The Gift, To Give.

 

 “The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.” — William Shakespeare

We have all been on top of the mountain and have cried deeply in the valley.

The tears of humility, swift reminders of our fragility. 

My running is a perfect illustration of this. 

On that Mountain, Team Harless chased me all around from Michigan to the mountains of West Virginia, from 5K's to a 100miles my family always supported me and encouraged me. 

And when it was their turn, I was on the sidelines, cheering, hollering, their biggest fan. 

In the Valley, when I was sidelined by injuries, cancer or surgeries, when I crawled inside myself with just a breath to hope. 

It was in the Valley that my tears, my desperation, my solitude, my brokenness was lifted.  Not by anything I did, but by the love of others. 

In the Valley, my wounds were cared for. The Lord circled me with the cheer and love of so many. 

To Give: 

I have ran races encouraged by others and I have taken my turn on the side lines encouraging others. 

To Give is truly to receive. 

You get Love when you give Love. 

You get Encouraged when you give Encouragement. 

You get Inspired when you give Inspiration. 

You get Cheered up when you give Cheer. 

CRIM 2022: Pacing with the Carebears. 

 Pacing the Crim came at the last minute when Lacey asked me to take her place. The crazing thing is I was supposed to pace in 2019 when I asked her to take my place and now she was asking me to do the same thing. 

This summer I had been doing speed work and ready to actually RACE! But it was more special to give back to a race that has given me so much. 

My running group, wanted to bring back the Carebears!  Our costumes had been hibernating since March when we ran Ashville in them. 

Even though Lacey asked me to pace she still joined us that morning to run! It was just like 2019 only the roles were switched. I was so happy she was with me. 

2019 Lacey and I

All of us bears with Traci, my pacing partner and Lacey lined up at 7:30 am to pace the 10min/mi group.  Complete Runner, our group we all run for showed up in their Carebear outfits and a stroller carrying a loud boom box to get everyone hyped up. 

The  news crews also showed up! 

But it wasn't about being in the spotlight. 

It was about spreading encouragement, cheering people on, and giving unlimited smiles and kindness. 

It was "Hey, Your doing BEARY good!" or "Your almost Bear..." 

We were not emBEARassed by all our ridiculous bear puns because we saw so many runners having fun.  We could Bear-ly stand ourselves. 

To Give.

Its about giving back. I think of all the amazing volunteers that have rallied and motivated me and what an impact that has not only had on me physically but emotionally too. 

WORDS are POWERFUL. 

KINDNESS is INVALUABLE. 

SMILES are DELIGHTFUL.

CHEER is MEANINGFUL.

LOVE is PURPOSEFUL.

Pacing it In

The Crim is my favorite local race. I am coming close to having 

ran it almost 20 years in a row. There is an energy there that is bountiful. It unites everyone; every pace, every color, every age, everyone with excitement. 

I love the energy. I get so carried away in the fullness of excitement. HOWEVER, this is a blessing and a cursing. 

It's like sensory overload! I am bouncing all over the place trying to stay on task. With music rousing the crowds, the comradery of the runners and aid station entertainment we some how managed to finish 30 seconds ahead. The target is 10 seconds, we may not have won closest to the time for our pacing but we had so much joy in the journey! 

• Biggest shout outs to all the volunteers throughout the course. It was delightful to see the school bands back out there along with so much course entertainment we used to have before covid. 
• THANK YOU for all the encouragement and kind messages! 
• Thank You Complete Runner for showing up with Awesomeness!
• It was fantastic to see the quantity of runners again lining up the streets along with spectators! 
• And I loved seeing so many familiar faces. Congrats to the runners for crushing their goals and running their hearts out on such a BEARY Good DAY!

"Remember that the happiest people are not those getting more, but those giving

 more."

IN Peace, not pieces,

Anita~

Rise Up: Be Strong

 

“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.” —Arnold Schwarzenegger

I have been reading the book of Joshua. I continue to be encouraged by Joshua who was born into slavery and was close to 90 years old when he became Israels leader. What might seem a man at his end was only just beginning!

Multiple times we are reminded to "Be Strong and Courageous." 

"Army against Army" 

There are many battles in Joshua. Battles that on the outside looking in were not in favor for Israel. 

I sure can relate. 

I have had seasons and situations where I feel the odds are not in my favor. 

I didn't stand a chance.

It looked like I should just throw in the towel.

We are all fighting battles. 

We come into many battles, with ourselves, with others, with life, with our health, you can fill in the blank.  

Army against army we are fighting. Sometimes we feel like we are fighting all of hell. We feel like we have put our armor on, we think we are equipped, we feel prepared, and we take our army into battle and when the fight doesn't quite go our way, we retreat. 

Our Strength is depleted before we barely start. 

