eating habits. 

But something happened on my last bite of panny cake soaked in sloppy eggs.

My stomach turned. 

That last bite gurgled its way back up. 

I ran to the bathroom as tears came out of my eyes and I started retching. 

Alec came slowly around. I didnt want him to see me getting sick. 

"MOM, mom, what's wrong?" I could hear this tremble in his voice. 

I tried to play it off. The truth was I had no idea why I was vomiting. 

Alec paused, and I hear his concern, "Mom, is it cancer...." 

OH GOD. My poor son. 

I felt fine, something just didn't agree with me. 

But Alec, me getting sick triggered him back 3 years ago.

I was grocery shopping today when a VW whipped into the parking spot next to me. It startled me but when the man got out of the fancy crossover I said, "Nice car" to him. Full of energy he jumped out and almost ran over to me. I couldn't remember his name but he remembered mine, "Anita!" 

It was a guy I used to wait tables on 30 years ago, but I still run into him, but I didn't initially recognize him. 

He came over to me, gave me a jolly hug then rubbed my mop of hair, "You have a lot more hair than the last time I saw you!"

I laughed, but inside I cringed. The last time I saw him I was bald and so sick. But I do what I do, I laugh, I smile, I joke back. 

Not because I am fake, but because that is how I am. 

That trigger was like a wrecking ball going home. 

I wasn't sad, upset, or emotional, I was GRATEFUL. 

"Count it all Joy." 

Triggers are going to come and go. 

I am going to have days I am undone. But the Lord found me in that darkness. 

He pursued me, relentlessly. 

Everyday is a gift. 

It is glorious to live this life. 

The Lord has been gracious to me. It has not been an easy life. Quite the opposite really. But I count it all JOY. 

This is my Joy Journey. 

When you change the way you look at things, the way things look will change. 

When those triggers come, when I find myself hiding in the shadows of fear, or overwhelmed with the nightmares of agony, I remind myself that I have been given 49 years, I have been gifted that. Because nothing is promised. 

Life is Glorious. Even in trials, in conflict, in grief, in hardships. 

"Count it all Joy."

Rundown: 

"Don't run as hard as you can. Run as fast as you can without straining." Jack Daniels

I met Danielle at 7:30 this morning at Island Lake. I LOVE the adventure of trail running. It is always different. A different trail, I different scene, a different kind of adventure. 

We ran early to finish early. I let Danielle lead. She had a pep in her step.

 Running is more than running. It is time spent together.

Its catching up with one another, encouraging one another, supporting one another and training with one another. Iron sharpens Iron. 

23 days until my 50K. I am hoping my body is not as broken like last year when I ran 3 races in the month of April. 

I have taken a step-down week every 4th week to let my body recover. I have cross trained, and weight lifted more than I have in the past. 

There is nothing more than I can add to my training at this point, only continued prayer. 

From this point I will not push myself to the point of getting injured. 

When we finished, we ended up with 15 miles. We also finished with good fellowship, great conversation and a strong run. 

Tired but not broken with the whole day still ahead of us.

Remember when training, to take time to enjoy your journey. Not every run needs to be so serious. I stopped at the top of a hill to just take in the Huron River. The way the rain had widened it and flooded areas I had never seen before. It was wild as it took over the woods. 

In closing, when triggers appear rather than allowing them to seize us, take a moment to pause. Take a breath to recollect and recover. Then remember how you overcame. 

You are a overcomer. 

Glory to God. 

"Consider it all joy, my brothers and sisters, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

In Peace, Not Pieces,

Anita

Running Wide Open

 I slept in. I allowed myself that privilege as I hit the snooze for the 5th time. It was after 7am when I snuck out of bed towards the Keurig. 

Each step down the hall I assessed every movement, trying to determine what my body would be capable of after my 24 mile run over the weekend. 

With my coffee steaming, I opened my bible and my bible study in 1st John. 

LOVE. 

