The Light at the End of the Tunnel

 

“The test of character is not persistence when you expect a light at the end of the tunnel. The true test is performance and persistence when you see no light coming.” James Arthur Ray

Today, I was not scared to be by myself. Today, I felt confident in who I am. I smiled at the imperfect Anita without shame or embarrassment. 

Today, I can listen to my thoughts without falling apart, breaking down or cringing. 

I really didn't give it much thought when I headed out of the house for a solo 20 mile run. 

I didn't tie my shoes up with fear, with insecurity, with sorrow, with confusion, or with any emotion that would cast a shadow over my perfect day. 

As the morning sun greeted me, I felt the warmth deep inside my soul. 

My heart melted. My cheeks smiled at every passing car. I raised my arms kindly as cars moved over for this little Mexican to run. 

My legs moved methodically with ease and grace. 

I ran overflowing with Gratitude. I proceeded to pray and thank God for every detail that words could not be found.  

The Light at the End of the Tunnel. 

I ran roads very familiar to me. Roads that have heard my laughter and have felt my tears. 

I ran down Dixie Hwy. 4 lanes of traffic going 60mph eager for their morning destinations.  

There she was..Parkway Motel. A motel that has not only been open for more than 40 years but also filmed Hugh Jackman in Real Steel as well as housed little Anita when our apartment burned down. 

We lived in some apartments in Holly but addiction invites chaos. Our apartment was deliberately burned down by some of my moms shady friends. We were homeless. 

We managed to get a motel room for about 6 months before we moved into a one bedroom schoolhouse on Oakhill rd. 

I was about 9 years old. 

My mom had finally got us back from our foster home and now she had relapsed. My mother collapsed under the mayhem. 

The Tunnel was Dark. So Dark. 

I would wake up in that motel to hear my mother crying. My sister and I would watch Saturday Shocker on WB20 with old Vincent Price vampire movies as long as we could. 

Everyday a different kind of dark. 

I felt that morning sun greeting me today. As I ran closer to that motel that could tell stories, I smiled. 

I felt that sun greeting me with gratitude. 

There was a light at the end of the tunnel. 

I couldn't see it as a child, I couldn't see it for years. But I remember being introduced to Jesus. 

I saw that light. 

I saw the light even in my dark tunnel. 

I saw the light in my darkness and in others darkness. 

I saw the light sometimes only flicker and sometimes would shine so bright it was dreamy. 

As I ran past the Parkway Motel I saw the Light. 

The only way out of the tunnel is through. I am not my 9 year old self. 

I am not my Past. 

I am no longer in that tunnel of darkness. 

The Lord had healed and delivered me. 

We only get to see a glimpse of the moving pieces the Lord orchestrates on our behalf. But He is working all things out for our good. What we believe is harm, and hurts so bad, God is gracious to recover and redeem us. 

If you are in that tunnel, trust Him with your most difficult and deconstructed areas, your darkest areas. His Love restores, redeems, recovers and rebuilds. His Love shines through the darkest places of our lives. 

"He restores my soul, He guides me in paths of righteousness for His names sake." Psalm 23:3

RUNDOWN:

Last week, I ran Red Moon Run. I say ran because I didn't race it. I ran it at about 85%. I didn't want to ruin my Sunday and Monday run. And I got 2nd place overall female! I was pretty stoked! 
I was in awe at how God gave me the energy and strength to run that race so well and for the next 2 more days. Glory to GOD! I ran 49 miles in 3 days! 

Last week, I ran 75 miles.

75 miles might seem like a lot, and it is but its only 12 hours of running for the week. 

There are 168 hours in a week to put it into perspective. 

56 hours of sleeping. 

26 hours of work. 

12 hours of running

-----------------------

94 hours total. 

Balance: 74 hours! 

BUT...I saw the light! I made this week a step down week. 

No Wednesday run. 

No Thursday double run. 

Brought my miles down. 

"The Light shines in the Darkness, and the darkness shall not overcome it." 

John 1:5

In Piece not Pieces,

Anita~