Made of Mistakes

 "I am selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and, at times, hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve my best" 
Marilyn Monroe. 

I couldn't get into the seclusion of the woods fast enough today. I wanted to run deep into the solitude of the trees, hiding from even myself. I knew I couldn't outrun myself, but I also knew I could run to God. 

Maybe it was because it was Monday that my mistakes seemed heavier than normal. 

But as I tried to chew on my mistakes it seemed like too many to swallow. 

My first bite was just a small nibble but as I took that little spoonful, I unconsciously did a face plant in the bowl of my mishaps and mistakes. I found myself a mess in the middle of ordinary blunders that really should have been left on the shelf. 

With a mouth full of my morning errors, I did what I know how to do best, Run. 

I needed to run it out. I needed the counsel of God to be a voice bigger than my own. I had beat myself up enough. I had taken a few minor mistakes and turned them into a 5-course meal pulling up every mistake from my yesterdays and began self-deprecating.  

I embraced the cold crisp February chill. I saw my breath drift off as my heart began to thump in my chest. My blood was quickly warming me up as the winds cut through the open field.

As if Jesus Himself was running next to me I bashfully began to share my heart with him. The embarrassment of my mistakes, my errors and my blunders came to the surface. 

"Sometimes God, I feel like I am made of mistakes..." 

I thought for sure I heard a giggle in the woods. 

The more I shared, the more I heard God chuckling at me. 

With each passing mile I felt freedom. Calmness encapsulated me. Peace refreshed me. And joy put a little pep in my step! 

Mindfulness in MISTAKES:

• Admitting mistakes makes you real.
• Making mistakes leads to great lessons. 
• We all make mistakes, you are not defined by them, your refined by them.
• Give grace to yourself in your mistake, Give others the same grace in their mistakes. 
• Mistakes gathered together is called experience. Learn from them. 

Collision:

"He who is most attached to a particular outcome has the least amount of power." 

Susan Stiffelman 

My miles for this year are a little down but my life activities are more than they have ever been. This is where I have had to let go of being attached to a particular outcome. I find myself singing "Let it GOO, Let it GOO" from Frozen. Running is a gift that the Lord has given me. Getting to run, working 2 jobs and doing ministry is a blessing. My motto has always been "I'll rest when I get to heaven'!

January Miles: 221

Yankee Springs 50K

February Miles: 196.73

Hot Fudge 5K

Snow Moon Run 25K 

I am currently training for a March with excitement.

March 17thPot-o-Gold 4miler

March 19th Ashville Marathon

Last week I did some fun workouts.

The Track: Ran 3 easy laps then 4th lap @ 80%. for 5 miles. 

I sandwiched this in between 2 long runs. 

One of my mistakes this week involved SIMPLE MATH. I wanted a 20-mile run on Saturday. I ran 7 miles on the backroads with Rachel only because we had to bail on our trail run of solid ice. 

She headed home and I had to pull up my big girl pants and get back out there. 

I had it in my little head I had to do 14! I thought I would do an out and back. I headed out in the blistering cold and as I approached 7 miles, I even decided I would go a little further in case I messed my miles up!!

Oh yeah, I messed my miles up all right! 14 and 7 is 21!!! And about a half mile more! 

I was going to call it in at 20 miles. But I grabbed ahold of some inspiration and challenged myself the extra mile. 

MISTAKES: 

I am full of material when it comes to making mistakes. I never take myself too serious because I just know I am going to mess something up. 

I wish I had it all together. I wish I was more organized with my thoughts and actions. I have had so many people try to fix me. But I can promise you, I have tried to fix me more than any other. 

But this I know. 

In my quiet place. In the presense of one, Him, that is when I am fearfully and wonderfully made. 

That is when I hear HIS giggle, when I feel HIS grace, when I am fully confident in my make-up with all my mistakes and mishaps. 

Anita~

"Gird up your Loins"

 "Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on grace to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ." 1 Peter 1:13

This was Joy and my verse on Wednesday. When I first read our verse last week, I was so excited to learn it. Truth be told I learned more than I had expected. 

Tuesday night I was in bed talking to Andy about our verse. I shared with Andy that I really liked the KJV version where it says "Gird up your loins..." But as my voice drifted off, I noticed Andy had a childlike grin on his face. Oh, that man. I knew something ridiculous was brewing in his adolescent mind and I should have just ignored his goofy smirk. But I didn't. 

