Lake Apopka here I COME!

"Your story. Surrendered into the hands of GOD, will have purpose beyond the pain to bring about good." Lysa Terkeurst 

Oh, I have a few significant fears. That feeling that leaves my stomach flipped inside myself. That feeling of overwhelming anxiety with no beginning or end.  

I am not so fearful of life itself. I have seen death in its ugliest form. The whispering voice calling you to quit. My body destroyed, sick, and lifeless. The fearful scream of depression and the hollow voice of shame that haunts you relentlessly. 

I love diving into that next adventure fearlessly. I am not afraid of failure, I feel so liberated and fueled by all I have overcome, it actually excites me. Don't get me wrong, the wounds are still visible, some are still tender to the touch, and some bring me to my knees. 

Loopty Loops 2019

This week I was talking to a girlfriend of mine. Rachel was encouraging her daughter to overcome her fears. 

I listened to Rachel share her very intimate moment with her daughter. She shared a race her and I had teamed up to do while I had cancer. 

It was Loopty Loops. A teamed event of alternating loops running. I was 4 treatments deep, sick, bald and desperately trying to be "normal". As she continued to speak to me, I felt the triggers of those treatments. My mind trailed off remembering how bloated and nauseas I was. That day it was 90' and I had the pressure of running my heart out to not disappoint Rachel, my partner. When I finished running, I would collapse in the chair for 30 minutes while she was running. I never quit smiling; I didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I wanted to "FEEL" normal, but I was far from that.  

It came down to the last couple loops and we were really close to winning. I had to go back out and try to make it back fast enough for Rachel to go again. I wanted to quit so bad. I was so overheated I was running in a sport bra and shorts that were falling off me I had lost so much weight. I couldn't run that last hill coming in, I could barely walk it. I just wanted to see the finish line and be done with it, but Rachel wanted to be done too. When I saw her she looked at me and rather than quit she took off like a bat out of hell! And we took 1st place because of her last loop. 

"Anita, I told Meghan I wanted to quit but I saw you out there with cancer .....and I couldn't." 

I was reminded the summary of my cancer was NOT about suffering it was about letting the Lord USE my suffering as a testimony. 

I was on the phone facetiming with my big brother yesterday. Bobby kept getting choked up talking about me going through that hell. 

"BOBBY, No, no! The Lord used every part of my cancer for His Glory. I got cancer so the Lord could work through me. He redeemed me, recovered me, I had to go through it all. I am grateful God used me." 

With tears in his eyes, he had to look away. That awkward silence needed to be interrupted, "HEY! don't get me wrong, IT SUCKED, GOD KNOWS it SUCKED SOO BAD but look at the memories I have with YOU because of it, that alone was worth it.." 

3 years later, I am reminded of the impactful memories my cancer brought others, and I smile. I would do it all over again. That hell was one of the best things that could have happened to me. 

It had to happen to me. At the time I couldn't see it. I couldn't see much pass my suffering. 

As my treatments continued and my condition worsened the Lord began to unveil himself in my weakness. 

2 years later I can see the Lord had put me in the belly of the whale. He allowed me to have cancer not because He didn't love me but rather because he LOVED me soo much. He needed me to trust sole on HIM. 

To Depend on HIM.

To Rely on HIM.

To be Obedient to HIM.

To be FEARLESS in HIM. 

"Never underestimate the power of dreams and the influence of the human spirit. We are all the same in this notion: The potential of greatness lives within us." Wilma Rudolph, Olympic Champion. 

RUNDOWN: 

Monday: 16miles, Holdridge

Tuesday: OFF

Wednesday: GAC, 4running, strength, rowing

Thursday:17miles

Friday: OFF

Saturday: 21miles,

Sunday:8miles

TOTAL MILES: 66miles

I am so excited!! I am running a 30K at Lake Apopka on Sunday. If you remember me in your prayers I would love prayers for strength, perseverance and God Speed. 

Florida is gonna be HOT, but the best part is my big brother is going to be there cheering me on! 

Whatever your going through I encourage you to keep living life fully. Find your smile, embrace yourself because you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are capable of of great and mighty things. 

Keep dreaming.

Keep believing. 

Keep Your FAITH. 

In Peace, not Pieces,

Anita~