Out of my League

"I missed it. I missed the nervous tension, the butterflies that told me I was alive and living." 

David Gillick

Out of my League

Last Saturday, I was meeting my running group at Indian Spring for a loop, 8 paved miles.  

It was frigid! 

 The start of the loop rests at the top of a hill that is open and unsheltered making it blustering and brutal. 

The Goal: to run 2 loops, I wanted to get there early and run one loop solo then run the second one with my running group. 

My Fears: My legs would be trashed, and I wouldn't be able to run the second loop. Or that I wouldn't be able to keep up on the second loop. 

The Plan: Get 6 miles in solo, run intervals, slow. Then run another loop with the crew and if I couldn't keep pace that would be OK. 

My first loop, the wind came off the hill cutting through me. My eyelashes froze, my fingertips went numb, and I just told myself it would get better. 

I walked for 20 seconds at the top of every mile. The deer were curious and stared unstartled at me from the trees. I was alone. I had the park all to myself and it was wonderful. 

My mind counted the miles and the time. 

I felt good considering how cold it was, but I was conscious of the time trying to finish for the second loop and connect with Complete Runner. 

I finished the first loop on time.  The parking lot was now filled with runners scattered all around their cars. I was warmed up, but they looked stiff and icy! 

Complete Runner brought a new brand of shoes to try out. I struggle saying "No" and tried them on to run the next 8 miles. 

One by one runners headed out. I tucked in a little behind everyone. I had my music and was quite content running solo. 

Brad the owner, dropped back and ran with me. I never looked at my pace, I assumed we were going a little slower, the faster runners were several yards ahead of us. But at 2.5 miles with no warning, Brad bid me farewell and turned around back to the parking lot. 

SINNERMAN

The other runners were several yards ahead of me and I was content staying back, staying comfortable. 

I like being in control of my pace. I was enjoying my music and having no expectations of myself. Even though they all looked like they were having fun and I did have a bit of FOMO I was in no hurry to catch up and have to put in more work than I currently was. 

The problem was the closer I came towards them I realized they had stopped at the bathrooms. 

"Nita, which way do we go around the loop?" they asked as I approached. 

I wanted to say the opposite way I was going! No pressure that way. 

 But I ushered them in the direction I was running. I love my running group; they are all so encouraging and welcomed me in like they always do.  I realized I was setting the pace and quickly fell back telling them to take the lead. 

About 5 feet back, I shadowed them all around the back of loop. If I stayed back far enough I wouldn't expect as much from myself. However, I found myself determined to stay with them even though I had already run 6 miles. 

I didn't want to do the work. I didn't want to be uncomfortable. 

After a couple miles, Sarah turned around to ask me something. In order for me to engage I had to come out of my shell, participate and be a little uncomfortable and out of my control.  

I chatted with them all as we approached the last half a mile, I saw my soon to be suffering. I massive hill to the finish.

I joked around with Sarah telling her I needed to find a power song. And that is exactly what I did!

POWER SONG: Sinnerman, Nina Simone

"Oh sinnerman, where you gonna run to?

Sinnerman where you gonna run to

Where you gonna run to? 

All on that day"

And together the 4 of us started climbing. The air was bitter but without losing pace we pushed on. 

"We got to run to the rock 

Please hide m, I run to the rock

Please hide me, run to the rock.."

Sarah begins to sing and smiling I joined in. 

We sang "But the rock cried out, I can't hide you, the rock cried out..." 

We crested to the top of the hill singing with a second wind, with power shattering all possibilities of slowing down or quitting!

Complete Runner makes the best Hot Cocoa! 
Sarah, Joel, Will and Tony B

The truth of the matter is that I was no more out of my league then the invitation I accepted. 

The invitation of Comfortable. 

I know my capabilities. 

I know my limits. 

I know my excuses.

I know that the truth is I was not wanting to do the work. I was afraid I couldn't. I wanted to settle.

I wanted to stay comfortable. 

I wanted to stay where I was in CONTROL. 

I controlled my victory, and I controlled my failure. I controlled my pain and my plan. 