And with the brains of a 48-year-old but the maturity of a 14-year-old he responds "Ha ha, I'll gird up your loins..." 

I couldn't stop laughing. Andy is not getting any dates with that line! 

I loved this verse, small in size but large in meaning. 

The verse showed me 4 areas:

1. ACTION
2. INTENTION
3. OBEDIENCE
4. OBJECT

ACTION: "Gird up your Loins" : Prepare your Minds 

Girding up your loins was an ancient practice of pulling up your robe when in a hurry.

This really spoke to me. 

It is telling us to pull up those floating thoughts, that stinking thinking that drags us down. Those thoughts that trip us up and prevent us from getting after it. They hinder us from digging in by having loose ends tangling around our legs. It is not easy to get after the life God has for us, when we let the threads of our poor thoughts cause us to stumble. 

INTENTION: Keep sober in spirit

This part of scripture is reminding us to be alert. To be clear minded and not allow our mind to be altered or intoxicated. 

Having a sober spirit isnt more than just being physically intoxicated. We can be spiritually intoxicated and do just as much damage. I don't drink, smoke or toke but I have been spiritually intoxicated in other areas. It is about not having control. Friends, movies, music, even food or books can spiritually intoxicate you. When your spirit isn't sober your guard is down. The gates to your spirit are broken leaving you a target for the enemy. 

OBEDIENCE: "Fix your HOPE completely"

This command requires action! A command to HOPE. This HOPE is not a physical action rather a spiritual action of our soul. 

OBJECT: 

What are we being commanded to HOPE for? "the grace to be brought to you at the revelation pf Jesus Christ." 

"GIRD UP YOUR LOINS" 

STRENGTH

Proverbs 31:17 "She GIRDS herself with strength" or "She dresses herself with strength" 

I have always wanted to be the Proverbs 31 woman. The lady who is soft, and gentle, who has everything in order. But I always seem to miss the mark. Until I read and studied this. 

This is ANITA! I know about getting dirty! I have done many years in youth camp, I have eaten cockroaches in the name of JESUS! I have played paint ball with those crazy kids with bruises the size of lemons, dancing and singing in the aisles in the name of Jesus. I  found this part of Proverbs 31 that I can relate to. A part of who I am that I am excited about. 

ENDURANCE

1Kings 18:46 " Then the hand of the Lord was on Elijah and he GIRDED UP HIS LOINS and outran Ahab to Jezreel." 

Elijah was the first Ultra RUNNER! God had his hands on Elijah giving him the gift to outrun the chariots. 

COME ON!! I have been telling you all God has his hands on my running for years. I know I don't run in my strength; I have the Lords hands on me. I ran a 50K in the middle of chemo. That was totally of God. My doctors had never had a patient like me and my Jesus.  I have been coached, lead and encouraged by the Lord to endure miles and miles in His name. 

PERSEVERENCE

Job 38:3 "Now, GIRD UP YOUR LOINS like a man." 

Man up, get up and fight. Quit whining, quit wishing, quit wondering, and get back out there. Life is tough, but we were never designed to give up and make excuses. God is reminding Job of this. 

Pull up your bootstraps and get after it! 

 

Collision:

I really like the NLT version. A version I can relate to, "So prepare your minds for action and exercise self-control."

I had to reevaluate myself when I got sick. Most people don't have to have a near death experience to make some critical changes. I on the other hand am a bit more hardheaded. 

I had to change my thinking. "As a man thinketh so is he". I knew I had to change my thoughts to make such radical changes in my life. As I prepared my mind, as I changed my thinking about myself and others, as I changed my ideas, my perspectives I found myself getting stronger and stronger. I had to pull up those thoughts of stinking thinking so I could run not my race by THY race.  

Gather that sweat, get after that grit, gird up your loins and get after it!!

Anita~

The little engine that could.

 "Runners come in all shapes and sizes. You don't have to be a scrawny little punk to be a top distance runner, if you have the determination and work your hardest." 
Chris Solinsky, First American to break 27:00 for 10K

DETERMINATION. 

Where is this thing called determination birthed? 

Some like to call it "Stubbornness" or even "Pride". 