I wrote every scripture like I have a dozen times. I moved from Corinthians to Colossians passionately, penning the verses on LOVE down. 

I found myself undone in humility asking the Lord to continue to train and teach me with mercy and grace. 

RUNNING Wide Open:

Without much of a plan, I found myself in the middle of 3 trail heads at Holdridge. I headed to the West loop curious of its condition after all the rain. 

The woods were all mine, my own private playground.

I hit the first loop conscious of my surroundings. The light dancing off the pond, the woodpecker working hard the dead oak tree, the bouchée Starbucks cup someone tossed in my beautiful woods and every place my foot landed. 

I felt the sweat begin to trickle down the small of my back, the breeze fragrant and refreshing, and I knew I was right where I needed to be. 

I praised God for every little detail. 

Then I prayed. Humbled at the details encompassing me. 

I Prayed Wide Open. 

My heart was Wide Open. 

I finished the loop just short of 5 miles. I looked at my watch studying the time and distance before I headed out to finish the 5 mile loop in the parking lot. 

Thats when I decided to head back into the woods for a second time, only faster. 

• "PICK UP YOUR FEET."
• "RELAX, BREATHE, CONTROL YOUR BREATHING.." 
• "DON'T DROP YOUR HEALS.."
• "TAP, PICK EM UP, TAP..."
• "GO, PICK IT UP ON THE DOWN HILLS..."
• "UP, GET UP, QUIT WHINING AND GET UP..." 
• " DEEP BREATH, DRINK, RELAX..."

The second loop I felt like I was drowning in my perseverance. 

I was trying so hard to push through. 

My legs started to get heavy.

I felt my lungs searching frantically for air. 

Little twinges of pain took turns throughout my body. 

I clinched my fists; I grimaced in pain trying to dig deep and I pulled out all my best coaching mantra. I collected training tips for every struggle, for every step of suffering, every mile of agony, I dug deep to locate the tips to get me through. 

And I counted it "all Joy" to suffer in such a way. 

LOVING Wide Open..

As I ran, I listened to my thoughts. 

I drifted astray of my beating heart and breathlessness. 

I heard the Lord connect my athletic training to His training He shared with me that morning. 

"PUT ON A HEART OF COMPASSION..."

"KINDNESS"

"HUMILTY"

"GENTLENESS"

"PATIENCE" 

"BEARING WITH ONE ANOTHER..."

"FORGIVING EACH OTHER..."

"PUT ON LOVE"

Somewhere on the trails I recited The Lords training instruction for me. It collided with my heart in a gentle reminder. 

I was reminded to stay strong not just physically but also in loving people. 

Because interacting with people can also be easy to "Run" the other way. 

Running on Seconds...

Colossians tells me to "PUT ON a Heart..We are instructed to LOVE. I want to get EXCITED to LOVE the same way I am excited to RUN. 

It doesn't mean it is easy, quite the opposite. Love it ACTION. Action in the midst of fear, in the midst of anxiety, in the midst of brokenness, in the midst of disappointment, depression, mess-ups, mistakes and anger. 

It's really not that different than running. On the days I want to quit, the days I am hurting, struggling, sore, exhausted or injured I still train in faith. 

I ran that SECOND loop pulling out training tricks in my agony. I knew that when I am suffering, I needed a voice bigger that my own. As I closed on each mile, I looked down at my watch, "PICK it UP Anita" I screamed at myself. Oddly enough my demanding shouts were working. I was not only running on seconds as a loop but also seconds were being shaved off each mile from my first mile. It was another bold illustration that it is just a little bit that makes such a big difference. 

Whether is seconds off you time or it is just giving a little bit more compassion, forgiveness, grace, gentleness, humility or patience. 

I was PRODUCTIVE! Thats a good thing! And...I did finish my second loops faster! 
Praise God!

As I came out of the woods, my run over, I wanted to leave something behind. 

These words, these wild and free thoughts, my little something I want to leave behind for you dear friends. 

Put on LOVE. 

In Peace, Not Pieces,

Anita