 That was last Saturday, and this past Thursday I jumped in the truck and drove up to Flint by myself to do it again! 

Embrace the Challenge: Silence Doubt

Even at my age I feel the same anxiety as you. I have doubts. I have my own fears, my own insecurities, I bleed red like you. 

But this I know, If you want to be better you can't walk away from the things that scare you, the places or people that challenge you or listen to the voices that hide you. 

Collision:

(Running lessons colliding with life)

I can live my whole life hiding behind DOUBT. I am challenged by my abilities every day in every way. But I have to CHOOSE to silence DOUBT. 

This week presented an opportunity to hide back under my shell. I found myself questioning my abilities, my identity, my purpose. 

I questioned my qualifications and felt like a master of nothing. 

Broken and angry at the aim of someone else's agenda that birthed triggers from my past I felt defeated. 

In that defeat I began to DOUBT. 

SO I did all I know how to do well, PRAY. 

From a night of restless sleep God began to heal my heart. He broke through my darkness of doubt with the reminders. 

HE qualifies me. HE prepares me. He equips me. And He shows me TRUTH. 

"Get yourself in a position you didn't think you could be in, and with your adrenaline pumping see what happens."  

Chris Solinsky, Olympian/ Distance Runner

ANITA~

Do Not Lose Heart.

 " Though your beginning was insignificant, yet your end will increase greatly." Job 8:1

Significance:

We go through these monumental moments in our life that can instantly flip the script in our story. 

We are just cruising through life when life sends us 10 feet in the air, on our butts dazed and confused. These sucker punches are so imposing on our lives, and yet in the thick of it we oddly feel insignificant. 

We look up asking "GOD, Are you there?" 

"God, I'm suffering, I'm hurting, GOD, are you out there?" 

"God, Do You SEE ME?" 

And we are left with a broken echo. We even hear ourselves in disgust thinking the God of the Universe must feel the same. 

Insignificantly confused on what the point is. We feel like a nobody. He must think we are too. 

Sometimes we just want to know we are wanted. 

Pain, grief and suffering have a very defeating voice, just ask Job. 

"Now bid me to run, and I will strive with things impossible." Shakespeare Julius Caeser 

Fulfill

"..Endure hardships, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry." 2 Timothy 4:5

When I run, it is more than it appears. It is my ministry. It is my church. 

It is a place I gather my most intimate time with God. When I run, I no longer feel insignificant. I hear his gentle whispers and strong direction. I feel his arms cradle me and softly discipline me. 

I can shut the doors to the yesteryears of insignificance. I can also use them as a ministry. 

I am Fulfilled. 

Learn to Advance when we feel like Retreating. 

I move forward both physically and spiritually. It's not about the pace, it's not about the distance, it is just simply moving forward in whatever capacity I am in. 

DON'T LOSE HEART

"Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we don't grow weary." 

Gal 6:18

We all have these moments we just feel so defeated. 

My other ministry...Addiction. 

At 11 years old when my grandma told me my father had died, I remember crying. That deep childlike cry, the breathless, painful, lonely cry. I cried in that one-bedroom schoolhouse tears of insignificance. 

My mother's addiction plummeted. Just when you think life can't get worse. I would hear her all through the night trying to self-destruct. She would cry and scream and break things. She would walk up to the local bar leaving my sister and I alone until the money ran out. When the booze ran out, when the pills ran out, when the weed ran out, when everything ran out...When life in her ran out. 

I remember at a very young age wanting to die. I felt invisible. 

Those formative years can really whisper your identity. 

But I learned a lot in loss. 

YOU CAN'T GIVE UP. Rest but don't give up. 

Learn to ADVANCE when you feel like RETREATING. 

*INVEST when we feel like WITHDRAWING.

*OVERCOME when we are DEFEATED. 

*LEARN TO SURRENDER: 

• OUR FRUSTRATIONS
• OUR EGO
• OUR EXCUSES
• OUR INSECURITIES
• OUR BITTERNESS
• OUR EXPECTATIONS

"THEREFORE, WE DO NOT LOSE HEART, BUT THOUGH OUR OTTER MAN IS DECAYING, YET OUR INNER MAN IS BEING RENEWED DAY BY DAY." 