"Rise UP" 

I have had battles that I have fallen on my face. Battles the army of my heart have led me wrong. 

These are my mistakes, my mishaps and my miscommunications. 

I am reminded to not stay down. To rise up and get back out there. 

We have to find our Strength to RISE UP. 

Confidence: 

"In whom we had boldness and access with confidence through our faith in HIM." 

Eph 3:12

This life requires Strength. 

Relationships require Strength.

Jobs require Strength.

Families require Strength.

Our faith requires Strength.

Our health requires Strength. 

But in my own capacity, I am not supplied with enough strength to battle life on life's terms. 

I am but a ragamuffin. 

But when I lock in my confidence in HIM, that is where I find enough sStrength to conquer the armies against me and the battles within me. 

Collision:

"Anita, why do you think you run?" Terry from the recovery class I facilitate asked me on Tuesday night. 

I paused. 

I felt my heart double beat, my face get flushed and tears begin to well up. 

I tried to locate the simple answer to a complex question. 

I answered the question very generic, however; pondered the thought all the way home. 

My running has never made sense to most. I have had many people give their opinions, their judgements and their wisdom. 

For me running has become a ministry of strength, perseverance, stamina, endurance and so many characters we need to be reminded of before we quit, giving God the Glory. 

The odds were stacked against me. I learned how to fight, army against army very young. 

The army of addiction. 

The army of a misfit.

The army of insecurity. 

The army of loneliness

I lost a lot of battles. I fought a lot of battles that never needed to be fought. 

But when I found Jesus, I discovered how much strength I had and how much MORE I had with HIM.

When I was diagnosed with TNBC in 2019, I never fully fell apart. I coached myself from the strength the Lord had given me through my running. I believe the Lord has given me this crazy gift called RUNNING to give HIM the Glory as He fought my battles. 

He gave me strength when I was weak.

He made a way when there seemed no way.

He gave me confidence when my identity was stripped away. 

He gave me hope when I was hopeless.

Another round of chemo. Another blood draw. Sick, lifeless and hurting He secured me under His wings. 

When people ask me "How...." It's not me, It is Him, His strength in my weakness. 

I am just a pipsqueak.  He get the Glory. 

Rise UP. Be strong in THE LORD. He will move mountains. 

"When life gets to hard to stand, kneel." 

IN PEACE, not Pieces,

Anita~ 

“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.” —Ernest Hemingway

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

 

“The test of character is not persistence when you expect a light at the end of the tunnel. The true test is performance and persistence when you see no light coming.” James Arthur Ray

Today, I was not scared to be by myself. Today, I felt confident in who I am. I smiled at the imperfect Anita without shame or embarrassment. 

Today, I can listen to my thoughts without falling apart, breaking down or cringing. 

I really didn't give it much thought when I headed out of the house for a solo 20 mile run. 

I didn't tie my shoes up with fear, with insecurity, with sorrow, with confusion, or with any emotion that would cast a shadow over my perfect day. 

As the morning sun greeted me, I felt the warmth deep inside my soul. 

My heart melted. My cheeks smiled at every passing car. I raised my arms kindly as cars moved over for this little Mexican to run. 

My legs moved methodically with ease and grace. 

I ran overflowing with Gratitude. I proceeded to pray and thank God for every detail that words could not be found.  

The Light at the End of the Tunnel. 

I ran roads very familiar to me. Roads that have heard my laughter and have felt my tears. 

I ran down Dixie Hwy. 4 lanes of traffic going 60mph eager for their morning destinations.  

There she was..Parkway Motel. A motel that has not only been open for more than 40 years but also filmed Hugh Jackman in Real Steel as well as housed little Anita when our apartment burned down. 

We lived in some apartments in Holly but addiction invites chaos. Our apartment was deliberately burned down by some of my moms shady friends. We were homeless. 

We managed to get a motel room for about 6 months before we moved into a one bedroom schoolhouse on Oakhill rd. 

I was about 9 years old. 

My mom had finally got us back from our foster home and now she had relapsed. My mother collapsed under the mayhem. 

The Tunnel was Dark. So Dark. 

I would wake up in that motel to hear my mother crying. My sister and I would watch Saturday Shocker on WB20 with old Vincent Price vampire movies as long as we could. 

Everyday a different kind of dark. 

I felt that morning sun greeting me today. As I ran closer to that motel that could tell stories, I smiled. 

I felt that sun greeting me with gratitude. 

There was a light at the end of the tunnel. 

I couldn't see it as a child, I couldn't see it for years. But I remember being introduced to Jesus. 

I saw that light. 

I saw the light even in my dark tunnel. 

I saw the light in my darkness and in others darkness. 

I saw the light sometimes only flicker and sometimes would shine so bright it was dreamy. 

As I ran past the Parkway Motel I saw the Light. 