I can appreciate that; truth is I have juggled with both stubbornness and pride.

DETERMINATION started as a young girl growing up in a mess. 

Determined to make it through a night as a teenager in a house of drugs, alcohol and chaos to Determined to graduate high school on the honor roll without excuses. 

As a young adult I was determined to make better choices. 

I was determined to make a better life for myself.

I knew at a young age I was going to have to fight all of Hell. But I truly believed God had bigger plans for me. 

"For I know the plans for you..." Jeremiah 29:11

Determined to do more than just survive, I wanted to thrive. 

I thought I just had to do everything opposite of what I saw growing up. 

Andy makes the comment every once in a while, "You can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl."

It usually makes me giggle because no matter how hard I try to behave I find myself fighting or as I like to say passion. 

Passion, stubbornness, pride but ultimately DETERMINATION seep out of my pores. 

My demise and my trophy. 

Determination is important to have in marriage as well as parenting. 

Determination is important to have in the center of insecurity and fears. 

Determination is important to have for your integrity. 

Determination is important to have as a child of God in a world against God. 

Truth is I love that feeling of "FIGHT". 

I stroll back to those trailer park days in remembrance of where I learned this thing called DETERMINATION. 

Last week, I was tagged by Cristine King on Facebook showing me where my Determination had taken me. I was given a great shout out by my running group at Complete Runner and a running companion I met on my first 100k shot this to me. 

This is where Determination led me,  UltraRunner Magazine where I made a list highlighting "RACES WON OUTRIGHT BY A WOMAN" 

DETERMINATION.

I have had 3 knee surgeries, 2 less than 1 year from each other, the other in 2020. 

I had to be rushed to the hospital with appendicitis 2 weeks before my first Crim, (That I still ran).

I qualified for Boston on my first marathon in Chicago after they red flagged it due to 90' temps. 

I have had 2 IT band injuries, one 6 weeks before I would run Boston. 

I have been knocked out for an entire summer with Plantar Fascitis. 

And Let's not forget CANCER 6 months of chemo and 20 rounds of radiation with 8 surgeries in 14 months. 

DETERMINATION. 

"Most people quit after the first wind and don't realize they have another." 

You get back up and get out there. You have to be so determined that all of HELL shivers. 

I didn't quit. I might have done it UGLY, but I never threw in the towel. 

And it paid OFF. 

I don't believe in LUCK. I don't believe in FATE. I don't believe in "The God of your understanding" 

and the universe doesn't have a heartbeat. 

"For I know the plans I have for, declares the Lord , plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

Cancer just about knocked me out. I remember wanting to fight and I remember wanting God to take me home. 

I hated Cancer. I hated being scared I wasn't going to see my boys grow up. 

I hated being sick and the fear of being sick.

I hated getting poked all the time, blood draws and port infusions. 

I hated having my strength and determination fade from me.  So weak. 

I hated trying to act strong for everyone else. 

When I had my wits about me I would coax myself back in the ring DETERMINED to go another round. 

I knew I had to keep running. I knew that was giving me passion to persist. God kept me strong for those runs. It might have been all I did for the day, and many days it was. 

But I totally believe God had plans for me and He was using my running to Glorify Him. He was using my running to give me Hope. He was using my running to show me the Future He had for me. 

He knew He was going to give me that Race. He knew He was going to put my name in that magazine. He Knew all this. 

He just needed me to keep trusting Him. To Keep believing, keep hoping, keep fighting...

He needed me to stay DETERMINED. 

“The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a man’s determination.”–Tommy Lasorda

We Got home late last night from 5 days in Cancun with the boys. 

So many adventures. We snorkeled seeing sting rays and a huge turtle, we road 4 wheelers, we went Zip lining in the jungle, we went diving in Cenotes and enjoyed the sandy beaches. 

I got up early to sneak a run in. I love running in new places. 

The little engine that could, against the odds, just a little thing, nothing that looks like strength or power, the underdog, the one that didn't look like he stood a chance, NEVER quit. 

Determination. 

You gotta fight and keep fighting. When you are alone, you fight. When no one seems to be in your corner you gotta keep fighting, when you are hurt and struggling keep fighting. You gotta fight the haters, the hurters, the voices and the demons. 

Stay Determined. 

Anita~