To those who are struggling. Do not lose heart. 

Dream on. Believe. Persevere. 

All those years ago, all those tears, all those lonely nights of insignificance. God had a plan for me. God was PREPARING me. God was REFINING me. 

You are SIGNIFGANT. You have a calling to fulfill, don't loose Heart. 

Anita~

Yankee Springs 50K Recap~

 "Respond to every call that excites your Spirit." Rumi

I missed competing, I missed running, I missed lacing up my shoes, the sound of my breath, the taste of salty sweat and the way my ponytail floated behind me. My body was disabled, my heart was broken, my mind was a tangled mess for a year after my last chemo treatment. 

Ringing the bell was not the end of my cancer journey, in many ways it was the beginning, the start of RECOVERY. Recovering from not just a damaged body but also an injured spirit. 

Desperate for a race I signed up for Yankee Springs only to have it postponed another year, this year. 

2021, God showered me with favor and continued to "WOW" me with my passion. So, when Yankee Springs came up this last weekend I was not as desperate to run, God had already abundantly blessed me. 

However, I was still excited to try something I had never tried before! 

Yankee Springs 50K

Where: Middleville, Mi 

When: Saturday January 8th, 8am,

Who: Austin and Alec came out to support me with their girlfriends, Andy stayed home sick, sadly. 

The morning of the race I had all my stuff laid out. We were all stuffed in one hotel room.  I got up early and quietly snuck out to get coffee and get ready in the bathroom, careful to not wake anyone. 

I can't say I was really nervous. I had no expectations. 

I had no idea what the trails would be like. 

I had no idea what the temperatures would be like other than butt cold! 

I had no idea how long it would take me. I looked at the average time for the runners and it was between 7-8 hours. 

Preparation: 

I ate my oatmeal in the bathroom, drank my coffee and layered up. Before I walked out of the bathroom to head to the starting line I prayed. 

"Dear Lord, God, thank you, thank you for the opportunity to run, thank you for health, thank you Lord. Please Father keep me safe, keep me upright and uninjured....". 

If I walk up to that starting line without prayer I am not prepared, I am not equipped. Like my watch, like my running shoes, like my winter hat, prayer is what moves mountains, prayer is what splits seas, prayer is what heals, what restores and what guides me back to the starting line of not just life but my passion, running. 

14' degrees as I headed out into the dark morning. As I arrived at the park the sun had opened up the woods with splendor. Thick snow rested heavily across everything. The snow glistened magically as the light danced across woods. If my feet never made it to the starting line, I was complete in Gods glorious design. 

The Start: 

Before I had even parked the car I got lost! Thankfully I was not the only one, Alex a running acquaintance of mine was "turned around" as well, I followed behind him to the correct parking lot.

We headed to get our bibs and that was when my next blunder happened. I lost my gloves! 

My Trail Angel Adam. 

With just a few minutes before the race I headed to the port-a johns trying to keep a good attitude about my mess up.  Standing in line I asked someone if they happened to see a pair of pink gloves, when the guy in front of me says "You need a pair of gloves? I have an extra pair...." 

I headed into the woods with a warm pair of gloves from Adam, my trail Angel. "We entertain angels unaware". When everything was frozen, when the winter chill cuts through you with a romantic evil that feels like a slow fade, when the sheer beauty of a winter morning feels trickery, you wonder.  But no, in full assurance I knew I was favored, with the generosity of a stranger.  

The First LOOP: 

I could hardly run it was so BEAUTIFUL. About 10 of us were all clustered together as we rounded the corner that opened up facing a icy shimmering lake. The sunrise was the backdrop of what could have been a Michigan postcard. In the silence of the runners, I bellowed " Check out the sunrise, isn't it beautiful, isn't this why we run?" 

I tucked in behind some of the runners with no plan but to get acquainted with the trail and the conditions ahead of me.

"On your left" a runner was passing. 

My wheels began to stir. I was only about 7 miles in. Then another runner passed. 