The only way out of the tunnel is through. I am not my 9 year old self. 

I am not my Past. 

I am no longer in that tunnel of darkness. 

The Lord had healed and delivered me. 

We only get to see a glimpse of the moving pieces the Lord orchestrates on our behalf. But He is working all things out for our good. What we believe is harm, and hurts so bad, God is gracious to recover and redeem us. 

If you are in that tunnel, trust Him with your most difficult and deconstructed areas, your darkest areas. His Love restores, redeems, recovers and rebuilds. His Love shines through the darkest places of our lives. 

"He restores my soul, He guides me in paths of righteousness for His names sake." Psalm 23:3

RUNDOWN:

Last week, I ran Red Moon Run. I say ran because I didn't race it. I ran it at about 85%. I didn't want to ruin my Sunday and Monday run. And I got 2nd place overall female! I was pretty stoked! 
I was in awe at how God gave me the energy and strength to run that race so well and for the next 2 more days. Glory to GOD! I ran 49 miles in 3 days! 

Last week, I ran 75 miles.

75 miles might seem like a lot, and it is but its only 12 hours of running for the week. 

There are 168 hours in a week to put it into perspective. 

56 hours of sleeping. 

26 hours of work. 

12 hours of running

-----------------------

94 hours total. 

Balance: 74 hours! 

BUT...I saw the light! I made this week a step down week. 

No Wednesday run. 

No Thursday double run. 

Brought my miles down. 

"The Light shines in the Darkness, and the darkness shall not overcome it." 

John 1:5

In Piece not Pieces,

Anita~

"Wish we could..."

"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow you have to put up with the rain." 

Dolly Parton

It's been HOT. A stubborn sort of hot that won't let up, relentless to say the least. 

Today, was no different than it has been for the last week. 

The skies had opened up on me coloring the sky with a dark overcast. It felt like a game of mercy, who would be more mulish?

Today, was my "back-to-back" long run. 

Yesterday 20, today 15. 

With about 8 miles in, my clothes drenched and my chaffed skin burning, I came off of Elliott Rd. The sweetest older man was walking his aging dog down the driveway when our eyes met. 

I smiled in my suffering. And I was suffering! My legs were tired and sore, and my energy tank was on low fuel. 

"HI there!" I cheered up and greeted him. 

Very quietly the gentleman responded, "We miss running like that..." 

My heart melted. 

I smiled even wider, "It's Ok, You are doing what you are doing now and that's great!" 

Wednesdays super sweaty track workout. 

As I ran farther from him my thoughts drew closer and closer to his words. 

I was reminded of how gracious God has been to me. 

I was reminded of how God has redeemed me. 

I was reminded of how God has recovered me. 

I was reminded of how God has humbled me. 

I was reminded of how God has covered me. 

Loved me.

Been Faithful to me.

Been Patient with me. 

Been True to me. 

Here I was running. Today, I get to run. I get to feel soreness. I get to hear my breath panting. I get to taste the sweat as it drips heavily. 

I get to.  

My run is not anything spectacular by athletic standards but it is miraculous by the circumstances I have overcome. 

It is gracious and humbling. 

 

I ran for 2 1/2 hours with no music. I just prayed. 

I prayed for a voice louder than my own. 

The Lord is working even when we do not understand. 

Even when we do not see. 

Even when we do not feel like we deserve. 

Even when things look hopeless. 

Even when things do not make sense. 

Sometimes it is not only the sky that appears cloudy, it is the circumstances in our lives that look overcast. 

But today, I heard the words of an older gentleman to remind me that cloudy days come and go, suffering comes and goes, but we get to live it. 

There will be a day when we will "Wish we could..." 

And we will "miss" those days sooner if we don't embrace them as we have them. 

I want to live every day in such a way that no matter how ugly it might feel, I get to LIVE it out with gratitude. 

I get to live out loud loving myself and loving others. 

I get to live it out loud with grace, giving myself grace, giving others grace and allowing myself to receive God's grace above all. 

In other news: 

Austin got married this weekend!! It was beautiful!! I am still over the moon from the wedding. It truly is a dream come true. 

Growing up was such a mess for me.  Living with addiction is total chaos. I never believed I would have the life I have. I never believed it was real, it was something that only happened on TV. 

I would pray over Austin in tears. I knew I could control myself from being a alcoholic or a drug addict if I didn't use but I couldn't control what my kids did. 

I fervently prayed my kids would not be lured by addiction.  

And my dreams have come true in ways I never imagined. 

God gave Austin a beautiful God loving wife and God gave me a daughter. 

I am so blessed, so humbly blessed. 

So many days, I have struggled to see beyond my past circumstances. But I am reminded that God does not visit my past because he is to busy working on my future! 

Anita~