It was time. 

I followed those runners, gently picking up my pace.  

My body felt great, I was cozy under my 3 layers but my tubing on my hydration pack had frozen. The only way I was going to get water would be the aid stations every 2-4 miles. 

The trail was groomed making the conditions near perfect. The packed snow actually made the roots and rocks smooth allowing the trail to be kinder even with the extra foot of snow. 

I snacked on my trail mix, filling up on pretzels and clementine's at the aid stations.  

As I approached the final stretch of the first loop, I texted my boys what I would need and when I would be coming in. 

The second LOOP: 

Moving quick, changing from my coat to a vest and quickly getting my gear back on and back out there!

My legs were TRASHED coming out of the last 3 miles of the first 25K. Ungroomed with thick fluffy snow that felt like running in mashed potatoes I was exhausted. My hamstrings were tight and angry and my calves were burning with frustration and confusion.

I just wanted to see my family.

I was getting so frustrated I could hardly run, as I closed this loop out, the elevation alone had me questioning my ideas of "FUN". 

I tried to smile as I came into the finished loop, but I didn't see my family and my smile was hijacked by sadness. I quickly called them. "WHERE are YOU" I panicked.  My feet were blistering from my wet socks, I had heated up and wanted to change my coat for my vest and I really just needed some encouragement after the last 3 miles had broken my spirit. 

I saw my boys and their girlfriends in the middle of the road beckoning me. I was trying to stay calm as the clock was ticking with wasted time. Austin calmed me down and started grabbing everything I needed. The girls smiled, cheered me on and off I went. 

I didn't have time to change my socks. I was ready to drop a gear and get back out there. I had probably lost about 5 minutes looking for them. I didn't think I could make the time up but I would give it all I had. 

Alone in the woods I whispered to the Lord my gratitude. 

I found myself passing runners with surprise. Then I saw a runner coming up from behind me. He startled me and as I recognized him, I smiled "ADAM, my trail angel!" 

I showed him my warm hands and he smiled and passed me. I was determined to keep him in my eyesight. That was at mile 17. I committed to keeping him in my sight till at least mile 20. 

I kept him in my eyesight through multiple aid stations, through hills that I would normally fall back on and through the turns of the woods until mile 25! I could barely see him as I came into this aid station at the top of a hill. Trying to catch up I ran that entire hill, with all the energy I could muster I yelled "GATORADE". The volunteers had it in their hands by the time I reached the top, I guzzled it down, heard them ask me if I needed anything else as I was leaving and I yelled back, "THANK YOU!!" 

I heard them yell, "She isn't F%&^# around."  I smiled mischievously. 

This is what I ate during my run. I try to stay away from anything too sugary. I like to keep it as clean as I can. 2 packs of pretzels, 2 large clementines, I large Kars trail mix and Gatorade. 

I knew that last 3 miles wasn't groomed so I had to drop a gear to try and make up for the "hike through mashed potatoes"! 

With a mile to go I texted the boys so they would know my ETA. 

I felt great, probably too good as I saw the finish line. I picked up my pace, smiled, pointed at my family and raced it in. 

The warm smiles, the cheers, the view of my family filled every vacancy of my heart. Thankfulness was the overwhelming feeling at the finish. 

I did it and I didn't turn into an ice sculpture! 

The timing company was incredible, they were able to spit out your time and placement right there for you, preventing your body from going into shock!  

What was a pleasant shock was my 3 place overall female and 1st place in my age group! Glory to God!

Recovery: 

Our hotel had a jacuzzi, this was a miracle worker on my sore muscles. I was not only able to sleep through the night I was able to run another 11 miles at Holdridge on Monday!

THANK you FOR ALL THE PRAYERS, LOVE AND ENCOURAGMENT! 

Big shout out to all those that raced last weekend! 

Congrats to Alex M. for overall 50K at Yankee Springs! 

Congrats to Deanna Cheryl for her 25K finish at Yankee Springs. 

Big congrats to all that ran from CRU at IDARUN in Fenton. 

Alex M. and I. 

I LOVE the NO FEAR-NO FREEZE- Fun January Running! Let's remember to keep experiencing new things. Let's get out there and do it with curiosity, a little fear and a lot of faith!

"Fire and hail and mist, stormy wind fulfilling his word!" Psalms 148:8

ANITA~

The Bright Side.

"Things that are equally bad are equally good. Try to look at the bright side of things, humbug, 

Norton Juster 

Yankee Springs was deferred due to covid like many things last year. Due to the fact most races had been deferred or canceled I signed up hoping for anything, even 31 miles in the middle of the winter on the west side of the state sounded like fun over a year ago. Unfortunately, soon after registering I received an email deferring me a year to this coming Saturday.  

I am not as needy for a race as I was last year and the idea of running in fresh, thick cold icy snow sounds like a really bad idea. Many of my ideas sound like bad ideas to most people, but I am really good at looking at the "Bright Side" 

To make a bad idea better I thought I would make a weekend of it getting a fun hotel and packing sleds with the family. 

That too bit me in the butt when Andy tested positive for Covid this week like half of Michigan! 

So, then I decided to hit the grocery store and pack up on calories and comfort food in hopes I could bribe the boys into going so I wasn't all by myself in a fancy hotel room for the weekend. 

I think it may have worked but I think this bribe is going to cost a lot more than my registration! 

There is no danger of developing eyestrain from looking at the bright side of things. — Joyce Meyer

Yankee Springs 

Middleville, Michigan

Weather: they are currently under a winter advisory! Snow!

However, Race Day: sunny and 30'

Saturday 8am

50K 

The Course: 50k runners do the 25k loop twice consisting of 1388 ft of elevation per loop. 

The Plan

The bright side of it is," said Puddleglum, "that if we break our necks getting down the cliff, then we're safe from being drowned in the river. — C.S. Lewis

PLAN?! I have no plan other than to just finish and NOT get injured. The last couple weeks I have gotten soft. I have been running at the gym rather than outside. I have run in the winter long enough to know the conditions can go from BAD to WORSE in a blink and I am getting wussier the older I get. 

I come up with ridiculous mantra to keep myself convinced I am having so much fun. 

THE BRIGHT SIDE: 

• It sure is pretty!
• It's good training! 
• The volunteers are suffering for YOU!

Then I make it up as I go! And usually by the time I finish I have brainwashed myself into truly believing it was awesome and sign up for another one. Similar to delivering babies, you forget a lot of the suffering when that baby is in your arms. 

But I love new experiences and new places.  

Training: 

"I always look on the bright side of everything. If you keep aiming for some goal, you usually get there if you don't give up."— Bart Cummings

I have tried to keep my miles up when everyone else has enjoyed recovering. I once told myself I would NEVER run a marathon in the winter again because the training is so difficult. 

But on the BRIGHT SIDE I got to eat more holiday treats longer than usual! 

I have gotten to know all the runners on the track at the gym I have gone so regularly. And if I don't know them, I say "HI" to everyone like I do. I love seeing so many people on the track, I chuckle at the ones that compete with me, I embrace the ones that let me compete with them and I just LOVE running in shorts! 

The BRIGHT side of going around and around and around in circles!

• I get to wear shorts
• I am not risking getting injured as much, slip, trip or flip on the ice.
• I am never totally alone. 
• I can run faster on the track then I would be running in the snow or ice. 
• My water doesn't freeze! 

So less than 2 days out, not packed, but mentally prepared. Prepared to run from anywhere between 7-9 hours. Prepared for my face to be frozen in a smile, even an upside down smile!! 

I am grateful for the opportunity to run, for my body to be healthy when it seems like my family is falling apart at the seams around me. 

If you want to add me to your prayer list, I would LOVE that! I would love prayers for an INJURY free race! I want to have FUN and stay UPRIGHT, footloose and fancy! 

Thank YOU. 

Thank You to Nicole at Complete Runner for helping me with my new shoes and hat from Sprints, I LOVE it, because Pig Do Fly! 

"If you cannot see the Bright Side of life, then polish the dull side." 

Christina Dodd

ANITA~